Hey there! This is my first AF fanfic and I hope you like it! Oh yes, I believe you've heard about the new AF movie! I hope it comes out soon... And I think with Michael Goldenberg penning the screenplay, I think it won't be a disappointment like the Percy Jackson movies...

Disclaimer: I own nothing, maybe the plot but the Artemis Fowl series belongs to Eoin Colfer.

Date: 21st June, Day 3

Incident 1: French Letters

It was any other normal day for Artemis at Fowl manor. Perhaps, if you don't count that an elf who makes dung biscuits out of rule books staying at your place. Artemis was as usual in his laboratory tinkering with some sort of device. That's when the very normal day turned interesting.

"Artemis! Arty!" Holly's shrill voice called out from the other side of the door.

Artemis walked towards the door and unlocked it. Holly was holding a small brown parcel in one hand and a white envelope that had been opened in another hand.

"Your mom just sent you a letter! A french letter!" Holly informed him, waving the white letter in the air.

"I beg your pardon, Holly, what did you just say?"

"Your mom sent you a french letter, anything wrong with that?"

Artemis's face paled. "A french letter?" he croaked. "My mother sent me a french letter?" His fixated his eyes on the small brown parcel that was in Holly's hand.

"Yeah. What's with that expression on your face, Mud Boy?" Holly asked as she elbowed Artemis aside and entered the laboratory.

"Wow, what do we have here?" Holly picked up some wires from the table and fiddled with it. Artemis had recovered from what ever shock he had gotten just now, although his complexion was still paler than usual. She plopped herself down on one of the wooden chairs in the room and placed the parcel and the letter on the table.

"Did my mother say anything?" Artemis asked, stepping closer to Holly

"Well, she said that she was enjoying her time with your dad in France, and she hopes that you will enjoy your time with... me. And well, she is right. I am a very fun person. I will make sure you'll have fun."

"Y-you? Enjoy my time with you?" Artemis stuttered.

"What's wrong with you, Mud boy? You don't like me?"

Artemis placed his hands on her shoulders. Holly shifted uncomfortably on her seat. Her shoulders felt like they were burning. He pressed Holly against the chair and pressed his forehead against hers. The tips of their noses touched and Artemis stared into Holly's mismatched eyes. One blue, one brown. She could feel something within her burning. She turned away and tried to focus on his pale skin. Clean and maybe smooth. Not one sign of puberty.

"Are you sure you want this?" Artemis whispered lightly.

Holly was now confused. She hated to be confused. Why is Artemis suddenly so passionate and all? She pressed her hand lightly against his chest.

"Artemis... I, I'm not sure... I mean..."

Artemis put a finger to her lips, his other hand moving to her waist. "Say no more." He kissed her lips lightly, sending shock waves through Holly's body.

"Artemis, I don't think I want this..." she said, a moan forcing its way out of her mouth. Artemis didn't seem to hear. His hand started pulling the hem of her white tank top up and she felt his cold hand go up her back. Holly gasped, shoving Artemis forcefully. He hit his back against the table with great force.

"Holly, what was that for?" Artemis groaned, getting up and steadying himself by holding on to the table, pushing a stray battery off the table by accident. The battery dropped of the table with a thud and rolled in front of Artemis's feet.

"But... I think I get it. Holly, do you know what a french letter is?"

"Um, a letter from France? Why do you ask?"

"Ah," Artemis said. "A french letter is actually a..."

"A what?" Holly asked.

"A con-"

"Con what? Hurry up, Mud Boy. I don't have all day to hear you stammer."

"A condom."

"Oh." Holly's face turned beetroot red. "I didn't know a french letter meant, you know..."

"So by saying my mother sent me a french letter, you gave me the wrong idea."

"Uh-huh."

"Artemis! Are you there?" Butler called.

"I think we better act like ourselves before Butler thinks we're doing anything indecent," Holly suggested. Artemis stepped forward and slipped on the battery, falling on top of Holly, who had just gotten up from her chair. They both fell to the ground, with Artemis pinning Holly onto the ground. Just then, the door opened and Butler stood in the doorway with his mouth open.

"What- exactly do you think you're doing, Artemis?" Butler said, his voice controlled. Artemis was on top of Holly, one hand on her breast, the other on the floor. Holly looked at him accusingly with those big eyes. Butler narrowed his eyes.

"Whoops. Accident," Artemis mumbled as he blushed.

-End of incident-

How did ya like it? Pls review to tell me how you find it. All con crit allowed and follow if you like it. I won't be updating regularly though, just to inform.

Edit: Most likely will be updating in 2nd Oct. And I need a Beta!