Title: Tears and Dreams
Authors: Hailie and Tizzy
Summary: a simple question makes Carter reflect on his past
"Daddy!" Erin shouted forcing John Carter to look up from the paper he was reading and give his attention to a little blond standing before him.
"Yes, Erin?" he questioned, trying to keep any annoyance at the girls persistent 20 questions game out of his voice. Oh he loved it, but 2 million questions were still 2 million questions regardless of who was asking them.
She moved towards him and sat next to him on the couch that he occupied, and he lifted her onto his lap, inciting giggling from the girl.
As her laugher died, she looked up at him with her mother's piecing eyes and seriously asked, "can dreams really come true?" accompanying the question was a smile that belonged only to her.
~~
He walked along the familiar pathway that led to the ER. It had been almost exactly 6 months since the last time he walked along the particular road.
It was different once again, the familiarness almost completely faded, leaving only traces of what once was.
The doors opened quietly allowing him entrance into the chaos that he had come back to. Unfamiliar people surrounded the admit desk wearing white coats and talking about patients, was this the right ER? It had only been 6 months.
Dr. Weaver's presence among them put his mind at rest that he had found his way to the right place. He approached the group and realized that they were new med students. A small smile crossed his face in remembrance of his days as a med student.
He didn't want to interrupt so he hung back for a few moments allowing the lecture to conclude. As the students disbursed, "Dr. Weaver," he said.
"Dr. Carter," she said his name as if she was questioning his identity. His eyebrows furrowed almost with confusion. "Your back," she stated with so much finality that it took him a moment to think up a response.
"Yeah, I just got back," he admitted. This wasn't the welcome back he had imagined. It wasn't a welcome back at all.
"I'm not sure we have any open positions," she stated looking as if she would walk away at any moment.
"I didn't realize you had already given mine to someone. . ."
"You've been gone a long time. A lot has changed," and with that she walked away.
"Kerry," he called after her.
"I'm not sure John, come back next week."
What had happened? It was alright, he hadn't come to get back to work, he'd come to find Abby. She hadn't been home, so he figured he'd try here.
"Jerry," he said as he noted the man's presence behind the desk.
"Dr. Carter," he said with a nod.
"Do you know where Abby is?" he asked simply.
Jerry looked unsurely at him, but said nothing.
~~
"Daddy," she said bringing him back to reality.
"Can dreams come true?" he repeated.
"Yeah," she said excitedly.
"Why?" he inquired.
"Cause I had a dream that I was a Princess and I had a pony. His name was Buttercup and we lived in a castle. Do you think that can come true?"
Oh so that's where the question was coming from, he'd over thought it. "Aren't you enough of a Princess now?" he asked tickling her.
"Da-d-dy," she said between laughs.
"Well?" he asked playfully, as he stopped the tickle attack.
"I want a pony!"
"Oh I don't think so Erin," he answered.
"Please."
He shook his head.
~~
"Jerry?" Carter said again, but the other man had set back to his work.
Frustrated, Carter walked towards the last place that he knew the lounge had been. He should have been stopped by some security, but he wasn't, so he entered the lounge.
The sole occupant brought a smile to his face. "Susan," he said.
"Carter," she said with a similar nod that he had received from Jerry.
"Hey," he said moving towards her, "is that all the welcome back that I get?"
"Welcome back," she said unenthusiastically.
"What's wrong with everyone?" he asked.
"What?"
"Kerry basically tells me to get out, and no one gives me more then a nod in hello?"
"What were you expecting? A welcome back party waiting for whenever you decided that this place was good enough for you?" her voice was angry, but her eyes were soft.
"What happened?" he asked carefully.
She looked away.
He looked towards the lockers, finding his had a new name across the top.
He scanned the others, looking for one name in particular. Her name.
He found it, her locker, but it wasn't covered with the usual pictures and stickers that the rest were covered in. it had a single sheet of paper, taped to it, and a newspaper clipping taped below that. He didn't have a chance to read it though, because the door opening brought his attention away from it.
"Carter," Luka said. Carter wanted to laugh, that's probably the warmest hello he'd received.
"Luka," he said, the traces of a smile playing at his face.
"How was, um, the world?" he asks.
"Amazing." Carter answered not desiring to elaborate yet. "Where's Abby?" he asked
~~
"Is that all you wanted?" he asked kissing her forehead lovingly.
"Yeah," she said disappointed.
"Sorry," he offered.
"Maybe when I'm bigger?"
"Maybe."
"Okay," she said and with that she crawled off his lap and ran off to play.
"You didn't really answer her question Doctor Carter," a voice from behind him said.
"How long have you been there?" he asked.
"Long enough."
~~
Susan and Luka exchanged glances that left Carter confused.
Susan only barely met his eyes, but when she did he became aware that they were filled with tears.
Luka cleared his throat, and Carter was surprised to see the same saddened expression on his face as well.
"She's gone Carter," he spoke softly, his voice giving away his pain.
"What do you mean she's gone? Where did she go?" he asked scared, annoyed, distraught.
Susan nodded towards the locker as stray tears found their way down her cheeks.
He turned back towards the locker and found that the paper taped to it was a poem.
Outside it is raining,
And my tears are not alone.
The angels cry with me,
And soon I will be home.
Under that was a newspaper article.
Abigail Lockhart died Monday morning at County General Hospital. . .
"No," he whispered as tears sprung to his eyes. He was unable to read further, though there was more left.
He looked up at Susan and then at Luka, "she can't be."
"She is Carter," Luka said.
"How?"
"It was an accident," Susan answered him.
"Car accident," Luka added.
"When?"
"A week ago."
"But. ."
"You should have come back sooner," Luka said coldly.
~~
He smiled at her and turned back to his paper.
She didn't give up; she came around the couch and sat next to him, pulling the paper out of his hands.
He looked at her quizzically.
"You never answered her question."
"I do distinctly remember saying no to a pony, but if you'd like I could get her one?"
"That's not what I mean, and you know it."
"Then what do you mean Krista?" he asked his wife.
"Do you think dreams can come true?"
He ran his fingers through her blond hair, and looked into her blue eyes, but he didn't answer.
~~
He found himself in front of her grave.
It wasn't too big; it wasn't too small. It was hers.
Abigail Wyzinski Lockhart
It was too real.
"I love you," he whispered into the cold wind. "And I'm so sorry."
He placed dried flowers on the ground.
Tears fell down his cheeks like raindrops.
And soon the sky agreed with him and raindrops began to fall. Slowly at first, but little by little all the Angels had tears.
So he stood alone in grief with only tears, and broken dreams.
~~
Author's note: the poem excerpt is from Heather Bramble's "Take Away the Pain."