Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! Oh how I wish I did, but I digress!
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno. There is no slash in the first chapter, just angst.
A/N: Okay, so let's give this a try. Remus may seem OOC at the time but this is how I think he'd act right after the death of Sirius so bare with me, he will get more Lupin-like in later chapters. Starts off kind of angsty but becomes less so in later chapters.
Prologue
Remus awoke with a start. His blood shot eyes searched hastily around the small room for the source of the noise that had awoken him. Silence prevailed. He was too jumpy. As you would be with all your best friends gone, and a crazed maniac loose on the world. Tears welled up in his eyes, it always returned to that, death.
'Oh Padfoot, why'd you leave me so alone in the world', he thought vainly.
Padfoot, Prongs, Lil and Wormtail, all gone. The Wormtail of old had been dead for years, but now Wormtail was actually dead. Thanks to the vengefulness of the Order in their last attack on the Death Eater HQ, the sadistic older version of his short, chubby childhood friend had died for the fucking Great Lord himself. Why? It was selfish of him to ask such questions, he should be grateful for his life and his health, ha, his health. He wasn't sure if he was even sane, he felt like his body and mind were wearing down, soon there'd be nothing left.
Remus lifted himself from the large four-post bed that took up most of the room; he untangled himself from the thin pale sheets. It was no use for him to try and sleep now and another night of endless brooding or silent tears would do nothing for his haggardness. He stumbled towards the bedroom door; it creaked slightly upon being opened.
Walking more steadily down the hallway, he made little note of his surroundings, he knew the same drab, pealing wallpaper within his own room decorated the rest of the blasted Black manor. He really shouldn't have stayed here, but he hadn't been able to leave yet. Leaving the house would be finally leaving the last part of Sirius that remained. But he would have to soon, staying within the house all by himself, save for the OofP members who visited, was unhealthy. The members never stayed long, they had their own grief to deal with. Remus had pushed away anyone's attempts of comfort anyway. He needed to accept it on his own, and he finally did, now all that was left was to leave the house and get on with his life. But he'd become more of an outcast then he ever had been before. Being a werewolf drove away people from the outside and his grief drove away those close to him. Another reason he stayed within the house, damn werewolf. He growled under his breath. He hadn't been able to find a job in quite awhile, not that he cared anymore.
'Who needed money when you were going to die anyway' Remus thought bitterly.
The Potter's and the Black's had had money, and look where they were now. He was going to join them soon, the only place he'd be accepted is with them, dead. He started to chuckle and be long he was laughing uncontrollably. It was an eerie, crazed, almost hyena like laugh. He arrived at the kitchen in tears. The company, which till this point had been talking quietly among themselves, looked up in surprise. Silence was instilled.
'Right' Remus thought to himself. 'There's a meeting tonight, they didn't want to disturb me.' This thought only made Remus laugh harder and more crazed then before.
"Remus?" came the startled voice of Mrs. Weasley. "Are you alright dear?" she asked him uncertainly.
Wrong question. With great effort Remus ceased his laughing and plastered a fake grin on his face before speaking.
"Why yes I believe I am, considering recent events I feel quite alright. Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll have a spot of tea and then go kill myself."
A slight gasp escaped Minerva's lips at the forwardness of his words. The rest of the group watched as he grabbed a cup and filled it. No one in the room dared to speak. Tonks looked as if she was going to get up and approach him but she saw the look in his eyes and shrunk back into her chair fearfully. Sturgis Podmore, one of the other members Remus had gone to school with and now the new DADA teacher, looked at him with pitying eyes. He also looked like he was going to try and comfort Remus, but remained sitting as well.
"I'll be talking to you all later," Remus said with the same light tone as before, "Or not depending on my mood". He spared a moment to wink at Tonks and exited the same way he'd arrived, through fits of laughter.
*****
No one spoke for a full 10 mins after Remus' visit. Then finally Minerva gained the courage to voice her thoughts.
"Do...do you think we should make sure he doesn't...you know," Minerva ended lamely.
"Don't worry Minerva dear, he's been like this before, when Lily and James died and he didn't try anything. We're all so used to the cheery Remus that this side of him comes as a surprise. I also have placed an anti- suicide charm on him, we'll know if he tries anything," Dumbledore said in his confident manner but he seemed just as shaken as Minerva.
"Well isn't this bloody perfect," Snape burst out in frustration, "Not only is Black dead and everyone is walking around as if they were the ones who died, we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment, how bloody beautiful," Snape sneered.
His words didn't sit well with Moody, "How dare you be so fucking insensitive," he raged, "you'd think after all the pain and death you've been through you'd understand how bloody horrible Remus feels. And I don't think you should be the one to judge him. You've been wallowing in self- pity and self-loathing ever since...well you know what! And I happen to have noticed more scars on your wrist then usual."
Snape's eyes grew large, he looked furious, the remaining members of the Order were staring at him intently. Sturgis was attempting a "Snape glare" but was failing miserably. Snape tried to pull the sleeves of his robes further down, then after several moments of silence he jerked himself off his stool. He stamped out of the kitchen sending his famous death glare towards all. Breaking their silent self-reflections.
Albus sighed heavily.
"Albus?" Moody questioned.
"It seems they have taken this the worst, Severus is still beating himself up for his mistakes and this just reinforced them, and Remus has lost his best friend, but he's also lost Lily and James all over again. I'll keep my eyes on them."
The meeting grimly restarted and remained dark for the rest of the evening. *****
A/N: First chapter....yay! So does it suck? Or is it good? Continue or not? I have some cute stuff written so hopefully someone will want more! Review, no flames for my pairings tho, I'm sorry if I have weird taste! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno. There is no slash in the first chapter, just angst.
A/N: Okay, so let's give this a try. Remus may seem OOC at the time but this is how I think he'd act right after the death of Sirius so bare with me, he will get more Lupin-like in later chapters. Starts off kind of angsty but becomes less so in later chapters.
Prologue
Remus awoke with a start. His blood shot eyes searched hastily around the small room for the source of the noise that had awoken him. Silence prevailed. He was too jumpy. As you would be with all your best friends gone, and a crazed maniac loose on the world. Tears welled up in his eyes, it always returned to that, death.
'Oh Padfoot, why'd you leave me so alone in the world', he thought vainly.
Padfoot, Prongs, Lil and Wormtail, all gone. The Wormtail of old had been dead for years, but now Wormtail was actually dead. Thanks to the vengefulness of the Order in their last attack on the Death Eater HQ, the sadistic older version of his short, chubby childhood friend had died for the fucking Great Lord himself. Why? It was selfish of him to ask such questions, he should be grateful for his life and his health, ha, his health. He wasn't sure if he was even sane, he felt like his body and mind were wearing down, soon there'd be nothing left.
Remus lifted himself from the large four-post bed that took up most of the room; he untangled himself from the thin pale sheets. It was no use for him to try and sleep now and another night of endless brooding or silent tears would do nothing for his haggardness. He stumbled towards the bedroom door; it creaked slightly upon being opened.
Walking more steadily down the hallway, he made little note of his surroundings, he knew the same drab, pealing wallpaper within his own room decorated the rest of the blasted Black manor. He really shouldn't have stayed here, but he hadn't been able to leave yet. Leaving the house would be finally leaving the last part of Sirius that remained. But he would have to soon, staying within the house all by himself, save for the OofP members who visited, was unhealthy. The members never stayed long, they had their own grief to deal with. Remus had pushed away anyone's attempts of comfort anyway. He needed to accept it on his own, and he finally did, now all that was left was to leave the house and get on with his life. But he'd become more of an outcast then he ever had been before. Being a werewolf drove away people from the outside and his grief drove away those close to him. Another reason he stayed within the house, damn werewolf. He growled under his breath. He hadn't been able to find a job in quite awhile, not that he cared anymore.
'Who needed money when you were going to die anyway' Remus thought bitterly.
The Potter's and the Black's had had money, and look where they were now. He was going to join them soon, the only place he'd be accepted is with them, dead. He started to chuckle and be long he was laughing uncontrollably. It was an eerie, crazed, almost hyena like laugh. He arrived at the kitchen in tears. The company, which till this point had been talking quietly among themselves, looked up in surprise. Silence was instilled.
'Right' Remus thought to himself. 'There's a meeting tonight, they didn't want to disturb me.' This thought only made Remus laugh harder and more crazed then before.
"Remus?" came the startled voice of Mrs. Weasley. "Are you alright dear?" she asked him uncertainly.
Wrong question. With great effort Remus ceased his laughing and plastered a fake grin on his face before speaking.
"Why yes I believe I am, considering recent events I feel quite alright. Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll have a spot of tea and then go kill myself."
A slight gasp escaped Minerva's lips at the forwardness of his words. The rest of the group watched as he grabbed a cup and filled it. No one in the room dared to speak. Tonks looked as if she was going to get up and approach him but she saw the look in his eyes and shrunk back into her chair fearfully. Sturgis Podmore, one of the other members Remus had gone to school with and now the new DADA teacher, looked at him with pitying eyes. He also looked like he was going to try and comfort Remus, but remained sitting as well.
"I'll be talking to you all later," Remus said with the same light tone as before, "Or not depending on my mood". He spared a moment to wink at Tonks and exited the same way he'd arrived, through fits of laughter.
*****
No one spoke for a full 10 mins after Remus' visit. Then finally Minerva gained the courage to voice her thoughts.
"Do...do you think we should make sure he doesn't...you know," Minerva ended lamely.
"Don't worry Minerva dear, he's been like this before, when Lily and James died and he didn't try anything. We're all so used to the cheery Remus that this side of him comes as a surprise. I also have placed an anti- suicide charm on him, we'll know if he tries anything," Dumbledore said in his confident manner but he seemed just as shaken as Minerva.
"Well isn't this bloody perfect," Snape burst out in frustration, "Not only is Black dead and everyone is walking around as if they were the ones who died, we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment, how bloody beautiful," Snape sneered.
His words didn't sit well with Moody, "How dare you be so fucking insensitive," he raged, "you'd think after all the pain and death you've been through you'd understand how bloody horrible Remus feels. And I don't think you should be the one to judge him. You've been wallowing in self- pity and self-loathing ever since...well you know what! And I happen to have noticed more scars on your wrist then usual."
Snape's eyes grew large, he looked furious, the remaining members of the Order were staring at him intently. Sturgis was attempting a "Snape glare" but was failing miserably. Snape tried to pull the sleeves of his robes further down, then after several moments of silence he jerked himself off his stool. He stamped out of the kitchen sending his famous death glare towards all. Breaking their silent self-reflections.
Albus sighed heavily.
"Albus?" Moody questioned.
"It seems they have taken this the worst, Severus is still beating himself up for his mistakes and this just reinforced them, and Remus has lost his best friend, but he's also lost Lily and James all over again. I'll keep my eyes on them."
The meeting grimly restarted and remained dark for the rest of the evening. *****
A/N: First chapter....yay! So does it suck? Or is it good? Continue or not? I have some cute stuff written so hopefully someone will want more! Review, no flames for my pairings tho, I'm sorry if I have weird taste! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!