Thank Yous and Apologies
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Arrow. It belongs to DC Comics and The CW.
Pairing: Oliver & Felicity (Olicity)
Rating: T
Summary: What if 04x18: "Beacon of Hope" had gone a little differently?
Author's Note: Some dialogue snippets taken from 04x11: "Blood Debts" and 04x18: "Beacon of Hope."
Felicity Smoak blinked slowly into consciousness. She was groggy and it was difficult to open her eyes. Her eyelids felt heavy as though she'd been unconscious for a long time. And her vision was blurry.
So obviously not wearing my glasses then.
She thought trying piece together where she was and what was happening.
The last thing she remembered was being trapped inside Palmer Tech with Thea and her mother.
Thea and her mother. Are they okay?
She didn't realize that she'd spoken aloud until she heard the familiar voice, the sound of it somehow penetrating the haze of her obviously drug-addled brain.
Drugged?
"Thea and your mom are fine. We got them out before…"
It was the voice that filled her with a sense of comfort and safety but now simultaneously caused an ache in her heart so profound that it took her breath away.
Every single time.
Oliver.
"Before what?" Felicity asked. She barely recognized the sound of her own voice. It sounded foreign to her ears, something between a whisper and a groan.
"Before Bree Larvin took you." Oliver replied. "And yes. You were drugged." She could hear the pain in his voice and it broke her heart.
It's not your fault.
She wanted the chip.
"I know." Oliver whispered. Felicity tried to raise her head but a wave of pain swept through her body.
She hadn't realized that she'd spoken aloud again.
Suddenly Oliver's voice was right in her ear. She felt a chill of desire run through her body as the thin layer of stubble brushed against the shell of her ear.
"Felicity, honey…" The endearment slipped from his lips effortlessly despite the fact that they were no longer a couple.
"No. Don't try to move." Then his hand was on her shoulder, fingers pressed against her skin with gentle, yet firm pressure.
"Oliver, what happened? What aren't you telling me?" Felicity asked, urgently as the drug-induced haze lifted slowly and she was able to see much more clearly, despite the fact that she still wasn't wearing her glasses.
"Where are we?" Felicity mumbled, as the white sterile room began to take shape around her.
Not the lair. The equipment, cases, and the computers were missing.
Oliver shook his head, "You're at Starling General."
"Why am I in the hospital?" Felicity asked, even though somewhere inside she already knew the answer.
She let herself be comforted by the sound of Oliver's voice as he recounted the chain of events anyway.
"Larvin wanted the chip. While Digg and I were distracted getting Thea and your mom to safety…She drugged and abducted you. We tracked your cell phone GPS signal but by the time we found the abandoned warehouse where you were being held. It was too late…"
"Too late for what?"
Yet again, she suspected that she already knew. But she needed to hear him say the words.
Because that would make it real.
"She must've blackmailed a doctor into helping her. By the time we found you it was already done. She took the chip out of your spine. Felicity, I'm sorry. I'm just glad we got you out of there. When I saw you unconscious on that table… I thought…I thought you were dead."
Felicity looked at him and tried to smile even though her heart was still broken.
And her spine was injured.
Again.
"I gave her the schematics. She could've used them to make another chip. But she never intended to do that. She wanted to hurt me because I sent her to prison."
Felicity didn't realize she was crying until Oliver wrapped his arms around her as if they belonged there, as if they were a physical extension of her own body.
"Shhh…" Oliver whispered, "It's not your fault. Curtis is already working on another prototype."
"It's not your fault either," Felicity replied, letting herself feel safe in the familiar comfort of Oliver's arms.
When he held her, she could almost forget the pain that his lies had caused.
When he held her, it didn't matter that he'd kept secrets from her.
When he held her, the ache in her heart caused by his absence eased just a little.
His arms wrapped around her could almost erase the pain of their breakup and the wedding that would never be.
She glanced over at the familiar empty wheelchair that sat in the corner of the room.
"I had Digg get it out of storage for you. I thought you might need it until Curtis finishes the new chip. And if your new place isn't accessible. You can always come back to the loft…"
"I'll be fine," She interrupted, hoping that her eyes didn't betray just how much it broke her heart to refuse him.
She wanted nothing more than to go back to the loft and resume the life that they'd lived together.
But that was impossible.
Because that life didn't exist.
It had been a lie.
If and when they did start over together, it would have to be somewhere new.
And no matter how much she wanted that.
No matter how much she missed him.
She knew she wasn't ready.
Not yet.
And she still didn't know if she ever would be.
But she hoped with everything in her that one day she would be.
"Of course you will," Oliver agreed his voice gentle. "I just thought…"
"I know what you thought." She replied, her voice as gentle as his had been.
Because I was just thinking the same thing.
She had to change the subject before this conversation became too painful.
For both of them.
"Thank you for coming for me," She whispered, still encircled in the protective cocoon of his strong muscular arms with his chin resting atop, her head, his stubble brushing against her blonde hair.
"I told you. You never never have to thank me." He pressed his lips against her hair almost as a reflex. And after a moment he looked into her eyes, his expression apologetic.
He may be holding her right now.
But that was because she was vulnerable and in pain.
It didn't mean that she'd forgiven him.
Or that she'd forgotten the mess that he'd made of their relationship.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"I think you apologized already." She replied softly, her words an echo of what she'd said just after she'd been injured by Damian Darhke.
He smiled, and repeated the same words that he'd said that night.
"Nowhere near done apologizing."
The words were as true now as they had been that night.
"Oliver Jonas Queen, I love you." She whispered, her words running together as the pain meds the doctors had given her started to kick in.
"I love you too, Felicity Megan Smoak. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. And if you give me a chance, I promise I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."
His words were the last thing she heard before she fell into yet another deep drug-induced sleep.