Dracula- Rewritten in the style of Artemis Fowl

Bradley Smith's Journal

3rd May, Dublin Airport. I arrived in Ireland at 17.38 today. We were scheduled to land at 17.15, but there was a slight delay due to unexpected circumstances. I noted how the pilot did not care to go into much detail about that.

Anyway, I exited the warm, welcoming building and took my first breath of fresh, Irish air. I have to say, it was splendid weather for this time of year. I expected rain, even storms! After all, this part of the world isn't renown for constant heat waves.

Yet the golden sun cast an unearthly glow across the landscape as it vanished over the horizon. I have read somewhere that the speed of light somehow causes us to see the sun a long time after it has already set. Note: Check theory.

Taking out the letter folded into my pocket, I saw yet again, the impeccably neat handwriting on it's torn, crisp pages. Each letter was perfectly drawn, as if the writer had spent hours writing it and making it perfect. But somehow it looked rushed and brisk.

I read the section under the subheading 'Travelling':

You shall make your own way to London airport, however, from there I have pre-booked your travel. I suggest arriving at least two hours before the flight as traffic is a nightmare. The time is labelled on the ticket included in this letter. Premium of course.

After the flight, you shall catch a taxis who will meet you outside the building. He will drive you to a designated place where my bodyguard shall meet you and take you to the mansion.

I folded it back into my pocket again and looked around. There seemed to be nothing there but as I was about to step back into the heat of the airport, a black cab pulled up.

The window rolled down, revealing an obese man wearing scraggy jeans with a dirty white t-shirt. He looked slightly apprehensive and peered at me with small, brown eyes buried in layers of fat.

"Are you Bradley Smith?" He asked, his tone gruff and gravely.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Come on then. Lets get this over with." He turned back to the steering wheel and wound up the window.

After putting my bags in the boot, I climbed inside and stared out of the window, watching the Irish scenery fly past. I read that every known superstition in the world is gathered in Ireland, as if it were the centre of some sort of imaginative whirlpool. Note: I must ask Master Fowl about all of these.

We seemed to dawdle through a country which was full of beauty of every kind. Sometimes we saw little towns or mansions on the top of steep hills as we left the big city.

Finally the driver pulled up outside a pub and got out. He moved swiftly to the back of the car to get out my bags. By now I was stood on the path in the chilly night air. He laid the bags at my feet and moved back towards the car door.

"Uh, sir? Aren't you going to wait with me?"

"No. Sorry." He got in and started the engine. But just then, a slick, black car pulled up beside the car and a tall man- no, not tall, a huge man- got out and smoothed down his suit.

His hands were like spades, his position balanced with a low centre of gravity as his knees were slightly bent. He shut the door and came over towards me.

Uncontrollably, I started to shake until he changed course and opened the back door. A smaller, thinner subject exited the car and straightened his tie. The person looked about 12 years old from his height and figure. But the smug smile on his narrow face made him look a lot older.

I shook more and my mouth dropped open. I quickly shut it and found myself giving him a little nod as acknowledgement.

He smiled back and I spotted his abnormally red lips. The street light shadowed most of his face, but I swear I saw two, pointed ivory-white teeth protruding over them.

He stepped forward, extending a hand towards me. I took it and we shook. His grip was firm and his skin was as cold as ice.

"You are early tonight." He said, his voice tinted with an Irish accent. He turned and tapped on the car window. It opened.

"And you were supposed to wait with your passenger." This last part was directed at the driver who was seemingly trying to sink into the darkness of his cab.

The driver turned a pale face towards the boy and his lip quivered.

"I'm sorry... but I was in a hurry, uh..." The driver stammered, not looking the strange boy in the eye. The boy himself had his head cocked to one side, eyes keeping a steady gaze on the driver.

"You cannot deceive me, my friend. I know too much." The boy glared at him.

I don't know if it was the reverse lights from the car somehow reflecting into his eyes, but at that moment the boy's piercing blue irises glowed a stunning ruby red.

The driver yelped and wound up the window. The engine jumped into life and sped down the street. The boy returned to the car and got in the back. The giant manservant took my bags as if they were like 10gram weights and launched them into the boot.

He beckoned to me and opened the back door at the other side. He waved me inside and then got into the front. I was sat alongside the mysterious teenager.

"Let's go Butler." The young boy beside me smiled. The huge man, probably named Butler, started the engine.

I watched the pub I had just been stood outside roll away until it vanished round a corner. I tried not to stare at the boy sat erect in the leather seat, but he was stunning!

His eyes were like blue diamonds and they sparkled every time we drove past a street light. His lips were immensely contrasting his pale face, a pure, unearthly ruby red set of full lips set in a cold smirk.

His hair was jet black and quite longish. It was ruffled in a messy but utterly fabulous way. His black suit and tie made him look even smarter, his white t-shirt was without a kink or dirty mark.

The overall effect was one of extreme intelligence, so enormous that it made him look powerful and strong, though his thin frame dictated that strength was not one of his best points.

The same could not be said for the giant in the front. His head was shaven and smart. He was wearing same suit as the boy, however it was clear it was at least ten times his size.

Even with the slick, black sleeves covering them, his muscles were terrifyingly large and threatened to tear the expensive material to shreds with every sharp movement he made.

I almost jumped out of my skin as out of the corner of my eye I spotted the boy reach across with a blanked in his hands. But to my great relief, he spread it across my thighs and smiled genuinely at me, his supernaturally sharp teeth glinting again in the light. I almost fainted there and then.

"The night is cold, sir. Unfortunately for you, the heater is broken." He sat back and looked straight ahead again. Now, I have taken numerous lessons in body language and how to tell if a person is lying. And I swear at that moment his right eye twitched.

Probably just a trick of the light.

I heard a dog howl not far from the road, then another joined in and another, until it was chorus of chilling whines that filled the night sky and made the creepy atmosphere grow at a substantial rate.

We continued on down many a country lane, cruising slowly along dark roads with only a glint of light from the moon and the odd reflecting eye glaring at us as we drove past. I eventually realised that we seemed to be ascending. Sometimes at quick bursts, but mostly at a gentle slope.

Realising this, I also thought we seemed to be travelling at an increased pace. I looked across at the boy. He seemed to be nervous and on edge. He was constantly drumming his fingers lightly on the car door.

Looking outside, I saw a glint of sunlight appearing on the horizon. It must be a moment of revelation for me as yet another thing occurred in my brain. I must have fallen asleep at some point as time seemed to have flown by.

I decided to make conversation with the boy. He might not be as bad as he seemed. After all, how many children were in the news for killing like this boy looked? Not many! There are thousands of stereo-types in this world. Too many. I should give him a chance.

"The sunrise is beautiful today, is it not?" I smiled at him. He glanced at me, then out of the window with a growing look of anxiety on his features.

"Butler! We must hurry!" Then he looked at me. "We have a schedule to follow and it starts pretty early. Please forgive me."

"Forgive me for-" I started, before I was pushed into my seat as Butler slammed his foot on the accelerator. The car lurched forward and I was thrown backwards.

We crashed down the road and finally the dirt track turned to tarmac and we reached an automatic gate leading up to a huge mansion. It was kind of old looking with a few unnecessary extensions added on.

Driving straight through, Butler was still at full speed. Finally, he slammed his foot on the brake as we reached the door. Before the car was still, the boy was out there, stumbling towards the door.

I came out less recklessly, undoing my seat belt and clambering out of my seat into the fresh air. The boy turned around once inside, looking a little more at peace.

"Butler! Take our friend to the dining room and get the chief to cook him some food. He must be starving!" Then he looked at me. "I'll be with you presently." Then he vanished.

Butler flashed me a shark-toothed grin. On any other day, I'd be wetting myself. But today I had witnessed scarier smiles. MUCH scarier! As it was, I just opened and closed my mouth like a goldfish.

"Come on then." He spoke for the first time. It was a mixture of various accents. The main one, Irish. However, I suppose that's due to his master. The rest sounded very Eurasian and matched his over all look.

I followed him in. As I stepped inside, I gasped. The place was huge! It was like the Doctor's Tardis! I stepped out again and peered closely at the walls at the far end. Stepping back in, I noticed that they expanded by at least another room.

"Magic..." I whispered.

"Ludicrous." Butler snorted and beckoned me along a hallway lit with flickering torches. Very medieval like. It suited the buildings location really; old and extremely vast.

He turned several corners and I then realised with great fright that already I had no idea how to get out. It was as if I was in some sort of huge maze.!

Finally, we reached a large, wooden door. A large golden handle was positioned to the right which Butler reached for and clasped in his gigantic hands. Suddenly the handle didn't seem so big.

With considerable ease, Butler pulled the door open and held it for me. I thanked him and took my first glance at the dining room. I couldn't hold in a gasp, for it was ludicrously large, littered with torches attached to stone walls with a mahogany table stretching from left to right.

There was a fireplace inviting me to one side of the room. The chair at the other side was undoubtedly Artemis'. It was taller, lined with a gold edge and the legs had strange symbols engraved into it's splendid wood.

Directly to it's right, there was another chair. This one looked like it could seat an elephant without breaking. It wasn't quite so grand but was even larger than Artemis'. The legs were fat and stubbornly planted on the stone floor.

Butler passed me and walked over to a chair next to the grand fireplace. He pulled it out and gestured that I should sit. I did so, noticing that my footsteps made a substantial amount of noise on the stone floor.

When I had sat, Butler moved to a wall and rang a bell. Several seconds later, a nervous looking man stumbled in. He didn't look entirely sane in my opinion. He glared at me with crazed eyes that moved almost by themselves. One stared at me, the other at a space to my left.

He stood, hunched over with his hands drawn like a hamsters to his chin. His eye brows were thick and only advertised the strange eyes underneath. I wouldn't trust him to cook me a meal if my life depended on it due to hygiene issues. But I couldn't help feeling that unnatural urge to get out of this place now, contradicted by the uneasy knowledge that that wouldn't go down with the big man.

So I smiled pleasantly at this unusual creep and tried to hide the shiver that came over me as he huddled closer.

"Rabbit?" He asked, his voice had a strange intonation.

"P-pardon?" I asked, wiping his spittle from my cheek.

"He means, would you like rabbit for dinner." Concluded Butler.

"Oh. Um. Yes, please?" I stuttered uncertainly. The man sniffed loudly and blinked.

"Dwink?"

"What drink you you like." Translated Butler. I couldn't help notice the sigh that followed.

"Y-yes! Dwink! What dwink?" The man repeated.

"It's drink, old fellow. And I would like a glass of water please." I corrected him, edging my chair away from him. He sniffed again, hiccuped and then galloped off. Literally.

I couldn't help scratching my head after. Fleas came to mind.