AN: This is my first fic so I'm really nervous. I really need to revise how strongly Kili reacts to things in this *sigh* bear with me! There's much more in store for these two...including lots and lots of smut. Just a quick note: I'm working hard to get the next chapter done, really...my mum's just being a laptop dictator and has set a password so I won't be up reading/writing fics at 3am. Wah ;n; I'm tryingggg. Please bear with me. SMUT COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT PATIENTLY~SS
"You'll never catch me, brother!" Kili shouted as he sped off into the woods, his brother's twin swords tucked tightly under his arm. He ran until he could run no longer, and when he heard his brother's boots stomping on the forest floor, the sounds coming nearer, he ducked into hiding, knowing how Fili's temper got the best of him sometimes.
"I'm going to kill you, Kili!" yelled Fili, irritated by his younger brother's antics. He left his swords unattended for all of five minutes while talking to Bombur about the dinner plans for that night, and this is what happened. I can't leave that pesky dwarf alone for a second, he thought. Circling around a row of solid oak trees, Fili kicked a pile of dead leaves out of sheer frustration. "Come ON, Kili. I don't have all day!"
Kili stifled a giggle, looking down at his brother from the boughs of a nearby maple tree he was hiding in. He loved playing pranks, not for the sake of making other people irritated, but just for the sake of having something to do. Getting a reaction out of Fili only added to the excitement. After a few moments, he grew bored and decided to come from the cover of the branches and leaves.
"Looking for something?" he inquired sarcastically as he gracefully jumped from the tree onto the mossy ground below. He landed with a solid thud as his feet hit the forest floor, his leather boots creasing at the impact. "or rather, someone?"
Fili rolled his eyes and moved to snatch his weapons back from his brother. Kili expected this and darted out of the way, ducking behind a tree. "Uh-uh!" Kili chuckled, just out of his brother's reach. He was faster than Fili, and his swiftness kept him ahead of his grumpy sibling.
"Seriously, Kee, this isn't funny anymore. Come on." Fili gave up. He slumped to the ground and leaned up against an old tree trunk, his head falling back with a dull thunk against the aged wood.
Sensing his brother embracing defeat, he crept up quietly and placed the swords by Fili's side and a shit eating grin spread out across the brunette's lips. Fili grabbed the swords before Kili could have second thoughts and stood up abruptly, shaking his head, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut...a feeling he was growing accustomed to in recent years.
"Gods, Kili, grow up, you're such a child! Leave me alone!" Fili muttered as he stomped back to camp. His brother could be so frustrating sometimes, in more ways that he could understand at the moment. He loved being near Kili, but he hated it. His stomach turned to knots whenever Kili was around. He couldn't understand what this feeling was. He would have to ask Balin in the morning, before anyone else would be awake. He needed to know what to do. He couldn't push Kili away anymore, for it wasn't fair to him.
Kili's ears grew hot and his eyes began to water. Fili had never spoken such cruel words to him before. What had he done wrong? The Durin brothers always played pranks on one another to lighten the mood of the journey. Did his brother hate him? His best friend? His giddy mood was crushed at the hateful words of his brother. That statement pained him more than any battle wound ever could.
Kili trudged back to camp and plopped down on his bedroll with a sigh. Suddenly, he realised something was not right. Where was Fili? Where was Fili's bedroll? They had always slept side by side, ever since they were young dwarflings. Then he saw.
Kili's heart sunk like a stone in a riverbed when he noticed that Fili had moved his bedroll next to Bofur's and had already fallen asleep without even saying a word to the younger dwarf. Kili would not show his pain, not with the rest of the company around. With hot tears rising in his piercing brown eyes, he stood up and ran into the woods, far enough so the rest of the company could not hear his cries. His brother, his own brother, hated him.
Kili waited until his face was not so puffy and scuffled back to camp, sneaking into his bedroll with a silent tear falling down his stubbled cheek. He did not sleep that night.
Fili sat in the dark for several hours. While the rest of the company was asleep, he lay in silence, hearing his brother's sobs echo through the trees. He had done this. He had caused his brother such pain. But he could not bear to look him in the eye.
When dawn broke, Fili approached Balin, shifting uncomfortably under the old dwarf's stare. Balin was a wise one, that was well known. Fili tensed and gathered the courage to talk to Balin, the upcoming subject being an uncomfortable one.
"Master Balin, could you, uh, c-could you teach me about the bonds?" Fili stammered, his eyes pointed down, refusing to look the old one in the eyes. "I-I mean, it's fine if you don't want to, I just have some questions is all..." Fili trailed off when he noticed Kili rise from his bedroll and sneak off into the woods with his bow without eating any breakfast.
"Why sure, laddie, what seems to be the problem?" Balin offered, slightly curious at the gaze Fili held on his brother. "Have ye got a lass in mind?"
"N-no, not exactly," Fili said, his voice nearly a whisper. "What does it feel like when you've found, found your One? I mean, I don't know if I've found it yet, I just want to know!" Fili's mind became a cyclone of thoughts all racing in circles in his brain. He sighed and took a deep breath.
Balin chuckled at the sight of Fili, usually a calm and composed dwarf, become so nervous at a simple conversation. He smiled slightly and rested a hand on Fili's shoulder.
"Finding your One love is a feeling like no other. Ye become nervous in their presence. Their welfare becomes much more important than your own. They consume your every thought and dream, and you want nothing more to be with them." Balin explained, and Fili tensed under his grip. Impossible, he thought. I'm in love with my own brother.
Fili, now utterly repulsed at his feelings for his own sibling, broke down and sat on the ground with his hands in his face. Balin knelt down beside the young dwarf, a look of understanding upon his aged face.
"Who is it, lad? You can tell me, you know. What's troubling you so?" Balin asked quietly so the rest of the company would not overhear.
"It's impossible, impossible I say!" gasped Fili, gripping the ground, pulling up weeds with his strong hands. "I-it's not like he feels the same, I mean, it's ridiculous to even think of it, right?" Fili choked back a sob, and Balin was hit with a sudden realisation.
"Ohhhh," the old dwarf whispered, now seeing why the young heir was so troubled. "I see now. It's Kili, is it not? That is why you are so distraught?"
The eldest dwarf prince looked up at Balin with hopeless eyes. "Do you find me repulsive?" he questioned.
"Not at all, lad! You've found your One, is all. Most dwarves have male partners, as you know. Women are scarce in dwarf culture." Balin replied nonchalantly.
"B-but he's..." Fili's voiced dropped to a whisper. "...my brother."
"Aye, that he is," Balin chuckled. "It's not at all common, that's for sure, and it may be frowned upon, seeing as you are, after all, the heir of the line of Durin, and your uncle will sure need some getting used to this idea, but you two complete each other in every way."
He's right, Fili thought, standing up with renewed energy.
"I have to take care of some things, Mister Balin." Fili stated, walking towards the forest.
Kili sped through the woods like a loose warg, his pain and anger fueling his energy. He stopped only once he became too emotional to run any longer, plopping down to the ground by a small riverbed. He sobbed into a patch of moss. My own brother hates me, he thought, the phrase repeating itself over and over again in his mind.
He threw his bow next to a stone and tossed his quiver next to it, arrows spilling out over the ground as they hit nearby stones with a clank as they rebounded off the surface of the rocks. Kili shuddered and cried, alone and angry, so angry at himself for making his beloved brother despise even speaking to him. He was deep in sorrow and despair.
He did not notice a figure coming closer to him, all sounds being muffled by his sobs and the soft flow of the river's current. He did not notice the figure sit down by him. He did not notice anything at all until he felt a strong hand pressing upon his back.
Kili shot straight up, eyes narrowed. He shrugged his brother's hand off rather defensively and turned away. Fili was the first to speak.
"Brother, I am sorry for how I treated you last night." Fili apologised openly and honestly, a small ray of hope flickering across his face as Kili turned around to face him.
"Why do you avoid me? What have I done to you?!" Kili practically screamed, his face flooding with tears. "Please, brother, tell me what I have done! I cannot stand to have you hate me!"
Fili's eyes widened in shock. "Kili, I could never hate you. I hate no one but myself." he confessed. "I never wished to hurt you." Kili pondered this for a moment and sniffed before replying.
"But why? Why would you hate yourself? You are a strong and admirable dwarf! You are the best fighter in our company and you are loyal to your companions!" Kili countered. "I don't understand!" he belted out with a sigh, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Kee, even if I explained, I don't think I could bear if you find me disgusting. I could not bear for you to hate me as I hate myself. I cannot lose you, Kee!" Fili gasped, his eyes welling with tears and sorrow. He couldn't lose Kili. Losing Kili would be like losing a part of his soul. His heart ached at the thought of never having Kili by his side.
"Tell me," Kili pleaded. "I must know what you are hiding. You should not bear this burden alone," he said, lifting Fili's chin with his hand so he could look into those deep blue eyes. "I cannot see you suffer. Please, tell me."
Fili looked away, his face flushing at the contact of skin. He gulped. If not now, when? When could I ever tell him? He thought a bit before taking a deep breath and spoke.
"I...I love you, Kee." Fili said quietly, his voice barely a whisper. He shifted nervously, his hands shaking a bit.
Kili once again looked rather confused. "And I love you, Fee," he replied calmly. "We are brothers, after all. Of course I love you. Why should you hate yourself?"
Fili sighed. His brother could really be daft sometimes. Taking all the courage he could muster, he blurted out, "No, Kili. I'm in love with you." His eyes darted to the ground, not able to look Kili in the eye.
Kili's eyes widened in shock at his brother's confession. What was he saying? Fili was in love with him?
"W-what did you just say?!" Kili sputtered. Fili winced. His hopes were crushed. His brother would never return his feelings. Why did he even bother telling him, only to lose him as a brother as well?
"I am attracted to you as no brother should be," he stammered, his heartbeat quickening. "I-I...I understand if you find me to be disgusting, Kili..." Fili blubbered, tears falling freely from his face and onto his tunic. "I'm sorry, I should go." He pushed himself off the ground and moved to run, run far away, but he was stopped by Kili's sudden grip on his wrist. Fili turned around to see Kili's eyes moist with fresh tears, his brow furrowed and lines creasing his forehead.
"Mahal, Fili, you IDIOT!" Kili exclaimed, pulling himself to his feet and looking at his brother with fierce eyes. "Don't you go. Don't you dare go." Fili blinked rapidly. Did Kili not understand still? Why wasn't he angry, or repulsed, or full of hatred toward him?
All doubts that Fili held were shot away when Kili surged forward, bringing their lips together in a searing kiss. Fili's eyes fluttered closed and he returned the kiss as Kili pulled him closer by grasping the fur cloak around Fili's shoulders. When the kiss broke, both princes gasped for air.
"Kee..." Fili panted, eyes crazed and pulse pounding. "Y-you..." His words were silenced as Kili placed a finger upon Fili's swollen lips.
"Shut up, you stupid dwarf," the younger dwarf said. "Why didn't you tell me this was what troubled you? Why have you not said anything until now?" His warm breath ghosted the crisp morning air, turning to vapor as he spoke. Fili gulped. There was no backing out of this. Not now. Not after coming this far already.
"I was afraid you would not reciprocate my feelings. I thought I would lose you forever. I would rather have you in my life as my brother than not at all." Fili explained, still shaky, but relieved at the same time. "I am sorry, Kili. I truly am."
The edges of Kili's lips curled up into a slight smile. He moved in close to Fili and rested his head on the fur cloak, his dark hair a tangled mess of curls."You could never lose me," he whispered into Fili's ear. "Not now, not ever. You, Fili Durin, are my One, and I am yours."
Fili felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He held Kili tight, and they sat together for what seemed like hours, until they heard their uncle's voice echoing through the trees. Thorin Oakenshield was not by any means a morning person.
Fili's face erupted in a devious smile. If Thorin had to go out into the forest looking for the two young dwarves, he would be miserable the entire day. Thorin wasn't in any mood to be searching for pranksters, not with the quest of Erebor on his mind.
"Uncle will surely kill us if we don't get back to camp soon!" he chuckled, grabbing Kili's bow as he stood up, planting a kiss on Kili's forehead.
Kili blinked and stood up as well, looking into his brother's eyes and seeing the mischief reflecting in his gaze.
"You'll never catch me, brother." Fili whispered in his ear before sprinting towards the camp, his body filled with renewed vigor. He had found his One, and his One had returned his love. He felt complete in body and soul, finally set free of his secret burden.
Kili snickered and ran after his brother, darting past tree branches and nearly tripping on a rock. Oh, but I already have, he thought with a smile.