Teamwork
By The Lark
Disclaimer: Okay, in case you haven't seen the disclaimers on all the other stuff in this category--Les Miserables belongs to Hugo, and the musical belongs to Boubil and Schonberg or Cameron MacIntosh or someone. NOTHING belongs to me.
Rue Plumet, 1832
Marius: *with a dopey grin plastered to his face* No, I wuv you more
Cosette: *giggle* No, I wuv you more!
Marius: *giggle* No, I wuv you more!
Cosette: No, I w-- uh-oh, the sun is rising. We've been doing this for nearly seven hours.
Marius: *rising* Well, I guess I'd better be going. Who knows, the neighbors might do something interesting for a change today, and I'll miss it if I'm not at my knothole.
Cosette: *sniffle* Why can't you spy on me instead, like you used to? *stomps off, looking wounded* I've been suspecting this for some time. You're stalking another woman, aren't you? YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!! *breaks into tears*
Marius: *looks frazzled* Well, what else am I supposed to do all day? I don't have a job and TV won't be invented for another seventy years or so.
Cosette: Don't try to make excuses, you cad! *slaps Marius* I knew I should have never disobeyed my daddy. He told me never to trust anybody but him, but did I listen? No-o!
Marius: Uh…I love you?
Cosette: *melts* Aww, I can never resist that face. *whispering slyly* Come on, let's go hide in those trees and …stare into each other's faces!
Marius: *hesitates* But there might be spiders in there, and…*shiver* Oh, heck, let's live dangerously!
*They run off, giggling sneakily*
Eponine: *wanders dejectedly out of her spying place behind the gate* On my own again…*sigh*
*Mournful music plays on some invisible set of chimes*
Eponine: Hey, cut that out! You're cheesing up my scene! *hurls a stone into the distance*
*CRASH!*
The Lark: *storms out of the dark carrying a bent set of chimes* Fine! I was just trying heighten the freakin' drama! *stomps away*
Eponine: Now, where was I? Oh, yes. *clears her throat* May as well hang around here until he leaves. Who knows? He might get attacked by a spider. *brightens* Maybe I could stomp on it for him! Then I'd be his hero. Hee hee, he'd have to love me then! *Begins to check under bench for spiders*
Valjean: *hanging out a window with a trumpet to his ear* Um, excuse me young lady, could you keep it down out there? Some of us are trying to eavesdrop, here. *fiddles with his ear trumpet* Ugh…*looks nauseated* Sounds like the boy's reciting more of that God-awful love poetry at her…
Eponine: Ah, it's the uptight father *to Valjean* You know, Monsieur Fauchelevent, if you'd give him half a chance, you and Marius could be great friends. He likes eavesdropping too.
Valjean: *scowls* Get off my property!
Eponine: *snickers sarcastically* No way. You think I'm going to leave my poor sweet Marius alone with her ?
Valjean: What do you care, anyway?
Eponine: *waves a hand in front of his face* Um, hello, I'm dangerously obsessed with him, I've been stalking him for the past couple of years, remember? I sang that big heartbreaking song all about it, right outside your door--don't tell me you didn't hear!
Valjean: Oh, right, now I remember.
Eponine: *lights up* Wait a minute. M. Fauchelevent, I've got a great idea.
Valjean: What?
Eponine: Well, you've lost your daughter to Marius, right?
Valjean: *closes his fist on his ear trumpet, crumpling it into a hunk of twisted metal* Yes *begins to snarl and froth at the mouth*
Eponine: And I've lost my boyfriend to Cosette. So, the only sensible thing left for us to do is…*trails off, waiting for him to finish the sentence*
Valjean: Huh? *looks uneasy* Look, I'm flattered, mademoiselle, but I don't date!
Eponine: *buries her face in her hands in exasperation* No, no, no! I meant that we should work together to split them up.
Valjean: Oh! I get'cha. *looks thoughtful* But just in case it doesn't work, will you be my daughter instead?
Eponine: *sigh* Then again, maybe I'll just stick with the spider-rescue plan
Valjean: *sniffle* I just don't want to be alone!
A/N: Hehe, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking, either. To be continued…