A/N: Do not ask why. This was so random, and yeah... I don't own Harry Potter, but I do own these mad guidelines to flirtation.
Harry Potter's and Ron Weasley's guide to flirtation
Girls are confusing.
Seriously - I don't always understand why and what or how, because Hermione has a fit everytime I eat. I know I don't always eat like a civilised person, but I never claimed to be civilised in the first place.
So Harry and I devised a plan - that's not as surprising as me using the word "devised" though - a plan that will make us heroes in Hogwarts forever.
At least for me, I think Harry's already done his fair share of heroic deeds to ensure his everlasting fame in the school.
Me? Nah, I'll be known as Harry Potter's little sidekick. His ginger sidekick.
Anyways, back to the topic, Harry and I decided to write a book. A book filled with magical things, mystical things and beautiful things.
Yep - girls. Or the odd bloke, whatever you're into, but that's beside the point.
What is this book? It is our own tried and tested guide to flirtation. I would've settled for "flirting", but Harry said "flirtation" sounded a bit more pompous and uppity. And that makes it funny, I guess.
And to avoid the Slytherins hating on the book, we changed the name to "Scar and Ginger go undercover" for the snakes.
"Tried and tested" guide might be a bit of an overstatement. Or a complete lie. We haven't tried or tested it. At all. And that's what we'll do now.
Harry and I met up in the dorm room. We already had a bunch of rules written down, but we never really tried it. So we're going to it now.
"Harry, I think you should do number one," I said, because, honestly, I did not want to act like a palooka and Harry was admittedly braver than I was.
"Only if you do three." My best friend said evilly. I scowled at him and agreed.
. . .
Harry didn't waste time, exactly. He strode to the Gryffindor and spotted Katie. We'd decided to make her the first one to receive several flirtations, plus she's really pretty.
She looked at him and smiled politely.
What he did next, would be known for a long time after today. He would not only be the Boy Who Lived, but also the Boy Who Shakes.
Harry Potter started shaking his hips in what he thought must look very sexy bit just looked like Crookshanks coughing up a hairball.
Left to right, make a circle, hands in the air! He cocked his pelvis to the front and stuck his bottom out. His hands were now at his sides as he continued his awful Crookshanks impression.
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time! Harry was doing a brilliant job!
Next he stopped and jumped into a pose. He was sticking his one hand in the air and looked off into the distance, or what happened to be the Gryffindor common room window.
He quickly looked to see if she had noticed him. Of course she did, even Snape would've noticed him from the dungeons doing that.
He ran to the nearest comfy seat and his behind it's back, staring at her.
There was complete and utter silence. Katie was staring at him with an open mouth in shock.
And then Harry stuck his tongue out at her, turned heel and ran back to the dormitory.
Everyone still stared. I burst out laughing and followed him up the stairs.
Rule 1, be insane.
At least rule 1 want "be yourself", or my best friend would be a lunatic.