Submitted as part of a competition, for which the restriction was that it had to be a slice of life. Which isn't really that restrictive. Also, Bartog's a real game. It's better than it sounds.
Ludo Bagman's magically amplified voice echoed around the stands yet again.
"Remember, the first Champion to touch the Cup will be named the winner of the Triwizard Tournament! Who will it be?"
"I'm not sure," Padma muttered, "any more than the last time you asked that exact same question, because we can't see a damn thing because some idiot put a maze in the way!"
Ravenclaws tended to clump together, since the alternative was hanging out with Gryffindors, Slytherins or, Merlin forbid, Hufflepuffs. The fourth-years had a row of seats to themselves, although they were sharing it with two others: Su's Beauxbatons boyfriend, Claude, and Kevin's definitely-not girlfriend Tracey.
"At least we know why a Hufflepuff was chosen," said Kevin. "This Tournament's been nothing but wall-to-wall finding things."
"It can't be healthy, how obsessed you are with him being champion," said Terry. "Seriously, just let it go."
"I will not let it go!" Kevin said heatedly. "It's an abomination unto the natural order. Hufflepuff is explicitly constructed to be everyone who doesn't have any of the qualities champions are supposed to have."
"Who are you even cheering for?" Terry asked. "Potter? I never saw you wearing a Cedric badge."
"Of course not," Padma observed, "that would involve supporting a Hufflepuff."
"A gorgeous Hufflepuff," said Lisa, four seats along.
"A gorgeous Hufflepuff is a still a Hufflepuff," Padma replied.
"I want Potter to win," said Terry.
"Is that because you have five Galleons on him?" asked Anthony, who was sitting on his other side.
"A sucker bet if ever I saw one," said Michael, who had the next seat along.
"I thought he was below the money," Terry explained.
"Eh, I prefer Diggory," Anthony replied. "At least he's a real champion."
"A Hufflepuff can't be a real champion," Kevin said.
"Kevin, for Merlin's sake, shut up," said Terry.
"So support Fleur," said Su, who was sitting on Claude's lap.
"You only like her because she's from his school," said Tracey, nodding to Claude. She was sitting between him and Kevin; most of the other Ravenclaws were afraid of her, ever since the incident with the underpants and the chicken soup.
"Not true," said Su. "I also like her because she's hot."
The boys all exchanged glances but said nothing.
"Besides," Su went on, oblivious, "you only like Krum because he's famous."
"To be fair, he is a really good Seeker," said Terry. Anthony nodded with approval, as did Lisa, Morag and Mandy, who were sitting together on the far left.
"Does it make me a bad person if I hope for a TPK?" said Kevin, who, as a Muggle-born who had barely passed their first-year flying classes, had been less than impressed with the fact that three of the champions were Seekers.
"Honestly, I think that ship's already sailed," Padma said.
"Now with me is Professor Rubeus Hagrid, the experimentalist who bred the Blast-Ended Skrewt, a grey-area-legal creature unanimously voted Hogwarts' Ugliest Monstrosity. Professor, tell us a little about the Blast-Ended Skrewt."
Padma and Su flinched: they were the only ones taking Care of Magical Creatures, along with Stephen, who was sitting with his Gryffindor brother on the opposite end of the stands. The others gave the girls sympathetic looks.
"Ah, they're harmless little things. Can give yeh a bit of a blast if yeh're not ready for 'em, though."
"A bit, he says," Padma repeated, deadpan. "Just one more year, and I can drop it. It can't be any worse than this year. It can't be…"
"Don't tempt fate," said Terry.
"Don't tempt me, Rune Boy," Padma hissed back.
"But the Skrewts aren't the only deadly creatures in the maze," said Bagman, who was clearly disappointed with Hagrid's answer. "I understand there are also Acromantula, for instance?"
"Ah, they're hardly deadly," said Hagrid with a chuckle. "Completely misunderstood creatures, they are. Sure, they've got a nasty bite and you'll want ter treat it right quick, but they'd never attack a human."
"You really should've taken Runes," said Terry.
"I should've taken underwater basket weaving," Padma said sadly.
"Uh," said Bagman in disbelief. "They have a five X classification, for extreme deadliness."
"Well, the Ministry don't know nothin' abou' dealin' with things they don't understand, do they?"
"Oh, but Hagrid knows all about it," Padma said mutinously. "Sic them on a third year, that's the way."
"So," Bagman said, and his tone was strong again, "Acromantula are far from the deadliest creatures in the maze? What would you consider the most dangerous to be? Fire crabs? Trolls?"
"Why are we even here?" Kevin said. "I was promised Christians being eaten by lions, not some idiot has-been jock describing grass growing."
"Maybe we're supposed to be mingling?" Anthony suggested. "You know, with the Beauxbatons and Durmstrangs?" He indicated Claude.
"Have you tried?" asked Michael. "They're all a bunch of stuck-up snobs if ever I saw one. No offence," he added to Claude, unconvincingly.
"Yeah, the Durmstrangers are awful," Su said loudly, wiggling against her beau.
"Are we supposed to be mingling?" said Terry. "I mean, look, the Beauxbatons students are all sitting together in a bunch over there, except for a few fondling our girls" he indicated Claude "in the stands. Same for Durmstrang. Surely they'd be more spread out."
"This is supposed to be about magical cooperation," said Anthony. "It's, like, axiomatic that we're supposed to mingle."
"If we're supposed to cooperate," said Michael, "why on Earth is this a competition, rather than a collaboration? With literally no scope for working together?"
"I've asked Claude for help with my Charms homework a few times," Su offered.
"Tell you what, if missing the point was one of the events, we'd have this thing in the bag," said Lisa.
"And there's a couple o' occamies and a sphinx," said Hagrid. He'd been talking for a minute, but they'd tuned him out. "Lovely girl, just a bit bitey when she gets bored."
"And if it's boring for us, imagine how she must feel," said Padma.
"Will you stop complaining?" Terry asked. "Jeez, it's like you're looking for things to whine about."
"It only seems that way because it takes so little effort," said Padma.
"We could be beating Gryffindor at Quidditch right now," Su observed.
"And with that, my sense of perspective is restored," said Kevin. "Besides, don't they have a completely broken broom for their Seeker?"
"Yeah, but Wood graduated last year, and their Chasing defence is abysmal," said Terry.
"Please, tell me more," said Kevin.
"Will you stop moaning already?" Terry replied. "Honestly, you and Pad should hook up."
Padma and Kevin exchanged glances. Tracey looked on with a poker face.
"He's not good-looking enough," Padma said promptly.
"Says the girl who couldn't get a better date than Weasley the Un-Wonder Dog," Kevin replied.
"That never happened," she said, her hand twitching for her wand.
"Whatever happened to that boy you were dancing with, after?" Terry asked. "You know, the Beauxbatons one."
"He wasn't very good at keeping his hands to himself," she said. "I gave him to Millicent Bulstrode."
"After spending four hours with him," Lisa observed.
"If I might make a suggestion," said Padma, "have you ever considered shutting up?"
"I should be so lucky," said Michael. Lisa punched him.
"Red sparks!" shouted Bagman. "Ladies and gentlemen, there are red sparks over the maze! One Champion has been eliminated! Who could it be?!"
"Yes, who indeed could it be?" Padma asked. "And what were they fighting? What epic struggle did we miss because some chucklerut forgot that hedges are opaque?"
"I bet it's Delacour," said Lisa. "She always does the worst. She's kind of useless, actually."
"Yeah, but giving up isn't the worst that can happen, is it," said Anthony, "not when there are worse things than Acromantula wandering around in there. My money says she gets eaten, and that that was Diggory."
"Not Potter?" asked Terry.
"He strikes me as the sort to fight to the death rather than give up," said Anthony. "He has a good chance of being eaten too, come to think of it."
"Supervisor wizards have investigated the sparks and discovered the Stunned body of Viktor Krum! Durmstrang is eliminated!"
"Huh, I never would have picked him to be the first to be out," said Michael. "I thought Durmstrang was big on combat."
"Maybe he isn't," Su said thoughtfully. "I mean, if I were in trouble, I'd probably focus more on getting out of it than conjuring sparks. You know, try to blast whatever was attacking me. Maybe the others have all been eaten already."
"You mean to tell me," said Kevin, "that we could be sitting here for hours, staring at an empty maze, while Bagman keeps trying to pretend something is happening, and we'd never know the difference?"
"Looks like it," said Padma.
"Okay, screw this," said Kevin. "This is a complete waste of time. I'm going back to our common room. Anyone up for a game of Bartog?"
Bartog was a card game with notoriously complex rules, one of which forbade explaining the rules; another was that the winner of each round made up a new rule. Ravenclaws prided themselves on being the only House to play it; the others preferred Exploding Snap or Drachenwalk.
"Didn't Flitwick tell you not to embarrass Hogwarts in front of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang?" asked Padma. "He told me. I'm not sure why."
"He probably thought you'd do something humiliating, like going to a dance with a Gryffindor," said Lisa. "Oh, wait."
"That never happened!" Padma said, furious. "Parv so owes me for that."
"I'm in," Tracey said to Kevin.
A bolt of greyish light shot out of the maze, followed shortly by another.
"Oho, those look like Impedimenta Jinxes!" crowed Bagman. "Things are really heating up in there!"
"That sounds like my cue to leave," Padma said.
"Yeah, this has about played itself out," Terry agreed.
"It played itself out thirty seconds in," said Anthony, standing up and stretching. "I promised myself I wouldn't get suckered into another Second Task."
"You didn't actually watch that, did you?" asked Su. "You were supposed to go for the snacks and then find a broom closet."
"You say that about everything," said Padma.
Su shrugged.
They all got up and filed out of the stands.