Author's Note: This is my first time writing from Draco's point of view. This is a drabble on Draco's thoughts and feelings during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. As always, constructive reviews are loved and appreciated.
I must be dreaming. This is nothing more than a nightmare. Please let me wake up.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.
Nothing makes sense anymore. The world must have turned upside down.
How did we get here? We use to be so proud, so important. People use to fear our name.
Now we are nothing. Now we are prisoners in our own manor.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.
My mother is frightened. She has always been a worrier. I use to think she worried too much, that she fussed over me too much. Don't get wrong, I have always enjoyed being spoiled by her, but there were times when she had been too much.
I now realize that my mother had real reasons to worry so much. I now realize that I have taken my mother for granted. She is frightened, but she is still somehow strong. She is without hope, but she is still there to comfort me as best she can.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.
My father is frightened as well. Now I know that this is nothing more than a nightmare. My father is not frightened of anything. He had not even been frightened that one time when I had been seriously ill as a child. I remember that my mother had been sitting beside my bed at St. Mungo's, crying without end. My father, however, had stood calmly behind my mother, his hand laying gently on her shoulder. And he had looked at me with a strong, confident expression that had said, "You will beat this. You will get better. You are stronger than this."
I don't feel so strong now. I feel even weaker than I had all those years ago when I had been at St. Mungo's as a patient.
And my father no longer looks as strong as he once did. He now looks so weak, so pathetic. This man cannot possibly be my father. My father isn't frightened of anything. My father is always the strong one.
Nothing makes sense anymore. The world must have turned upside down.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.
I cannot speak. I cannot run. All I can do is just sit here and whimper in terror. All I can do is sit here and wait until I finally wake up from this nightmare. I have become so pathetic. Where is my pride now? I no longer have any reason to have any pride.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.
I have seen so much death. I have seen so much pain, so much suffering. I should have been happy. Those who had died and those who had been tortured had been nothing more than filthy Mudbloods and Blood Traitors.
But I am not happy. I cannot bring myself to enjoy their fear and their tears.
I cannot live the life of a Death Eater. I cannot bring myself to be everything that a Death Eater is supposed to be. I am just too pathetic.
My mother tells me that I am brave for standing up for what I believe in.
I'm not doing much standing these days. I see no truth in my mother's words.
But her words still give me some comfort.
And because of my mother's comfort, a part of me is still determined to keep on living. A huge part of me just wants to die and have all this be over with, but I am not yet ready to give up.
My father often tells me that things will get better and that we will survive this because we are Malfoys and Malfoys always come out on top in the end. We may stumble now and then, but we always get back up in the end, stronger than we were before.
I see no truth in my father's words either.
But I know that he is trying to comfort me in his own special way. Despite everything, his pride has not completely died.
And because of my father's pride, I still have a small bit of my own pride. It's not much and it's mostly hidden, but it is there deep inside me.
But I still wish I could just wake up from this nightmare.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.
I just want this all to end. I just want everything to go back to the way that it was before, to the way that it was before the world had turned upside down.
This is not my reality. This cannot be my reality.