Gary took a deep breath before hoisting his guitar over his shoulder and stepped onto the small, wooden stage that had been temporarily set up. The people in the bar applauded, some drunk ones slapping their hands together in a dreamy daze. Others just continued drinking like (as Gary thought) the sick drunkards they were.
He scanned the crowd, sweeping his deep, jade eyes across the room, and a pained look appeared on his handsome features when he found who he was looking for.
Leaf was there, laughing daintily as a main had his arm slung (shamelessly) over her bare shoulders, drinking the drink she always did when she came here every week. She turned her head and found him looking at her, and her face hardened. But there was an element of surprise, because she had never heard Gary perform in large crowd before, and she had never seen him in a bar, and her eyes widened when he pulled the guitar strap over his shoulder and stood in front of the microphone.
He met her eyes for a minute, paying no mind to the man who was glaring at him. This would be the last time he would be setting his eyes on her anyway.
Still keeping eye contact, he tapped the microphone once, twice, thrice, before the occupants of the room fell into a hushed silence as all eyes were trained on him. All except Leaf's, who broke eye contact and trained her own jade irises on the floor.
"This is a song," Gary began, "that I wrote, as closure, more than anything else, to a chapter in my life. I wanted to end it." He announced, looking at Leaf again. "…once and for all."
He began strumming, slowly at first, then picking up the pace. Then he opened his mouth to sing. The words brought emotions in a combination that he had never felt before; a sense of grief and despondence, and yet at the same time, relief. He couldn't stop himself from letting his conscience pull him into his past, where his past self had no idea what lay ahead of his calm river. Who would have known? Who could have known?
"I can't be everything,
that you want me to.
Fill my mind up with silly dreams,
is all I seem to do."
A memory flashed in his mind; it was the day Leaf and him were arguing about their careers. Leaf hadn't liked his profession-a researcher. She told him that he should be something more glamorous, more flashy, a model, maybe. At least he could be a celebrity, in that case. He thought that she was joking, so he laughed, but that pissed her off. When he asked her why it troubled her, she scoffed.
"Troubling?" She had said. "It's embarrassing. It's basically like going up to someone and and saying: 'my boyfriend's a nerd.' "
Gary couldn't understand why him being a 'nerd,' as she called it, was embarrassing for her, but he didn't reply.
"And people look like they're specks of dust,
When you're this high off the ground.
I'm doing my best not to let you down,
So feet don't fail me now, cause."
So he told her he'd become a battle trainer, and challenge the gyms. He offered her to come too, they'd travel together , but she looked at him like he had grown two heads. "Are you insane? What makes you think I'm going to sleep on the ground in a tent? And champion? You're not champion material, you'll barely get through the first gym. You don't belong on a battlefield."
Gary was sure that he'd be able to conquer the first few gyms, and he didn't find sleeping on the ground bad, but he complied to stay back with her anyway.
"I am walking the tightrope,
I am walking it for you.
I am living on high hopes,
Now they're-now they're crashing through."
Gary started strumming a little faster, in tune with his quickening pulse, when he remembered the first time they met; the first time they had felt her soft lips on his. She was bold, he was shy. When people said opposites attract, he never believed them-till he met Leaf. But now, he's not so sure anymore.
"So, I hold my breath, and close my eyes,
I grab my heart when I realise,
I am walking the tightrope
For you."
"I don't think this is gonna work, Oak." Leaf had told him. He shook his head fiercely, trying to deny what he was hearing.
"Why won't it?" He had asked her. "We're soul-mates-we're made for each other." She told him that she didn't see this going anywhere, that she didn't feel that spark anymore, that she couldn't imagine a future with a guy like him. He approached her and held her wrists, gently but desperately. "We can make it work, if we want to."
"Well, then, I don't want to."
"I'm fighting with gravity,
trying not to fall.
And how come the ones we love,
Can make us feel so small?"
Gary was waiting at a restaurant one night, waiting for Leaf so they could have dinner together. He waited for two whole hours, glimpsing at his watch impatiently every two minutes and wondering why she wasn't coming. She couldn't have stood him up, she wasn't that kind of person. Worried, he had gotten up and left the restaurant, walking through the chilly air to Leaf's apartment. He had been sure she was caught up-she'd had a problem, or an emergency probably, and couldn't make it. He was certain that was the reason, and hoping that she was okay, he pushed open her ajar apartment door, and found her on top of another man.
"Oh, people look like they're specks of dust,
When you're this high off the ground.
But everyone's got a line to walk,
We gotta keep from looking down, no…"
Leaf told him that she was sorry. "I didn't mean it, it wasn't like what you saw, I swear."
Gary dismissed the incident. "It was probably an accident, I'm sure." He said confidently. She had probably fallen over. Yes, that's right-she had tripped. Although that didn't explain how she was undressed-but Gary chose to ignore it. He had enough faith in his girlfriend. She wasn't that kind of person. Then Leaf kissed him, and he was lost in the moment. Nobody, in his opinion, had sweeter lips than Leaf.
"I am walking the tightrope,
I am walking it for you.
I am living on high hopes,
Now they're-now they're crashing through."
Leaf loved getting gifts, and Leaf loved shopping. She always forced Gary to take her to the mall and buy her outfits with matching accessories. She always went to the most expensive stores and bought only the finest dresses. When leaving, Gary always walked out with arms full of bags, but an empty wallet. It Leaf looked happy, and for him, it was worth it.
"So, I hold my breath, and close my eyes,
And I grab my heart, when I realise,
I am walking the tightrope,
For you."
Gary realised that that he hadn't been able to work as well, because his beautiful girlfriend always occupied his thoughts. Smiling to himself, he went to a jewellery store that day. Leaf only liked the finest pieces, with real diamonds. The last time, when he had gotten her flowers, she had scorned them and flung them carelessly on the couch. Gary felt like she had swung his heart instead; it ached. But for some reason, he fell even more deeply in love with her.
"Oh, the higher we go, the further we fall,
Two hearts on the line and the winner takes all
But nobody wins when it's all just a show.
I'm losing my grip, gonna slip,
Now it's time to let go…"
Gary's eyes lit up when Leaf walked in, draped in a green dress and looking an angel. She sat down opposite him and ordered some wine. Then they talked a bit. Gary did not make much of her repeatedly glancing at her phone or showing disinterest in their conversation. Then, after their meal, he thought the time was just perfect. He slipped his hand in his pocket, pulled out a velvet box and knelt in front of who he hoped would be his future wife. The people in the restaurant looked at him, hands poised ready to clap and mouths stretched into wide smiles.
But Leaf frowned.
"Will you marry me, Leaf Green?"
There was pin-drop silence.
"No, Gary Oak. I will not." Then she picked up her purse and phone, and then waltzed out, leaving Gary knelt on the ground, heart shattered and dwelling in humiliation.
A waiter tried to comfort him, but there was nothing left to comfort. All emotion had been sucked out of him. Leaf's absence was a black hole in his heart, and it was slowly consuming him.
"I am walking the tightrope."
Gary had loved Leaf with all his heart.
"I am walking it for you."
He had sacrificed everything for her.
"I am living on high hopes."
He thought someday Leaf would truly be his.
"Now they're-now they're crashing through."
It took a hard hit to bring him to his senses.
"So, I hold my breath, and close my eyes…"
He couldn't live this way, not without Leaf.
"I grab my heart when I realise,"
He had been too blind to see what had been going on.
"I am walking the tightrope."
He wanted to end his life.
"For you, for you, for you…"
He stopped strumming and slowly eased the guitar off.
"I'm walking the tightrope."
He reached behind his back and pulled a gun out from his pocket.
"I'm walking the tightrope."
People had started standing, murmuring among themselves. Gasps rang through the crowd.
"I am walking the tightrope."
He aligned the gun to his temple and prepared to pull the trigger.
"For you."
He let his finger go.
The last thing he heard before he died was Leaf calling his name.
This is a tribute to all those who have either committed suicide or are planning to. Life is horrible, I won't deny that-but it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are. Life is tough, but we should be tougher. Gary lost his chance with Leaf, or with anybody else. We don't know why Leaf was calling his name in the end. Sometimes the only way to know if something is hot is to touch it. Don't give up yet, guys-you will forever be loved. ~Leaf