Title: Sober
Rating: PG – NC17
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really, Mr. Lawyer, I've told you a thousand times a gun is not necessary. I'll give them back when I'm done. Calm down.
Author's Note: Inspired by Kelly Clarkson's "Sober" which is an amazing song and you should all listen to it. Especially while reading this. Go do it. Now.

"It's been a long road since those hands I left my tears in, but I know…It's never really over."

The blacktop ribbon wound its way in front of her. Long, twisted, and unforgiving somewhat like her life had been. She closed her eyes against the sunlight for a brief moment, leaning back in her seat. She drove with no music, which was odd for her. Normally she hated silence but for this, it seemed appropriate. There was no music for this. Just the humming of the engine and the moaning of the wheels as she carried on.

Five years ago Ashley Davies had left L.A and hadn't looked back. She moved to New York first thing and had spent the past 5 years at The Julliard School of Music. She was doing what she loved, singing and songwriting. She was living her dream in New York City. Everything was wonderful. And then came the call.

Phone calls at three in the morning are never good. It's like an unwritten law that if someone calls you at three in the morning, it has to be to give you bad news. The caller in Ashley's case was her half sister, Kyla, and the news was of her mother's death. She had booked a flight first thing, rented a car as soon as she touched the ground, and now here she was. Traveling back to the one place she swore she'd never go back to. Coming dangerously close to meeting the one person she avoided all these years.

Spencer Carlin.

Only now, it was Spencer Dennison.

Kyla informed her last year of the wedding between Spencer and Aiden. At first she'd been seriously hurt. She'd cried, sobbed, and scared her roommate half to death. And then she realized she didn't need Spencer to be happy. She was doing just fine on her own. She knew Spencer didn't love him. Couldn't love him.

Spencer was a drug. An irresistible drug. And Ashley was finally sober after all these years and now, now came the ultimate test. It was like going to a bar after completing rehab. And she was determined not to order a drink. She was strictly here for Kyla and her mother's funeral. After that, she was gone. Back to New York, back to her better life. Away from the bad memories.

But for now, she thought as she pulled into the driveway of the mansion, for now she'd have to play the cards she was dealt and handle the situation as best she could. This meant she had to get out of the car sometime in the next hour whether she liked it or not.

Finally working up her nerve, she walked up the path to the door and was about to knock when she suddenly found herself being knocked backwards by a very solid object. She managed to steady herself so she didn't fall as she felt the breath being squeezed out of her.

"Ash! Thank God you made it!" She recognized Kyla's voice. Not quite knowing what to do, she hugged the girl back and mumbled out a simple 'yeah.' Kyla released her and immediately pulled her inside. She could tell the girl had been crying, her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Ashley wasn't sure why. The woman had been nothing short of terrible to her and even worse towards Ashley herself. She guessed it was the fact that she had died. A lot of people mourn people they barely knew simply because they had died.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Kyla asked. Ashley simply shook her head, looking around the familiar house.

"I'm gonna go unpack." She said, leaving the room. Kyla didn't stop her. Ashley knew she was chalking it up as grief and the need to be alone. She was content to let her think that. But really it wasn't that at all. It was something entirely different in the form of blonde hair and blue eyes.

It was so much more than grief.

It was longing.

Lying on her old bed a few hours later, Ashley's thoughts began to drift. The funeral was two days from now. Two whole days before she could leave. Better make that three; she knew Kyla would make her stay an extra day. Could she really avoid Spencer for three days? Probably. Did she want to? She wasn't sure. That answer scared her more than anything. For the past five years she thought she was over her. Over the girl who cared more about what other people thought and wanted for her rather than what she felt and wanted for herself.

That was why she had left. Spencer had chosen to end things with Ashley because it was what her mom wanted for her and she knew other people wouldn't approve of their relationship. She wanted to pretend nothing had happened between them, when there was so much there. She wanted to deny having feelings for Ashley. Ashley couldn't pretend. So she left. Spencer had asked Kyla about her on several occasions. She wanted to still be friends. Ashley couldn't do that.

But Spencer was still Spencer. And Ashley loved Spencer. That was a fact that would never change, no matter how much she, and Spencer, wanted it to.

She remembered being in this room 5 years ago. She had been sitting in this very spot with Spencer pacing the floor in front of her.

I can't do this Ashley." She had said.

Ashley had forced back the tears. She refused to cry.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because I just...I can't. My family would freak, my mom would go postal. It would ruin everything. I'm supposed to give her grandkids. Plus, people aren't exactly accepting to this kind of thing." She explained.

"So what?" I had challenged. "You're just going to turn your back on everything you feel, everything we've been through because you're scared?"

"This. Can't. Happen." Was Spencer's reply.

"Get. Out." Was Ashley's.

And she had. She had pleaded with her with her baby blue eyes but Ashley refused to give in. If she didn't want to do this, then Ashley wasn't going to let her. But oh, how she had cried after that door shut.

At that moment, Kyla's head poked through her door. All these years and she still hadn't learned to knock.

"I'm going to the store…do you want to come?" She asked.

"Sure, why not" Ashley replied. She needed to get out of this room. Fast.

Ashley immediately regretted coming to the store with Kyla.

"Ky, they're just paper towels. Pick one. Please." Ashley begged her younger sibling. She was annoyed. She was beyond annoyed.

"No, I have to get just the right kind. Some don't work as well as the others." Kyla stated, matter-of-factly.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because, if I get the wrong kind and I make a mess, I'm just going to make an even bigger mess." She replied, as if it were common knowledge.

"Jesus" Ashley muttered to herself. Twenty minutes. Twenty freakin' minutes. She sighed and glared at the ceiling. Cursing to herself she stalked off.

"I'm going to find some cookies." She called over her shoulder, not waiting for a reply. Traveling through the maze that was Food Lion, she finally found the cookies but just as she was about to leave with her treasure, Uh-Oh Oreos, she heard voices coming from the peanut butter/jelly aisle. Terribly familiar voices.

"I don't even care"

"You never care anymore Spencer."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is! You're constantly depressed, and when you're not depressed you're angry. I never do anything right with you."

"Maybe you're just not trying."

"Oh, I'm not trying? That's bullshit Spencer. You're not trying. And we both know why."

"Oh really? Why then?"

"Because you only married me to make your mom happy. You don't love me."

"That is such a lie! I do love you, Aiden. I do!"

"Are you sure? Or do you just tell yourself that?"

"I'm telling you!"

"Are you really?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you really telling me? Or are you telling yourself? Who are you trying to convince Spencer?"

"I'm trying to convince you."

"I don't believe you, Spencer"

"Whatever Aiden. Just get your freakin' jelly. I'm not doing this now."

Ashley heard footsteps headed in her direction. She realized that during the argument she had moved to the end of the aisle, and if Spencer came around that corner... Cursing silently, she looked around and then tried to run to the next aisle at the last second and just when she thought she made it she heard it. What she never thought she'd hear again. That voice.

"Ashley?"

Shit.