Ways to Kill a Malfoy

by Lilbit and Ariana Black

Finally, we have uploaded another installment of Ways To Kill A Malfoy. If you like Malfoy, I don't suggest you read this. But it's all in fun, so don't get mad. Oh, and our sincerest apologies for taking so long to do another chapter. Enjoy and review!

1. Ron's Turn

AN- This is a product of a late night IM session between me and Ariana (whose stories you should read… well you should read both of our stories!).  Well, it was late night for me (3:00).  It was only 1:00 where she was, so I don't know what her excuse was ;-).  Just kidding Ari (my internal clock is on Tokyo time, okay?).  Now, in order to continue this story, we need people to e-mail us their plots to kill Malfoy.  Oh, come on, I know we've all done it! But eventually, We'll decide the best plot, (or maybe pick from your votes), and we'll have a grand meeting in London in front of the Leaky Cauldron to carry out our evil plan! (AB- Kill the Bastard!) ::sinister laughter:: Ahem. ::looks at the people next to her in the computer lab:: Anyway… on with the plotting………. --LilBit

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            Ron and Harry were sleeping in their dorm room.  Rather, they were trying to sleep.  They  both had something on their minds.

            "You awake?" Harry whispered to the bed next to him.  He really didn't think he'd get an answer, but he did.

            "Yeah," came Ron's surprised voice. "What are you still doing up?  You didn't go and find another Mirror of Erised, did you?"

            "No!" Harry said.  "I'm just thinking about that prank that git Malfoy played today."

            "Don't remind me!"

            "Shhh!!" Harry hissed. "You'll wake the others.

            "I know what we can do," Ron said, lowering his voice once again. "Lets play our favorite game."

            "Ways to Kill a Malfoy" They whispered together.

            "Yay!" Harry said, running and jumping on Ron's bed

            "Oi, Harry, the object is to kill Malfoy, not me!" Ron told him, sliding away to avoid getting sat on by Harry.

            "You go first." Harry said, ignoring Ron.

            "Oh, ok. Hmmmm, lets see…"

            "Ohhhhh… Ahhhh…"

            "Shut up, Harry.  Do you want to kill Malfoy or not?"

            "Shutting up."

            "Anyway," Ron continued, "we'll do it tomorrow afternoon, after the Care of Magical Creatures Lesson.  I hear we're doing Hippogriffs again.  Buckbeak'll be there."

"How? He's supposed to be in hiding?"

"Hagrid sent me an owl this afternoon. He flew back, so Hagrid's hiding him."

            "Yay! Good for Hagrid.  So Buckbeack'll kill him?"

            "Maybe…" Ron seemed to think about this a minute. "Ok, This is what we'll do in the off chance that Buckbeak doesn't kill him first."

            "Ah, ok.  Continue"

            "Now see, We put the Full Body Bind on him.  Then we slip a noose around his neck… Now you can ohh and ahh, Harry."

            "Oops… Ohhhhh… Ahhhh…"

            "Thank you." Ron continued.  "Now that we've gotten the noose around his neck, what should we attach it to?"  He wondered.

            "Buckbeak!" Harry said, with his eyes looking bright.  "We attach it to Buckbeak, and let him fly away!"

            "Ohh, good one!  But we need to take the body bind curse off of Malfoy before he takes off, or else his neck will be too stiff to break."

            "Good point." But then Harry said with worry, "But what if that doesn't kill him?"

            "Then we'll just beat him with a club," Ron replied easily

            Harry seemed happier now that they were sure Malfoy was dead. "Then what," he asked, like a little kid listening to his parents reading him a bedtime story.

            "Then we chop Malfoy up with a butcher knife, and make a nice Malfoy steak for Buckbeak."

            "YAY!" Harry exclaimed, forgetting their sleeping dorm mates. "Ding dong the bastards dead! Which bastard? The Malfoy one! Ding dong the &*%$ing bastards dead!" He sang this while jumping back and forth between his bed and Ron's. A minute later, he realized Ron was looking at him like he'd lost his mind.

            "Sorry." He said, jumping one last time, the getting off the bed. "Muggle thing."

            Just then another person in the room stirred.  Harry and Ron were treated to some colorful language by Dean, surprisingly the only person who had been awakened by Harry's momentary lapse of sanity.

            The duo mumbled a quick "Sorry," and headed down to the common room, as their minds were deep in thought of how they could kill Malfoy.

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AN- That was mine and Ariana Black's plot.  Now we need yours!  E-mail me your murder plots to: jed04@uark.edu.  Oh, the song was actually Ariana's creation (AB- And a product of too little sleep and too much sugar).  I take no credit.  Now go read our stories. Now. Go. -LilBit