This part of the story comes in right at the end. It is sad, but all stories eventually end up sad, don't they? Please read and review. C/M, R/J (sorry.) Mona and Ross are together. But that isn't important.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Friends, nor "How do I live" by Leanne Rimes.
CHAPTER ONE
How do I live?
The sound of snow softly falling on the ground outside made Monica smile. Yet in her heart, she was crying as she drew the curtains. For she knew that watching the snow storm meant something else besides Christmas.
She crept into Bessie and Emma's bedroom, closing the curtains and tucking the twins into bed. She stroked their hair, watching them as they drifted in and out of sleep on that magical evening. The 24th December. Maybe...though maybe not...her last.
"Goodnight," she whispered softly. "I love you both." She knew her six-year-old daughters would not hear her, but maybe somewhere in their sub-conscious, something was stirring.
She went out the room, closing the door behind her silently, and went to join her husband, who was sitting on the couch half-asleep. He woke a little when Monica approached him.
"Asleep?" he grunted. Monica laughed a little, nodding her head.
"Yeah, they're asleep," she said. "As should you be. The presents are under the tree. Remember that the gang are coming round tomorrow. I need to make sure the turkey-"
"Monica," Chandler cut her off, looking worried. "Mon, no-one expects you to cook Christmas dinner. Not..."
"...in my condition?" she finished it off, looking sad. "Chandler, please. Just forget about it. The kids will think it strange. It won't be the same. I'll let you help me, you know. Just let me forget about it for once. I want at least one more, nice, naïve Christmas with the gang."
By "gang" she of course meant Rachel, Joey, and Rachel's little daughter Emma, Ross and Mona and Phoebe and perhaps, if Carol agreed for once, Ben. It did get confusing when two cousins had the same names. Emma Gellar-Green was 12 years old and often acted as if Emma and Bessie were here little sisters, as she was an only child. To everyone's surprise, Joey was, as he put it "incapable of producing the little buggers." It did explain how none of his girlfriends ever got pregnant though.
"OK," he said, concerned. "I worry so much about you Mon. I really think we need to talk about it."
Monica nodded. "How about now?" she asked. "Before it's too late."
Chandler turned. "Yes. I think it's wise." He paused. He knew this would probably be a long conversation, but everything needed to be said. They had both avoided the conversation, mainly because the kids had always been around.
"Chandler...I know this is scary for you. But it scares me so much more. Knowing I'll probably never see the kids grow up. Knowing I won't grow old with you. Knowing I'm going to leave you all alone. But you have to suffer my fate, and that doesn't seem fair. So...if and when it happens, I want you to try and find someone else."
Chandler was taken aback. "Monica, I'm not even thinking about that. I'm worried about you. But I am so worried about me too. I can't look after two kids on my own."
"You won't be on your own," said Monica, stroking his arm gently. "You've got Joey and Phoebe, Ross and Rachel...they all love us so much. And we're lucky."
"Mon..." Chandler ignored the tears that were coming to his eyes. "Mon...I don't want to lose you. I love you so much. I'm not going to let you die. I can't."
"Chandler, you will probably never know how much I love you," she said, tears pouring down her face. As soon as she wiped them away, a fresh lot appeared, so she gave up. "But I honestly do."
Chandler couldn't speak. His throat was clogged up, as it often did when he was trying not to cry. He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to show Monica his tears. Yet she could already see them. She wiped them away.
"But Monica...what happened at the hospital today? Why wouldn't you let me come with you?" he asked, pressing her. She knew he deserved to know, and, sighing, she gave him the dreadful news.
"Chandler-I've got two months to live."
Chandler stopped. He'd never known any woman with breast cancer-for this was the terrible disease Monica had-to only have that long to live, although he knew it had happened. He also knew a lot of women now recovered from breast cancer, but didn't know the exact statistics.
"Two...two months?" he repeated. "You've only got two months?"
"Chandler, I'm really sorry. All this is tiring me. I need rest if I'm going to do anything tomorrow. Merry Christmas," she said sadly, kissing him, before getting up and going into the room.
"Yeah. Merry Christmas," he repeated bitterly.
How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
baby you would take away everything good in my life,
and tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?
How do I live?
CHAPTER TWO COMING SHORTLY!!!