Author's Note: This is my first attempt at Guild Wars fiction, and it revolves around five characters: Rayxn the Ritualist, Toph the Ranger, Acidburn the Necromancer, Mei the Pyromancer, and Areku the Assassin. Rayxn, Toph, Acidburn, and Areku all belong to my friends and boyfriend [the latter, and Mei is alllllll mine, meaning that I do have permission to write for them. I lay no claim to Guild Wars, however.
Anyway, these five characters belong to another GW fic I'm writing, but I figured I should post this humorous one-shot while I finish writing the main fic. It's pretty self-explanatory, so I hope you all enjoy!
Eavesdropping
a guild wars story
Rayxn, Acidburn, and Toph stumbled back into their small yet comfortable guildhall. They had spent the day in Kaineng City stocking up on supplies and now, they had finally returned home, weary and in want of rest.
Mei had been complaining about "annoying fucktard assassins" since an unfortunate run-in with a group of Am Fah members a few days prior, and so Areku had offered to stay behind and give her a few lessons about hand-to-hand combat. The thought of leaving the two of them alone in the guildhall all day had caused an eruption of jokes between the other three guild members all throughout the day.
Each of the tired travelers let out a sigh and breathed in the silence of their home. The stillness was a godsend after their day in busy Kaineng City, and they were more than glad to be home. Peace and quiet would be their just reward after such a long day.
"But…it's so big, Areku! Are you sure I can handle it?"
"Mei, just touch it. It's not going to bite."
The voices shot through the travelers' ears like lightning, disrupting their golden silence. They turned to each other with eyes widened in awkward horror when they realized the voices were coming from Areku's room at the end of the corridor.
Rayxn was the first to speak. "You don't think they're…doing it, do you?"
"For the love of Dwayna, I hope they are," retorted Toph, rolling his eyes. "Those two have enough sexual tension between them to kill a kappa—a big kappa."
"It's so firm! Are you sure I'm ready for this?" came Mei's voice again, echoing through the hall.
"It's only that firm because I use it often," Areku reassured her. "And we wouldn't be doing this if you weren't ready. Now, I want you to come at me as hard as you can, okay?"
Acidburn visibly gagged. "Oh my Grenth, she's a virgin! That lucky bastard!" He could see the Ritualist beside him slowly begin stalking toward Areku's room. "What are you doing? We can't go over there!"
"There is a naked chick in that room. Do you or don't you want to see a boob?" Rayxn countered, continuing to head toward the door. Acidburn shot a questioning look at Toph as if asking for his opinion.
The Ranger merely shrugged. "I'm with him," he said, following the Ritualist. Acidburn sighed, then convinced himself that seeing an actual set of breasts would be completely worth walking in on Areku and Mei. Granted, it did not take much work to convince him, but it at least gave him a clearer conscience.
"Alright, here I come! AHH!" Mei's voice came out as startling sharp yell, causing the three men to stop in their tracks. A soft, muffled thud was heard afterward, followed by a raucous squeak that leaked into the volume-amplifying hallway.
The squeak of a bed mattress.
Mouths ajar, the three bolted to the door and pressed themselves up against it, trying to hear as much as they possibly could. "Come on, Mei, I know you can go harder than that!" they heard Areku yell, his voice sounding worn.
More soft thuds and squeaks escaped from the room. "It's too big! I can't take all of it; it's wearing me out!" She gave another grunt, succeeded by faster, rougher creaks of the bed mattress.
"I can't take anymore!" Acidburn finally yelled, throwing his hands up in defeat. Before Rayxn and Toph could stop him, the Necromancer had grabbed the handle and thrown open the door.
The three curious guild mates stared at the sight before them in a manner than can only be described as quizzical. Areku stood behind the mattress holding it up as opposed to lying on top of it while Mei stood on the opposite side of the bed holding her Hale Staff in a ready striking position. Much to their dismay, both parties were fully clothed.
"What the hell is going on here?" Rayxn roared, bewildered.
"Yeah, why aren't you two screwing like rabbits?" Toph chimed in.
Mei's cheeks burst into a blush as red as her fire skills. "Screwing?"
Rolling his eyes, Areku tucked a rogue strand of hair behind his ear and walked out from behind the mattress, leaving it propped up against the nearest wall. "I was trying to teach her to use her staff as a melee weapon," he explained, a dull, obviously annoyed look in his eyes. "She was beating up my mattress and imagining it as a group of assassins."
It was the intruders' turn to blush with embarrassment. They allowed a moment of humility to pass before promptly picking their jaws off the floor and heading toward their own rooms.
"Where are you guys going?" the Elementalist asked, confused by their sudden departure.
"Norn porn."
"I've got a centerfold of the Canthan Mesmer of the Month waiting for me."
"You'd be surprised at how entertaining a couple of Bone Minions can be paired with a long-lasting Blindness Hex and a few kegs of ale."
Mei quirked an eyebrow as she watched them leave while Areku simply shook his head. The second the three were out of earshot, however, the two training guild mates let out heavy sighs of relief.
"That was so close!" Mei noted, her hands still shaking slightly from nervousness. "Good thing you heard them in time for us to get dressed."
"It's a better thing that you came up with a cover that quickly," Areku replied, inching toward her gently. He fingered the delicate fabric of her blouse between his fingers, causing her to blush once more. "Now, did you want to pick up where we left off?" he asked, flashing a mischievous smile as he nudged the mattress back down to the floor with his foot. "And don't worry; I'll make sure the door is locked this time."