Snake's Birthday Problems
Chapter 1: Bills, Cakes, and Missing Friends
Disclaimer: I don't own MGS, or Solid Snake, or half the other stuff that appears in the damn story.
Snake sat in his living room. It was 3pm and he was bored out of his mind. He sat with an ashtray next to him on the table, which held a smoldering cigarette. It was his birthday, and he was expecting some people to come over and celebrate with him, but that was 3 hours ago.
"Where the hell are they?" he thought to himself.
"Raiden, Otacon, and Campbell love parties.
"What the hell could be taking them?"
To pass the time, he sat down at a desk in his basement to pay his bills. He came across his cable bill, and looked at how many porn shows he bought form Pay-Per-View.
"Those were some fun times." He said with a smirk as he remembered how 'Suzy the naughty cheerleader' striped butt naked on the screen.
He then saw the amount he had to pay.
"97.00 dollars! What the hell?" he yelled angrily.
He then saw how he hadn't paid last month, and now his bill was late, which added 20.00 dollars. But Snake, being the smart son of a bitch he was, called the cable company to try and hose the late charge off.
"Your name is Suzy?" Snake asked incredulously.
"Yes, now what is the problem?"
"Are you the one who got butt naked and screwed a carrot on the PPV show 'Tight Bras and See-Through Thongs?" Snake asked excitedly
"Um, no, that wasn't me. Now what's your problem?" she asked impatiently
"This late charge." He said in an innocent voice
"Um, you'll have to talk to my supervisor. Just a moment, I'll patch you through." She said
Snake stood there for 20 minuets listening to some piece of crap song played on a radio station you don't listen too. He finally was greeted.
"Hello, my name is Dan, supervisor of customer service, how can I help you?" Said a strange sounding man
"Um, I have a late charge on my bill, and I want to know why." Replied Snake, who was really lying.
"What's your name sir?" He asks
"David Pliskin" he replied.
"Ok Mr.Pliskin, you didn't make your payment last month." He said chuckling
"What the hell are you talking about, I made that damn payment." Snake said with rage growing in his voice
"DON'T YOU FUCKING SWEAR AT ME. NOW MAKETHE DAMN PAYMENT, OR I'LL CUT YOUR FUCKING CABLE, YOU FUCKING ASS." He said in a voice that sounded anything but pleasant, in fact it sounded like he had a dog biting his balls off, at least I think it did but thank God I don't know what that sounds like!
"NOW LET ME..." (click)
"Hello?" Snake called out.
'That son of a bitch' thought Snake.
He went from paying his bills to making plans to wipe out the Alaskan Cable Company, but quickly scraped the idea when he realized he would not have cable anymore if he did. He then called the bakery to see how his cake was going.
"Hello, I uh, ordered a cake from you over 2 hours ago, and I want to know where it is." Said Snake in a pissed off kind of voice.
"Uh, your Mr.Pliskin correct?" he asked in a extremely annoying voice
"Yes, so?" He questioned
"Well, lets see. Oh, it's not done." He said in a, um, well hard to explainable manner of speaking
"Why not?" Snake said even more pissed then he was before
"Because, were too fucking lazy to bake it, so come bake it your self if you want it so bad." He said in a sorta-Because, were too fucking lazy to bake it, so come bake it your self if you want it so badish Kind of voice. Then the baker then hung up the phone.
"He's so fucking dead. It may be one thing to swear at me, but to refuse to bake my birthday cake, that crosses the line." He thought as he got up, got his SOCOM, loaded it with a fresh clip, got into his car, and began driving to town.
Chapter 1: Bills, Cakes, and Missing Friends
Disclaimer: I don't own MGS, or Solid Snake, or half the other stuff that appears in the damn story.
Snake sat in his living room. It was 3pm and he was bored out of his mind. He sat with an ashtray next to him on the table, which held a smoldering cigarette. It was his birthday, and he was expecting some people to come over and celebrate with him, but that was 3 hours ago.
"Where the hell are they?" he thought to himself.
"Raiden, Otacon, and Campbell love parties.
"What the hell could be taking them?"
To pass the time, he sat down at a desk in his basement to pay his bills. He came across his cable bill, and looked at how many porn shows he bought form Pay-Per-View.
"Those were some fun times." He said with a smirk as he remembered how 'Suzy the naughty cheerleader' striped butt naked on the screen.
He then saw the amount he had to pay.
"97.00 dollars! What the hell?" he yelled angrily.
He then saw how he hadn't paid last month, and now his bill was late, which added 20.00 dollars. But Snake, being the smart son of a bitch he was, called the cable company to try and hose the late charge off.
"Your name is Suzy?" Snake asked incredulously.
"Yes, now what is the problem?"
"Are you the one who got butt naked and screwed a carrot on the PPV show 'Tight Bras and See-Through Thongs?" Snake asked excitedly
"Um, no, that wasn't me. Now what's your problem?" she asked impatiently
"This late charge." He said in an innocent voice
"Um, you'll have to talk to my supervisor. Just a moment, I'll patch you through." She said
Snake stood there for 20 minuets listening to some piece of crap song played on a radio station you don't listen too. He finally was greeted.
"Hello, my name is Dan, supervisor of customer service, how can I help you?" Said a strange sounding man
"Um, I have a late charge on my bill, and I want to know why." Replied Snake, who was really lying.
"What's your name sir?" He asks
"David Pliskin" he replied.
"Ok Mr.Pliskin, you didn't make your payment last month." He said chuckling
"What the hell are you talking about, I made that damn payment." Snake said with rage growing in his voice
"DON'T YOU FUCKING SWEAR AT ME. NOW MAKETHE DAMN PAYMENT, OR I'LL CUT YOUR FUCKING CABLE, YOU FUCKING ASS." He said in a voice that sounded anything but pleasant, in fact it sounded like he had a dog biting his balls off, at least I think it did but thank God I don't know what that sounds like!
"NOW LET ME..." (click)
"Hello?" Snake called out.
'That son of a bitch' thought Snake.
He went from paying his bills to making plans to wipe out the Alaskan Cable Company, but quickly scraped the idea when he realized he would not have cable anymore if he did. He then called the bakery to see how his cake was going.
"Hello, I uh, ordered a cake from you over 2 hours ago, and I want to know where it is." Said Snake in a pissed off kind of voice.
"Uh, your Mr.Pliskin correct?" he asked in a extremely annoying voice
"Yes, so?" He questioned
"Well, lets see. Oh, it's not done." He said in a, um, well hard to explainable manner of speaking
"Why not?" Snake said even more pissed then he was before
"Because, were too fucking lazy to bake it, so come bake it your self if you want it so bad." He said in a sorta-Because, were too fucking lazy to bake it, so come bake it your self if you want it so badish Kind of voice. Then the baker then hung up the phone.
"He's so fucking dead. It may be one thing to swear at me, but to refuse to bake my birthday cake, that crosses the line." He thought as he got up, got his SOCOM, loaded it with a fresh clip, got into his car, and began driving to town.