Prologue
Since the baby was born Carrie has been staying with her family. Her sister and dad are trying everything to ease the situation for her. But from the beginning she has been awfully stressed. For the slightest reason she would be freaking out. The screaming and crying are one side. The bigger cause for concern is her total lack of affection to her newborn. One day Quinn is showing up at her dad's place.
"Hi! Quinn. What's up?" she offers him to come in.
"Just wanted to visit you and baby Mathison" he replies with a smile. "You look great."
"Actually I'm looking like shit." She rolls with her eyes. "Want a coffee?"
"Yup. Where's the rest of the family? He is looking around.
"Maggie has gone to work. Dad has taken the chance to go to CVS while the baby is sleeping." She takes him to the kitchen.
"How is she?" Quinn watches her closely while she is preparing fresh coffee.
"Just doing fine. Sleeping, drinking, filling diapers that's her day."
"So, she is keeping you busy! I cannot imagine you changing a stinky diaper." He smiles at her. "No further resentments to motherhood then?"
She ignores his question and continues to prepare the coffee. But she cannot trick Quinn. He can feel her rising tension. But he knows it would be stupid to put pressure on her. So he just keeps watching her.
When she finally turns to hand over his coffee, her eyes are filled with tears.
He takes her hands not able to say a word. He keeps waiting until she bucks up.
"I cannot be her mother, Quinn. I can't. It's impossible."
"Cause?" he is asking still holding her hands.
"Cause I feel nothing, not the slightest thing. It is like she is not mine." She takes her hands out of his. "I am leaving to Istanbul in two weeks. It is all set up."
"You are giving up on her?" Quinn looks quite annoyed. "I thought, she is a child of love, your love with Brody. What would he have said to this if he had survived?"
"That would have changed everything." She states with utter conviction. "I would not have to make a decision between job or family. We would have left everything behind …"
"I doubt that." He interrupts her. "You would still struggle. You love your job; you are simply obsessed with it. And a vivid Brody would not have changed that."
"Fuck you Quinn. Are you telling me that I didn't love him?" Her face is now filling with rage.
"I think it wasn't a healthy love which would end in family." Unintentionally Quinn had entered a dangerous mine field.
"So it was a mad love? A meaningless obsession? Because I am just a fucking bipolar with a bad fucking taste?" She is yelling back at him. "So the child you had fathered is the result of a healthy love. Someone who is living in a glass house shouldn't throw with stones."
"I told you I fucked it up." He replies with increasing uneasiness. The conversation is not running in the right direction.
Carrie has not finished him yet. With the unmistakable instinct of a well-trained intelligence agent she finds his weak point. "What's your brilliant idea for my future then? You attend me to Istanbul, help me with the baby, show me the healthy way of love? It's that what you are dreaming of?"
She can tell by the way Quinn is biting his lips that she hits a mark. She knows it would be better to stop now. But the fury in Carrie Mathison exceeds all her cleverness. "For sure I don't want to end with an emotional cripple."
Strike. Her shot is on target.