*Found this on my computer. I wrote this story back in 2004, so maybe not my best work, but still I thought it was worth posting it *
*2016 UPDATE: Just a few tweeks here and there*
Disclaimer: Stargate and its characters don't belong to me. This story has been written for fun only, not for money.
Spoilers: Heroes II, The Lost City I and II, and I think that's it. Mainly season 7 spoilers.
Summary: It's been three months since Jack had been frozen in Antarctica and Sam can't handle it anymore.
Context: This fic was written just after TLC aired, so none of the things that happened in New Order (or any episode of season 8) is considered in this story. So here is the context: General Hammond is still in command of the SGC, this fic takes place three months after O'Neill was frozen in Antarctica in The Lost City and Pete is not in the picture.
Feedback: I always love to have feedbacks on my work so I can improve my writing. Any advice, constructive comments and suggestions are welcomed. thanks!
Enjoy!
The Lost City - Aftermath
by musical-Aven
"Close the iris!" Carter shouted, the second the team, or what was left of it, stepped through the gate.
Hammond rushed into the gateroom and was surprised to see his team so…disappointed.
"We failed, sir. It was an ambush. There were thousands of them. We didn't stand a chance." Exhaled the leader.
Hammond nodded.
"Report to the infirmary. We'll debrief in twenty minutes."
"But sir! The people of this planet are in danger! We have to go back!" Carter argued.
"You said it yourself, major, there are thousands of them out there waiting for your return. I won't send my people into an ambush." Said the General.
Seeing that Sam was about to argue, he added:
"I've learned my lesson with Doctor Fraiser's death."
But Sam didn't stop.
"With all due respect, General, you can't condemn these people because you're afraid for us. We all know the risks of our work and-"
"Major, my decision has been made. We're going to debrief after your visit to the infirmary and then we'll decide to send a MALP through or wait. Is that clear?" Hammond ordered.
Sam stared at the general for a few seconds, said a perfect «yes sir» and stormed out of the room. Carter was definitely angry. In fact, she had been for the last couple of months. Always pushing and burying herself in her work, she became more impatient than she used to be. It was obvious to everyone on the base; Samantha Carter was feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for leaving him there. And not being able to do anything to save him was making her go crazy.
Daniel, who had been silent until now, stepped forward and tried to excuse her behavior. He said sadly:
"She just doesn't want to leave people behind again, sir."
"I know, Doctor. I know."
Sam sat in the lockers' room, crying. For the last few months, this room had been her refuge, the place where she could let go. Let go of the strong soldier mask she had to wear and then let out her emotions. It was dark, quiet and ironically comforting. It had been three months now since they left him. And she was so angry. Angry at herself, of course, for not having been smart enough to save him, but also angry at their «so-called» allies for not showing up. Even three months after the event, they hadn't even called yet. The mission today had been terrible. She had to make the choice of leaving these people to die in the hands of the Goa'uld, like she had to make the decision to leave the colonel by himself in that thing, as he called it.
Everyone kept telling her that she made the right decisions, but she couldn't help herself. The same two words kept flashing in her mind whatever she did: «What if». After her mother's death, her father had taught her to never wonder about the «what if»'s or the «what would have been»'s to mourn deaths. Unfortunately, these questions kept torturing her and bringing back his lost. She missed him. She missed him more than she thought she could miss someone in her life. She needed him to tell a joke or just hold her to comfort her. Sam got up and shook herself. «I have to regain control of myself. I have to think about anything else or I'll go crazy.» Sam thought. She dried her tears and went to her lab.
She tried to work but each time someone walked in the corridor, her head snapped up ready to see the colonel walk in. After ten minutes of disappointment and hurt, she sat down and closed her eyes. As much as she tried not to, Sam only saw images of her colonel. Off world in a battlefield, in the cafeteria joking, smiling at her with those eyes…The ghost of the smile that had come on her lips disappeared as tears came running down her cheeks. Desperate, she whispered: «God…I need you so much…». Several minutes later, she suddenly raised her head and got up. She knew what she had to do. She needed to see him, to feel him close…and that's what she was going to do.
Daniel was walking towards his lab after eating a…what was it again? He didn't remember. In fact, he didn't really care. He was hungry, so he ate whatever he found first. As he approached his lab, a very agitated Carter ran into him.
"Sam! Sorry, I didn't-"
"No, it's my fault, sorry, Daniel."
And she began to walk away. Daniel realized that she was wearing her civvies and had a provision bag on her shoulder and that she was heading towards the elevators.
"Where are you going? We have to meet Hammond in half an hour!" He asked from behind.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I just can't stand it anymore."
She stepped into the elevators and pressed a button.
"Sam, what are you going to do?" Daniel asked, concerned for his friend.
"I have to feel him close, Daniel. Tell Hammond I'm sorry."
And with that, she was gone.
"It's been 10 hours now, Doctor. I have to report the desertion of Major Carter to the Air Force after 24 hours. I'm going to send people to look for her and bring her back in here ASAP." Said the General.
"She told me that she needed to feel his presence, sir. I think we should look at Jack's house and cabin, her house and the places we used to go with Jack, like O'Malley's" Daniel suggested.
"Alright. You go to O'Neill's house and cabin with Teal'c. I'll make up a list of where we could find her and send people there. Good luck, son."
"Thank you, sir. You too."
The trip had been painfully long, but she was finally there. Carter turned to thank the pilot and walked towards the entrance. The helicopter disappeared into the white desert. Sam slipped into the hole carefully with her bag. Once she was in the underground rooms, she turned off the cameras that had been installed there to look for any kind of activities. She needed to be alone, not to be watch by cameras! For a few minutes, she just stood in the middle of the room, enjoying the silence. Then she opened her eyes and finally felt him. She let her senses guide her to him. He was still there, frozen. Sam approached Jack and stood before him. Her eyes met his and her hand reached out to meet the glass. She murmured sadly:
"I'm here…I'm so sorry I left…I shouldn't have…and I won't anymore, I promise…"
And she cried. During long hours, she simply cried. Cried for him, for their lives, for the millions of lives they weren't or wouldn't be able to save. She simply broke down.
Sam woke at the sound of her stomach which was reclaiming food. She hadn't been eating well since the Colonel had done the stupid thing to download the Asgard knowledge in his brain. Hell, she hadn't been eating well since Janet died! Carter got up from the floor and looked at the cryogenic thing the Colonel was frozen in. Her reflection showed a puffy eyed lonely woman. Tears appeared in Sam's eyes as she looked at the Colonel's face. It showed resignation. He accepted his fate. A flash of anger crossed Sam's eyes. She wasn't accepting the fact that he just gave up the hope to survive! Jack O'Neill didn't give up. And she wasn't going to let him down. She wasn't going to let him die. Carter went to her bag, took something to eat and returned to the tub that kept O'Neill alive. She worked on it non-stop to learn how the thing was built and how eventually get him out of it without the Asgard knowledge in his brain. Since it would take her more than a day to collect all the information she needed, she started talking to him to keep her from going insane.
"Sir, you have a call from Area 51."
"Thank you, airman."
General Hammond picked up the phone and silently told Daniel and Teal'c to wait a moment.
"Hammond…Yes, lieutenant…you're sure?…thank you…no, don't send anyone, we'll handle it."
At the puzzled look of Daniel and Teal'c, the general answered their unspoken question.
"As you know, Area 51 has been watching for any movement in the cave in Antarctica by cameras. A few hours ago, they saw Major Carter shutting off these cameras. She only left the outside cameras on."
"Of course! She wanted to be with Jack, that's where she went!" Daniel exclaimed.
"I request the permission to go and bring back Major Carter." Teal'c asked.
"Hum, General, I think we should give her some time. She's been awful since the whole incident with Jack, it'll just be great for her to be alone for a while." Daniel said.
"I agree, Doctor Jackson. That's why I told the lieutenant that we would handle the situation. I'll give Major Carter a few days, then, we'll bring her back. Dismissed."
Sam was wipping her tears for the billion time as a white beam appeared at her left. Reaching for her gun, she stopped realizing who her visitor was.
"You, bastard! I wanna know exactly what was so important for not being able to at least send a message to us!" she said, getting up.
"I am sorry, Major Carter. The Asgard had been in great trouble and we apologize for making O'Neill wait." Said the tiny alien.
Sam took a moment to compose herself before speaking.
"I just hope for you that it's not too late, because I don't know what I will do if-"
"Do not worry, Major Carter. We knew that O'Neill was in no imminent danger."
"What do you mean, no imminent danger?"
"The cryogenic tub O'Neill is in keeps him alive and stops the Ancients' knowledge to expend in his brain. Of course, the tub does not last forever, but we knew that we had a little time before its effects ended." Thor explained.
"You knew this technology?"
"We discovered it not long ago and weren't able to inform you. Please accept our apologies."
"You didn't have five minutes to send us a message?"
"As I said, the Asgard experienced some major problems in the last few months."
Sam gave up arguing and sighed.
"I don't care. As long as you get him out of this thing alive."
"Do not worry, you will see O'Neill alive and well soon."
Sam didn't respond. She only nodded and looked at Jack.
Hammond had called a briefing to plan the trip to Antarctica to retrieve Major Carter. Daniel and Teal'c were sitting in silence when the General walked in.
"Alright, I called the President to explain the situation and to convince him that Major Carter doesn't need to be court-martialed when she returns. The helicopter will arrive at 1500 this afternoon. Be sure you're ready."
The man stood up and left.
"I brought the device to retrieve the Ancient's knowledge from O'Neill's brain when he will be defrozen."
"Good…" said Sam absently.
Thor transported the device. They laid down the tub in it and put the Colonel through the procedure. Sam sat down at the side. Thor said that the procedure would take many hours and said that he would inform general Hammond. Sam found herself alone and thought about the time when Jack would be awake. She couldn't believe that he would be defrozen in a few hours. Thor's news had been a complete relief and she couldn't wait for Jack to wake up. Still, one thing worried her: What will she tell him when he wakes up? Will she be able to control her emotions in front of him?
"Greetings, General Hammond." Said Thor, appearing in his usual light.
"Thor! It's good to see you. Colonel O'Neill needs your help ASAP!"
"Yes, I know. I just returned from Antarctica. I put Colonel O'Neill trough a treatment with the help of Major Carter. It will take a few hours because of his long-term freezing, but he will be fine."
"You spoke with Sam?" Daniel asked, relieved that Jack would be alright.
"Yes. Though I was surprised to see her at O'Neill's side, since there wasn't anything to do for him…" the alien said.
"Yeah, well…she was trying to deal with the situation…"
Sam woke up with the sound of the alien machine when it turned itself off. She approached the machine and tried to figure out what to do next, but Thor appeared at her left.
"The procedure is completed." He stated.
The device disappeared and Sam placed the Colonel on her sleeping bag.
"What now?"
"We must wait for him to wake."
"That's it?"
"Yes. I just saw General Hammond and informed him of the situation. He will arrive in an hour to retrieve Colonel O'Neill and yourself and take you back to the SGC."
"Why can't you beam us up and down?"
"The Colonel doesn't need to be surrounded by alien technology right now. He needs to be reintegrated in his world with no alien around him. So I will leave now, before he wakes up."
"Wait! Th-"
But the little gray man had already left. Sam turned and looked at Jack for a couple of minutes. She sat down beside him and waited. Fifteen minutes later, O'Neill began to stir and fought to open his eyes. Sam sat straight and put her hand on his arm to let him know that she was there and to tell him to not be afraid. Once he focused on her, she began to speak.
"Sir, can you understand me?"
After a long pause, he nodded.
"Good. Can you speak?"
Jack opened and closed his mouth several times and finally succeeded to find his voice.
"You…look awful."
Sam smiled, the first real smile since a couple of months. He was back. And it was so good.
"Thanks. How are you feeling?"
O'Neill seemed to consider the question before answering.
"Tired…headache…what happened?" He asked tiredly.
"You had the Asgard knowledge downloaded into your mind. You led us to a planet to retrieve a device and then we returned to Antarctica in this cave to save our world. But then we couldn't find a way to take out the knowledge from your brain and the damn Asgard wouldn't show up, and you were dying. And you asked that we put you in the cryogenic tub. So we did. And…and we left for three months…finally, Thor came and offered a solution for you…and here we are."
Sam had related the events without taking her breath. She was angry at how things happened in the beginning. She should have been able to save him. She should have given the order that someone stayed with Jack. She shouldn't have had let someone behind. She looked at him and saw that he had been listening to her and watching her with a weird expression on his face.
"Sorry, sir. I know I'm babbling, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's good to hear something else than silence."
She nodded and reprimanded herself again for leaving him alone. Jack continued.
"Althought I felt like I was alone here at the beginning, at the end, I wasn't feeling as lonely. I guess I got used to it." He said quietly with a questioned face.
"Uh, yeah…well, you weren't. I mean, you weren't alone at the end. I've, uh, been here for almost a week now."
Sam lowered her eyes. She would have to tell him everything. And that made her uncomfortable.
"It took that long to defreeze me?"
"Uh, no. It took only two hours."
"And you were here for a week?"
"Yeah."
"I don't understand. What were you doing here? Research on the thing that kept me alive?"
"Not exactly…I…I needed to go away."
"Go away." He stated, waiting for an explanation.
"Yes sir."
He waited a little more to see if she would explain. When she wouldn't look at him nor answer his unspoken question, he exclaimed:
"Carter!"
"I just couldn't stand it anymore! Their looks of pity on their faces! And the Asgard that wouldn't show up! Each second that passed, we thought it was decreasing the chance of saving you. And on top of that, I couldn't find how the tub worked! The General tried to send us on a mission but I couldn't lead the team right! All I thought about was 'what did I miss on the tub', the first thing I asked when we returned home was if Thor called! I couldn't take it anymore. I just left. Not even said a word to Hammond," she said with a pathetic laugh. "I deserted! Do you realize that? I deserted! I've been a bad soldier and a bad officer, if not the worse! I just couldn't set my mind to work. We left you behind and we don't do that! I couldn't go on without you…"
Her eyes had filled themselves with tears she refused to let go. Jack saw her distress and took her hand in his. Finally, she murmured:
"I'm sorry, sir. I know I'm deceiving you…"
"Now, stop apologizing, Sam. You're not a bad officer, you're the best 2IC I ever had. And you will have to continue and lead the team as well as I know you can do. Your emotions should stay home while on missions and I've never seen you do otherwise…well, almost never…"
"I know, I don't know what happened to me."
"Don't worry, it'll be okay."
He squeezed her hand to comfort her and smiled. She smiled back and calmed herself. Suddenly, Jack spoke again.
"I can't believe you deserted, though."
"Yeah, me either." Sam said with a little laugh.
She would think about her career later, right now, she was concentrating on Jack. They stayed silent for a while and Sam finally spoke up.
"You should sleep now. General Hammond will arrive in less than 30 minutes."
"You should too. You look awful, Carter."
She smiled.
"You said that before. Don't worry, I'm fine."
"Common, just lay down. Where's your bed?"
"You're on it, sir." She said.
"Ah. I don't mind sharing!" he said, with his innocent look.
Sam smiled again. She missed that. Jack opened the cover for her to come in. She hesitated for a moment, but finally gave in. She slipped in with him and put her arm on his chest and her head on his shoulder. Jack pulled her to him by putting his arm around her waist. They sighed in contentment and just enjoyed the other's presence. After a few moments, Sam asked.
"Sir?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I tell you something probably way out of line?"
"Sure." He answered, curious.
She spoke in a quiet, almost ashamed, voice.
"I missed you. I missed you more than I thought possible, Jack. And it freaked me out." She said, without looking at him.
Jack was surprised by her revelation. Of course, he knew the feeling she experienced but he didn't know it could be reciprocated. He pulled her to him to be sure she wasn't a dream and to comfort her.
"I know."
Was all he could say. He was thinking about what she said to him earlier, the way she acted when he was lost and wonder what she would do if, or when, he would die. He couldn't have that effect on her, could he? He couldn't hold her sanity, her reason. He certainly wouldn't let himself have that power.
"Sam, promise me something. Promise me that, whatever bad happens to me from now on, you won't stop living your life, you won't quit your job, you won't shut yourself from the world, because of it. I'm not worth it."
Sam, hearing his words and succumbing to the stress, silent tears started to fall from the corners of her eyes. She whispered:
"You're worth everything, Jack."
Unfortunately, the Colonel didn't hear her and asked:
"What?"
Sam cleared her throat and said:
"I can't promise you that."
"Why not?"
She sat up straight and began to speak.
"Because as much as…as much as I tried not to care…not to care that way…I can't help it! I love you, Jack. I'm hopelessly in love with you and it's so hard not to-"
She stopped herself before saying more and tried to swallow her tears, failing. Jack murmured:
"I know."
And, as much as it hurt, he sat up and pulled her into his arms. He hugged her, cramming his face in her neck. She cried and clutched at him as if life depended in it.
"See? I'm not a good soldier, a good soldier doesn't fall in love with her CO."
Jack let go of her and erased her tears with his thumb. He looked into her eyes and said:
"Then, I'm not a good soldier, either, 'cause I fell in love with my second in command."
Sam stared at him with tears in her eyes. She was shocked at his openness. She couldn't believe he said that.
"We make quite a pair, don't we?"
"I think we're great!" Jack said.
"Really!" Sam said with a sarcastic laugh.
Jack took her chin and made her look at him in the eyes.
"Really." He said seriously.
Sam's eyes filled with more tears and she rolled her eyes at her sensitivity.
"It's just…it's so hard to deal with our emotions what we should or shouldn't feel. I'm tired of trying to control my feelings, I'm so mixed up…"
"Then, I'll put things straight for you: we stop thinking about how we should feel, and we just act!" said Jack, in a comforting voice.
"Yeah right…sounds easier said than done!"
"Well, I wouldn't have problems to act on my feelings, would you?" Jack said, with his sweet smile.
Sam smiled a little and replied:
"That's not what meant. We can't let our emotions disturb our work, because 'what we do is so more important than us'. I know all of that, but it's just so…"
"Hard?"
"Yes"
"Unfair?"
"Yes!"
"Beautiful?"
"Y-what?"
"You are." He said, lovingly.
Carter looked at him for a moment and sighed to calm herself.
"You should sleep now. Hammond will arrive soon and I want you to be strong for the helo trip." Sam said.
"I'm fine."
"Jack, sleep, that's an order."
"Giving orders in bed? I love that!" he smirked.
"Jack…" Sam said, warning him.
"Okay, I'll sleep. But you have to sleep too."
"I can't. The General will arrive any minutes now."
"Sam, you need to sleep."
"I'll sleep later."
"I think you've been saying that too often in the last three months. Come on, lie down."
Sam sighed, looked at Jack and lay down with him. Sam's head returned on his shoulder and her arm on his chest, and Jack's arm went around her. He felt safe with her body at his side. He was so grateful for what she had done for him and also for loving him. Now that they agreed about their future actions towards their feelings, he would do anything to make her the happiest woman in the galaxy. Tiredly, he said:
"Sam?"
"hmmm?"
"Thanks, for everything."
Sam turned her head to look at him. She returned his smile and answered:
"My pleasure."
She replaced her head and Jack kissed the top of it.
The helicopter landed on the ice and three men stepped out of it, walking toward the entrance of the cave. After searching a little bit in the cave, they finally found their friends, sleeping in each other's arms.
"Well, they seem fine." Daniel stated.
"Yes, but unfortunately, we have to take them back to the SGC. Teal'c, wake them up, we'll bring the stretcher for the Colonel."
"That won't be necessary, General."
"Hey, Jack! How're you doing?" asked Daniel.
"Tired."
"That's understandable. Can you walk?" asked the General.
"Yeah, but I don't know about Carter, sir. She hasn't eaten or slept in days. Even if she won't admit it, she's pretty weak."
"She wouldn't stop working and trying to save you even if I ordered her to take a break."
"That's Carter…so, we saved the world again, huh?" asked Jack.
"Kinda." Replied Daniel.
"We are glad to see you are alright, O'Neill." said Teal'c.
"Yeah, thanks. I'm glad to be back too."
At this moment, Sam moved a little.
"Son, we have to go soon. She can sleep at home."
"Yes sir." Answered Jack, even if he didn't want to wake her.
His friends left them and Jack began to wake Carter up. When she opened her eyes, the first thing Sam saw was Jack's face. That was something she had always dreamed of. She smiled.
"Hey, sleepyhead. Time to go home."
Sam lost her smile for a few seconds. She would have to face them…
"Hammond's here?"
"Yep. They're waiting for us."
"They?"
"Daniel and Teal'c are also here."
"Oh…"
Sam sat straight and helped Jack do the same. After a great effort on their part, Sam and Jack were standing, supporting each other.
"You okay?" asked O'Neill.
"Yeah, you?"
"Never been better." He said, grimacing in pain.
Sam laughed at him. Jack watched her and was curious to know why she was laughing.
"What?"
"Just missed your sarcasm. Missed you."
They looked at each other for a moment and finally walked toward the entrance together. But just before they rejoined the others, Jack stopped.
"What's wrong?" asked Sam.
"Before we go out there, I want to tell you something, Sam. I meant every word I said to you."
"Jack, this isn't-"
"I've decided to retire so we can be together because I love you. I always did and always will."
Sam's eyes began to fill with tears of joy, but also of sadness. She didn't want him to give his job nor his career for her.
"Don't cry, please, Sam."
"I'm sorry…I meant every word I said too, Jack. And I do want to be with you, but I don't want you to retire-"
"My decision is made. It's worth it."
He took her chin and made eye-contact with her. He reached for his pocket and said:
"Samantha Carter, would you honour me and become my wife?"
Sam stayed stunned. She lowered her eyes to see the beautiful ring Jack had in his hand.
"When did you get that?" she asked quietly.
"I always had it with me. I wanted to propose you before I went ancient, but when I saw no opportunities of survival, I decided it would be less painful for you that way."
"Oh my god…" whispered Sam.
"So?" asked Jack, a little bit scared.
"Um, can it wait until we get back home, sir?"
Jack was surprised by her response. Did he push her too far? Did he misinterpret her intentions?
"Yeah…sure…" he said, disappointed and surprised.
"Thanks."
They returned to the SGC without a word. Jack and Sam in their own thoughts.
Sam had been completely taken off guard with Jack's proposal. She hadn't responded yet because she wasn't sure that she wanted him to give up everything only to marry her. If they only had a relationship, they could keep it quiet and out of the base, but with a ring (gorgeous ring) on her finger, it wouldn't be that easy.
That's why, after she was ordered to leave the infirmary, she made her way to the General's office. She talked to him about their feelings and that she was ready to resign if her request was denied. She explained to him that, even as a civilian, she could still work in the SGC, unlike O'Neill if he resigned.
That's when the General took out the letter of the President that allowed a personal relationship between her and the Colonel. She was surprised to learn that, the request had been made three months ago, by Colonel Jack O'Neill.
Without any second thoughts, she hugged the General and rushed to the infirmary.
Jack woke up in an infirmary bed of the SGC. As he was about to sit up, when an unfamiliar doctor stopped him.
"Stay still, Colonel!"
"What happened?"
"You were exhausted by the flight back. You've been asleep for over 20 hours."
"Carter?"
"Major Carter is alright. She spent almost all the time here with you, but I finally had no choice but to order her to go eat something and take a walk. She came back an hour ago and, since I told her she couldn't stay here, she gave me this. She also asked me to tell you that she's sorry for the way she acted earlier."
The doctor gave him a folded piece of paper and left. O'Neill unfolded the note and smiled at the nine words that Sam had written.
' I would be honoured to accept your offer.'
Yep, he was the luckiest man in the galaxy.
The End
Hope you enjoyed! :)
Copyright musical-Aven 2010