Home to the Criminally Insane
By: Arch Fox
Chapter 1
He was a squat little man, not all too different from a dwarf… he wore a fine purple and blue suit with a giant top hat. I'd seen his face a dozen times before. Him, and the other two riding on the bus.
He turned to the person sitting on his right, a tall man in a business suit, with his face split down the middle, one side a demon, the other gentlemen.
"You know I've been thinking," said the mad hatter to him. "Since the right side of your brain controls your left, and the left side of your brain controls your right… your good and bad faces are in the wrong places, and try as you might… you'll always be contrawise, a flipside backwards ass. Since these two Harvey Dents don't make sense and…"
"Shut up…" rasped Harvey. His voice was cold and hard. The mad hatter frowned and crossed his arms. He looked my way and a smile played across his lips.
"Young maiden so fair, with short yellow hair, no reason should you be with us… you look scared to death and might I address…"
"Riddles and rhymes all in good time," interrupted the man sitting to my left. He was dressed completely in green, with a dark green question mark on the front of his suit.
I used the balls of my feet to turn myself away from all of them, tucking my knees up to my chest, hugging them close, barely keeping them there as the chains attached to the floor of the bus held taunt at its limit on my ankles. This was a bad dream.
"Our little friend in the tall hat does pose an interesting riddle sweet lady… villain or nut, why would you be speeding with us to our castle psychotic?"
I kept mum's silence.
Harvey looked with his bulging yellow eye at the man in green, slight annoyance on his face. "Hey Nigma, what does that question mark stand for anyway? Sexual Identity?"
The man in green smirked. His eyes met mine and I quickly turned away. There was a rattle of chains as the shackles on my ankles and hands recoiled with my movement.
"There's no need to answer if you don't like sweet lady… But please don't mind if I play a little guessing game."
I looked up and found his eyes again, he had one leg crossed over the other and his hands resting on his knee. He looked rather comfortable, and if not for the shackles, no different then any man riding the bus to work in the morning.
"Short blonde hair, green eyes, average build. Not too tall, not too small. You live alone, and have for a while. You work hard, barely make ends meet. You're unlucky in love , but not completely foreign to it. You've been crying the last two days straight and were probably picked up by Gotham's finest without expecting to be. That makes me think you're innocent, or at least you believe you are. I don't see anything that might give away some hidden persona or psychosis… and if you don't have one… I don't see why you're on this bus with us."
My knees slipped off the bench in surprise, and I scrambled to hug them back to my chest. He couldn't have nailed it any closer if I'd told him everything about me myself. And he was right, I didn't belong on this bus.
"Looks like you're on the highway to hell doll," Harvey said. I quivered ever time he talked. He had a voice like a mac-truck and I could barely believe he and the other two were talking to me. To them, I must seem an ant; these men who are the titans of crimes, famous the world over.
I did my best to ignore them and not piss myself in fear. I turned and looked out my own window and read the words on the stone pillars flanking the gates as we passed through. "Arkham Asylum, home for the Criminally Insane." The pit of my stomach dropped to the floor somewhere amongst the chains.
I didn't see where they came from or really what they looked like as men hurried onto the bus. All I saw were electro sticks and shotguns. Men in riot gear and huge orderlies in white coats waiting outside.
"Welcome to summer camp," said a brawny black guard. There was a small gap between his teeth and he had a nightstick which he rapped into an open hand as he walked the length of the bus. "Looks like we have some returning campers. Harvey Dent, Jervis Tetch, and Edward Nigma… nice to see you boys again. We sure did miss you." The guard spied me and his eyebrow raised as high as the question mark on the Riddler's green spandex. "A little mouse stow away on the bus?"
"The cat has her tongue I'm afraid," said the riddler. The guard shrugged and motioned outside. The other three were pushed and shoved off the bus, but a female orderly came and got me. One look told her that I wouldn't need to be shoved. I walked out in a slump, head down not wanting to look at the black castle we were walking into.
My guard didn't say a word. She brought me into a white room, searched me, and had me strip. I left in a new orange jumpsuit. She passed me onto another guard. This one was black, and had her hair tied up in a neat poof behind her hat. "Follow me to the women's ward," she said. She wasn't as emotionless as the guard who'd searched me, maybe she even felt a little sorry for me.
We passed through two gates, two check-ins, innumerable guards, a courtyard and finally… the first cell block. We had to walk through the low profile men's corridor to get to the women's. No sooner had I taken one step into the stone hallway, than inmates crowded the big glass panes of the cells, eyeing me and giving an approving whistle.
"I smell a bitch in heat!" "I want me a piece of that!" "Hey Trisha, why don't you bring your new tail over to my cell!"
The guard noticed my pained expression and shrugged. "Don't listen to them honey… They wouldn't know a real woman if one came and sat on their face… besides the boys whistling aren't the ones you want to worry about."
As she said it, I could see what she meant. The men not whistling were much… much worse… They just looked at me with hungry eyes. Eyes that undressed me, eyes that assaulted me… eyes that did things to me I couldn't describe. It made my skin crawl.
We went through another security lock and I found myself in an identical hallway which was the women's ward. I didn't get cat calls here, the girls seemed not too find me as attractive. They were two to a cell, and some I recognized, some I didn't.
A beautiful red head was tending to a few potted herbs, while her cellmate was curled up on the top bunk of their bed… I can't really tell what her cell mate was, all I saw were two eyes in the darkness… inhuman eyes.
The next cell had a blonde with her hair in pigtails and a big smile on her face. She was hanging off the top bunk upside down, so that her pigtails were falling away from her towards the floor.
"Awww little mouse get lost and end up with the killers?" asked her roommate, another red head, only with very short cropped hair. The girl behind her back flipped off the bed and joined her at the glass.
"New inmate, haven't read her file yet. I'm sure you can ask later Roxanne."
"Who's she staying with?" red asked again.
"She's going to be with Mary."
Both girl's looked at each other and then suddenly burst out laughing. As we walked past, I found the courage to speak for the first time since I'd heard my sentencing.
"What's wrong with Mary?" I asked in soft voice.
She looked at me over her shoulder and gave a shrug. "Not as much as what was wrong with the last two. She's the model inmate on the block… for the most part. For someone like you, we thought it best for her sake and yours that we pair you up."
"What's wrong with me?" I asked in the same soft voice.
"You got sent to Arkham. That's what's wrong."
We arrived at the last cell on the block. The room was just like the others, except that instead of the drab dark bed covers the other rooms had, the bottom bunk of this room was bright pink and a little girl sat on it in an overly elaborate party dress, combing the hair on a little dolly.
The guard noticed my surprised expression. "We allow comfort items for good behavior, and sometimes as part of therapy. Mary here is a model inmate and she's been allowed a few things."
The little girl looked up from her doll and gave a sweet smile as I was let into the cell. As innocent as she looked, I knew she was here for a reason.
"Hi, what's your name?" she asked in a childish voice.
The guard left us, and I stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room. "April," I said.
"Ooo tat's pretty. I'm Mary Louise Dahl!"
Her name rang a bell, but I couldn't figure out why. The young girl patted a spot on the pink covers next to her. I slowly and cautiously took a seat. She went back to combing the dolls hair.
"What'dja do?" she asked.
"Nothing… I mean… I didn't mean to do anything," I said feeling a small tear well up in my eye. I forced myself to say what I'd been told I'd done. "I… I killed a cop."
"Only one?" she giggled. I looked at her horrified. "I was only kidding…"
I folded my hands nervously in my lap. "What… what did you do?" I asked.
"Oh I killed three people," she said nonchalantly. I gasped and inched away from her.
"But… but… you're just a child."
Mary sighed aloud and stopped combing the doll's hair. Her shoulders slumped a little and she stared at the wall. "I look six, but I'm actually 28. I suffer from a disease called systemic hypoplasia. I stopped ageing when I turned six."
"…Baby doll…" I said recalling the headline.
"Oh so you've heard of me?" she said turning my way. Her voice was different, the innocent wonder in her tone had disappeared so that I knew I was talking to an adult. I slowly nodded my head.
The innocence returned and she started combing the doll's hair once again. "Yup, that's me!"
We sat in silence for a moment. I got up and did my best to climb onto the top bunk. There's wasn't a ladder and I had to try and hop up there using Mary's bed as a footing.
"Nap time?" she asked from below. I didn't reply, I just sank my head into the pillow. I hadn't slept for more then a day. "You'll feel better after a nap April."
Sleep must have taken me, for the next thing I knew, the door to our cell was open and an orderly had wheeled in a stretcher. Mary was laid out with her dress pulled up as the orderly was busy getting things from the undercarriage.
I slowly rose in bed and noticed that I had a pacifier in mouth. I quickly spit it out and Mary and the orderly looked up at me in surprise as it hit the ground.
"Hey sleepy head!" Mary said. She looked at the pacifier on the ground and at my surprised expression. "I thought it would help you sleep better," she said. "It always helps me."
The orderly gave her a gentle slap on the wrist. "Stop that Mary, don't be putting things that have been in your mouth in hers."
I started gagging slightly and Mary giggled. The orderly stood up with a bundle of things in her arm. She set them down and I noticed for the first time that my cellmate was in a diaper. The orderly didn't seem to mind. She untapped Mary's wet diaper, wiped her clean, powdered her and put another diaper on.
"Okay, all clean Mary. You both want lunch?" she asked. Mary nodded enthusiastically. I was too dumbstruck to answer. The orderly looked my way. "April Bennette is it?"
I slowly nodded.
"Would you like to take your meal in the cafeteria?"
"Yes she would!" replied Mary who hopped off the stretcher and crinkle walked up to the bed. She reached her little hand up, hoping for me to hop down. In something of a daze, I turned and put my feet over the side, landing a little unsteadily and a little heavy with sleep.
"Okay, follow me," said the orderly. She led us out into the hallway where a guard with a baton was waiting. Mary grabbed my hand and started to skip down the hallway, I tugged my hand away nervously and she looked at me questioningly, but shrugged and skipped ahead. I noticed the motion made her dress fly up and reveal to anyone who cared to look that she was indeed diapered.
The other cells on the block were empty. I guess everyone got to meet together for lunch. Our walk didn't last long, we turned a corner, went through another security gate and came into the cafeteria. It was dank and a bit dismal, but somehow brightened by the colorful people who filled it. The men and the women of Arkham were joined, sitting here and their or in their own little clichés. Right here in one room were the scariest people ever to walk god's green earth.
The women were outnumbered 10/1 by the men. I could only count about 6 women, but plenty of 'hungry' men.
"Don't get too scared girly. Wouldn't want you wetting yourself like your roommate."
I turned to see the girl with the short red hair who'd laughed at me earlier.
"You don't look coocoo in the coconuts. Why'ya here?"
I looked down nervously at my feet and tried to shuffle past to get food. They hadn't fed me since before trial yesterday. Red grabbed my arm.
"Bit of friendly advice girly. That innocent and scared routine isn't going to help you. It's only going to invite more trouble, especially from some of the worst sort on the men's side. They prey on people like you, in ways you don't want to imagine."
I wasn't sure what to say. I wretched my arm away and gave red a little shove. She smirked "That's a start."
We got in line to get our food. "My name's Roxanne Sutton," she said taking a trey.
"I'm April."
"And those boys will make you March May June and July if you don't get a back bone," Roxanne reached for silverware but a guard at the line slapped her hand when she did.
"Nice try Roxy, you know you're not allowed."
Roxanne stuck her tongue out at the guard as he handed her a plastic spork. "Idiot," she said as they'd passed him. "Not like I can't steal a real fork and knife from other inmates at the table."
I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
She smiled. "Suicide watch," she said with a laugh. One of the big inmates with the sleeves ripped off his uniform spooned some slop on her tray with an ice cream scooper. "They think I'll try to kill myself with a fork and knife. Gak… what a boring way to go." She left the line, and I followed when I had my portion.
Roxanne headed to the table that Mary was already sitting at along with long haired red and… and a cheetah?
"Ladies, I'd like you too meet April."
"She's my new roommate!" Mary said happily, motioning for me to sit next to her. I cautiously sat down, keeping my eyes on the tray and not wanting to look at any of them in the eyes.
"So Mary, what's her story? She hasn't said much," Roxanne said sitting down opposite me.
"Cop killer," she said with a mouth full of food.
"That's not very interesting… where's the twist? Where's the Arkham ticket? Did you seduce cops and kill them with a spork?" Roxanne asked holding up the spork so I could see it. I shuddered and looked back at my tray.
Mary shook her head and giggled. "I don't think she's that bad."
"Then why is she here?" Asked the lady with long red hair.
"Oh let me introduce everyone else!" Mary exclaimed, tipping my chin up with her finger. "This is Pamela but she's best known as 'Poison Ivy'," she said poking at the lady with long red hair. She gave me a forced smile and tried to look pleasant. Mary pointed to the cheetah, or rather… the cheetah woman… because while she had the head of a cheetah and her body was covered in fur, she was still human shaped. "This is Dr. Barbara Minerva, but everyone just calls her 'Cheetah'."
"Or pussy," Roxanne said quietly. Dr. Minerva let out a low feline growl and raised her paw, letting out four claws about an inch and a half long.
"And I think you've already met 'Roxy Rocket'," Mary said completing the introductions.
"Hey kiddos!" came a happy voice somewhere behind me. I turned and suddenly felt my blood run cold. I even noticed Mary and Pamela start to tense up.
A long gaunt man in his asylum orange walked up to our table with a girl on his arm. He was smiling like the cat who had a canary behind its teeth. It was an unnatural smile… a hideous smile… one that was centered on a face with skin as white as snow and hair as green pine.
"Another songbird for the cage!" he said. "I wonder what tune you sang to land in here hahaha."
I can't describe what it felt like to be sitting before him. His laugh tickled your danger centers, like the cocking of a gun. It felt like being in the presence of the devil himself, Gotham's crown prince of crime…. The Joker.
"Awfully quiet bird isn't she?" he said to his girl.
"Well Mr. J, if this mocking bird don't sing…" she began in sing song voice. I flinched and started to brace for whatever implement of death she was planning.
"Stop it Harley, silly girl, you're scaring the poor thing," he said with a waving finger. He leaned down to my level and used my spoon to sample some of the food I had on my tray. "Yuck… tastes like bird food," he made a comical face, the way bugs bunny would look if he was trying to eat mudd. The joker smiled and handed the spoon to me. "There you go birdy. Keep the spoon. You can sell it on ebay and make a fortune."
He walked away with his girl in tow.
"That man scares the bejesus out of me," Roxanne said when he'd gone.
"Harley's your roommate, I'd be more scared of her," said Pamela.
The cheetah laughed in a soft purr. "Dr. Harleen Quinzel… heh wonder if it even matters about who's a doctor and who's not… three of the inmates here are doctors. Two having worked here before being committed."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Oh so she can speak?" Pamela said with another smirk.
The cheetah purred again craned her head with a feline expression of curiosity. "I hold a doctorate from MIT in Biology. Harley has a doctorate from Gotham U in psychology and Jonathan Crane has the same from Carnegie Melon," she motioned to a man sitting at a table with a few other guys. He didn't look all that different from any other average joe. "Dr. Quinzel and Dr. Crane used to be psychoanalysts here. Look where that got them."
I wasn't sure what to say… I just nodded slowly and tried eating a little bit with my fork. The food wasn't unbearable, but maybe I was just really hungry. The cheetah smirked, but that suddenly faltered and her nostrils flared a little. She glared at Mary.
Mary caught her stare and bit her lip innocently. "Sorry," she said. I was confused what was happening, but I could smell what the problem was a moment later. Mary needed a change… bad.
"I'm still waiting on a story," Roxanne said. She had finished most of her food and was reclining un-lady like in her chair with her legs wide apart.
I swallowed hard. "I… killed a cop."
"Yes yes, we already know that… but how?" Pam asked.
"I ran him over… in my car."
"Not very original." Dr. Minerva chimed in. "That just makes you mean… what makes you crazy?"
"I don't remember doing it."
The ladies looked thoughtful for a moment. I did my best to recall everything.
"I was pulled over for speeding… and I was a little bit drunk… and the cop started hitting on me…" I shuffled a little uneasily in my seat. "And I remember trying to tell him I'd be good… that I wouldn't do it again… and that maybe some type of arrangement could be made… and then… I woke up being screamed at by a jailor."
Mary put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, I continued on.
"I'd run him over they said… Repeatedly... A cop... An officer of the law. I didn't remember doing it… but witnesses said I'd been laughing as I'd done it. The police had my prints in the car, I remember him pulling me over… I was a little drunk… the evidence was stacked against me… My lawyer told me it would mean the death sentence if I was found guilty… so we pleaded insanity."
Dr. Minerva nodded. "How else could you explain not remembering the murder."
I nodded. "Here I am."
Roxanne smiled. "So you are. But this makes you unique."
I looked at her confused.
"You're the only one here who might actually be innocent! Wow, wouldn't that be a first."
The girls at the table all shared a laugh. I nervously tried to gulp down some more food. I noticed guards were starting to take inmates back to their cells. It wasn't long before one took Dr. Minerva and Pamela back to their cell.
"Please, somebody let Liz know that Mary needs to be changed," Dr. Minerva said scrunching her feline nose. Mary blew a raspberry her.
"Mean ol' putty tat," she taunted. She stood up and stretched a little. I noticed that Mary was one of the only inmates wearing something other then the orange jumpsuit. Her party dress made her stand out quite a bit from the other inmates. The only other person I could see wearing something out of uniform was the mad hatter and his ridiculous top hat. For some reason they'd let him keep it. A few guys had managed to modify their uniform as well. I could see Harvey Dent had splashed some type of ink to add a color contrast to his 'bad' side.
"Come on ladies, let's go back… I think I can smell someone who needs a change," the orderly who brought us in said. She came up and motioned for us to follow. Mary giggled and walked crinkling behind her, I noticed a look of distaste on some of the male inmates as she passed them, but that look changed as they saw me.
I was almost happy to be in the long quiet hallway, with nothing more then the noise of us walking. Mary had skipped on ahead, and I noted the same stretcher waiting outside our cell.
"Okay, up you go," the orderly said lifting Mary under the arms. She wheeled the stretched into the cell and a guard stood nearby motioning for me to follow. I worked my way up to my bunk and sat watching Mary as she got her diaper changed again.
When she was done, she hugged the orderly on the leg. "Thanks Liz," she chirped.
"No problem. I'll be back to check on you before dinner."
The door locked and a buzzer out in the hallway signaled that all the inmates were back in their cells. I laid back against the wall, my legs dangling over the side of the bed. I couldn't see Mary, but assumed she was playing with her dolly. The silence stretched on for a little bit.
"What's there to do?" I asked quietly.
"You can read," Mary said. I sat up and looked down at her. She hopped off the bed and reached under it to pull out a few books. They were all children's books. Go dog go, the big red ball, that sort of thing.
"Uh.. no thanks," I said politely. Even though she looked 6 years old, I was still very afraid of her.
"You could play with my dolly," she said holding it up my way. I shook my head no. "I could comb your hair?"
I shrugged a little nervously. I didn't really want a convicted killer combing my hair… even if she did look sweet an innocent.
Mary started patting the bed beside her and smiling up at me. I hesitantly lowered myself down and she quickly scooched behind me, sitting on her legs as she ran her hands through my hair. I shuddered momentarily… but she put a hand reassuringly on my shoulder.
"It's okay April. I know what you must be going through," she said in her suddenly adult voice. It took me by surprise, as if someone else had entered the room. Mary could almost be two different people. I calmed down a little and Mary took her brush to my hair.
Putting aside the thoughts of how scary this was, I did feel a little relaxed. It always feels good to have someone else gently caring for you… especially in a place where it was the last thing you'd expected. I began to cry softly.
"Awww… poor April," she said in her innocent voice once more. "It's otay… just let it all out. The world's unfair… I know," she paused while combing my hair. "Would you like my paci again? It'll calm you down." I shook my head no, and she shrugged and continued combing my hair.
It didn't take long for her to comb out the right half and she moved over to the left. She giggled a little saying "You have such nice hair… nicer then my dolly."
I wasn't sure what to think of that… so I just swallowed back a few tears and said "Thanks."