Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, as they are the ever treasured possession of J.K. Rowling. I do however, own the unnamed American woman. Take that.
Obviously, this story if purely for the amusement of myself and all you lovely readers, and Snape is clearly OOC. You definitely shouldn't take this seriously. I sincerely hope that you read this, and laugh profusely at how ridiculous it is! Thanks!
"In Which Severus Snape Confuses a Muggle"
Grumbling to himself, Severus Snape stepped out of the crowded muggle "tube" (which was clearly a ridiculous name for it – it was obviously a packed sardine tin) and merged with the surging crowd of non-magical folk all rushing to the rest of their lives. He twitched his long purple scarf irritably out of the way of a grabby two year old and strode forward, mentally reviewing the directions he'd been given by Dumbledore.
'Take a left five feet out, left again, then the third left after that and no, they do not make a right.' The old coot's eyes had glittered when he'd added that part on. 'Then the next left and a right. It's the one with the yellow bird on the doorknob.'
Following those directions proved to be more difficult than he had anticipated, as the muggles around him tended to be quite put out and upset when he pushed roughly past him. After several whispered "Obliviates!" and furtive waving of his wand, Severus settled unhappily for slipping and sliding through the bustling masses, his face dark with annoyance.
Halfway to his destination and on the third left of the journey, he grimaced and stepped over dried vomit on the sidewalk, having to hike up the hems of his yellow pants to do so. The move meant that he inadvertently bumped into another warm body traveling down the street. Severus had his wand halfway out of his sleeve before he actually looked at the other person.
"Obliv-" He stopped for a moment and looked her up and down. His head jerked back in surprise, for he had not expected to meet another of his kind on his journey through the swill of the muggle world . And he was desperate for magical communication of some kind, having spent all of twenty minutes with "The Muggles".
Glancing at the street around them, he decided that he could risk it – the street was of the dark, dingy variety, similar to the one outside of the Leaky Cauldron. Several bums lounged on benches that jutted out from bulbous buildings and only a few people were skittering over the sidewalk. A sagging metal ice cream truck policed the empty street, operated by a clearly inept, acne besieged youth.
Turning back to the woman, he leaned forward conspiratorially, his black hair dripping over his face. "I despise these moronic muggles. Why are you among them today?" He asked her, his voice confident that he'd found someone who felt the same as he.
The woman looked up from where she was brushing off the sleeve of her jacket, jade green by the shade of it, her eyes wide. "Muggles?" She questioned, and Severus' growing horror was confirmed by her next words. "What's a muggle?"
"American…tourist…American…" He whispered, even more horrified. Of all the people he had to talk to! Severus stepped back, shocked. How could he have not known that…What had made him think that she was a witch? And British to boot! His gaze swept her over again – her clothes. "But, your socks. They're…mismatched."
The woman looked down at her feet, confused at, it appeared to her, the change in subject. One sock was a bright pumpkin orange, almost neon; and the other was a soft pink with various polka dots in cotton candy, mauve, and candy apple red. "I…what? So? I don't understand what you're trying to get at."
"And…and your jacket…its…its green! It doesn't match your shirt!" Mentally he smacked himself – was he really stuttering in front of a muggle?!
Her face clouded over even more with confusion and now, suspicion. "I'm not getting you here – of course my shirt doesn't match my jacket!" She asserted, plucking at her pea green shirt, then propping her hands on her hips. "What? Is there a law against mismatching shirts and jackets in this country?"
"No." Severus couldn't quite figure out what else to say and so settled for that one word in his most cool voice.
She didn't seem deterred. "Cause if there is a law against bad fashion, you'd clearly be locked up too! Look at your shirt for god's sake! Its black with little pink skulls all over it!"
"I….That's not the point!"
"What is the point then?!"
He tried to edge away, but she advanced on him further. "Damn bold Yankees…" he muttered underneath his breath as he backed into a light pole and then moved to stand on the other side of it.
The woman chased him around the pole, her jade jacket flapping at her waist. "Wait! What's a muggle? I want to know! What is it?"
"Damn American!" Severus cursed as he tripped on his own feet, trying to back pedal as fast as he could, and this time, she heard it.
"Damn American?" She snapped, balling her fists as Severus walked backward as fast as he could down the dirty street. "We're not so bad!" She called after him, determined that he hear what she had to say. "Lend and Lease Act! What about the Lend and Lease Act?" She called the down the street.
"Of 1941." A drunk chimed in from a few feet away before falling back into a drunken stupor.
Author's Note – So I wrote this idea today during Economics class and History class. I'm rather proud that I could do it while paying attention (or trying to) to my professor. I don't really know how I came up with the idea though, it just popped into my head.
A few notes – one, I used the American tourist's clothes as a marker that she is a witch because J.K. Rowling is always mentioning how outrageously wizards and witches dress when among muggles. Its culture shock for them basically, so they always end up wearing really odd things, as evidenced by Snape's own purple scarf, yellow pants, and black shirt with pink skulls on it (giggle giggle).
Really her clothing isn't that wild or anything, its just that it has certain clues, like mismatched socks, that the magical world has come to use to kind of, I don't know, identify themselves with while wandering around the non-magical universe. But definitely not weird for muggles, in fact, I'm wearing the exact socks described above, right now. How epic is that?
A historical note – The Lend-Lease Act lasted from 1941 to 1945. It was a ruse that allowed the US to provide arms and support to the Allies during World War II. We'd already declared a pretense of neutrality during the war, saying that we wouldn't sell to either side. And so, technically, we weren't selling the Brits stuff, we were trading for it. Everyone say "Ahhhh". Yup, we found a loop hole. Look it up on the internet if you want to know more.
Thank you all for reading my little ditty and please review! Reviews are the best and I love to get them! Thank you!