Disclaimer: I own nothing. NOTHING I SAY! Just "Teh Bestest Invadur Evah!1!" the Sues and ZimmyGurl, sadly.
A/N: I've had this idea in my head for far too long...
Anyway this was inspired by a Danny Phantom fic called "Teh Soopr Gost Gurl" which was inspired by an Eragon fic called "Canon and Fanon Don't Mix" which was in turn inspired by another fic called "Never Leave FanFiction Lying Around." So I guess you could say I'm doing a FanFiction meme. Apologies ahead of time if everyone seems OOC.
Enjoy!
It was a lovely day.
The summer air was warm, the sun was out and shining brightly, and the city's police department had been commended recently for busting a loitering ring run by elementary school children. Meanwhile in the local park, while usually it would be filled with tourists, citizens and the usual robotic squirrels, today it was the sight of a showdown between two long time foes.
Dib dived to his left. A split second later a laser sailed past the spot where he'd been standing before hitting a nearby tree. Dib quickly got up and shot a glare toward the alien standing yards away with his robot companions before the human reached into his pocket and pulled out a water balloon.
"Is that all?" Zim asked smugly with a smirk, "You've really become desperate if you think that pathetic projectile will injure me while I'm-"
Before the disguised Irken could finish Dib had hurled the object right at him. The balloon hit Zim directly in the chest and exploded water all over him. Almost immediately Zim's skin began to burn with a loud hiss and he crumpled to the ground withering and screeching in pain.
"Gir! You said you refilled the glue supply!" Zim barely managed to shout out.
"Oh yeaaaaah," the small robot said, as though he had just remembered, before grinning, "I used mayo instead!"
"Gir!" Zim yelled in annoyance as Dib stood over him triumphantly.
"You see Zim," he began, "You'll never take over the Earth as long as I'm still standing!"
Suddenly he was knocked to the ground by a heavy object falling from the sky and landing on top of him.
The Invader, who had quickly dried himself off, got up and was about to laugh at his enemy's pain when he spotted the object that fell on Dib. Curious, Zim went over to it and discovered it was a book. The book was thick with many pages and had a fluffy laced white cover with a pink Irken Military logo on it. Written in cursive gold letters were the words 'Teh Bestest invadur Evah!1!' by ZimmyGurl.
Dib stood back up, rubbing the spot on his head where he'd been hit, but froze when he saw the Irken logo and the (misspelled) word "Invader" on the book's cover.
"I've gotta read that!" he said in excitement as he reached for the book. In those pages could be the key to defeating Zim and saving the Earth! However, when he made a grab for it the alien held it to his chest defensively.
"Why should I let you read it, Earth-stink?" Zim asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the boy.
"Well...," Dib quickly racked his mind to think of excuse without giving away his true intentions, "It fell out of the sky. Isn't that a little strange for a book?"
"So? Knowing you, you're just looking for Irken weaknesses... not that Irkens have any."
Dib blinked. Was he really that predictable?
"I, er... don't you at least want to know what it's about?" He tried again.
Zim thought it over for a moment. A book randomly falling out of the sky was a strange thing, especially one with an Irken Military logo on the front cover. Though admittably Zim had seen stranger during his time on Earth, he was curious about what the book could be about.
"Hm... very well human, but I'm watching you," he answered at last.
"Okay so we take turns reading," Dib explained as he, Zim and his two robot minions sat in a circle in the grass, "we'll swich every other chapter."
"Yes yes," Zim said as he waved his hand dismissively, "Let's get this over with, I have a planet to destroy."
Dib gave the Irken a glare before opening the book. On the first page was a short summary.
So my OC cums to earth to kill Zim but falls in luv wit him insted. I suk at summerys LOL! R&R b/c this fic is sooo gud!11
Dib blinked for a second time, "O...kay...?"
"What does 'R&R' mean? Tell Zim! Tell him now!" Zim demanded, being sure to put special emphasis on the last five words.
"I don't know! Geez... you need to relax," Dib answered and turned the page.
CHAPTER 1: Teh spichal misson
Loe wuzs nervous as her long slender legs took her down the long hallway of the Massive, her white sex-inch high heel bots making the only sound as they made clicking noises on the floor. She hasd been asked by the Tallests to come see them imediatly 4 somthing important. Her delicate long curled antenne that hung down her back and wer black as night sky twiched in nervousness as she wondered why they needede her.
"What language is this author writing in?" Zim questioned as he reread the passage and trying to make sense of it.
"...Wow...," was all Dib could say as he took in the horrble use of grammer and spelling.
Finally she reacht dher destennation. It was the Controll bridge where the tallest usually were doing important stuff. She shmoovded out her low-cut (That showed offf her huuuuge chest) short pink dress tat totaly showed off her curves, with her white rubber gloves. She also wore black fishnet stockings that showed of her smexy tanned emerald green legs and had a black PAK with hot pInk spots that sparkled. she binlked her eyes (one wuz blue and da other was gold and they shone like a thousand suns) as she prepared to ebnter. She was sooooooooooooo cute and hawt!
"Actually she sounds like she was in a horrible lab accident," Zim commented, "and Irkens don't dress like that!"
"Shh! I'm reading this!"
She ten opened the door and saw Tallest waitngg 4 her on the other side. "Ah, Invadur Loe," said rEd, "We have a speckl mission for you."
"As u know, your the greatest Invader ever in irks history and your r fav" Purple began and Loe smiled when she heard tat.
At that the Irken narrowed his lensed eyes at the book.
"Zim is the greatest Invader, not this Loe-thing!" he interjected, sounding highly offended, "Give me that book so I can destroy it!"
"No way," Dib said with a smirk, enjoying Zim's growing irritation towards the object in his hands.
Everyone knew how awesum she wuz at incading. She had conquered about ten planets ever since she gradchuated invader school at da top of the class.
"Nonsense," Zim huffed.
"Now we neededn you to go to earf to kill zim because he sucks at Invading and stuff so you can concur it uself." explained Red. Loe bowed respeckfully. "Yes mah Tallest," she answed.
"LIES! All LIES!" Zim suddenly exclaimed furiously, jumping up to his feet and looking like he was about to rip the book to shreds, "The Tallest gave me this mission because only someone as amazing as Zim could conquer this flithy planet!"
"Oh man, this author's a genius if she's getting you worked up like this," said Dib, who had by this point decided to take out a notebook and had begun to write down everything new he was learning about the Irken race. Zim was too busy glaring at the book to notice.
"I will destroy this author," the alien promised darkly as he sat back down.
"Hehe, Mastah's mad," Gir giggled.
As Loe turned to leaf Purpl yelled, "WAAAAAAIIIT!1111"
"That didn't sound stupid at all," Dib deadpanned sarcastically.
"You need a sir unit 1st." They said. Loe wuz excited bye this. he never had a robot before and now she's getting one. Suddenly a teeeny tiny SIR Unet enterd the room.
"Zir, rrepokting 4 dooty." she said with a saloot, her eys glowedr red.
"Zir? Wats the Z stand for?" Loe askeded.
"I don't know," Zir sad as her eyes tirned ligt Purple. She wuz soooooooo adorkable.
Zim cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. Something about those last few lines sounded very familier, but he couldn't quite remember where he'd heard it before.
Then every1 laughed.
"Oh please," Dib muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Her robot seems nice," Gir said happily, Minimoose nyahed in agreement.
After that evrone ent to where the spaceships wer at and loe saw shed gotten new ship. the ship was brite pink like her eyes wit white stuff on it 4 decoration.
"OMG!" Loe yelled with o-mouth
"dNow goo Lowe," purpl said in comandin voice, "and fulull ur destinny!"
"Anyone else notice the author said her eyes are pink now?" Dib asked, "I thought they were blue?"
"They said gold," Zim muttered, still hating the story.
"Nyah?" asked Minimoose, who had wondered if Loe had some horrible disease that made her eyes turn into disco balls. Zim snickered at that.
so loe got in nthe ship asnd drive thru space to Earthy.
"How do you drive through space?" Dib questioned.
Her ship wuz fatest thsn zims so she got der in 1O mints whle zir talked bout tacos and piggys and Loe listened 2 Justin biebr who was the gratest singer evur (A/N: he haz the best muisc evr and if u don think so GTFO)
finily she reacedd the town zimey was at. She landede the shap and got out. She knew the must disguise and turn on her halowgrham thingy to put on the disguys.
"'Halowgrham'? She means 'Hologram,' right?" Dib inquired.
"Probably," Zim answered, "Did you see how she misspelled my name? What kind of ridiculous name is 'Zimey'?! She can't spell that but she's able to spell 'conquered' just fine! This story makes me so MAD I just wanna-"
He cut himself off and started clawing at the air, as if he could somehow end up hitting ZimmyGurl and/or Loe. Everyone else (Especially Gir, who had decided at some point to occupy himself by trying to eat his own feet) just ignored the irate alien and read on.
she presded a butoon on her necklace an her skin went all frizally an den she loked hooman! She had botyfull long blond hare tgha wenh to her waisdt with totaly natural blue highlites that matchd her big eyes ith purpol tips and a hot pink T-shirt that sowed off her prety pierces bellyboutton thin denim miniskirt and five pares of earijgs and tall highheeld boots and she wore crimshon lipstick. Zir had an adooriblse amythest dogsuite on with a zipper on da front and black spots on the back.
"Commas, they're your friends," Dib stated, "Also, natural blue highlights and five pairs of earrings?"
"Umm... Mastah?" Gir said, tugging on Zim's uniform to get his attention, "The words is makin' my head hurt!"
A second later Gir's head exploded, a small shower of sparks going everywhere. Zim's only reaction was an irritated sigh while Dib looked on in shock.
"What is with this author and using completely pointless description?" the Irken asked as though the last five seconds hadn't happened.
then Loe stepped out from behide an bush her ship crasdh behind an saw aearth. The sky was blu and the pants sang and the son shon brite. Loe almost didnt wanna destroy such a nice place bhut shse hada job t odo an she wood do it becuz it was her job as an invadur. Den she saw a schol and she knew zam was there.
"Did she spell my name right this time?" Zim asked.
"She put an 'a' instead of an 'i'," Dib said.
"An a?! How hard is it to spell my incredible name!? She did it right before! She must be brain damaged!"
"I wouldn't doubt it," Dib agreed. A second later his eyes widened as he realized he just agreed with Zim, the enemy!
"Class dis is Loe," miss Biters sad as she introdecued her to everyone. loe looked at all th hemans when she stooped an saw the most smexy man shed ever saw. he had green skein blak hare an the most bottyfull violt eyes evur.
There was a pause.
"Oh... wow...," Dib finally spoke. Zim looked a little horrified at the direction the story was taking.
"Hi cuty," she sad to hem with a wink.
"Hi" he sadi all shy. Hed nevur seen sum1 so gorgeous b4 in his life.
She giggled, her vice sondin like bells.
"who u?" she aasdked.
"my name zim," he sadid and smiled at her beauty. She o-muthed in sock. That wuz whoo she wuz havin to kill!1! buT now tat she knew hm she couldnt becuaz she loveded him sooooooooooooo much!
"You've only known him for fifteen seconds!" Dib exploded.
"As if I would ever consider having the likes of the Loe-filth as my love-pig!" Zim yelled at the book.
"I no u i Irken 2!" loe sad.
"OMG!" Zim yelld w/ o-mouth, "U wana cum 2 my hose after schul?"
Den loe gased "Oh noes! that rrminds me invaddders need a base an stuff 2 concur the plante and i nevr mad one!"
"Ha! Best Invader, huh?" Zim said with a smirk, "She doesn't even have a base. Zim is clearly superior!"
"Dats k u can stay with me." zIm said.
"Never" Zim hissed. Minimoose nyahed something.
Zim chuckled, "Yes, and then send her to the room with a moose!"
loe smild, Ziem wuz sooo nicee 2 her!
"Hold on, Loe just yelled out that she's an alien a few lines ago, and no one is doing anything?!" Dib cried out, "What is wrong with everybody?!"
"Aww! Mastahs gotz a girrrrlfrieeeeend!" Gir, who was suddenly okay, sang out.
Dib yepled and jumped, "Gah! Didn't your head blow up?!"
"I gotz all better!" the small disguised robot happily chirped.
"Tank u you r da th bestest zim!" she sad happy, ten she kissede him passionantely an he kissed bak deeper and held her hand. They kissd an kisde for wat seemd like 4evur and every1 went "Aww!" evun miz Bitteres.
Both boys gagged.
then an voice rang out
"Hey u tere!"
Thy turuned and saw...
"You know... maybe... we shouldn't be reading this," Dib said slowly.
"No!" Zim shouted, "If I have to suffer through this, so do you. Besides, you havn't even shown up in this yet, so no one is going anywhere until everyone's suffered from this! How much is left of this chapter, anyway?"
"Just some author's note," Dib replied.
A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUN!1111111!2! WHO DID THTY C? WILL LOE KIL ZIm? wiLL DEY CONQUR DA Earth?! FInd OUT IN DA NEX ACSHUN PAKED CHAPTR! DON 4GET 2 REVIWE AN SAY HOW MUCH U LUV THIS!
A/N: And there's Ch. 1! Bit of a slow start, but trust me when I say I have a lot of things planned next chapter. I have a lot of ideas for this, and I'm planning on parodying every single Zimfic cliche in existence (Let me know if there's any you don't want me forgetting).
Hopefully you all liked this first part, again sorry if they all seem a bit OOC in this. Also, don't forget to review and all that. By the way, not only can you send me a review about the overall story, but you can send one to ZimmyGurl about her story (Which, by the way, she'll respond to in the fic).
'Til then!