Hi. As you know, Pantrunkslover and I are writing Seven Days of Seduction. Occasionally, while doing so, we come up with great ideas, related to the main story. They get referenced there, usually as sparsely outlined past events. Unfortunately, in the interest of adhering to the main story and despite their great potential as stand alone stories, these tantalising hints normally remain unexplored.
Well, I think this should change. So here's the first in what I hope will be a series of side stories from Seven Days. I hope you enjoy it as much as you have the main story.
As always, Kishi owns the rights to Konoha and its citizens. I just get to visit. But I'm still calling dibs on both Iruka and Kakashi, despite Pan's claims to the contrary. Kakashi and Iruka are each incredible by themselves. Together they're a crazy, devastating combo of wit, sexiness and sheer crack I must claim for my own. Deal with it Pan. They're mine. End of story.
Payback
"Never piss off a medic Nin. We know a lot of really nasty ways to get back at you."
Sasuke finished pulling the pale green patient's top over the matching pants, and then put his neatly folded clothing and gear to one side before settling in to wait. He looked around the examination room. It was new to him but as sterile, bland and boring as the one Team Seven usually used. He sighed; impatiently wishing Sakura would arrive soon so he could get this over with. Then hid a smirk, thinking of what he was eager to get home to. He had much more interesting things to do than wait around for some medical exam. Unfortunately Sakura'd been unusually adamant he show up today, so he'd reluctantly complied.
He casually moved around the room, looking over the sparse appointments, the examination couch, holding himself back from exploring the counters and cabinets. The only real difference between this and previous room was the lack of a wide window on one of the pale coloured walls, leaving a single door as the room's only entrance/exit. He was wistfully missing the distraction a window would've provided as the door opened, announcing Sakura's arrival.
"Hello, Sasuke," her eyes never moved from the patient's notes on the clipboard she carried, "Thank you for being prompt."
"Well, I didn't think I had much choice," Sasuke blinked, wondering if he'd imagined the coolness in her voice, "You said if I didn't get here on time and on my own two feet, you'd have ANBU hunt me down and drag me in." He warily watched as she continued to peruse her notes, "A little much, wasn't it, for a routine medical exam?"
"Oh, you think so?" she leaned against a counter, "Obviously you're not a medic Nin. You have no idea what shinobi in this village will do to get out of a 'routine' exam. And Team Seven tends to be the worst of the lot. Kakashi may hold the village record for hospital escapes, but Naruto is giving him stiff competition these days and the rest of you aren't far behind." The slow way she turned the page seemed strangely portentous, "I'd rather nip it in the bud when I can."
"Sakura," he stared at her, puzzling over her attitude, "Is it just me, or are you angry about something?" She closed the notes with a businesslike snap and turned regard him grimly.
"Why, Sasuke," her voice was far too sweet for her expression and he felt the urge to cringe backwards, "Whatever would I be angry about?"
"I have no idea," striving for casual unconcern, he moved toward the couch, ignoring the feeling of danger at his back. Wondering at her mood, he leaned back against it, regarding her indifferently.
"What," her arms crossed over the clipboard as she stared accusingly at him, "None at all? Really?" her voice was a warning purr, "Maybe I should schedule brain and psych exams for that memory problem you're having." For a few seconds they regarded each other in a standoff.
"Look, Sakura," sighing, Sasuke conceded defeat, "If you have a problem with me, just say what it is. Because I really have no idea what I've done to tick you off like this."
"No idea? That really is a memory problem," she regarded him narrowly, "But I suppose I should be fair. All right, then," she laid the clipboard on the counter with a brisk thump.
"Here's a question for you, Sasuke," her eyes skewered him accusingly, as she snarled, "Just what the hell did you think you were doing, telling Ino and Tenten about catching me with my hand on Kakashi's ass?"
"That was almost two weeks ago," dumbfounded, he blinked and then returned her regard resentfully, "And you can't say you aren't guilty of something similar. We'd barely arrived home from the mission before you told them about me being gay and interested in Naruto." He frowned crossly at the lost chance before remembering what it'd led to.
"So, you're saying it was retaliation for me telling them about you? Is that your defence?" she leaned back on her arms, shaking her head with a disgusted sigh.
"I don't think I need to defend myself," he tilted his head at her, "Especially for doing the same thing you did first. You did…" his look was accusing, "…betray my confidence first, Sakura."
"Overlooking the fact I wasn't specifically told it was all a big secret, there's still a major difference between what I did and what you did, Sasuke," she leaned toward him to stress the point, "And that's in the area of motive. What I did was to save a friend from being emotionally mauled. And make no mistake; Hinata could've been hurt, big time. What you did," her finger speared in his direction, "Was just pure ordinary payback." The disappointment mingling with the anger in her eyes made him uncomfortable.
"Well, you didn't say groping Kakashi was a secret either," he hoisted himself up on the bench behind him, determined to bluff it out.
"No, what you did," her finger speared at him again, "Was aimed specifically to embarrass me. Not to help someone else, to prevent pain or trouble, but to cause it instead," disgust mingled with the disappointment and anger, "And that's what I can't overlook, Sasuke. That's what I can't forgive…the sheer unthinking spite behind your action." He hid a wince.
"So you called me in here to what?" his voice aimed for disinterest, "To bawl me out for something over and done with? Isn't this misuse of hospital business, Sakura?" He gave her a bored look, "And a waste of both of our time? I don't know about you but I've got better things to do." He pushed off the couch, already looking toward the door beyond her.
"Why, no, Sasuke," her disquieting smirk belied the lilting in her voice, "I'd never do something like that. I'll have you know I'm totally professional when it's hospital business. You happen to be here for a very real and legitimate exam," her tone turned dangerously flat, "So sit back down."
"Just what kind of exam am I in here for again?" he eased backward, eyeing her warily. Her widening smirk didn't lessen his feelings of impending danger or discomfort.
"Why, you're here for," she made a show of picking up the clipboard and looking up the information, "Oh, yes…here it is…just a standard STD and prostate exam, nothing to worry about." He hid a flinch, and then mulled it over. It wasn't like he hadn't been through the uncomfortable procedure before, he thought. Suspiciously he wondered what she was up to.
"You're not going to pull anything weird during this, are you?" he eyed her doubtfully, "Like put some strange jutsu on me or something? Because if you are, I'll just leave now." She huffed impatiently, returning his look with a disgusted one of her own.
"I already told you," her tone implied she was taking pains to make it clear, "I'm a professional. I don't pull anything 'weird' on hospital business. And if you leave," she crossed her arms over the clipboard, eyeing him with obvious threat, "It'll be a clear indication you're evading a necessary routine procedure and you'll be accountable for the consequences. To wit, you'll be taken off the mission roster and your pay docked until you comply. So I wouldn't recommend it."
"You wouldn't dare," she had to be bluffing, he thought, "It'd rebound back on you when your reasons came out." She tilted her head, assessing.
"You think I'm bluffing," she observed, "But ask yourself, why would I need to bluff? You're overdue for your STD and prostate exam and here I am, fulfilling my duty as your team medic." She smiled slowly, "Ergo, if you refuse said exam, if you even think of leaving this room before I'm satisfied that duty has been discharged and sign off on it, then it'll be my unfortunate duty to report it. It's called," her look was significant, "Being responsible for your own actions," her smile was cloyingly sweet, "You are responsible for your actions, aren't you, Sasuke?" There was a knock on the door and she checked her watch as she moved to answer it.
"Besides, I don't have to pull anything 'weird'," she looked at him over her shoulder, "When there's so many perfectly legitimate ways to get back at you. Oh, and just to indulge my curiosity, Sasuke," she paused, turning to lean back toward him a hand on the doorknob, "Did you forget I was a medic Nin, or did you just arrogantly disregard it as unimportant?" briefly she stared inquisitively at him before shrugging, "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter, since, like others before you, you'll be learning the error of your ways," he wondered why her self-assured smirk made him want to cower.
"What goes around comes around. So, here's a bit of free, if somewhat late, advice," her eyes and tone turned ominously dark, "Never piss off a medic Nin. We know a lot of really nasty ways to get back at you." She swivelled and threw open the door.
"Well, right on time," with an abruptly cheery voice and welcoming smile, she waved a series of lab coated newcomers inside. Sasuke's eyes widened as he counted ten girls, ranging from young teens to early twenties, enter the room. They glanced brightly from Sakura to him, forming into a group at one side of the door, which was closed after the last entered. Brandishing her clipboard, Sakura walked to take position between them and the mystified Sasuke, giving him a coolly professional look up and down, before turning to the visitors.
"Alright, ladies," she addressed them, "As part of your training, you're here to learn how to perform two basic examinations often combined for men – the STD and prostate exam. Uchiha-san, here," she turned back to indicate him, flashing him a disturbing grin out of the visitors' sight, "Has kindly volunteered to be our practice patient." Having barely registered they were medical students, Sasuke jerked slightly in surprise and consternation, eyes widening as his mind grappled with what he'd just heard. Their eyes met in a swift, silent conversation.
You wouldn't dare his stare of muted horror and indignation said.
Wanna bet her exultant green eyes gleamed back.
I'm not going to stand for it, he glared rebelliously.
Suck it up, princess. It's happening. Deal with it. Her terrifying narrow eyed stare promised zero tolerance for any nonconformity on his part and he instinctively recoiled from it.
On that note, she turned back to the group, leaving him the target of ten pairs of starry eyes whose owners were clearly excited by the prospect of Sasuke Uchiha as their patient. He hoped it was just imagination that gave their smiles a predatory edge.
Stealthily he glanced around, looking for an escape route. Unfortunately, with the door the only way out, he had a feeling getting past Sakura, let alone all those girls, might be easier said than done. It also explained the move to this room instead of the one with the nice wide window. He silently cursed at the proof of her careful planning as he pressing back against the examination couch, abruptly feeling very trapped.
"Now," Sakura lectured her students, "We'll start off with the procedure for sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs. This involves a thorough physical exam of the genital area, oral cavity and rectum. During this, you examine the patient's foreskin, penis and testicles and do the 'cough' test."
Sasuke glanced down at the area in question, to find his folded hands had somehow gravitated there and he'd instinctively pressed his legs together. Nonchalantly, he folded his arms over his chest and eased his legs apart. Faking a bored look, he looked over the group, trying to ignore the admiring looks aimed his way.
He told himself to ignore the progressively alarmed little voice calling his attention to things he didn't want to see. Like the tongues lightly sweeping over lips in anticipation and the girl who seemed on the verge of gleefully jumping up and down. If he paid attention, it would just send shivers up his spine, so instead he focused on the lesson.
"We'll be looking for genital lice or warts. These can be diagnosed just by looking for them. The same is true for active herpes." A small redhead, who looked to be thirteen, instantly pulled a handheld magnifying glass out of her coat pocket, flourishing it with an impish grin.
"Will we need this, Haruno-Sensei?" she cheerfully asked over a chorus of giggles. Disconcerted, Sasuke blinked, unable to decide if it was an implied insult to his manhood or just teenage eagerness and lack of tact. Irritably, he saw Sakura glance at him, turning a laugh into a cough before turning back to the student.
"No, Mira," she intoned piously, "As his team medic, I can assure you Sasuke's… attributes… are substantial enough. You shouldn't have difficulty seeing any problem with his junk. So, no," she rubbed her nose to hide her smirk, "I don't think you'll need that." The giggles rose again, as the teenager put it back in her pocket and the older girls cast slyly assessing looks at him.
"Of course," Sakura continued, "You should also question the patient. He may've noticed symptoms in the genital or oral area, discomfort while peeing, etc. Also remember to ask about his sexual history and practices. Like if he's engaged in sexual activity with males, females, or both, as well as what sexual practices he's employed and whether condoms are used. The goal," she gestured, "Is to assess the risk of and what types of STDs are likely. It also gives you the opportunity to educate your patient on sexual practices he might need to know." Feeling those avid listeners' increased interest like a palpable force, his heart sank. He considered some of the possible questions he might be forced to answer. It was too much.
Feeling severely put upon, he pressed his lips together, aiming thoughts like kunai at Sakura's back with narrowed eyes. There's no way, he flatly thought, no way he'd explain his sex life, or be preached at by…by… medically minded fan girls. Seeing the wickedly grinning teen redhead in his periphery, he suppressed a shudder. As if sensing the waves of censorship rolling off him, Sakura glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.
"This won't be necessary today, as I'm already aware of the patient's history and we're concentrating on the hands on procedure during the actual exam." A few faint disappointed groans were heard, hurriedly stifled.
"If you find abnormalities, further testing will be required," she assessed her students, making sure they understood, "For some STDs, the penis will secrete an abnormal discharge. Other signs are rashes, discharge in other orifices, sores, lesions or warts on the genitals or mouth." Sasuke fidgeted a little, unsettled by the mental imagery, while Sakura paced slowly back and forth, motioning with her clipboard, "From sores or lesions, you'll want to sample the tissue and fluid and send it to the lab. It'll be tested for microorganisms that cause STDs, like chlamydia, gonorrhoea or HIV. You'll also be learning to perform those tests later."
"Of course," she aimed another look at Sasuke, "Most men prefer the urine sample to the swab, but today you'll be learning how as you'll eventually have to swab someone's urethra or rectum for microorganisms. This is done by inserting a small swab into the opening of the penis, the urethra as it's called, or into the rectum." Sasuke glanced apprehensively down at his threatened body part, starting to feel slightly queezy. He was honestly beginning to wonder which ordeal was worst, being ogled or some parts of the lecture.
"Gay or Bi men who are sexually active should have a rectal sample taken," she emphasised by pointing to the group with her clipboard, "Remember that." He looked toward the door. So near and yet so far, he thought with almost painful longing.
He supposed he could live without mission pay for a while. It wasn't like he didn't have resources. All he had to do was get up and run. If he was quick enough, he'd catch them by surprise and escape. He had more clothes at home, so he'd just abandon the ones he'd worn here. It was completely doable, he told himself. He started to ease off the examination couch, intent on his escape route.
Then, the hair rose on the back of his neck as he sensed looming danger. Uneasily, he glanced around, rubbing his neck, realizing too late the room had fallen silent while Sakura turned toward him, pretending to peruse her notes. Meeting her eyes, his blood chilled at the calculating menace in them, knowing she'd read him like a book. Waiting until he'd settled back, she turned to the girls to continue with a smile.
"For the STDs that aren't detectable this way, blood and urine test will be required. These are especially good for detecting viruses with systemic effects like syphillis, HIV and hepatitis. Remember," she stressed, "A single negative doesn't guarantee a patient is free of HIV. Urine samples can also detect chlamydia and gonorrhoea."
"I won't be going into the treatments. We'll be getting into those at a later date." She hefted the clipboard, marking something off, "Now on to the prostate."
"The procedure is to insert a finger into the rectum to examine the prostate gland," Sasuke squirmed, almost feeling a phantom finger already, "Normally this gland should be 2 to 4 centemeters long, triangular in shape and feel firm and rubbery."
"You'll be asking the patient to stand, feet apart, bending forward over the examination couch, with his arms or elbows on it," she turned, smiling sweetly at him, " Would you please demonstrate for us, Sasuke?" he hesitantly acquiesed, knowing better than refuse the inflexible look in her eyes. "Note, if the patient seems nervous, you should describe each step before you do it," she moved on and he cautiously resumed his original position.
"You'll need to put on a surgical glove, covering a finger with lubricant," she pantomined, "You then insert your finger into the patient's rectum. He should feel a little pressure but not pain or discomfort. Encourage him to tell you if he does. You may have to wait a few seconds for the sphincter muscle to relax. You need to move your finger," she showed them the motion, "In a cirular motion which should allow you to identify the lobes and groove of the prostate gland." She raised another eyebrow in his direction and he tensed expectantly.
"Don't be surprised if the patient experiences an erection during this exam," she smirked knowingly, as all ten girls fairly buzzed with renewed enthusiasm, "Sexual arousal is very common and consistent with stimulation of the prostate gland, due to the high number of nerve endings in the area and the proximity to the groin," she carefully turned away from him, drawling, "It has absolutely nothing to do with the sexual orientation of the patient."
She smiled at her students, "And that's it for the lecture part of this session. Any questions before we start the next phase?" Hands immediately shot up and Sakura glanced over the group before choosing one of the older girls first. On the examination couch, Sasuke tuned them out as he assessed his situation.
No doubt about it, he was in a fix. To sum up, he was stuck in a difficult position at the mercy of Sakura. If he didn't play the part of unwilling practice patient to her group of female medical students, she'd use her power as a medic Nin to make his life very complicated. To give in meant he was in for a taxing and humiliating experience. Those students were obviously going to enjoy their lesson far too much for his comfort.
He sighed, realizing he shouldn't have taken Sakura's temper so lightly. True, he'd witnessed it many times, and been impressed. But the fact was, it'd been other people, mainly Naruto, who'd been the target of her rage. This was the first time in memory it'd been aimed squarely at him. Being the recipient, he now comprehended with a shiver, made a world of difference. Suddenly Naruto's terrified awe of their pink haired team mate made perfect sense and, for the first time, he appreciated how much her childhood crush had spared him.
And, okay, from her viewpoint, he supposed she had cause to call him out for telling her friends about her and Kakashi. But this? He wasn't feeling that guilty for his actions. Unfortunately he couldn't see any way out that wouldn't just prolong the trouble between them and that could be bad on several levels, both personal and professional. It'd probably be best, he thought reluctantly, to get it over with now. He'd rather not give her the chance to come up with something worse.
After all, how bad could it be? Sakura was just going to show them how it was done. It was going to be embarrassing, sure, but, apart from the audience, nothing he hadn't had done before. It would be just one demonstration, perhaps a few more questions from the crowd, then it'd be done. Finito. Over with. And he could finally escape from this room full of overeager fan girls. His attention was drawn from his musings by the sound of Sakura sharply clapping her hands.
"Alright, ladies," Sakura walked smartly over to open one of the cabinets, "Now we get to the meat of the lesson," she glanced wickedly at Sasuke, "As it were." He stoically ignored the giggled whispers in which 'Sasuke' and 'beef cake' seemed to be the major topic as she set a jar on the counter and took an open box out. Closing the cabinet, she carried it to her students, revealling it as a box of latex gloves by pulling a couple out. His brows creased, puzzled, as the box was handed to one of the girls with instructions to pass it around. He wondered uneasily why all the girls would need to be gloved while Sakura demonstrated, dearly hoping it was just some stupid hospital protocol.
"Okay, pay attention," her next words devastated his hopes, "I'll only be showing you this once. Then each of you will get your chance to perform it yourself. Don't worry, I'll correct you if you get it wrong," Sakura smiled reassuringly at them as Sasuke felt the blood drain from his face.
He clutched the edges of the couch in a white knuckled grip, understanding too late the full infamy of her plan as ten very excited girls eyed him impatiently, each clearly dying to get their hands on him. Eleven, he thought in shock. He was about to endure one of the most embarrassingly awkward medical exams a man could go through, not once, but eleven times, ten at the hands of amateurs. Or more than eleven, his horrified mind whispered. Judging from the dedicated zeal in their eyes, these girls wouldn't be adverse to practicing their lesson until they got it right.
Never again, he vowed desperately, as they donned their gloves. Never again would he incur Sakura's wrath. She'd said she had lot of really nasty ways to get back at him. She was amply proving her point. Sasuke'd always heard payback was a bitch, he'd just never realized her hair was pink.
"Alright, Sasuke..."
The efficient snap of her sterile glove was the sound of doom, harbinger of his worst nightmares in the months to come. He gulped in dry throated dread as Sakura sauntered casually toward him. Satisfied green eyes looked him up and down; she cleared her throat, and then pitilessly commenced his torment by rapping out one brisk, merciless order.
"Drop your pants."