To all who decided to click on this fanfic, this is your warning now to turn back. This story was caused by two friends who in their great lack of sleep decided to RP Star Trek anyway (which is why the jokes are as bad as the writing). Because this was a past thing, you'd think this would update more often. But you would be wrong.

DF: Dancing Feather, aka Me. STWW: SpeakingThroughWrittenWords, aka that one guy.

Chapter 1: Shut Up

STWW: Your playing Spock AND Kirk. If I'm to get anywhere playing as McCoy-

DF: To get between Spock and Kirk-

STWW: Shut up. We need an epidemic.

DF (as Spock): If you say so doctor.

STWW (maybe McCoy): Shut up.

STWW: It's going to happen on a planet.

DF: A round planet! It's very round. Oh, and it's blue-

STWW: And the ship is spiraling downwards.

DF: That's some strong gravity force. Is it Jupiter?

STWW: No.

DF (as Kirk): Scotty! Do... SOMETHING! (whispering) Your Scotty.

STWW (maybe Scotty): I don' frankly care cap'n.

DF: Fine. All of the navigators are dead-

STWW: Even Sulu?

DF: He was a navigator was he?

STWW: Dammit.

DF: So anyways, McCoy is at the navigations complaining.

STWW (as McCoy): I'm a doctor not a navigator!

DF (as Spock): Why aren't you in the sick bay doctor?

STWW (McCoy): Everyone's dead! I'm a doctor not Jesus Christ!

DF: Meanwhile, a bagillion years ago...

Blind Man: Please, cure my eyesight!

Jesus: I'm Jesus Christ not a doctor.

DF: Annnd now we're back.

STWW: The ship crashes.

DF: (makes crashing sounds)

STWW: Nice. The ship is damaged, but Scotty will eventually save them.

DF: Like Jesus Christ.

STWW (McCoy?): Dammit Jim, this isn't time to joke around!

DF (as Jim): What do you think happened bones?

STWW (as McCoy): What do I know? I'm a doctor not a mechanic!

DF (as Spock): And even your doctor status is questionable.

STWW (McCoy): Nobody asked you!

STWW: I want them to beam up- er, down.

DF (Jimmy Boy): Scotty, beam us down!

STWW (Scotty): Aye cap'n.

STWW: He beams the trio down, with a few red shirts because Scotty needed a pick-me-up.

DF: Nothing improves a day faster than dead crew members.

STWW: Shut up. It's night time on the planet. But you could feel heat steadily rising off the surface.

DF: That's hot.

STWW: Shut up.

DF: If the planet is that hot, won't they die when the sun rises?

STWW: No. It turns out that the planet is blue due to the atmosphere. There are brown dirt and rocks everywhere.

DF: Spock feels like things are getting repetitive.

STWW: Nobody cares what Spock thinks.

DF: Spock's hurt by that statement.

STWW: That's an emotion.

DF: Yea, on the inside. Where it counts. (20sec blank stare pause) Alright, so why did they beam down?

STWW: There was a cry for help... assistance. Screw this, I need a drink.