Title: Girls night out.
Author: thousand_miles
Rating: K+
Spoilers: S1, all the episodes so far.
Disclaimer: don't own any of this. Just for fun.
Pairing: Red/Lizzie
Summary: Meera and Liz have a girl's night out and talk about their men.
A/N: My first the Blacklist fanfic. This show has me hooked. I am a Lizzington shipper. Love the dynamics between those two. This is supposed to be a light, funny fic. Nothing too serious. My thanks goes out to my two wonderful beta readers jackandsamforever and selinabln. Without the help of these two this fic wouldn't be what it was. Thank you ladies! I will be back with more. Reviews are appreciated. Constructive criticism also but please no flames. Enjoy.
Chapter one
"Finally. I seriously thought you were going to ditch me." Meera Malik greeted Liz as she walked through the door of the pub.
"Yeah well, I wasn't too sure either." She took off her coat and sat down next to her friend in the booth of the Irish pub. It had been Meera who had picked out the for their girl's night out. Liz had, had a rough couple of weeks. Well scrap that, it had been a rough couple of months. And when she thought it couldn't get any worse, it had and her father had passed away. She felt lost. Her home hadn't felt like a home anymore for a while now. Her marriage with Tom was in shambles and she knew it. She wasn't too sure about the next step and the thought of filing for divorce had crossed her mind more than a few times, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to actually go through with it.
To be honest, there really wasn't much she was sure about lately. Everything was just a mess and she was tired of feeling like that way. That's why she eventually decided not to cancel the girl's night out. It was time for drinks, laughter and fun, and they had tomorrow off so she could get as drunk as she wanted to and not have to worry or think about work.
"Well, I'm glad you're here." Meera waved over the waiter and ordered two martinis. "Now, let's have some fun."
They were both nursing their fourth drink when a man approached their table. He was tall, broad shouldered and blond. He greeted both women, but he only had eyes for the Liz.
Putting his hands on the table he leaned into her personal space. "Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart and you steal mine."
While Meera burst out in laughter, Liz tried to keep a straight face, but failed.
The man apparently unfazed by their reaction to his pick up line was waiting for an answer.
Liz finally decided to put the guy out of his misery and said, "Go find someone else to bother."
"That was awful." Meera giggled.
"It was." Finally managing to wipe the grin off her face, Liz shook her head. "I can't believe he thought that would work."
"Yeah well, he got the body but not the brains. Probably thought that was enough."
"Probably." Taking a sip from her martini, Liz looked around the pub.
Watching her friend, Meera smiled. "Cruising the crowds?"
"No. I'm a married woman." Even to herself she sounded resigned.
"A unhappily married woman. You deserve better, Liz."
"What about you, Meera? Any progress with Ressler?" She quickly tried to divert the subject. She really didn't want to deal with her crumbling marriage at the moment.
Meera knew exactly what her friend was doing by turning focus of the conversation to herself, but she would steer it back eventually. "Donald is taking his time."
"That sounds like him." Seeing both their drinks empty, Liz ordered them a new round. "Why not give him a push in the right direction?"
"How about I give you a push in the right direction?"
"Excuse me?"
"Don't give me that. " Meera shifted closer to her friend. "I've kept my mouth shut for too long. You're not happy. You haven't been happy for a while now. You can't keep going on like this."
"Maybe not, but it's not that easy."
"Why not?"
"Because it just isn't." Liz fidgeted with her drink, twisting it around. This was exactly the topic she did not want to talk about tonight.
"What about Reddington?"
"What about Red?" She tried to sound casual and wondered if she pulled it off.
"Well he's a classy man. Some might even say a handsome man."
"You think Red's attractive?"
"Do you find Red attractive?"
"I…" Liz hesitated. She fought hard to ignore her attraction to him. Saying it out loud would be admitting defeat.
"You do." Meera immediately reacted to the hesitation. "I don't blame you. He's an attractive man. He sure knows how to wear those suits. So does Donald by the way. But Red's got that deep voice and he oozes confidence. Sexy as hell if you ask me."
"Meera!"
"What? You already so territorial about your guy so I can't say he's got a sexy voice?"
"No!"
"You don't think he has a great voice?"
"Well, I…"
"And when he focuses on you, his voice drops a notch and it's even hotter and the way he says Lizzie." She started fanning herself with her hand. "I've heard Tom calling you Lizzie, but never like that. Has anyone ever said your name like that? So…intimate and with such reverence?"
"No." Right from the start she'd noticed the way he said her name, but lately it seemed as if he'd added another layer to it. Like Meera said, it had become much more intimate and it was getting harder to ignore her body's reaction to it. It was another complication to the already confusing state her life was in.
"He cares about you." Meera had a small knowing smile on her face.
Liz just took a big swig from her martini as she didn't quite know how to react to that.
"He'd be good for you."
"Excuse me? The Concierge of Crime would be good for me?"
"Yes." Despite being a little tipsy already, Meera was serious. Ever since she'd met Raymond Reddington, there was no denying his intensity and that intensity was mostly focused on her friend. She'd seen their interaction often enough and couldn't deny the sparks. She also couldn't deny it was fun to watch. Clearly Red enjoyed it too. Liz was always a bit defensive which always seemed to make Red push a little harder. "Besides being a liar, Tom's boring. You deserve better."
Liz laughed. "I deserve an even bigger liar is what you're saying?"
"No. However Red has never denied that he's not telling you everything, and Tom just keeps placating you with obvious lies. You know as well as I do that he's not being truthful about the big stuff, but you're ignoring it and playing the dutiful wife. She paused, "Nobody's buying it Liz." Meera saw the anger flare in Liz's eyes and continued, "Least of all Red, and you know your anger towards him is uncalled for."
Looking down at her glass, Liz stayed quiet. She knew Meera was right, but being angry with Red was easier than dealing with the truth because she wasn't ready to face it yet. Apparently Meera thought it was time to confront her even if she didn't want to hear it, and Liz knew in her heart that she had a point.
"He only has eyes for you, Liz. You deserve someone like that."
A couple of drinks later and a lot of laughter both women were definitely beyond tipsy. Meera tried several times to steer the conversation back to Red but Elizabeth kept diverting it to Donald. Not that she minded, but it was so much more fun to talk to her friend about Red. She waved the waiter over and ordered them shots.
"I bet he's a good kisser."
"Mmm..." Elizabeth laughed. "I bet he is. Bet he's good at other stuff too." She giggled some more.
"Agent Keen!" Meera exclaimed and laughed. "How many times has that crossed your mind, huh?"
"Just a couple." She blushed. "I bet Luli knows."
"Luli?"
"Yeah. When I visited Red in his friend's house, she came to bring him tea and she was parading around in her bra wearing his shirt over it. It looked like she came from his bedroom." Liz frowned, it still annoyed her that she felt jealous of Luli.
"Really? Well I for one can't blame her." Grabbing one of the shots, Meera threw it back. They really needed to stop drinking or they were going to be sick.
"She works for him. It's inappropriate." She hoped she sounded indignant.
Meera laughed out loud. "You're just jealous. You just wanna be the one walking around his house in his shirt."
"Luli's a beautiful woman and probably very adventurous. Red's the kind of man who's used to being surrounded by beautiful women like her." Liz sighed. Taking the one shot that was left she emptied it. She waived over the waiter and ordered them a new round. Even if she could admit her attraction to him, she realized she would never be enough. He was a man who enjoyed the chase, but Red would get bored with her eventually. "I'm just regular, boring Elizabeth Keen."
"Even more reason to hook up with the guy. He'll make you feel like you're the only woman in the world because I honestly think that's how he sees you."
Liz snorted. "Why aren't you making the moves on Ressler?"
"No, don't change the subject again." Meera grabbed her friend's cell phone from the table. "Let's call Red and ask."
"Meera! No! Don't you dare!"
"Or what?"
"I'll call Ressler." She quickly grabbed the phone and made the call. "Hi Ressler, it's Agent Keen. I'm here with Meera and she thinks you're hot and very sexy." Liz sang into the phone. "She wants to.."
Meera ripped the phone out of Liz's hand and hurried to hang it up, but she noticed there was no call. "You!" She exclaimed, pointing at her friend.
Liz doubled over in laughter, the alcohol freely flowing through her veins now. She felt care free for the first time in weeks. "You should have seen your face. Priceless!"
"You are SO going to regret that." Going through Liz's contacts she found the number she was looking for and quickly dialled and put it on speaker. After two rings someone picked up.
"Lizzie? Is something wrong?" Red's familiar voice could be heard through the phone. His voice held a touch of worry.
"Reddington, it's Meera."
"Agent Malik. Is something wrong with Agent Keen?" The worry in his voice a bit more evident.
Besides being drunk and pissed, there was nothing wrong with Liz. "No, nothing's wrong per say. We're having a girl's night out and we had a question."
Before Meera could even ask anything, Liz acrobatically leaped over the chairs, and grabbed the phone out of her friend's hand and ended the call. It took a while for Meera to recover from her laughter.
"Don't ever do that again, Meera." Liz managed to sound angry.
"Why not? You're not going to do anything about it yourself."
"I am still a married woman."
"Yes and that's your own fault." Meera sighed and decided not to go there again this evening. After all they were here to have fun and talking about Liz's marriage wouldn't do Liz's mood any good.
"It's too big of a risk." Liz was suddenly serious.
"What is?"
"Red." She sighed. "I would never be enough."
"I don't think that's true. But you have to talk to Red about that if you're willing to go there." Meera paused. "Are you willing to go there?"
"I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything lately." Not liking where her thoughts were going again she shook her head as if it would get rid of them, but it didn't help. "I can't fail again." She whispered.
Both women fell silent, lost in thought. Meera looked around and saw people dancing on the small dance floor. Standing up she grabbed Liz's hand and dragged her to the floor. "Come on, we're here to have fun. Let's forget about our men for a moment and dance."
Smiling and grateful for the distraction Liz followed Meera onto the dance floor. It felt good to dance and forget everything. She couldn't remember when she'd last had this much fun.
After dancing for a few songs, Meera walked back to their table while Liz was at the bar ordering them new drinks.
Meera startled when a figure appeared from the shadows. When she saw who it was she smiled. Her plan had worked. "Reddington."
"Agent Malik."
"You found us."
"As you well know, it's not that hard to trace a call. I had to make sure Lizzie was all right." That's when somebody stumbled into chest, spilling drinks on him.
"Ooops sorry Sir." Not paying any further attention to the man she bumped into Liz slid into their booth. "I spilled our drinks. Now we'll need new ones." She pouted.
"Look who joined us, Liz." Meera smiled. This was going to be interesting.
Looking up, Liz was surprised to say the least when she saw the man standing at their table. The man she'd bumped into. "Red?" She looked him up and down. He was in his grey suit, without a tie with the top two buttons unbuttoned. He looked good.
Catching her appreciative glances, Red raised his eyebrow. "Hello, Lizzie." He greeted her in his familiar, warm voice.
"Sorry I bumped into you." She handed him a napkin so he could dry his vest. She carefully avoided any eye contact, feeling like a high school girl again. "How did you find me?"
"I'll always find you, Lizzie." He didn't use the napkin she'd offered him, putting it back on the table.
"Did you put a chip in me?" Her voice was slurred by the amount of alcohol she'd already consumed. She touched her neck to feel if she'd missed a scar.
Red huffed a laugh. "I don't need a chip to find you."
"Why are you here?"
"Because you called." Red patiently explained. For the first time in a while the worry was gone in Lizzie's eyes. He knew it was the alcohol, but the sadness and worry he'd seen there lately concerned him. He only wanted happiness for her. Preferably he wanted to be the one to bring her that happiness. If not him then he could deal with that.
Liz shook her head. "I didn't call. Meera did."
"Yes she did." Red looked around for Agent Malik, but she seemed to have disappeared. "And why did she call?"
Liz shrugged. She wasn't going to tell him. "You should ask Meera."
"Ask me what?" Meera appeared at their table with two martinis. Seeing Red's raised eyebrow, Meera knew the question.
There was a big smile on Meera's face. Liz was going to regret letting her explain it. "I called because I had a question."
Red tilted his head, waiting for the agent to continue but kept his eyes on Lizzie whose eyes were suddenly fearful. Clearly Meera was going to say something that was of interest to him. Putting his hands in his pockets he waited.
"Well Liz and I were talking about you and Liz thought she would never…"
Suddenly realizing her mistake at letting Meera do the talking, Liz jumped up. "Let's not bother Red with our girl talk. I'm sure he has someone waiting for him at home."
Neither Red nor Meera missed that sneer. Red raised his eyebrow and kept his eyes on Lizzie who didn't seem to stable on her feet. The contempt on her face was due to the alcohol she'd consumed, but the feeling was already there. He wondered why. Would it really bother her if he were with another woman? He decided it was best to take his leave from inside the pub, but he would stick around to make sure his Lizzie would get home safe in her current state. He nodded at the two women. "Now that I know you are okay, I will take my leave. Enjoy the rest of your evening ladies." He smiled his charming smile and walked away.
Chapter two
Groaning loudly Elizabeth turned her head into her pillow and breathed in. The scent was masculine, comforting and familiar and if she could just form a coherent thought over her pounding skull, she would be able to place it. That's when she suddenly remembered it. It reminded her of a scent at work. She sat up quickly, then immediately regretted it, feeling a little nauseous. Slowly she opened one eye, hoping her assumption was wrong and that she was in her own bedroom; but she didn't anything familiar. Liz let herself fall back on the bed and she sighed. There was only one place that she could be; in Red's house. Since it was his aftershave that she smelled on the pillow, she concluded that she was lying under Raymond Reddington's sheets. She grabbed the pillow next to her, put it over her face and screamed at the top of her lungs, before throwing it back on the bed. How the hell had she ended up here? She opened her eyes again. Wait a minute, surely they didn't… No, she'd been drunk. He'd never take advantage of her like that. Before sitting back up again, Liz couldn't help but take in his scent that filled the room. She gave herself that moment. It wasn't like she was ever going to be here again. That thought made her take her time as she glanced around his room. There wasn't much in it and it seemed right since Red never stayed in one place for very long. The bed she was lying in was king sized and a lot more comfortable than any bed she'd ever slept in.
It was when she laid down again that she noticed her clothing. She was wearing a t-shirt, a big t-shirt and since it clearly wasn't hers, she guessed it was Red's. Which made her wonder why she was wearing it and who'd put it on her. Had she, or had Red? She wracked her brain and tried to remember last night's events. It was all a blur. The last thing she remembered was enjoying herself on the dance floor. Liz listened carefully for any sounds outside the room. Not hearing anything she decided it was safe to get up. She looked around the room but didn't see her clothes anywhere. Not entirely stable on her feet, she carefully walked to the door and opened it wide enough to stick her head out and look into the hallway. She didn't see anyone so she opened the door completely and left the bedroom. The short hallway led her into a familiar living room. This was the apartment Frederick had left Red and this was the room where she'd first sought out Red. She needed to find her clothes and get out of here before Red found her and mocked her incessantly about her carelessness last night. She'd probably embarrassed herself more than enough yesterday and she didn't want to add to that by having Red seeing her in her current state. Of course she was never that lucky because there he was.
"Hello, Lizzie." Red appeared from behind her, standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. He quickly looked her up and down, appreciating the way she looked in his shirt. He knew she was feeling miserable and decided not to tease her.
She turned around to face him far too quickly and she almost fell over because of it, she didn't only because of Red's quick reflexes. He was by her side immediately, holding her upright by the shoulders. "Easy now." His voice was deep and warm.
When he was sure she was stable on her feet again he let go of her shoulders and stepped back. He could tell she was embarrassed by the way she kept avoiding his eyes. "Why don't you go take a shower? You'll feel better."
Liz merely nodded and let him guide her to his bathroom. She felt unsure and didn't really know how to handle the situation. Sensing her discomfort Red kept quiet. They reached the bathroom and he opened the door for her. When she didn't move he gently pushed her inside. "I'll find you some clothes to wear and leave them at the door."
She nodded. "Thanks, Red." Her voice was soft and timid.
"Think nothing of it, sweetheart." Then he walked away.
After a nice hot shower in a very luxurious bathroom, Liz did feel better. She looked at the clothes Red had left for her. Grey sweatpants, a white T-shirt and a grey hoodie which all seemed far too big. She pulled the sweatpants on, pulled the drawstrings tight and rolled up the legs a few times then slipped the T-shirt and hoodie over her head and inhaled the scent. She sat down on the edge of the tub that she would love to try out some time and took a moment to collect her thoughts. She was somewhat overwhelmed by all the Red around her. Waking up in his bed, wearing his shirt, standing in his shower using his soap and now wearing his clothes, his scent was everywhere and it was intoxicating. It threw her off. Despite what she might have said or done last night, she wasn't ready yet to accept her growing feelings for the Concierge of Crime just yet. She realized it was all a matter of time, but she was still struggling with Tom's betrayal and Red's place in her life. She needed peace of mind first. Liz had been in the bathroom for far too long and left her temporary hideaway and went in search of Red. She ended up in the living room again where she found Red on the couch reading a newspaper. He didn't look up, but she knew he was aware of her presence. On the coffee table stood a glass of water and two aspirins. She walked over, took them and sat down on the couch. They were both silent, the only sound was the rustling of the newspaper whenever Red turned a page. She leaned her head back on the back of the couch and closed her eyes for a moment. She enjoyed the sense of calm and it relaxed her. She was warm and comfortable and within a few minutes she dozed off.
A sudden soft snore made Red look up from his newspaper. Looking to his right he saw Lizzie was sound asleep again. With the way her head was lying on the back of the couch, het neck would cause her quite a bit of pain when she woke up. He folded the paper and put it on the coffee table in front of him. Careful not to wake her, he stood up and gently grabbed her shoulders, then guided her down on the couch. She tempted him like no other woman had ever done before and he couldn't resist running his hand down the side of her face, gently caressing her jaw.
"Red." She sighed, as if she responded to his caress.
It caused him to pause. Having her whisper his name and welcome his touch was something he wasn't prepared for nor was he prepared for what it stirred within him. He was a man who planned everything and who was prepared for anything and everything. He was a master at manipulating people by steering them into directions he chose. There wasn't much that surprised him. Lizzie however had the capability to throw him off every once in a while. That was something he'd taken into account when he'd started the Blacklist. But what he hadn't counted on was what she made him feel. He could hide it on the outside, but on the inside she caused him turmoil. She affected him more than anyone else had every done so besides his family. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he looked back at Lizzie whose striking blue eyes were watching him.
Both stayed silent and stared at each other. It was Red who recovered first. Putting some distance between them, he stood up and watched her sit back up. She ran her hand through her hair obviously unsure of what to do next.
"I'll get you some coffee." Before he walked out of the living room he turned towards her again. "Do you want something to eat?"
"No thanks."
A few minutes later Red returned with a coffee for Liz and a tea for himself. They sat in silence again.
"How did I end up here?" Liz finally asked. She needed to know.
He wasn't surprised she didn't remember. She'd been too far-gone when she'd stumbled out of the pub. She had tried several times to call a cab, but hadn't been successful. When he saw she was going to walk home, he'd made his presence known and guided her to his car where Dembe waited for them. There had been a bit of a struggling; she didn't want his help and due to her inebriated state it hadn't been easy to guide her to his car. "You were attempting to walk home. I thought that was unsafe so I gave you a ride."
"Where are my clothes?" Not that she really wanted to change. Red's clothes, though somewhat big, were comfortable and warm.
"They're being cleaned. You got sick in the car."
She hung her head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry." She felt the need to apologize. Not just for getting sick, but for everything. She hated that he'd seen her like that, however that may have been. Her memory was still a blur. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm herself down. There were too so many things going through her mind. The worries she tried to forget with their night out were back again with Red being the added complication.
Sensing her inner turmoil and knowing she wasn't anywhere near ready to talk he didn't call her on it. He wanted her to relax. He knew this was the first time in a long while that she had the weekend off. She needed to rest and now that she was here he would make sure she did exactly that. They would talk later. "Just relax today Lizzie. You can find a book to read, or watch a movie. You can wander around the apartment. Feel free to do what you want. I just ask that you don't leave. Spend the day here."
She nodded. She didn't feel like leaving and even if she was ready for it, she felt comfortable here. Her home hadn't felt like one for a while now. This felt more like it. "Thank you, Red."
He didn't acknowledge her thanks and instead stood up and left the room, giving Liz the room to herself. Liz first watched a bit of television but there wasn't anything she particularly liked and turned it off. She walked to the bookcase and eventually chose a book then settled back on the couch after getting herself a cup of tea. It didn't take her long before she was engrossed in the book.
It was a cough that startled her to another presence in the room. Out of nowhere, at least to Liz, Luli was standing in the living room. Where did she come from? She hadn't heard a doorbell, but figured that Luli probably had a key since she was one of Red's associates.
"Agent Keen." Luli greeted Liz coolly, not showing any surprise at her presence in the house. "I'm looking for Raymond. Do you know where he is?"
She really didn't like the way Luli said his name. It was with familiarity and with a tone that held a certain intimate knowledge that gave her a rather uncomfortable feeling. Liz ignored the fact that she shouldn't even have that uncomfortable feeling. "I don't know." She tried to sound indifferent and wondered if it worked.
"I will look for him."
Red suddenly walked in. "Aah, Luli, you're here. Right on time." Without a word to Liz, Red focused on Luli and waited for her to join him before they walked out of the living room. He'd heard Luli the moment she'd entered his house, but hadn't been able to greet her at the door because he was just finishing a phone call. After that call finished he had went in search of her and found the two women in the living room. Lizzie who was never short with people and he was surprised she was with Luli. She seemed to be uncomfortable when Luli was around.
Knowing Lizzie as he did he left Luli alone in the room he'd designated as an office. He needed to make sure Lizzie wasn't going anywhere. It turned out he'd been her right because he found her in the hall way with her coat in his hand near the door.
"Where are you going?" Red, as he often did, appeared out of nowhere behind her.
"I'm going home." Facing away from him Liz put her coat on over Red's clothes. She would go home and give his clothes back some other time. She wasn't going to stay here with Red and Luli in the other room. She felt uncomfortable around them the both of them ever since she'd seen Luli wearing Red's shirt and hardly anything else. She really didn't need to see that again and that's why she wanted to leave. Red and Luli's indefinable relationship bothered her more than it should and she wasn't in the mood to contemplate that fact. Best to leave then, what she didn't see couldn't really bother her.
"Why?" He was patient but he didn't like it that she wanted to leave.
"I don't want to disturb you two." Turning towards the door, she mumbled. "I'm sure you two would rather be alone."
Red stepped closer to her until his chest was inches from her back, then leaned forward and placed his hand on the door, preventing her from opening the door it. "I asked you not to leave and I'd prefer it if you didn't." He wasn't going to force her to stay, but he was going to make sure he got his point across. This was the second time that she hinted at something between him and Luli and he wondered why. Obviously his dealings with Luli were all business. They had known each other for years now and he trusted her with his life. There weren't many people who had his trust. And yes in the beginning he and Luli had had a few pleasant encounters, but that was all in the past. "Now I will attend to my business and I expect to find you here. Then I will prepare dinner." With that he left her alone in the hallway with her taking deep breaths to try to control the emotions his nearness evoked in her. She was in trouble. Part of her wanted to stay because she felt more relaxed and comfortable here than at her own home, but then again was it wise to stay here with Red? Probably not because Red want her to open up to him and she wasn't ready for that yet.
Chapter three
After some contemplation Liz had decided to stay at Frederick's house. She didn't feel like ignoring Red's request but most importantly she really didn't want to go home. So staying here seemed logical. Her home, she thought… it wasn't home anymore. It hadn't felt like one for a while now.
She wasn't as relaxed as before, however. What were Luli and Red doing? If Luli was walked in wearing Red's shirt again she was going to leave. She sat in silence for a few moments, listening for any sounds that could indicate what was happening in the next room over. She heard nothing. Rationally she knew she had no right to be jealous. After all she could lay no claim to Red. However that did not stop her heart from doing so. She turned back to her book and tried to push her thoughts to the back of her mind, if only temporarily.
"What is it exactly about my relationship with Luli that bothers you?" Red asked after Luli left. He was standing just inside the living room with his hands in his pockets.
For the second time that day she hadn't noticed someone entering the room. Startled, she stood up quickly, the book falling to the floor. She was unprepared for his entrance and his question, and silently contemplated his words. Relationship was the word he'd used and Liz hated that that word bothered her. Why couldn't he have used the word business? Or maybe even called it a fling. That would have implied it wasn't anything serious. But no, the word relationship meant it was more.
"I don't want to talk about it."
He didn't like her refusal to talk. His Lizzie had trouble when things hit too close to home. That's when she closed off and compartmentalized. And if that didn't work she tried to shut everyone and everything out. That was she'd done yesterday by drinking, and it was what she was doing now, by refusing to answer. She often got away with it, but this time he wouldn't allow it. "Would you rather talk about your marriage? Or why you felt the need to get so drunk yesterday that you don't remember anything anymore? Or maybe the fact that you feel so lost that you're not sure if you can find your way back?" He'd inched closer to her with every sentence until her stopped right in front of her.
She put her hands up as a clear signal that she didn't want him any closer. To be sure she took a step back. "Like I said. I don't wanna talk, Red. I'm here. I didn't walk away. As always it's your rules we obey." She hoped her voice sounded as strong as she wanted it to. To make her point she walked past him.
Red grabbed her wrist when she tried to walk away. He turned his body towards her, hoping to put her at ease a bit as he gently caressed her wrist with his tumb. "My relationship with Luli is purely business." He clarified.
She looked at him. She didn't need to articulate her question. It was there in her eyes.
"You're not as good at concealing your feelings as you might think you are. At least not to me." He paused before he leaned in. "You can't keep ignoring what's going on, Lizzie."
He watched how his breath against her ear made her shiver and close her eyes. He would give her some time to find her ground again. Then they would talk. "I'm going to prepare dinner. After that we will talk." He released her wrist and touched the small of her back before walking away.
Dinner was mostly spent in silence. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant though and it could have been awkward, but it was not. Red was an excellent cook and Liz wasn't surprised. She wondered if there was anything the man couldn't do. She hoped her nerves weren't too obvious, but then she also knew that Red could read her like a book. He'd prepared duck in red whine sauce with vegetables. He'd asked her about the book she was reading and if she enjoyed the house. They were comfortable together in a way that seemed to suggest they'd shared more dinners together in this domestic setting. Red always had the ability to put her at ease.
Far too soon she was back on the couch in the living room, waiting for Red to join her. He was still in the kitchen. He'd gently pushed her out of the room saying he would clean up and join her after he was finished. She felt more relaxed and even a bit lazy after that wonderful dinner. But she was apprehensive about what was to come.
She knew she was going to have to open up to him, but still felt like holding back and keeping him at a distance. She realized all to well that if she were to open up to him, if she were to let him in, there would be no holding back. With Red there was no half way, no he would engulf her as she would him. And at this point in time, she didn't know if she was ready for that. She didn't even know if she could handle it now. She was brought out of her reverie by the ringing of her cell phone. She was relieved when she saw it wasn't Tom. It was Maggie, one of her closest friends.
"Hi, Maggie."
"Liz, where are you?"
"Why?" She didn't really want to tell her friend where she was.
"I went to your place and there was nobody there. I wanted to go out and get a drink together."
"No, I'm sorry. I haven't been home today."
Maggie was never one to ignore a slip of tongue and Liz realized her mistake.
"You haven't been home?" Maggie asked. "And where exactly are you?"
Best not to be too specific with her answers. "At a colleague's." What else to call Red?
"Are you with that one colleague?"
"Which one?"
"The one you've been talking so much about lately."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes you do. For the last few weeks you've managed to bring him up in every conversation we've had. Though always without mentioning his name and without really saying too much."
Thinking about it, Maggie was right. She had mentioned Red a lot in their conversations without ever going into specifics. Maggie was easier to talk to. She didn't know the specifics of the complicated situation she was in. Maggie knew her and knew how she was struggling with her marriage. Liz had told her friend that she and Tom were communicating less and less and that the trust and honesty they'd once shared was replaced by mistrust and sometimes even hostility. What Maggie didn't know was the reason for it all and she couldn't tell her it was because of Red's warning. Red's words had opened her eyes and it made her wonder why she had never seen it before.
Liz had known Maggie ever since high school, and that made it easier to open up to her. She was one of the few people Liz trusted. "Maybe you're right." Standing up Liz started to walk around the house. She wanted to find a room where she could talk to Maggie in private. She didn't want Red to walk in on their conversation. In the end she found a small library and sat down in the black love seat.
"How did you end up at his place?"
"I'm not really sure. Meera and I went out for drinks yesterday. This morning I woke up in his bed."
"Excuse me, in his bed? My my Liz that must have been quite a night."
"I woke up alone, Maggie. He would never take advantage of me like that."
"Good to know."
When Liz didn't continue, Maggie asked another question.
"But you went out with Meera, right? How did he know where you were?"
"I wish I knew. I don't remember anything. I was too drunk."
It wasn't like Liz to get so drunk she didn't remember anything anymore. Clearly Liz was more troubled then she let on and that didn't surprise Maggie at all. Liz always kept things bottled up and it wasn't easy for her to share. She always needed a push. Over the years Liz confided in her more often without having to be pushed.
"It's okay to admit that you and Tom are struggling, Liz. There's no shame in that." Maggie didn't dislike Tom but had always wondered if he and Liz were the right match. Liz deserved someone who would move heaven and earth to make her happy. Lately though Liz had been anything but happy and sometimes it even seemed that the weight of the world was on her small shoulders.
"It feels like a failure, Maggie. I feel like a failure."
"Why?"
That was difficult to explain since some of it was classified information. "Because he's fooled me into believing we had something good. He's not the man I thought he was." Liz paused before admitting to the next words. "I've been doubting myself for weeks now. Am I not good enough?" That was her biggest fear.
"Don't be ridiculous." At times Liz could be very insecure and Maggie hated that.
"Tell me about your colleague. What's he like?"
How best to describe Red? "He's... complicated. He's a walking contradiction, but he draws me in."
"You like him."
Both stayed silent. Liz because she knew Maggie was right about her liking him, but didn't want to say it out loud and for Maggie the silence was a confirmation.
"But I'm not sure if I'll ever be enough, Maggie." Liz admitted after the silence.
"Why not, Liz?"
"Because I'm boring and plain and he's used to having beautiful exciting women vying for his attention. I can't compete with that. I won't."
Red had gone in search of Lizzie after he'd cleaned the kitchen. When he'd found her in the library he heard her talking and realized she was on the phone. It wasn't his intention to eavesdrop, but when he'd heard her talk about her insecurities he couldn't leave. He hated it that she felt so insecure and he hated Tom for it. He took a deep breath willing the anger away. There was a time and place for it and it wasn't now. He was about to walk away when he'd heard her say his name. Didn't she understand that he only saw her? That there was no competition at all? He sighed. His Lizzie was more troubled than he thought and it bothered him. How he wished she would let him in and trust him.
Chapter four
It had either been a very long phone call or Lizzie was still avoiding him since she still hadn't joined him in the living room. Her absence had given him time to think. Lizzie was keeping a clear distance between them. Sometimes it seemed she wanted him closer, but there was always a part of her that held her back. She seemed unsure of herself. Red realized he needed to thread carefully. Making the wrong move now could result in Lizzie leaving the apartment. He had her here now and she wasn't going to leave until the air was cleared between them. Tired of waiting he got up and searched for her. He found her in the library, staring out of the window, her back to him. She was tense; he could tell by the set of her shoulders. Her call with what he surmised had been a friend, hadn't relaxed her.
Quietly he closed the distance between them until he was at her side and waited for her to say something. This was about trust and she would have to take the first step, but when she didn't say anything for a long while, he began instead. "Actions speak louder than words, Lizzie. You should know by now that you can trust me. If not then I don't know what else I can do to earn it. I'm here if you want to talk. If not, that's okay too. You can stay here as long as you want." He turned away from her, intent on leaving her alone again.
"Red." She said his name softly, but strong enough for him to hear. She didn't turn towards him. They were standing with their backs toward each other. It seemed strange; both wanting to be closer to one another, maybe even needing it, but it was as if their bodies and their minds were in disagreement.
Red turned around, but kept his distance from her, and watched as she looked out the window.
Liz wanted to share something from her past with him. "In high school I lost my way for a short while. We'd just moved and I had a hard time finding my place. I was never really good at making new friends and I felt alone. Then one day this boy approached me. Jason was his name. I fell for him. He was handsome, charming and swept me off of my feet. He was exactly what I needed in this new town where I felt so alone. He had me wrapped around his finger in no time. As they often say, love makes you blind and it did with me. He was my first love and of course I thought he was perfect. I did whatever he did. When he played hooky, so did I. He smoked so I started smoking too. He could sweet talk me into anything really and he did, even with things I felt uncomfortable with." She paused for a moment She wasn't going to go into details about the things she'd done with or for Jason. She didn't like to remember them. "I thought I was the only one for him, but of course I wasn't. Jason had a knack for picking out the vulnerable girls and using them. After a while he'd get bored with you. When that happened the humiliations and insults started. Mostly of it was psychological but one time it was physical. It was only then that I realized what had happened, but the damage was already done. I was still alone, more insecure than before and felt humiliated."
Liz turned away from the window and walked towards Red who was now sitting in the love seat she'd previously sat in and was looking at her intently. She had his complete attention and it didn't bother her like she expected. It surprised her how easy it was to talk to him. Red listened and he didn't interrupt her to comfort or reassure her. No, he gave her the space she needed to say what she had to say. Like Maggie had said, she had to have a little faith in him.
Red tried hard to hide the anger he felt for this man called Jason and he wondered if he could track him down and hurt him. He quickly focused back on Lizzie who'd started pacing in front of him and was agitated. Quietly he stood up and took her hand to stop her pacing. She'd been so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed his approach and his touch startled her. She stared down at their joined hands and continued.
"It was after that, that I promised myself to never be fooled again. I think that's when my interest for profiling started. Even though I didn't know then that it was called profiling." She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "But the damage was done." Liz swallowed. Telling him her story hadn't been easy. She still felt embarrassed about it even though it happened years ago. "It took me a while to feel confident in myself again, but I got there. I made new friends and enjoyed school again." She released his hand and put some distance between them again though she missed his warm, strong fingers immediately.
"But apparently I am a glutton for punishment because I met Tom and for the second time in my life I was played like a fool by someone I loved. Blinded by love again." Back at the window, Liz stared outside again.
"We've been married for four years. We've been talking about starting a family for months now, but lately I'm questioning everything he says." She said softly. "I overthink everything, I'm doubting his decisions and mine and I feel unsure about everything. I don't feel like me anymore. Is that my fault, or Tom's? I know we have to make a decision. Rationally I know what to do, but emotionally I'm still struggling with the impact that decision will have. In a way it scares me. I don't know if I can get through that aftermath."
Red wanted to say something to reassure her that she could get through it. That he'd be there to help her get through it, but before he could say anything, Liz stopped him.
"You don't have to say anything. I'm not asking for reassurance." She sighed. "I wonder if you hadn't entered my life if I would I have eventually seen the true Tom, or if I would I have stayed married to a man who didn't love me and raised a child with him."
"I keep going over it in my head, wondering where it went wrong. Tom swept me off of my feet from day one." Liz turned from the window and now leaned against the windowsill. She looked at the floor, not wanting to look at Red. "He was so sweet and charming. Thinking back it seemed all too good to be true." She shook her head. "I should have known better. Love can never be that perfect."
Red hated how cynical she sounded. This was Tom's doing and he hated the man even more. Lizzie deserved to know real love, to be the center of someone's life and know that that person would do anything to make her feel safe and happy. If she would let him, he'd be that person. He would make sure she'd never feel anything but loved and cherished. It would be his mission, but he knew it would be difficult. It felt like she'd lost faith in love because of the failures and she didn't seem to see that it was never her failure but always those of the men who mistreated her. It would take time and patience to bring her faith back. Luckily he was a patient man.
He closed the distance between them. He wanted to touch her. His hand was mid air, but he stopped himself. His touch wasn't what she needed at the moment.
"I failed myself." Her words were harsh. She was angry with herself.
Now he did touch her because he didn't like the way she was talking about herself and she needed to know that. He grabbed her by her shoulders to get her attention and get through to her. "You did not fail."
"But I.."
"No." His voice made it clear there was no room for discussion. "I don't want to hear of it."
Liz shrugged her shoulders to get rid of Red's hands on her shoulder. There was something else she needed to say. "I promised myself I won't make the same mistakes again. I'm stronger this time and definitely more experienced in deceit."
Liz was silent and looked at Red. He was completely focused on her. She'd seen the anger in his eyes when she'd talked about Jason and Tom. Now there was none of it, and in its place was a softness he'd been showing her more often lately. It confused her. Red didn't reveal a lot of himself and kept it all close to the vest. She was pretty sure she was the only one who could rattle him and knew her next words would. Just like they unsettled her. She stepped away from him again, once again needing distance.
"And then there's you…" Liz paused and swallowed. "My heart and mind are in a constant struggle for dominance, but my mind is going to win, Red. I am not going to be hurt like that again. I won't be fooled for a third time."
Chapter five
She'd left him alone in the library after her admission. Speechless. There weren't many people who could do that, but it didn't surprise him that she could. Her words however did surprise him. Even though he suspected her feelings for him were deeper than she was willing to admit, he never thought she would actually voice them. And she'd said it in her own way, telling him she had feelings for him but also immediately keeping distance between them. It was what she did and what he was willing to accept for now. She'd already given him far more than he thought she would. She was going to be his, of that he was sure now. It would take time and patience, but he didn't mind. She was worth the wait because she was his true north, the soul that complimented his and the only woman who was his match.
Liz returned to the library with two glasses of wine in her hands. Silently she approached him and handed him a glass. She observed him as she drank her wine and watched him watch her. She wondered how he was going to respond to everything she'd said or if he was even going to respond; with Red you never knew. She looked into his eyes and saw warmth and tenderness and it reassured her in her decision to open up to him.
Stepping closer to her, Red took Lizzie's wine glass from her hand and put both their glasses on the table. Taking her hands in his, he entwined their fingers and pulled her just a bit closer, until their bodies almost touched. They both closed their eyes, breathing each other in and savoring the moment.
"Thank you for sharing that with me, Lizzie." His voice was soft and warm and sent shivers through her body. "I want to respond, but you're not ready for what I have to say. Know that when you are, I will show you what those words and you mean to me."
He stepped away and she missed his warmth instantly. As he went to release her hands, she stopped him from doing so by holding on. He waited for her to let go and after a moment she did. Taking a step back she sighed. "I think I better go home." She turned away from him and walked to the door, ready to go gather her things and leave. His words stopped her just before she could walk out, but she doesn't turn around to face him.
"Just because something cannot be fixed, doesn't mean you've failed, Lizzie."
She kept her back to him, absorbing his words, then walked out of the library and back to the bedroom to gather her things. She changed into her own clothes again which were now clean. For a moment she contemplated taking his sweatshirt with her, knowing it would bring her some comfort, but decided against it. She wondered what Red thought about what she'd shared, but she could understand his unwillingness to respond. This was not the time nor the place. There was still so much she had to figure out before she could focus on this thing between her and Red, but she was certain that they were going to explore it. First she needed to deal with Tom and their marriage. She was now sure of the decision she had to make and after that, after she'd dealt with it and found her own way again, then there would be time for them. She took one last glance around his bedroom and left, then made her way to the front door where Red was waiting for her. He helped with her coat then gently he turned her around to look into her eyes. "I'll be here when you're ready, Lizzie, but I need for you to take the first step. I won't risk losing you, you mean too much." He took a step back, his hands lingering on her shoulders for a moment.
Closing the distance he created between them Liz stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Red." Stepping back she looked at him one more time before she turned and closed the door behind her.
The End.