Disclaimer: Yeah, don't own Grey's anatomy or the song. If I did, Meredith would not have said things were "Over. So over."
So, I know It's been awhile since I've updated or written anything. It's mostly because I just don't know what to think of the season finale. Kinda makes me mad thinking about how things were left off. I'm going to use the stream of consciousness technique that I used in Before He cheats to sift through what the characters might be thinking now.
Sorta Fairytale – Tori Amos
on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining
Night in shining whatever. Uh huh. Girls like me? We don't have knights in shining whatever. We have dead mommies, dead fake mommies and dad's who get drunk and slap their daughters. At least the daughter that he blames for fake mommy's death. But we don't get the night in shining whatevers.
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
Fairytales do not happen to girls like me. I thought maybe. I hoped maybe.
But no. Because Christina almost had the happily ever after. The whole knight in shining whatever and look how well that turned out.
things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it
If Burktina can't make it, what chance do Derek and I have? I mean, seriously. Our relationship was originally based on a lie. He cheated on his wife with me. He chose his wife over me. Then cheated on his wife with me again. With my knowledge. What kind of fairytale has this kind of drama? None I've ever heard, that's for sure.
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
And Derek. Worrying about breathing for me. I don't need him to breathe for me. I never asked him to breathe for me. I can breathe just fine on my own, thank you very much. He shouldn't be breathing for me anyway, we should be breathing together.
and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it
Maybe we can't have it all. The perfect career. The perfect home. Look at Bailey. She's got the husband and baby. But Callie is chief resident. And Callie and George… I think I heard something about a baby there? But things have been so tense between them. And Callie keeps cornering Izzie. Wanting her husband back. When did he leave? Then there's the Chief and Adele. They have been separated for how many months now? Who knows. Before that, he was having an affair with my mother. Who had the perfect career but no steady man since her and Thatcher split up. None of the Attendings are married now. Maybe we're just chasing after a fantasy. Something that will never happen.
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
i could pick back up
whenever i feel
But Derek wants ME to be in this or put him out of his misery. When he puts it like that… I don't want to torture him. But… I don't know how to be apart of a couple. Or not run to my friends and tequila when things go wrong. They were there for me when Derek wasn't.
down new mexico way
something about
the open road
i knew that he was
looking for some indian blood and
find a little in you find a little
in me we may be
on this road but
we're just
impostors
in this country you know
so we go along and we said
we'd fake it
feel better with
oliver stone
till i
almost smacked him -
seemed right that night and
i don't know what
takes hold
out there in the
desert cold
these guys think they must
try and just get over on us
And no matter how much he wants me to, I can't keep this niggling little piece of doubt that if Derek were to find someone better… Someone not so dark and twisty… He would leave me in a heartbeat. I mean, the whole choosing Addison thing before… With barely giving me a second thought… I guess I never dealt with it. We never dealt with it. He cheated, he wanted space, and then we were together. I suck at the communicating thing.