I let everything fall as I stared at the gray. It was a light gray, with pink undertones to it.

Unlike me, it was warm.

But my soul? My soul was a dark gray, consuming me whole and making me feel….feel….worthless?

Good god, I was feeling emotion.

But how? After he…..left, I numbed myself to it. So why now? Why did it come back and haunt me?

Why did I feel so useless?

He was gone, he IS gone, I wanted to tell myself. But for some reason, I couldn't accept it.

I thought about all the good memories, the bad memories, and the ugly ones. I thought about the times where we ran on the playground together, to the times where we battled side by side, to where our fingertips grazed each other.

To where he finally told me.

I looked back on it. We were under rain, seeking shelter by hiding under the trees after we had gotten lost. We set up a tent quickly, and lay down in it.

Together.

That's when he shifted over and started poking me. I simply grunted, but he wouldn't stop. I eventually turned over to humor him.

"What?"

"You know, I wonder where the Luvdisc are?"

"What? You're not making any sense."

"I think all Pokémon of love should be here!" His cheeks were tinted pink.

"Wha-? Why?"

"Because I think there are people in love." He smiled at me. My heart beat faster as I gazed at him. His eyes shone with passion, but there was softness too. Unlike my eyes, which were cold and hazy, his eyes shone with radiance and light and color. It was like…..

It was like his eyes were shining onto me, filling my red ones with light.

I suddenly shifted away as I felt my cheeks warm up, but he grabbed my arm.

"Hey. You're amazing. Don't let anyone think of you any less, okay?"

"...Okay."

Why did he care? Earlier, we were kids. I was looking for revenge, revenge for my little sister's Pokémon.

But then he came into my life. He came and showed me the wonders of battling and training, of being one with your Pokémon. I was taken aback by him when we first met, because his eyes sparkled.

He was like the sun in my life. Scaring away the gray clouds.

Slowly, I began to think clearly. I began to look positively. I began to feel emotion, the good kind.

I hadn't realized I numbed myself to it, until he broke the ice cage that locked me in.

I gained a free spirit with him around. I felt I could be myself. The gray clouds in my life were finally gone. They were supposed to be gone.

I felt a fresh wave of tears as I reached the end.

He got sick. He got sick. From what, I didn't know. But he wasn't supposed to die from it.

I remembered his last night. He was out of bed.

Uneasy breathing was felt on my neck.

I spun around and immediately caught him. "Baka! What do you think you're doing?!"

He smiled weakly. "I wanted to go outside. You can't say no."

"Why not? You need to rest!"

"But can't I spend tonight with the one I love?" He gave me puppy dog eyes and a pout, which was too cute to resist.

"Ugh fine. Get on my back. Don't want you getting any worse." He didn't hesitate and climbed onto my back. My heart sank.

He was lighter, much lighter than before.

"What's the matter?"

I snapped out of my daydream. "Nothing."

"Okay, let's go to our hill!" I said nothing as I made the mediocre trek to the top of our hill. I laid him down onto the cushion of grass and proceeded to join him.

"Wow, look at them all!" I chuckled a bit. We were 17, yet he was still amused by trivial things. I didn't care. It made him cute.

"This is always how I wanted it to be. Just us, under the stars." I shifted to look at him, and he met my gaze back.

The light in his eyes was fading.

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"I love you, you know?"

I stammered as my cheeks turned beet red. "I….you…..love…."

"I know." And we sat up.

He immediately grabbed my face to press his lips against mine. I was shocked, because we had never done something like this, but reciprocated anyway.

Then we finished.

He fell limp into my arms. My alarm skyrocketed as I shook him slightly.

"No! Stay!" I took him on my back and sprinted for the hospital, to get him back to a place where he could be healed.

I couldn't let him go. Because I was dying inside.

"...Steel….." I heard his soft voice whisper my nickname, and I stopped abruptly.

"What is it?" I asked frantically.

"I wasn't going to get better. I knew I was going soon. I wanted to just spend my last night with you."

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I wanted you to just think about…..us. To just clear your head of all the worries and drama. I'm happy. I'm glad to have spent one more night out there than 6 more inside."

"Listen! You are NOT going to die!"

He continued. "Take care of everyone for me. Especially Emboar."

"Don't do this!"

"...I love you…" His words were barely above a whisper. The light finally went away. He slumped.

My eyes went wide. I….lost him.

He was gone.

I ran. Ran as fast as i could. Back to Aspertia.

I burst into his house, where his mother was silently drinking coffee. She noticed me, and then

the arms on my shoulders.

The coffee cup fell, and she shattered.

She screamed as I put him on the couch. She caressed him, murmuring loving words and cooing.

"Baby boy….it'll be alright….the doctor will come….he'll s-save you…." But I saw the fear and anguish in her brown eyes. She was telling that to convince herself.

Without hesitation, I hugged the woman. I didn't cry myself, but I assumed it was from the shock.

She just sobbed into my arms, letting her actions do the talking. She cried for hours, and I let her.

After all, she lost a loved one too.

I stole a glance at him. He looked so peaceful, like he was asleep. 'At least you won't suffer anymore…' I thought to myself.

"...He always loved you." I heard his mom say before she fell asleep. I was haunted. He loved me? Truly? He told his mother, but I didn't know. But I did. I was conflicted.

But I cleared again as I carried the exhausted woman to her bed. Someone burst into the house. Cheren.

"What happened? I heard her screaming…."

All my worst fears were realized as I sunk down. No….why did he have to die?

I let myself collapse onto my knees and faced my friend.

"Wha,what happened?!" He told me as my head hit the floor.

"He's gone, Cheren…." I succumbed to the cold.

I felt hot tears streaming down my face.

"You know, everyone misses you. Mom, Cheren, Bianca, Rosa….even Juniper. They miss you."

Nothing.

"It's your birthday today….you're finally 18. Isn't that great?"

No response.

"You know….your mom made a cake for us. Red Velvet, your favorite." I smiled sadly. "It was really nice, really good….if only you were there…."

All I heard was wind.

"If….o-only….you…..w-w-were here…...I would still….be….happy….."

I couldn't hold it anymore.

"Dammit!" I pounded the dirt with my fists. "DAMN IT!" I screamed.

"ITS BEEN A YEAR! A DAMN YEAR! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, AND NOW YOU'RE GONE!"

The tomb stared back.

"YOU WERE GONNA BE THE GREATEST!"

Icy wind nipped at my face.

"Everyone misses you dammit! Cheren, Bianca, your mother! Why couldn't you have lived?!"

I felt anger consume my soul. Then, just sadness.

"But you know who misses you the most? You wanna know? It's ME! You made me feel complete again. There was a hole in my heart, emptiness, which you just filled up for me. And everything was fucking fine!"

They dropped down my face and thawed out my frozen heart.

"I'M DYING NOW! CAN'T YOU SEE?! YOU'RE KILLING ME!"

But I could never stay angry.

"I loved you….and you left me…..why? Why did you have to die?"

That name would haunt me forever.

Nate.

The light dimmed, and at once he was gone.