Pounding in my head like someone was hitting a steady beat right through my skull and on my brain.

Rat-a-tat Rat-a-tat-tat.

The beat went on. What happened? What was that blistering pain?

Knock Knock Knock

Another sound other than the beating of pain, thank god. I lifted myself from the floor and looked for the source of the sound. Why was I on the floor again?

Oh fuck that's right; I died again last night. That would explain the headache; after all I'd died because I'd agreed to let Cartman try to hit an apple off my head with a baseball bat. He might be fat, but he'd really gotten strong over the years. Probably caused enough damage the internal bleeding took me out in unconsciousness.

That explained the drumming all over my skull, but I did have to admit; I was really thankful I'd lost consciousness before death. The worst part about this whole dying, but not staying dead thing was I could remember each and every death like it was still happening. They haunted me in my sleep and well when I closed my eyes too.

It was a real pain in the ass.

The knocking sounded in my house again which meant I'd been left with the task of getting the door. I'd have to remember to write this death down in the journal I'd started keeping. I found writing my deaths out helped keep them from popping up in my dreams. Little trick I read off the internet.

Walking to the door, I opened it expecting to see my usual gang ready to pull some kind of mischief that would well probably just get me killed again. Well at least it'd make a hell of a story and I'd get to see Kyle's nice piece of ass.

I turned the knob and threw open the door, a bit surprised to find Butters standing at the door. He normally only came directly to my house when I… when I died that's right.

I never knew why and doubted I'd ever find out, but for some reason over the years up until about my 16th birthday everything went normal where no one would remember my deaths or the moments leading up to it, but on that day I died and woke up next to Butters. I remember him freaking out being so happy I was alive. It was well kind of cute really. It turned out he remembered my death and how it happened. He did conveniently forget that I come back every time, but I reminded him of it and he calmed down.

After that we became pretty good friends though. He's a real cute kid. Cute was probably the wrong word. He's a kid I'd really love to bend over a table, there that was right.

But that's not really why we became friends.

Butters was the only one who seemed to remember my deaths. Not sure why, but he'd always come to find me after a death. The kid had a six sense for my deaths which was a pity for him. After all…

I was kind of tired of the whole dying over and over things.

I tried killing myself multiple times and multiple different ways. Butters witnessed more than a few of my little creative attempts. I remember waking up with him sitting next to me reading. First thing out of my mouth was some shitty pick up line. He'd blushed and just laughed it off, but I thought it was great.

Maybe one day I'd get Butters into bed and do all kinds of things to him. I'd done it to a few of my friends though right after I'd make sure to die so they didn't remember. It was real fun doing it, but got boring after a while. After all what's the fun of getting that close to people who'd forget anyway?

"Kenny? Did ya hear me Kenny? I was just saying well that I'd heard what happened and I wanted to make sure you were okay." I heard Butters say. He was looking at me with those big concerned eyes. Guess I'd zoned out a bit.

Grinning I muttered, "I'd be a lot better if you'd get into bed with me." I knew he wouldn't hear me as I was an expert at saying things just quietly enough for people to not hear it.

I laughed openly at Butter's confused expression, but he didn't ask. Most people didn't since they were used to me saying things they were better off not hearing. I made a lot of sex jokes though. I've been told it's awful when I get high cause I always end up shedding my jacket for one reason or another and then everyone can hear me.

So what if I'm a little fucked up?

"Don't worry about me Butters. Same old same old, death by Cartman. Not the first time and certainly not the last. How 'bout you and I go have a bit of fun in town? I've got time before being up with Craig for a bit of green fun by Starks Pond." I went smoking with Craig fairly often now. He was pretty mellow and so weed with him was better than it was with say Cartman. I would do it with Kyle or Stan, but Kyle doesn't cause his mom would kill him and Stan doesn't want to leave Kyle out.

Butters was altogether too innocent for that too, but he never minded coming and hanging out while I was high. I felt a bit bad mostly cause when we hung out and I got high I'd complain about the dying crap and he'd feel bad for me.

I didn't like making Butters sad. He was always so chipper or tried to be and I felt like if I made him less chipper I was doing a disservice to the world and well that's not what I wanted to do.

Plus I felt bad getting high around him cause I'd always try to get in his pants. I mean I am most truthful when I'm high.

I remember one time that I was talking to him about the dying thing… Talking about how a lot of the time it hurts and I can remember it. Death is not often as quick as everyone makes it out to be… I honestly think the "he died a painless death" thing is just bullshit doctors say to make people feel better.

Death fucking hurt.

And Butters was fully aware of how much after all I'd told him on several occasions about it. He always seemed a little sad when I said it too. Might be a little big headed to say this, but I honestly believed at some times he had a crush on me. After all the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking… Well let's just say I've seen that look on many other people.

I knew it wouldn't work out though. Butters remembering my deaths made it better for us to not be that close. Allowing him to be my friend was really more than I wanted, though there was no way I could say no to him. Especially since I had a crush on him too.

"S-sure Kenny let's go!" Butters seemed really happy at the idea of wandering around with me. He was normally just happy to do anything with people. I think it was a reaction to us being kids when people rejected him a lot.

Grabbing his hand, I didn't wait for any other go-ahead. I shut the door to my house and pulled Butters to the street. Hanging out would be really cool and a nice way to forget the receding headache I had. Maybe we'd be able to go to a café. I think I had even spare change from my job to get a hot chocolate. A small one of course. Or maybe I could get a larger one and Butters would share it with me. That'd be nice, though not much of a friendish thing. Small one for me it would be the-

"Kenny!"

I felt the hand in my grasp tighten before I was swung to the side. I fell on my butt, unsure of what was happening until I heard it.

A loud screech, a blaring horn, squealing tires… So much for not dying. All that was left was to wait for the pain of the collision and hope the medics would just let me die fast… But the pain never came.

Looking up from my position on the ground I saw a familiar mop of blonde hair.

Shit.

Someone was screaming Butters' name, wait no I was screaming his name. In seconds my mind put together what had happened. The loud tires, the horn, the screech, the hand pulling me to the side. Butters had saved my life and sacrificed his.

Why?

Who knew why he would do that. He knew that I couldn't ever actually die! Now he was the one bleeding out in the road.

"Someone call 911 now!" I screamed, finally coming to my senses and going to the mangled mess that was my friend.

Taking hold of his hand, something of comfort people did with me when I was dying, I looked at him. "What the hell were you thinking? You know I can't die. Shit Butters now you're- you're a fucking mess dude."

I saw a smile on Butters bloody lips and a voice wheezed out, "You a-always seem so sad… you know, when you talk about dying. I well hamburgers, I asked Damien if there was a way to make it stop, if he knew a way and well he told me sacrifice normally breaks things like curses. He-" Butters was silenced by coughing. At this point blood was probably filling up his lungs. The pain of that was awful, I knew it well.

"He told me he wasn't sure it'd work, but well I had to try you see. Sorry about not telling you, but the car was coming and well my body moved on its own."

"Butters you shouldn't have. That was-" Stupid, brave, amazing, awesome, foolhardy… A number of words described what Butters had done, but it didn't matter. I could feel it though. Feel the difference. The curse was gone, but it wasn't worth it. It didn't matter though. I couldn't change it.

Finally… I was free.

I never thought I would be this upset about that.

A/N: So I got really into South Park again like a week ago and decided to write this... Idk why. Mostly cause my friend really likes Kenny and when I get into things fic ideas pop into my head a bunch. Wrote this a weird kind of staggered way, though I like writing like that. Anyway, hope you liked it. It's up on archiveofourown too if you'd like to see it there. My username there is also Iceestar. Please review if you've got time.