~Prelude~

Author:
Danaeyl Panthernopaeus.

Theme:
Alternate Universe, Crossover.

Storyline:
Just promise one thing.

Disclaimer:
Everything of and referring to DNAngel and Vampire Knight do not belong to me. This is a fan-based, non-profit story.

Author's Note:
Dedicated to a friend that adores the prospect of Kaname and Krad having a relationship of any sort. This is for you, Constance. This was also an idea I was kicking around for a little while but didn't want to post it without a reason.

Mentions of torture, some language, mentions of violence. Implied rape if you squint.

My 'father' was talking but I ignored him. I always did, unless he was saying something of importance but that was very rare. I didn't care what he had to say to justify him or the rest of the family for dumping me at that school. I glared at him. What right did he have to act all nice and fatherly with me? He had none. No right whatsoever. I wasn't going to argue with him, though. I didn't argue with anyone. Most of the time, I just glared and hoped that it got the message across.

Once upon a time, I was known as Krad Hikari. No one used that name when speaking about me, anymore. I was now referred to as either the 'Hikari curse' or the 'Hikari demon'. I hadn't understood it at first but as I got older, it made sense. Every once in a blue moon, figuratively, a Hikari child was born with my colouring. And apparently, those in the family before me were known for going a little insane and killing most of them. With the way I was treated…I didn't want to think about it. I wasn't stupid enough to not believe them; I could feel the evil inside of me. I could feel the bloodlust that came with it. I could feel the creeping blackness that wanted to take over my mind and control me in every way possible.

The man that was half responsible for my being alive continued to talk as though he couldn't sense the hatred I was projecting towards him. Of course, it wasn't that I hated the man I was forced to call my father. I hated myself. I hated being alive. I hated my life. I hated being me. If I could give it all up and kill myself, I would've done it years ago. Perhaps when I turned thirteen and found out what they meant when they referred to me by those names that had stung me so badly when I was younger. I wasn't given that luxury, though. No. The cursed demon had to continue to live out its pathetic life. Desperately clawing to keep its sanity. If not for the fact that I was a pureblood and my scent told others that I was, they would've easily mistaken me for a Level E.

I lowered my eyes to my white joggers at that thought. Maybe I could find a way of having someone mistake me as one and get them to kill me. If they were a vampire, they would probably be killed for assassinating a pureblood, even a curse like me. They wouldn't ever know how grateful I would be to them, though. There was nothing in that world that I wanted more than to just die. Have someone remove my heart, set me on fire, lock me in a chest and drop my remains at the bottom of the ocean. That was my wish. That was what I dreamt of every night. That was what I hoped for everyday. No one knew that, however. I never wrote it down and I never spoke it. My mind was so jumbled that no one, not even another pureblood, could read it and come out sane.

I raised my eyes to the night sky. It was late evening and I was getting bored of the walk to meet the chairman and the other pureblood at the school. In one hand, I carried a duffle bag, filled with my paints and brushes. In the other, my suitcase. The limited amount of belongings that I owned, since my family believed that a demon like me should be shunned and not shown much, if any, attention. They made their love obvious with the months I was forced to go without any sort of substance. The months I was forced to not have any contact another being. Or if I was allowed contact, I would silently wish that I hadn't gotten it. Three or five months it would last for. It had crushed me as a child as I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I wouldn't let them see me cry, though. When I was first locked away when I was six, I had cried and begged them to release me from the shackles that bound me to a wall. After that, they could go to hell. I wasn't going to show them my weakness again and damn them if they thought they could break me. After I was released for the first time, they never heard me talk again.

I levelled my head and looked through my hair. I'd had it restyled recently so that it parted in the middle and I had two thick wisps, longer than the rest of my fringe, falling in front of my 'demon eyes'. That's what my great-great-grandmother had called them when she first saw me at the age of five. I always knew I didn't respond well to discipline and didn't listen to orders well but that had hurt. I didn't even know who the hell that old bat was and she was already screaming that I had demon eyes, the eyes of a killer that would slaughter its family without a second thought. Back then, I hadn't even thought about it. Now, it was something that breezed through my mind from time-to-time. I enjoyed thinking of the ways I could make them suffer for the hell they put me through. I would never act out on it, though. No, that would prove them right.

I studied the three people that were waiting for us. The pureblood I had met once or twice. I didn't care how often we had seen each other. I found myself not caring for a lot things. The girl, she seemed nice. The man that was with them seemed like an idiot. He grinned at us as we stopped and I just glared at him. He obviously had no idea what he was dealing with, I decided. I had no doubt that he did; my father would've explained my situation to him and I was a little shocked that I was accepted anyway. He was openly friendly but I knew he was ever so slightly guarded about being near me.

My father greeted Kaname first, asking how his family was doing and Kaname answered him. He then greeted the girl and finally the idiot that was meant to be the chairman. I stared up at him, feeling the need to rip his throat out. I blamed it on the creeping blackness that seemed to get stronger anytime I was around my father for large periods of time. I heard the chairman say that I could set up my painting gear in one of the classrooms. My father laughed and said that I should have it around closer, as it helped to stop the insanity from taking over. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I snarled at him, flashing my fangs. The girl squeaked in fear and Kaname moved to stand in front of her protectively. My father removed his hand, looking uncomfortable and I smirked. I had just embarrassed him in front of people and I couldn't believe how happy that made me.

A tense silence fell over us until the chairman broke it, asking my father to accompany him to the office so he could fill out the paperwork. My father nodded and went to hug me. Was he not paying attention a minute ago? I hissed at him and he froze, deciding it would be best if he didn't touch me. The chairman asked Kaname to show me around and the pureblood agreed. He then told the girl, Yuuki, to go about her duties. The girl said goodbye and ran off in the direction that my father and I had come from. I didn't watch her go. I didn't care. I stared at Kaname bleakly, waiting for him to show me to my room so I could set up my shit. He seemed to wait until the others were gone before warning me not to scare Yuuki like that again.

Kaname's aura was almost overpowering and I could sense that he was still holding back. My family might be on friendly terms with his but I wasn't. I was sure the Kuran family had forgotten that the Hikari had a son and that was fine by me but it would appear that Kaname's memory was better than I gave him credit for. With his aura being that powerful, I got a spark of hope. There was a way out of the hell that I was forced to call a life after all. Of course, I had no idea there was another angsty teenager on the grounds that was living just as much of a hell as I was. I smiled at Kaname, pretending to be loyal to his wishes when I wasn't even loyal to my own. Why in the hell would I be loyal to someone I didn't even know? If scaring that Yuuki girl would get me killed, I had something to live for everyday now.

I don't think he believed my smile but the gates opened and he stepped through them, taking me into the dorm. I looked around the elegant building. I wasn't impressed. I was expecting something like that and I guess it showed on my face as Kaname asked if I was feeling homesick. I growled at him and he raised an eyebrow. Going to a boarding school was a blessing in disguise for me. I knew that my family just wanted to get me out of the dungeon and away from them and I wanted to get away from them just as badly. It was a win-win situation and I got the better end of the deal. I wasn't going to be locked up randomly for no reason and starved for months. I wasn't going to be tortured for the fun of it. Sometimes, I wondered if they wanted me to break and go insane just so they could have the pleasure of killing me. It wouldn't surprise me if that was the reason behind it all.

I half-listened as Kaname spoke to me about the rules of the dorms and that I was only allowed the painting gear so I wouldn't go on a killing spree. I guess everyone had heard the rumours about that time I was meant to have wiped out an entire town. I had a good chuckle over that. I was in another country when it happened but I guess it just didn't matter to some people. I couldn't remember if I ever had killed someone. I know I've thought about it; dreamt it. And unless I was a sleepwalker, I doubted that I had hurt anyone. I wasn't a pacifist but I wasn't stupid enough to do something like that.

I stepped into the room that Kaname held the door open to. It was pretty and I dropped my suitcase to the floor, kicking it under the bed. I gently placed my ratty duffle bag on the floor and set up the easel so that I could look out the window and paint whatever I saw. I turned my head to the side and half-smiled at Kaname, my way of thanking him. I turned back to the paintings that were still on the easel, held in place by a large clip. I removed them and tore them in half. I didn't care how beautiful they were or how long it took me to do them. I was sick of seeing them. They reminded me of home and I wanted to forget as much as I could about that torture chamber.

Christ, is he still here? I looked over my shoulder and saw that he was. What was he waiting for? I had no idea but he was watching with amusement as I destroyed the paintings. Some of them had taken me months to complete and it was upsetting that I felt no remorse for what I did to them. If my father had allowed me to bring my lighter, I would've burnt them. I went to remove the painting of an orchard that held blossoming trees, getting ready to fruit for the next season. The sun shone brightly through the flowers and made unique patterns on the ground from the branches and petals. I was going to destroy it until Kaname asked if he could have it. I didn't see what was so special about it, but if he wanted it, fine. I removed it from the clip gently and held it out to him.

Kaname took it from my grasp and studied it. He started admiring it and I paid no attention to him. If he was going to tell me what good talent I had, I didn't want to hear it. If there was anything I was good at, it was painting. I knew it and I didn't need to be reassured of the fact by some other pureblood that had probably studied the history of art. His home was probably filled with delicate pieces, just like mine was. Only mine belonged to the Hikari artists before me. There was talk around the family, from when I would eavesdrop – no one told me a damned thing – that some of the pieces held the very soul of the creator. All of them were the souls of the previous curses.

Kaname left the room and I relaxed. I disliked being around other people, especially other purebloods, for too long. The parties that my family held were torture on their own. Having to deal with other vampires. And somehow, my family seemed to know when the blackness in my mind was at its peak and they held the parties then. I had to commemorate myself on how well I kept myself together during those festivities. They were boring, too. People just mingling; dancing and it seemed impossible they couldn't have done that before a party. There was one good thing about being the Hikari demon – not many people spoke to me during the parties. I knew that no one was aware of the legend and it was my glare that stopped girls and men from approaching me. I think Kaname was the only person that spoke to me during one of them, until I decided to walk away from him, mid-sentence. It wasn't that I was bored with what Kaname was saying; I was just annoyed that someone was talking to me like I wasn't a disgrace.

I stepped around the easel and stared out the window at the owl that was hovering there. It stared back with its large, unblinking eyes. My eyes softened and I stepped up to the window, placing my hand to the cool glass. The owl pecked at the almost invisible barrier between us and I sighed. The story of my life. There was always an invisible barrier between me and something I cared about. The owl flew away and Kaname entered the room again. I watched as the bird left me and I felt my heart sink. For probably the millionth time in my life, I wished I had the ability to sprout wings and take to the sky. Fly away from everything and never look back. Kaname said something but I wasn't listening. I continued to look in the direction that the owl had flown in. Even the wildlife taunted me.

After a few minutes, I turned to Kaname and he repeated what he said. I nodded once and followed him out of the room. He made a mention that my uniform was in the closet and I yawned. I wasn't bored; I was just tired. We walked around the grounds and Kaname pointed out everything I needed to know. As far as I was concerned, I just needed to know where the classes would be held and that was it. He showed me where I could find the chairman's office, just in case I needed to speak to him about something. The tour concluded and we returned to the dorms. The other vampires were back from their classes and they stared at me. I gazed back through my fringe for all of five seconds and went back to the room that I was meant to be sleeping in. I closed the door and continued with destroying the paintings. By the time I was finished, the floor around the easel was littered with torn paper and I sat with my back against the bed, staring at the doors.

I removed the suit jacket I wore and placed it over my body. I wasn't going to sleep in that bed. It wasn't mine and when I thought about it, I never, truly, had a bed to call my own. I think I spent more time in chains than I did in my own room. I turned my eyes from the door to the delicate gold and silver bracelet around my left wrist. It, in fact, was a work of art but I hated it. It was one of the reminders of the evil that lurked in me and I knew that everything could sense the confinement power that was around me. The petite flowers made of diamond and topaz were a warning that anyone with that colouring in the Hikari family was going to be the one that adorned that bracelet. The same with the collar and the three earrings in my right ear. With a sigh, I closed my eyes. I doubted things were going to look any better the next day but I could always hope.

I awoke to the sound of something hitting the window. I forced my eyes open and looked in the general direction of the infuriating noise. I saw the owl was back and got to my feet, my joints cracking into place. Yes, even vampires had some weird sleeping positions that made our joints need to be go back into place when we first wake. I stepped up to the window. The owl hooted, as though pleased with my decision to friend it. What a strange animal, I told myself. I took a step backwards and the owl floated back. I raised an eyebrow and took three more paces back. The owl copied. I tilted my head to the side and the owl mirrored it. A very strange animal, I concluded.

I slipped on the torn paper and the easel fell on top of me. The owl took flight in the same direction it did the previous night, though it was more leisurely, as someone knocked on my door. I picked myself up and decided I should clean that mess up before I did more damage to myself. I put the easel back on its legs and carefully went over to the door, opening it and staring at the person that had knocked. The blond vampire smiled and said I should start getting ready for class. I inclined my head and closed the door, going over to the closet and staring at the uniform. Thank god it wasn't in black. I pulled it out and laid it on the bed, taking my hair out of the ponytail and brushing it. I plaited it and stripped, slipping into the uniform. I fluffed up my fringe a little and put the shoes on. I stood and straightened the jacket. I felt like a monkey.

Before leaving the room, I casted another glance at the window. The owl wasn't there and I left, closing the door softly behind me. I glanced at Kaname as I saw that he was standing a little down the hallway. I walked past him and froze when he began following me. I wasn't going to have him behind me. Not that I was scared or anything, I just liked knowing I had nothing looking over my shoulder. I stepped to the side and gave him a look that could be read as 'non-cursed purebloods first'. He walked down the stairs and I felt much better as I went down as well. The others warned me about the fan girls that would be waiting outside the gates and that I had better be used to loud screams. So, that was what that noise was. I nodded my head.

Boredom soon took over as I waited. Eventually, Kaname said it was time to go and we headed out. I stayed at the back of the group, wanting to see how the others dealt with it. The one called Aidou smiled and waved, greeting the humans. His fan club squealed. There were whispers as I was seen and I shifted. I didn't like the attention but there was a gaze on me that was resentful. I paused, raised my head and looked at the silver haired boy that was glaring at me. His eyes were tortured as well and I blinked blankly. If it made him happy to hate me, he could do it all he wanted. Chances were he didn't hate me nearly as much as I hated myself. I lowered my eyes to a dark haired girl that stepped up to me. I backed away and continued walking. Yuuki smiled at me as she tried to keep the girls back. At least, I thought it was at me until I saw that she was looking over my head at Kaname.

I watched them and raised an eyebrow. A few of the girls tried to get some information out of me and I just ignored them. I hadn't spoken in a decade and I wasn't going to waste my time on those people who didn't really care about me but decided they were in love with me because of my looks. On the other hand, superficial love was about all I could get now. Suddenly the male prefect cleared his throat and the girls backed away when they looked at him. I glanced at him and saw that he was wearing the black uniform and my suspicions were confirmed. They looked like they were part of Hitler's SS unit. I felt another glare on me and I frowned. What was with all the hate that was being directed at me? It was only my first day attending class. I glared at the person that would dare be so hateful towards me and saw that it was a blond vampire girl. She really didn't want to get on my bad side. Who the hell did she think she was?

I rolled my eyes at her spitefulness. I might not be loved by my family but I was still a god damn pureblood and she would have to accept that. She mouthed the words 'Hikari demon' and I smirked, continuing with the walk to the school building. She could try to push my buttons but they had been pushed so often that I was certain they were broken. I was also certain that I had nothing to feel except disdain towards myself. If that girl wanted to tango with me, she would come out second best. I paid no attention to the pureblood as he stood beside me. I walked on and stopped again when Yuuki called out 'Krad-sempai!' I looked over my shoulder at her and she said she hoped I enjoyed my first day. I gave her a very vague, false smile and bowed at her. I shot Kaname a look that told him not to read any further into what I just did. I didn't want him thinking he had competition for Yuuki's affection.

We got to our class and I stared down at the book in front of me. I wasn't aware of what we were studying but from the title, I got an idea. I sighed silently and stared at the words. They ran into each other or became unfocused as I went into my own world and thought about my idea of a perfect life. I did that a lot, especially recently. The more hatred and fear I received from the family the more I escaped into a world of loving families, where I was accepted and they tried to help me through the curse I never freaking asked for. I never understood how they could hate me – and fear me at the same time – for something that I wasn't responsible for. I never asked to be born with gold hair and eyes. I didn't want to be a killer. I blinked and looked at the teacher as he was explaining something. Great, I thought, I've just missed out on what we're talking about. I went back to my world, seeing as I couldn't contribute anything to the class.

I was brought of my thoughts as the bell rang. I looked at my notebook and my eyes widened. I had spent the entire class doodling and I randomly managed to drawn all of my classmates being slaughtered by me. I hated my insane mind and hoped that no one had seen it. I ripped it out of the book and threw it into the bin on my way out of the room. I wasn't kept behind for spacing out for the entire time but the blackness was creeping in. I looked around once I was outside and made my way back to the dorm, like the others were, except Kaname. He was going somewhere else and I didn't care where. I wasn't his baby-sitter and he was a grown pureblood.

I entered the dorm behind the others and saw they were sitting down, enjoy what looked like raspberry cordial. I blinked and tilted his head as they offered a glass with water in it. My eyes flashed my thanks and I took it upstairs. I didn't care what they were adding to it, I just needed the water to clean my brushes in. They called after me but I ignored them. It seemed it was going to take them a while to realise that I just don't care. The less I take care of my body, the better I feel. I placed the glass on the ground and opened my duffle bag, pulling out my brush box, as immaculate as it was. If anything, my family got me the best brushes. I grabbed two handfuls of paints, not caring which colours they were – the less I knew the more of a challenge it was – and opened the box, pulling out a medium brush. I picked up one of the tubes and used the ledge of the easel as my palate.

My hand trembled badly as I did wide strokes. I probably should've changed out of my uniform but at that moment, I didn't care what happened to it. If it was anything bad, my father could just pay for a new one. I stared out the window as my hand worked on its own accord. I didn't focus on what was I doing as it was usually a brutal picture that I was mapping out. My hand switched brushes and paint colour and continued. My other hand gripped the side of the easel. It didn't matter what I was doing. It wasn't working as well as it normally did and I got the feeling that it was because of all the vampires around. They were easy prey but my hand didn't stop. It was too late to cease the painting. It stared at my arm as it worked quickly, like it was possessed. There was a knock at the door and I couldn't move. If I were to leave the paper while my hand was going that crazy, I would ruin the uniform. My hand cleaned the brush and grabbed another colour. With my spare hand I snapped my fingers, hoping they would take that as the incentive to enter. It appeared they did.

Kaname entered with something that smelt vile in his hand. I looked at the red water and quickly turned my gaze back to the paper but refused to look at what I was doing. I just hoped that in the paints I grabbed there wasn't a red in there. I took the offered glass and drank the contents, wanting Kaname to get out before he realised that my hand was moving on its own. I had gulped down half the liquid before spitting the other half back into the glass. It wasn't just vile it was…it was…killing whatever I just drank would be a godsend to it. I couldn't get the taste off my tongue. I handed the glass back to him. If they wanted me dead there were more dignified ways of doing it, rather than forcing me to drink that contemptible concoction. That should be more condemned than me.

Kaname told me to finish it and I shot him a glare that said I would rather starve. And it was the truth. I would starve myself rather than deal with…whatever that was. My hand dragged me down to the glass to clean the brush and it reached for another. I was grateful that Kaname was on the other side of the easel and didn't have to see what was being conjured on the paper. He kept insisting that I finish the liquid and I gritted my teeth. He raised an eyebrow. I was not going to finish off that drink that tasted worse than the water I was cleaning my brushes in. If Kaname didn't just take the glass and leave my room, he was going to be wearing that damned drink. He seemed to catch onto what I was thinking as he took the glass and said that I'll get used to it after a little bit. I wasn't planning on ever tasting that again. I was having a hard enough time keeping the half glass in my stomach. I failed.

Three hours later, the painting was complete and I was sitting beside the bed, which had my uniform on it as I was dressed in an oversized cotton, button up shirt and boxers. I stared at the easel. I couldn't see the picture properly but I knew I didn't want to. I had seen some of the things my possessed hand painted and I never wanted to view them again. They were burnt the next day but I was going to have a hard time doing that to those ones. It had helped, at least. The blackness was gone and I had even managed to clean up the mess I made when I vomited up that disgusting liquid. I think it was better coming up than it was going down. I had no idea how in the world the vampires attending that school could do that on a daily basis. The least they could do was get the human students to give up some blood. I shook my head then lent it back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I would love to paint the Sistine Chapel on it. Add something beautiful to the room. I scoffed at my thoughts.

I guess I would always be like that. Always had to hope for the impossible. Always had to dream a dream that was improbable. In a way, I was a lot like a human, always wanting something I could never have. Always needing something that I just couldn't fully grasp. I closed my eyes and saw memories of when I was four-years-old. They were beautiful; peaceful and loving. Then, just like a changing season, it went to hell. Everything was bleak. The colours I painted with no longer held their life or vibrancy. My eyes were dead. If I weren't a vampire, I was certain that I would've gotten gray skin from how long I was locked away and how long I locked myself away for. Life just sucked. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, except bitch and moan but no one ever listened. They only pretended to and I knew what they were thinking. It was a reason I stopped talking. They didn't care about my cries of anguish and frankly, I didn't blame them. I didn't care about my screams and pleas. I guess I did it just to let it out. I gave a humourless smile as I opened my eyes.

I raised my left hand and studied it. My wrist was aching from the constant movement of painting. The bracelet glowed beneath the shirt, letting me know that the magic of it was in effect. I had no doubt that the earrings were also glowing and I could feel the heat from the collar around my neck. I felt like hell and there was nothing I could do to ease the pain. I decided it would be best if I tried to get some sleep. With the blackness that crept into my mind, I knew I was going to have nightmares. They would wake me every hour but at least broken sleep was better than none. That's right, I told myself. You keep thinking like that and I'm sure one day, the curse will also lift. I smirked and closed my eyes again. Maybe one day…

Exactly a week later since my first arrival at that school, I was called into the chairman's office. I was escorted by Yuuki, who said it was just a routine check up to see how I was coping. That was a load of bull. I knew that Chairman Cross just wanted to make sure I wasn't giving in to my urges to kill everyone in sight. It was hard not to, especially since I was getting tired of Kaname forcing me to drink damned liquid. I didn't even understand the point to it. Was it all just a matter of mind? Was I meant to believe that it was blood? Was I meant to be that weak willed? I didn't want a fucking placebo! I took a deep breath to calm myself before I had to deal with the idiot that ran that school. I didn't want to face him agitated.

I could be grateful about one thing: my wrist was no longer aching. I had managed to bury the picture after classes the next night. I still wished I could've burnt it but I didn't want people to think I was a pyromaniac. I guess in a way I could be classed as one. As far as I was concerned, there was no better cleanser than fire and it could sometimes erase everything I wanted to keep hidden. I checked my nails to make sure there wasn't any dirt beneath them. It had taken two showers to remove it, seeing as I had to use my hands as a shovel. I was just happy that no one saw me digging a hole like a dog. Of course, when I returned, my white clothing having spots of black on it, the other vampires wanted to ask questions. Wanted to, but didn't. The only one that did was Kaname and I just ignored him. The way I was ignoring whatever it was that Yuuki was prattling on about.

I gazed at her. She could the ears off corn but she meant well about it all. She never wanted to harm anyone and believed that there was a light in every living being. For a single moment I wished I had her optimism. I wished I could see the world the way she did and then I realised what I was thinking. I was going insane. It was easy to see why Kaname adored her so much and wanted her to be protected. Well, anyone with an IQ would know why he wanted her to be protected. I looked away from her as we arrived at the building where the chairman was waiting for me. Yuuki gave me the directions and bid me a goodnight, returning to her prefect duties. I watched her go and then entered the building, taking the directions. I knocked at the door and waited patiently. Kaname was in there, as well. Eventually, I was granted permission and opened the door.

Kaien grinned at me and offered me a seat. I glanced around the room, half expecting to see shackles somewhere. There was nothing that was going to bind me and I stood beside the chair, not exactly trusting the overly friendly man. He didn't seem to have a problem with it and asked me how I was liking the school. I answered him with a shrug and with feigned hurt told me that I should speak. I wasn't the little mermaid who had lost her voice, he said. I was able to express how I was feeling through words. I kept my temper under control as he continued on that the school wasn't anything like the Hikari family home. What did that man want from me? Did he expect me to change my entire character after only a week at that school? Apparently so.

As he continued on, I stared out the window. My brow creased slightly as I noticed the owl. The same one that visited me every evening before class and stayed around the window until Kaname disturbed me to force me to drink. Well, the other pureblood never forced it down my throat but he wouldn't leave me alone until I had drained the glass of the liquid. As soon as he was gone, it came back up. I might call the vampires at that academy weak willed but they were a lot stronger than I was. They could deal with the effects of those drinks and I couldn't. I wasn't even aware of how Kaname could do it. Still, being starved was nothing new to me. Kaname twitched and the owl took off. I watched it go and Kaien called my name a few times. I blinked and looked at the man, who was looking between me and the window, trying to see what had taken my attention. Again, I shrugged.

Kaien smiled after a few seconds but then went serious and I got a sinking feeling. He pulled out a piece of dirty paper and my heart beat picked up to the pace that would send a human into cardiac arrest. It calmed down as cold rage took over me. I glared at Kaname, blaming it all on him. The pureblood said that he was worried about me and the others, if I was thinking of doing something like that to them. I hadn't seen the picture; I didn't want to see the picture. Something snickered in the back of my mind and I felt the collar constricting, which it probably wasn't in reality. But whenever that calm anger of mine took over, it felt like it was. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to be furious. At least that way I wouldn't feel that I had to remove the collar. Kaien said that I should probably talk to someone about the problems that I went through as a child, as it could be the result of something traumatic that made me think such horrible things of my classmates.

I ignored the tightening of the collar. I didn't remove my eyes from Kaname. It was his fault. If only he had just minded his own business! If only I was allowed to burn stuff! But it wasn't his fault. It was mine. It would always be my fault. The collar stopped trying to kill me and I spun on my heel, wanting to get away from them and their intervention. I didn't care what they had to say. I would deal with my problems the way I always did; by not letting them get to me. If I ignored something long enough gradually it went away. Granted, that had yet to work on anything I was trying to ignore but that was my philosophy and I was going to stick by it, no matter the cost.

Kaname stopped me from leaving and Kaien adjusted his glasses. I felt like a caged rat. It was a disastrous feeling. All hope was lost. I had nothing to live for. It changed, though as Kaien said that I didn't have to talk to anyone at the school about my painting but just that I spoke to someone about it. What was I going to do? Ring the psychic hotline and see if there was anything in my future that I could look forward to? Call the suicide helpline and ask them to talk me through that difficult time in my life? Or was I meant to call someone, in some random country, and dump my problems on them? I don't think so! I might not be loved by my family but I was still a fucking pureblood! Kaname slightly raised an eyebrow as he seemed to catch onto my thoughts.

The mood got more sour the longer the silence droned on. Finally, Kaien moved the topic to my body rejecting the blood tablets. Blood tablets? Were they joking? Of course they weren't. That stuff didn't taste like any blood I had ever drunk before, and I had been forced to live off pigeon blood. All my pet pigeons were killed because of my hunger and I still remembered that smirk my 'father' gave me when he saw what I'd done. That bastard. I had names for those birds, too. Each and every one of them was different and I could tell them apart. But it didn't matter that I loved them. That I had raised them. That I nurtured for them. That all went down the drain after five months of being starved and he threw me into a locked room with my pets. Those birds were the only creatures that didn't judge me. Cats and dogs hated me. Birds always seemed to be drawn to me and I couldn't understand why. Maybe it was their way of taunting me with their freedom, while I was forced to live a pathetic existence.

I blinked and looked over my shoulder as Kaien was still talking about different possibilities 'we' could do in order for me not to starve. He was on the last one and I hadn't even heard any of the others and I suddenly realised where Yuuki got her talking ability from. Kaien smiled and I nodded. I had no idea what he'd just told me and I couldn't even remember the last thing he said to me. I came to the conclusion that I should probably stop zoning out when people were talking to me. That was going to be a tough habit to break but I figured I could do it. Plus, I just wanted to get to bed. It was late and my body was weak from the lack of nutrients. Sleeping wasn't going to do a damn thing but at least in my dreams – before they morphed into nightmares – I could spend a couple of hours in a happy place.

The chairman said goodnight and allowed me to finally leave his office. I stepped around Kaname and into the hall. I released the breath I wasn't even aware that I was holding and left the building. So much for just a 'routine check up'. I had managed to make an idiot of myself, have them believe I was insane for staring at a freaking owl and thinking that I was homicidal because of a damned painting. I gazed up at the heavens and sighed silently. I would love to go there but if I knew that suicide was a mortal sin, even if I wasn't a mortal. I still abided the laws of that religion. It was the only one that…It didn't matter. I was a little religious but I wasn't a complete nut about it.

I blinked as I continued to stare up at the empyrean. How did Cross become aware of what my family had done to me? I knew there were rumours but there was never any proof to it and my 'father' had put on the whole 'happy family' act. Of course, Kaien would've seen right through that act. My reaction to it would've been enough to let him know that something was amiss. There was no way that he would believe rumours, especially if there was no proof behind them. I wasn't even sure how the rumours had started. Without a doubt probably a maid that was gossiping to a friend. What gave the chairman the right to assume he knew what happened to me in my childhood? Nothing. He had no damned right to make assumptions. I blinked again as something wet hit my eye. It was raining.

The owl hooted and I spun around. It was in a tree, staring at me with large eyes. I walked over to it and climbed up the branches to the one it was perched on. It waddled over to me and my eyes softened as it jumped onto my outstretched hand. I brought it to my face. We shared the same eyes. Large and gold. I pitied the poor bird for having the eyes of a killer. It hooted quietly as if trying to tell me that I wasn't a killer and that I had nothing to worry about. It was a magnificent creature, even in the rain. It didn't seem to have a problem with the water and I let a small, genuine smile grace my lips. The owl hopped up my arm and sat itself on my shoulder. I lent against the trunk and closed my eyes. The rain and the slight ruffle of the feathers were rather soothing.

For the first time in the last eleven years of my life, I felt peaceful. There was no evil in me waiting to break loose. There was no hunger. There was nothing bad in the world. Every piece of my miserable life was blissful. The owl hooted its agreement. Something in the pit of my stomach stirred and I wondered if that was laughter. The perfect moment was ruined as soon as I felt a powerful presence. The owl took flight and I got to my feet. Wait! I called to it in my mind. It was gone, though. I would just have to wait until the next night to see it again. I wondered why it didn't like Kaname. Sure, he was a scary creature but there was no reason for animals to fear the pureblood. I didn't see Kaname as the type of person to harm animals. Of course, I couldn't see me actually slaughtering my family but that was the Hikari lore. I stared after the owl as the harsh reality came crashing back to me.

Kaname called up to me and I ignored him. I still didn't understand why they bothered trying to get my attention. I wasn't going to give it to them. He called to me again and I looked down at him. He told me we should head back to the dorm. I skilfully made my way down the tree and walked behind the other pureblood back to the dormitory, the owl still on my mind. It wasn't the normal breed for that area. In fact, I was certain that that breed of owl shouldn't even be in the country. Was it a figment of my imagination? Did that owl represent everything in me that I no longer felt? Freedom, happiness, fear and love? Fuck it! I was going to find that damn owl! I turned and ran in the opposite direction, paying no attention to Kaname as he asked where I was going.

I ran. At vampiric speed and without proper nourishment, I was slower than usual but my damned drive pushed me to my limit. I would run until the sun rose if it meant finding that owl. I had to make sure that I wasn't going insane. That owl was real! And damn it, I was going to make sure it was! The rain was heavier and I sensed that I was being followed. It wasn't Kaname, though. Probably the male prefect. I came to a sudden halt when I realised that I was heading towards the edge of school grounds. I slipped in the mud and searched through the trees. I picked myself up. The dirt that was on my face ran onto my clothing, staining it slightly with the water. My body trembled and I still couldn't see any sign of the bird. It was almost like it had never existed. There were no nests, not little mouse carcasses. There was nothing. I was going crazy and not in a good way.

I was right about the male prefect, though. He told me to return to the dorm and like with everyone else, I ignored him. Where could it possible be? Where? There was a voice inside of my head that wasn't entirely mine, telling me that I should keep running until the sun came up. It told me to keep running until I could no longer stand; until my feet were bleeding. I told it to shut up. My main concern was finding that owl that no one else seemed to see. No one even mentioned it. I hadn't seen it in the forest on our way to meet Kaien and the others on my first night. It appeared after my 'father' left. Was that something he sent to continue to torment me?

The prefect ordered me to return to the dorm again. I gazed at him and nodded. I was too tired to go jumping through trees and looking in weird places, anyway. He followed me back to the Moon Dorms and for once, I didn't feel uncomfortable having someone behind me. Maybe it was because my mind was fixated on what that owl was. It seemed like a regular bird to me but I was so lonely, it could've been anything. It could've been a demon in disguise and I would've wanted it to be my friend. Right now, I would take the devil as my friend as long as it meant that I had someone I could kind of connect with. I entered the door and sloshed my way up to my room, shooting an apologetic glance at the others for the mess. I collapsed on the floor beside the bed, which I still had yet to sleep in. I closed my eyes and within seconds, I fell asleep.

Three weeks later, everything was still the same. Except one thing. The very first sound any of the vampires heard from me was the scream that had woken them all from their slumber. Yeah. I screamed, long and loud. The pitch of it actually rattled the glass in their panes but that wasn't the point. It wasn't a manly yell of surprise or anything like that. It was a scream one would expect to hear a girl in a horror movie produce. A month and that would be the first memory they had of my vocals. I would be embarrassed but I had every damned right to scream like a girl that was being chased by a mummy or something equally hideous. And again, one would think that vampires didn't have phobias and on that note, I was tortured by my family. I did have phobias; I had a lot of them. None of them were as bad as my phobia of eight legged freaks.

Yes, I had a major phobia of spiders. My reactions varied but they always ended with me cowering in a corner somewhere, trying not to cry. It didn't matter what size they were or if they were dead. Any form of spider had me choking for air and it resurfaced memories that I had long tried to bury in the recesses of my mind. The memory of when my grandmother cast an illusion on herself. She had the lower body of a black widow and her mouth was deformed, giving her fangs and jagged teeth. That one wasn't nearly as bad as the memory of when I had buckets of spiders thrown onto my half-starved, naked and shackled body. The feeling of their feet crawling all over me. The little hairs of their legs pricking my skin and catching the fine hairs on my body. Of them sinking their little fangs into my flesh. My mouth opened in screams of torment until they would crawl in there, forcing me to spit them out only from them to come running back. Tears of fear running down my cheeks. They crawled everywhere; in my ears, up my nose and around my anatomy. I threw up anything that was in my stomach just from the feeling of them. They expelled their web on me until I actually passed out.

And whenever I saw one, I could feel it all. I could feel them scurrying over my body. I could feel their web sticking to my skin. It was like I was back in the dungeon and I was chained to the wall, again. I willed myself not to vomit. I wasn't going to do that. There was nothing in my stomach anyway. I ran to the corner opposite from the one that the spider was crawling up. I didn't care that it was half-dead and was dragging its body up the wall. It was alive enough to move! I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my head, trying not to think of the way it felt. Trying to remind myself that I wasn't there anymore and that there was nothing on me. I was helpless. I was hopeless. I was pathetic. I didn't deserve the title of pureblood because there was no way any pureblood would act the way I had. No pureblood would be caught dead in the foetal position. But I was. My eyes kept going back to the spider and I could feel tears stinging my eyes. They wouldn't fall. I wasn't going to let them. I was already showing the other pureblood and vampires that I was disgrace just by rocking myself in a corner, staring at a spider that couldn't do any damage to me. A spider that was on the brink of death already.

The doors were opened and I could feel all their eyes on me. They were all anxious, awaiting the monster they thought would scare a pureblood like me into cowering. One of them, most likely Kaname, noticed what I was staring at and told one of the others to get rid of it and ordered the rest to get back to bed. My heart pounded in my chest and I gripped my hair. I could feel my skin prickling, as though they were on me. Sweat formed on my brow and my breathing was laboured. Did I care that I had been seen scared out of my wits by a harmless spider? No, I didn't. If I cared about my image or the image of my 'family', I would've splattered the critter with a shoe. I would've conducted myself some sort of dignity. I wouldn't have screamed. I wouldn't have ran. It didn't matter to me. I didn't care what the others thought of my reaction. They didn't know. No one did. No one would ever understand. I was alone in the fight to keep my sanity. No one knew how much it meant to me. They all took theirs for granted.

A strong but comforting hand was on my shoulder and I tried to compact myself even more. I didn't want their pity. I didn't want their comfort or their kind words. I just wanted someone to kill me so I could get out that bleak plain of existence I had to call life. There were soft words being whispered but it didn't help, like I knew it wouldn't. Or…were they? Slowly, my eyes left the spot on the wall where the spider had previously been and looked into calm, wine coloured ones. Mine kept darting to the same spot, though. I just knew it was a trick. It would be back and there would be hundreds more. All of them just waiting to climb over my body. Why was Kaname still in the room? Shouldn't he be getting sleep for class? It wasn't any of my business but I assumed it was part of his duties as dorm president to make sure that the residents were looked after.

Caring hands gently, but firmly, took hold of mine and coaxed my fingers to let go of their iron grip in my gold strands. I didn't even realise that my body was trembling. I glanced at Kaname's soothing eyes. He didn't understand, either. He was just trying to stop me from freaking out the other students. The story of my life, as well. Make sure I don't upset anyone else. He asked if I was okay and I nodded. A total lie and he knew it. Well, if he knew so much about me, why even ask that stupid question in the first place? It was a question that always annoyed me to no end. If it was obvious that they weren't okay, why ask it? He then inquired if I wanted to talk about it and my fear died off. It was replaced with anger and I pushed him away from me. He looked perplexed for a second before he stood and nodded, heading towards the door. Before exiting, he paused and said that if I ever wanted to talk, he would listen. I rolled my eyes as the door was closed. It wasn't the first time I had heard that.

I got to my feet and stumbled my way over to the window, waiting for the owl to return. I found it sad that a bird was my only friend in a world where I was surrounded by people of my own kind. I found it even sadder that my raging insanity was what was keeping me sane. Even if that owl was only a figment of my imagination, it worked for me. It gave me some hope. It lit a path for me. A path that no one else had been able to do. I stayed by the window for the next hour, behind the curtain. It was time to get dressed for class and I did so. I brushed my hair and put it up in a high ponytail. I faltered for a second as I reached for the white ribbon that was always in my hair; the same with the silver cross that hung at the tips. My mother had started putting the ribbon in my hair when I was three. It was always a memento of her. She had been kind to me. But then she was killed when I was nine. I picked up the ribbon and did it in a bow. Yeah, I know, gay.

I pulled the shoes on and glanced at the window again. The owl still wasn't there and my lips parted in a sigh that wasn't heard. I guess it was really scared as I had only seen it twice after that incident in the tree. I left the room and paused as I heard the voices of the other vampires. They were talking about me. I knew it was going to happen. Did it make what they were saying hurt any less? You bet it did. I had heard it all before, from the mouth of the man that was meant to love me like I was his own. From the mother of that man that was meant to shower with gifts and love because I was her only grandchild. The next breed of Hikari died with me and I was grateful for that. I didn't want any other Hikari to go through what I had to deal with. That was selfish.

I hung around upstairs, not wanting to go down. It was interesting to know what they truly thought of me, considering none of them had the balls to say it to my face out of fear of what I might do to them. That and it was beaten into their skulls to respect purebloods, even the cursed ones. Their chatter was silenced with a single word from Kaname and I pouted slightly. It had been fun listening to them. I liked knowing how people saw me. And as I expected, most people saw me as a monster that would kill their children if they so much as looked at me. I never played it up and I never played it down. Let them think and say what they wanted of me. Who was I to stop them? Most of the crap that went around the family had been started by my great-great-grandmother or my 'father'.

I joined the rest of them downstairs and immediately questions were fired at me if I was okay and how my throat was doing. I glared at them and they shut up, chatting quietly among themselves. I was beginning to understand why Zero – yes, I learnt his name – hated vampires so much. We really were two-faced parasites. We were the wolf in sheepskin. We could claim to be perfection as much as we wanted but were we really? Our beauty was only matched by angels, sure. Our abilities were almost unmatched. But so what? What good did that do us? We got to show off our superiority. Yeah, because that's a good way to win the people over. Wasn't that what Hitler tried doing?

I didn't even realise I was staring at Kaname's friend, Ichijou until the vampire moved; shifted nervously. I stopped chewing my lip and blinked. I was very aware of how odd it would've looked with me practically eating my lip while staring at him. It was something I did often, stare off into the distance and chew my lip as I thought. I was sure that the less calm and collected purebloods did it. And hell, I didn't have much training in that department. I got five years and that was it. Maybe five a half, with the months I had free and was well enough then my mother would continue teaching me.

Kaname announced it was time to head out and we did. Again, I was at the back of the group, instead of trying to hide behind one of the other vampires. It was how I had managed to avoid the fan girls but this time, I wasn't going to cower. I think I had done that enough for one day. We walked out and I regretted my choice. The girls surrounded me. They told me they hadn't seen me in so long and that they only caught a glimpse of me before we were in class. That was the idea, I wanted to tell them. But I wasn't going to speak and not only that but I was surrounded. It didn't matter which way I turned, there were girls. Their eyes were large with concern and they asked me if I was okay. They asked me what I liked in life. They just asked questions that were getting on my nerves. It was like that constant fly that just wouldn't disappear, despite the countless times you swatted at it.

They were leaning in closer and closer and my breathing was getting more laboured with every inch they lent in. I was seconds from snapping. I was going to do more than just swat at them; I was going to rip their legs off and flush the rest of their body down the toilet. Before I had a chance to do that, though, Kaname's voice cut through theirs. He ever so gently parted them and they squealed at being touched by the great Kaname. Zero glared, hand poised to bring out his weapon and shoot the pureblood. Kaname gripped my wrist and pulled me from the circle. We got two steps before I was forced to stop. My hair had just been pulled, loosening it from the ribbon. I spun around, ready to rip the girl's throat out that would dare touch something as precious to me as my hair. She quickly apologised and said it was accident. I could care less, to be honest.

Kaname took over, though. He politely said that she should be more careful next time as it was not a good idea to touch me. In the kindest way possible, Kaname was warning the girls of the monster that I was. That I was going to kill them if they touched me. That I would rip their eyes out should they look at me. That I would cut their throats should they speak to me. I ignored his harsh words and undid the ribbon. I quickly redid the ponytail and tried to block out the ways the girls seemed to love my long hair. I didn't give a damn. I just wanted to get to class. I wanted to get away from that noise before I did kill someone. It seemed that the blackness liked coming out to play around the humans. It was getting harder to keep it back but I was a fucking pureblood; almost nothing got the better of me. I just wanted this hell to be done with. Maybe one day…

End Prelude.

The chapter 'Postlude' will be up shortly.

My beta reader let me down a little with this. So I promise that when I have time, most of the mistakes will be edited. However, if someone would like to raise their hand to be a beta for me, please do.

Until the next chapter.