A/N: The title will only be understood by those who have read Deathly Hallows, though the story itself gives nothing away. Just a thought on how Tonks may have gotten pregnant and why Remus seems so reluctant to end up with her.
It took Remus a few moments to notice her presence. He had decided to nip downstairs to resume his earlier search for something to eat. His earlier attempts at such had only found him the possessor of a slightly mildewed loaf of bread, the edible parts of which had at least managed to stave off his hunger for a few hours. But now he found himself moving unconsciously back down to the kitchen, his mind set firmly in a much less happy place then he would like to admit.
A year. It had been a year since the god awful events at the Ministry, and though it was an anniversary Remus intended to ignore, he found himself unable to. He had already made his way through two bottles of firewhiskey and against all better judgement spent most of his day in Sirius' old room. He wasn't sure what exactly drew him to the bed he had abandoned a year ago, but a part of him couldn't shake the sense that he could still smell Sirius' somewhere between the musty old sheets and the velvet duvet.
When he did finally look up from his contemplation of the floor moving under him, he was thrown a bit off balance at the shock of seeing her there. Order members rarely visited the old house unless there was a meeting and, Remus had to admit, he was a bit worse for wear under the weight of the alcohol in his veins.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize anyone else was here." Remus mumbled, quickly turning to retreat back upstairs.
"Oh no." Tonks remarked, seeming almost as shocked to see Remus vacating the second floor, "No trouble at all. You should join me."
For a moment Remus simply stared at her. Her left arm was out stretched offering him the chair at her side and her right hand cradled a glass of red wine. Remus forced himself to focus on these small details in an effort to ignore her most recent change. In the weeks approaching the anniversary of Sirius' death, Tonks had let her hair turn a dark shade of black, a sign of mourning no doubt, which seemed to do nothing more than throw her resemblance to his deceased lover in Remus' face.
"I suppose it couldn't hurt." Remus' finally answered, reluctantly sitting next to her at the head of the table.
"Wine?" she asked motioning to the bottle in the center of the table, "It's quite a wonderful Pinot Noir. I stole it from the cellar, no doubt it's been in the family so long it's been down there aging since the 1700's."
Remus shook his head gently at her suggestion. Glancing at her quickly before returning his gaze to the table. "No thank you Nymphadora, I would much prefer to keep my wits about me currently."
"Did it ever occur to you.." she began, pointedly ignore his use of her first name and pouring him a glass despite his answer, "that maybe we all need to lose our wits every now and then?"
Remus looked up at her and found himself met with a piercing glare as she slid a glass of wine in front of him. He felt a chill run through him at this look, so much like the ones Sirius had once bestowed upon him. He bit his tongue and closed his eyes for a moment, willing his most base instincts away, a bit shocked at what a number his earlier drinking must of done to him.
After composing himself, Remus took the glass of wine from Tonks' hand sipping cautiously and allowing the complex flavor of it to wash over his tongue.
"Mmm." he murmured almost unconsciously.
"I told you. Toujours Pur and all that." Tonks' remarked, lowering herself back in her seat and thankfully a bit further away from Remus.
"It's been an absolutely dreadful day. I try not to think about it but I can't help it and I guess that's why I'm here. Drinking a bottle of wine that could have any number of horrible curses on it or potions poured in it. Moody would be ashamed."
Remus considered a response to this but decided it might actually be better to simply let her tire herself of talking and go away. He pounded nearly half the glass of wine in one gulp and reached out pouring himself another as the pleasant warm sensation in his stomach grew and made everything almost bearable.
"I know you miss him." Tonks' said, placing a hand on Remus' knee, "We all do. But don't you think it's time you move away form here? This house is hardly fit to be called a headquarters let alone a home."
"It's not that easy Dora." Remus' responded feeling his temper flare up uncharacteristically, "You'll never know what it's like. Knowing that you can never be with the person you love again."
"Oh, really." she spat back viscously, "Cause you seem to be putting up quite a resistance and you're not even dead."
At this, Remus removed her hand, none to gently, from his knee and pushed his chair back standing up.
"How dare you presume to equate your puppy dog affections for me to what Sirius' and I shared."
"Feeling a bit melodramatic are we?" Tonks' asked, nonplussed by his outburst.
"I need you to listen to me." Remus said, calmly sitting back in his chair, sufficiently chastened. "We are nothing. I care for you very much but I will never love you like I did him. Anything that might transpire between us would be a mistake. I don't need your pity, or your comfort. I can find my own."
"In his empty bed?" she asked, in a way that would have been spiteful were it not for the soft look which accompanied it.
For a moment, the pair regarded each other, before Tonks moved slowly fore ward closing the gap between them and locking Remus in a passionate kiss. Despite his own convictions, Remus found himself responding vigorously, hands quickly tangled into Tonks' long black hair. It seemed almost as if, if he closed his eyes tight enough, he could he could be with someone else. Happiness flooded him at these thoughts, and he pulled her closer, only finally breaking the kiss when her breasts brushed against him, reminding him of exactly whom he was kissing.
He rather unceremoniously threw her off of him and back into her chair, a bit shaken.
"What's the excuse today?" she began, still panting, "You always kiss back at first. Why? Too close to the full? A bit pissed? Do I look a bit too much like my dear cousin?"
He stared at her for only a second, formulating his response, knowing that he was too far gone now.
"I can't help but feel that a bed might be required." he said, seeming to shock her, "Second floor. First door on the right. I can live with it. If you can."
Tonks' seemed almost perplexed by this response but nodded at his retreating back as he made his way upstairs, cautiously following him.
It was not until the morning, when he awoke to a warm note on the pillow next to him, that Remus felt any regret. A fact which only bothered him when he realized that it was not the loving sentiments of the girl he had more or less used the night before that caused it, but rather the fact that the duvet no longer smelled of Sirius.