A/N: This story is not meant to be taken seriously. :) Inspiration came from my cousin who is the epitome of indecisiveness. More precisely, it came from an e-mail she sent me during a conversation about Zelda's role as the Princess of Hyrule. The message is included at the bottom of the story.
Anyways, hope you enjoy! :)
DISCLAIMER: "The Legend of Zelda" and all rights, including the copyrights of the games, scenario, music and program, reserved by Nintendo. TM and (r) are trademarks of Nintendo. All rights reserved.
-The Queen of Decisions-
*'sabaki' = 'decision' in Japanese*
One day, Zelda was sitting on her throne, wondering what Link was doing, when suddenly an indecisive woman named Sabaki overthrew her.
"Yes! I overthrew you!" the crazy woman yelled. She turned to all of the soldiers that were in the room. "You serve me now!" Sabaki clumsily scrambled up to the throne and sat there for the rest of the day, wondering what to do next.
~x~X~x~
After that strange chain of events, Zelda found herself in the middle of Hyrule Field for no apparent reason. She looked around and saw Link getting pushed off a rock by his horse and so she decided to go talk to him. The once-queen began to tell him about what had happened.
"…and then she just came in and overthrew me!" Zelda finished her story with a huff.
"…So you just let her overthrow you…" Link responded curiously, "…just like that?"
"She… She seemed intimidating!" Zelda countered, crossing her arms.
"But you barely saw her… You teleported out of your throne room the moment she came in…"
"…"
"Come on, Zelda, this isn't like you. Did something happen?"
"…I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! STOP TALKING TO ME!"
Zelda teleported away, leaving a confused Link behind with the horse who had kicked him off of a rock.
~x~X~x~
Back at the castle, Queen Sabaki was trying to decide whether she enjoyed her day or not.
"Soldier!" she called out as she faced the wall of her room—which previously belonged to Zelda.
A few soldiers rushed in.
"Yes, Queen Sabaki?"
"Did I enjoy my day or not?"
"…Well, um…"
"OUT! GET OUT!"
"Yes, Your Highness!"
The soldiers rushed out.
"Wait!" Queen Sabaki suddenly called again. The soldiers rushed back in.
"Yes, Your Majest—"
"GET OUT!"
The soldiers were about to rush outside again when the Queen's voice rang once more;
"Wait! Come back in!"
"Of course, Your—"
"NO! GET BACK OUT!"
"Yes—"
"IN! COME IN!"
"Your Majesty—"
"OUT!"
"…"
~x~X~x~
The next morning, the almighty Queen Sabaki stayed in bed until noon, wondering whether she should get up or not. It was then that a group of soldiers had come in and dragged her out of bed for the meeting that was supposed to be held that day.
"So, Queen Sabaki," one of the Queen's advisors said once the said woman entered the meeting room. "Are you ready to begin?"
"I'm not so sure," the woman answered. "Let me think."
Sabaki took a seat and looked at the ceiling.
A few minutes later, the advisor (who will be called Advisor Cow for convenience) spoke up again;
"My Queen… We must get started!"
"I guess so," Sabaki stated, and the room gasped.
"How un-queenly!"
"How disgraceful!"
"Our Zelda would never say something like that!"
"Where did she learn to talk like that?"
In her mind, the oh-so-decisive Queen Sabaki was thinking about whether she should tell them to be quiet or not.
"Silence!" Advisor Cow hushed, and the whole room was covered in a blanket of quietness. "Now, let us begin."
"Our first issue," started a member of the Royal Council, "reads as follows: I humbly ask the mighty Queen of Hyrule to address the recent problem with the economy. In the past few hours, I, a modest farmer, had misplaced my Green Rupee somewhere in Castle Town and cannot seem to find it. This strikes me as Shameful! Scandalous! Someone has stolen by hard-earned Green Rupee without a second thought—can you, O Great Ruler, take action against this? I thank you from the bottom of my heart."
The whole room glanced over to Queen Sabaki, who was not thinking about whether or not she should tell them to be quiet—no, instead, she was now thinking about if she should've told them to be quiet.
Advisor Cow cleared his throat in an attempt to get the woman's attention.
Queen Sabaki switched her thoughts from 'should I have told them to be quiet?' to 'should I pay attention to Advisor Cow, who had just cleared his throat to get my attention?'
It was a hard decision. Only one as decisive as Sabaki should tackle such a question.
The council members waited. And waited. Suddenly, Advisor Cow announced,
"The Queen is in deep thought! We should move on to the next subject so that our time will be well-spent."
Everyone seemed to agree.
The next council member held out a scroll and began reading,
"I have always known Lake Hylia to be peaceful. When I took my daughter there a few days ago, I saw this strange young fellow getting shot out of a cannon! It was horrendous! I heard his screams as he was shot into the heavens above—and now Lake Hylia's peace is forever corrupted! A few moments later, blocks started to fall from the sky, and disgusting, armored monsters emerged from the clouds and drowned in the waters below. Can you do nothing to stop this, my Queen?"
"People getting shot out of cannons!" a council member gasped. "Unbelievable!"
"It must be that Link fellow again," suggested another member, his voice gruff. "I've heard that he's quite the daredevil."
"Nonsense," said yet another member. "Sir Link is well-collected and would never attempt such a stunt."
"We'll let our Queen decide this," Advisor Cow mooed.
"Yes, considering how you just mooed, I believe we shall."
Everyone turned their attention to Queen Sabaki.
"Your Majesty," a council member said, "We have something we'd like to discuss with you."
"Just a moment," the Queen answered. "I'm wondering whether I should sit this way,"—she crossed her legs to the left—"or this way." She crossed her legs to the right. "What do you think, gentlemen?"
"Well, I believe a proper lady should—"
"Enough! We held this meeting to address problems, not to talk about utter nonsense!" Advisor Cow snapped. "Now, my Queen—"
"Advisor, should I have woken up today? I wasn't quite sure. If I didn't wake up, I could be dreaming about bunnies and dolphins and burritos, but then I might get sick from staying in bed for too long. And if I got up, like I am now, I would be here in this meeting, but then I might fall up the stairs if I decide to eat dinner tonight, or I could spill milk on my hair because I accidentally dropped my waffle out the window."
The room was silent for about two seconds.
"…Queen Sabaki," Advisor Cow silently warned, "if you do not choose to take part in these more serious matters, I will have to ask you to leave."
"It is my choice, then?"
"Yes."
"Let me think."
Sabaki looked up at the ceiling again.
Should I take part? Or not?
If I take part, I'll have to use my voice. But what if my voice falters in the middle of a sentence? What will I do? They might ridicule me. Oh my, that won't do. But if I don't take part, I'll have to leave. But then what will I do once I'm out of the room? Should I move to my left, or to my right? Or should I walk forward and look out the window?
Hmm… If I move left, I'll eventually meet up with some soldiers. What will I say? Should I say something, or should I remain silent? If I move to my right, I'll eventually walk into a wall… Should I walk past the wall, or should I greet it 'Good afternoon?' Oh, decisions, decisions…
"QUEEN SABAKI!" came the gruff and impatient voice of one of the members. The woman bolted up from her thoughts and looked at him. "I'm afraid you must leave!"
"…Of course," the Queen answered. She was about to get up when another thought struck her mind—
Should I open the door with my right or left hand?
Well, if I open the door with my left hand, I'll be honoring the Hero, since he's left-handed. Oh, but then it'll disgrace the majority of the population! Hmm… If I open it with my right hand, I might look a little strange, since the doorknob is on the left side—
"YOUR MAJESTY! WE'VE HAD ENOUGH!"
A rough hand dragged Sabaki out the door. It slammed shut behind her.
Oh, my… Now I'm defenseless in this pallid hallway… Should I stand near the door in case the council needs my assistance? Or should I run to the nearest group of soldiers for protection? If I'm attacked, Hyrule will have no Queen, and poor Zelda will have to reclaim the throne that I politely took from her…
A few hours later, Queen Sabaki made it a few steps to her right and was now staring at the long fleet of stairs before her.
Stairs… Should I walk with my right foot first, or my left? I wonder, is the Hero left-footed as he is left-handed? Or maybe he is left-handed yet right-footed… Interesting, indeed. Hmm… I am right-footed, so if I start with my left foot, something might happen…
Half an hour later, the Queen made it down four steps and was currently staring at the next one.
Should I fall down the stairs, or should I not fall?
The Queen made a quick decision this time (it only took her ten minutes!) and decided to fall down the stairs.
She lay crippled at the bottom of the spiral staircase, a small trickle of blood dripping from the side of her head. And there, a new thought arose:
Should I call for help, or should I tell the soldiers to do the Worm?
A soldier walked past.
Five minutes later, another soldier walked past.
An hour later, fifteen soldiers passed by.
Three hours later, Link walked past and actually noticed the unmoving body smeared with blood at the foot of the staircase.
"GODDESSES!" he yelled, rushing over. "What happened?"
Queen Sabaki wondered what she should say to him, and so the response that he got was merely a blank look on her face.
"…Wait… Aren't you the new queen?"
"This pen… It's so juicy…"
"Right."
Link took her frail body to the Castle's doctor.
"Oh my, what happened?" the old doctor said as he watched the Hero carry her in. He gently laid her on one of the beds.
"Not sure. I asked her what happened and she said something about a juicy pen."
"Gods, she might have the juicy pen disease."
"Excuse me?"
"On a blue moon, if you take a pen inked with your own blood and stab it into a tree that carries a pig in its leaves—"
"Okay, never mind."
Suddenly, Sabaki stood up and then tragically fell to the floor.
"I TRAGICALLY FELL TO THE FLOOR!"
The Queen started squirming.
"I'll let you handle this," Link said, and then he rushed out the room as quickly as he could.
~x~X~x~
"She fell down the stairs," Link had told Zelda back in the randomness of Hyrule Field.
"A proper queen would never allow that to happen to her," Zelda stated, feeling not the slightest of pity for the woman who had usurped the throne from her.
"And yet a proper queen would claim that she doesn't know a person that she's known all her life? A person that had even saved her kingdom—multiple times?" He smirked as he said this, only glancing over his shoulder to see her expression.
"Oh, shut up. I wasn't feeling quite well."
"That's very un-queenly to say, you know."
"I'm not a queen anymore, am I?"
"To me you are."
"Stop being so cheesy. As far as I'm concerned, you serve her now."
"All I did was bring her to the doctor!"
"And yet seventeen soldiers that had walked past her didn't."
"You know how your soldiers can be. Oblivious. To everything."
"They're not my soldiers anymore—"
"Zelda, stop it!"
Link stood up, and that as when Epona once again decided to push him down.
~x~X~x~
Should I wake up, or should I stay down?
If I wake up—
"Ah, good morning, Queen Sabaki!"
Should I answer him, or should I remain silent?
"…Queen Sabaki?"
If I answer him, I'll have to engage in any type of conversation he might be interested in. But what if I'm not interested? What if—
"…Hello? Are you awake?"
—I get bored? I'm not so good at small talk, anyways… Hmm, if I don't answer him, like I am now, he'll continue to attempt to get my attention, and that might become annoying. Actually, should I choose to think that it will be annoying, or should I just believe that it's not annoying?
Well—
"I know you're awake, Your Majesty!"
The queen felt two dry hands lift her up.
"Oh! How rude!" the woman said, gasping. Suddenly, she looked back up at the ceiling.
Was that rude, or was that perfectly fine?
The doctor paid no attention to her current action and merely smiled. He walked over to the counter and pulled out a bottle of Red Potion from the drawers.
"Here, drink this, my Queen," he calmly said, and he placed the bottle on her lap. Queen Sabaki stared at it.
Should I drink it, or should I not drink it?
If I don't drink it, that would be quite rude… But if I drink it, it might taste horrendous—
"Is something bothering you, Your Highness?"
"STOP INTERRUPTING MY THOUGHTS!"
"Sorry, sorry!"
…Should I have yelled at him like that? Maybe I shouldn't have. Oh, dear me…
The doctor was left pondering what the Queen was thinking about that was so important.
~x~X~x~
A few days later, Queen Sabaki actually made a few decisions!
1. She decided to get out of the hospital bed and return to her duties
2. She decided to eat lunch that day
3. She decided to let her chefs decide what she will eat
4. She decided to sit down on the far side of the table with her left leg crossing her right
5. She decided to leave the room before her lunch was served
Queen Sabaki was very proud of herself that day. Unfortunately, another meeting was supposed to be held that morning—and so the Queen made another decision: to walk to the meeting room!
She opened the door with her right hand, and sat down with her right leg crossing her left this time. She decided to smile at Advisor Cow and the other members, who were already shivering with negative anticipation.
"Alright," Advisor Cow droned, "Let's begin."
"Tarioth has been expanding their borders lately," said one member. "They've already taken over that Kingdom of Almistrou, Holodrum, and Labrynna."
"What? When did this happen?"
"A few hours ago."
"WHAT?"
"Yes, it is quite shocking, but—"
"Tarioth is a new nation! How can this be?"
"Strange things have been happening lately—"
"Yes, considering how our former ruler was suddenly overthrown by this sad excuse for a queen here…"
"La la la la la la la la la la la…"
How many times should I keep on singing 'la'?
"Well, the issue here is if we should declare war against Tarioth. From what I've heard, Hyrule is the next kingdom on its list to take over."
The members moved uncomfortably in their seats.
"Hyrule's economy isn't quite at its peak at the moment," pointed out Advisor Cow. "Strange; just a few days ago, when Queen Zelda was our ruler, the markets were flourishing and everyone was happy…"
"War would only cause the economy to drop even lower than it is," another member added.
"But what of the safety of our people?" said someone else. "If Tarioth decides to attack, lives will be lost! Even if we are risking our economy, we must declare war! For the safety of the civilians!"
"Or, we could throw potatoes at those pesky Tarians. I've heard that they sure hate potatoes!"
"…What say you, O Great Ruler?"
"…la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la…"
"QUEEN SABAKI!"
"Huh? Oh, yes, that's right, um, I declare that we all slice tomatoes in the kitchen!"
She then stared off blankly to the ceiling.
"…I want Zelda back," a member sadly remarked.
"We mustn't talk about her. Right now, this issue at hand is much more serious."
"…Of course…"
"So," said Advisor Cow, "I vote that we should declare war."
"As do I."
"Me, too."
"And me."
"Can't we just throw potatoes at them?"
"I vote war!"
"It's settled, then," Advisor Cow mooed, affirming the choice of the council members. "I'm surprised at how quickly we came to a decision this time."
"Queen Sabaki rubbed off on us."
"Yeah, she's great at making decisions."
Advisor Cow pulled out a large map from thin air and placed it against the table for everyone to see.
"Queen Sabaki," he said, getting her attention (for once!), "from which border should we place an attack?"
The woman stared at the map.
"I think," she said, "instead of attacking, we should take over other kingdoms to gain power!"
"…"
"I agree!"
"Me too!"
"What's wrong with you? We have to throw potatoes—"
"I think taking over other kingdoms is the safest and most efficient way to do things!"
"It won't risk our kingdom's resources or welfare at all!"
"Great, it's settled, then," Advisor Cow mooed again. "We shall take over our neighboring kingdoms that we've held peace treaties with for thousands of years. So, which kingdom shall we seize?"
Queen Sabaki stared once again at the map.
Hmm… Should we take over this kingdom or this one…?
"I'm not sure. Let me sleep on it," the Queen said, and she suddenly bolted up from her seat and rammed into the door. "I'm sure no one will start a war yet."
~x~X~x~
That night, Queen Sabaki was in bed, wondering if she should have a dream or not, when suddenly she opened her eyes and saw… something.
"AGH! What are you doing here, person in all black with a sword?"
"I have come to put the 'p' in 'pwned'!"
"What? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
~x~X~x~
"So I've heard that the great Queen was murdered last night," Zelda smugly told Link with an evil grin as she sat beside him. His face was emotionless.
"I bet you're happy now, aren't you?"
"I am."
"I don't get it, though."
"Hmm?"
"A woman just shows up out of nowhere and takes your throne. And no one seems to notice that that's wrong! No rebellion or anything! It's like that they think that it's perfectly normal!"
"Well, you didn't do anything, either…"
"I stayed loyal to you, didn't I?"
"But you didn't do anything!"
"Queen Sabaki didn't seem fit for the job. I expected this to happen, so I didn't waste my time thinking about a murder scheme."
"Right…"
"Well,the economy suddenly takes a gigantic drop and then a year-old nation takes over three other immensely powerful kingdoms. Then it targets Hyrule, and the new Queen refuses to do anything—and then she was killed. Just like that. See my point?"
"I've heard that her funeral is today."
"You're changing the subject."
"Am I?"
"Ugh. Never mind. But then there's this other thing…"
"And that would be…?"
"The fact that everyone underwent a personality change all of a sudden!"
"How?"
"Like you. You usually don't act like this. You're usually—"
"So, are you coming to her funeral?"
"…"
"I am."
"In that case, I guess I will, too."
~x~X~x~
The two men gently placed Queen Sabaki's casket onto the golden platform. They gasped for air, wondering how a woman could weigh so much, and then turned around to see two groups of girls staring at them.
"Can we help you gals?" the men wondered.
"Yes, in fact, we believe that you can," a girl responded. Another girl walked up to them.
"We're not sure if Queen Sabaki's casket should be covered in red roses,"—the girl held up a bundle of red roses—"or yellow roses."—she held up a bundle of yellow roses. "Can you help us decide?"
"Of course, little ladies," the two men uniformly responded. "Well, let's see here. Yellow roses would complement the casket and the poofy dress that the Queen always wore. But, they aren't quite the color for a funeral. Red roses would clash with the casket's color, but they're the more preferable choice for funerals. Hmm. Tough choice."
The two men paced around for a little bit.
"Ah, I know, we should ask the Queen herself."
The two men then turned to face the casket.
"What should we garnish your casket with, Great Queen Sabaki? Yellow roses or red roses?"
The girls and the men waited patiently.
"Is something wrong with her?" an innocent girl wondered. "She's not answering…"
"Queenie's probably just tired. How 'bout we postpone the funeral 'till she feels better?"
"That's a great idea!"
And so, the funeral was postponed until Queen Sabaki answered, but alas, she remained silent still and did not ever reply.
Even when Zelda reclaimed the throne, Sabaki's casket was untouched, never to be properly buried…
DUN-DUN-DUUUN!
~x~X~x~
A/N: My cousin was the one who actually thought of the plotline for this. We were talking about how indecisive she was all the time, and I was like, "Imagine if you were to rule a kingdom like Zelda…"
And so, she sent me this:"LOL XD should we take over this county or this one...hmmm..idk...i'll sleep on it. I's sure no one will sart a war yet :D *that night* AGH! wat r u doing here person in all black with a sword? *The following night they had a funeral for the queen but they couldn't decide to cover her in red roses or yellow ones...so they postponed it to wait for the queen to decide, and alsa she did not reply*"
I was so amazed that I finished this story in two days. A new record for me! XD
Anyways, please review; I'll really appreciate it. :)
-Eternal Nocturne-
[Slightly] Edited: July 17, 2011