As I sat on in my chair, warm tears sliding down my face, I began to remember how I had gotten in this awkward position. Being the only one trying not to scream in pain as someone is being buried. Being the only who cared... It was pure torture. I thought about the good and bad times we had endured together. I thought about being the only one ever slightly able to plaster on a smile during the good. As he felt only pain, I slowly became the same. The feeling of adrenaline as it all happened was amazing, but now it was over. Gone. Vanished. And now I can't help but fall into the deep, dark insanity of despair. It had been the best six years of my life, followed by a never ending year of waiting. Waiting for this. I sat still, and all I could do now was try to breathe. Try to live. Live without him. It seems silly to some how I felt about such a man, but it was the true feeling of love.

"Gomenasai, Severus," I whispered, "shiotoshita." A few people gave me a weird look. I sometimes spoke in Japanese when I didn't want anyone to judge how I felt. "Ai shi teru." I love you...

Confused yet? Well, let's go back to the beginning of my grim tale. It started seven years ago, during my second year at Hogwarts...

Year One

Oct. 16th

What could I do but sit awake in the common room. I felt homesick, like I always did for the first three months or so of school. Though it was late, a few fellow Slitheryns girls sat around me, chatting about how the new Defense Agaisnt the Dark Arts was. It was rather sickening. Being in love with a teacher... Gross...

I sat up again and tried to look interested. These were some of my best friends, after all. I watched them whisper, then joined in on their giggling. I was used to it. I couldn't help feeling distant. I was different, and that was that. I didn't get a feeling of being special because of it, I actually felt rather unimportant because of it.

What made me special was the fact that I was the fact that I was a simple half-blood, and yet no one was without respect towards me. Most even feared me.

"Aurianna, are you even listening anymore?" asked one of my friends,

"No." Oops, that's not what I meant to say... "I'm off to bed, then." I cursed under my breath at my stupidity.

Before settling into bed, I brushed my long, brown hair because I knew it would give me hell the next morning if I didn't. I sighed and climbed to bed, finally managing to get the brush through. Why was the world so... painful..?

I thought about what one of my friends had said earlier: Life can only be great you give a little love. I laughed to myself. Love. I had never thought about it before. Of course I didn't know how close to it I'd get latter on...

Oct. 17th

It pains me to see students mocking teachers. It must take so must courage to get up in front of these idiots... Especially that Weasly boy! He has no talent, and no respect for the teachers. Honestly! He deserves a good hit in the head with a nice brick.

I turned my attention back to professor Snape at the front of the class. I loved potions class, it came so naturally to me. But Prof. Snape always seems so sad... It hurts me deep inside to see another mortal in as much pain as I.

Oh, dear, I must stop thinking in such an elaborate fashion! It's not so simple to stop doing so if I've done it my entire life... Anyway...

I felt a pain in my heart to see the sadness in his eyes... I knew that only I could understand it, and I must help him.

Oct. 31st

Halloween. A festive time. The time to chase away bad spirits. To chase away unwanted pasts...

I walked through the hall with in a crowd of students hungry for the feast, though I thought only of the promise I must fulfill. It was tonight that I would find out how tom make him happy once more...

I strayed off to the side as students ran past. I hope Prof. Snape doesn't believe me to be a stalker. I would soon find out!

"Professor," I cried, stepping in next to him. I tried to keep up with him as he walked on.

"What do you want, child?" he asked.

"Why are you so sad?" I asked, deciding to just get to the point. It seemed to take him by surprise, and he stopped for a second before continuing.

"What do mean? I'm perfectly fine."

"But all the sadness in your eyes... it can't be an act. I've never seen so much pain."

"Your out of line, child," he replied, failing to take notice of the heavy concern in my voice.

"But, I just want to help!" I insisted.

"This world is cruel, and no one can save anyone from that simple fact."

"I know better than anyone that you can't keep it held up inside," I said, holding up my wrists. His eyes lazily hovered over the deep cuts in my wrists. He simply shook his head and walked on, leaving me behind. "Ouch! Attempt one: fail."