She feels like there should have been giant warning bells and signals. Or even some sort of small sign like God throwing down lightning bolts or setting fire to Barneys to let her know that everything was changing. It would have been nice to know that life as she currently knew it no longer existed.
That would have been nice.
Instead it sneaks up on her like some sort of deadly disease, and it almost makes her feel like the stupid heroine in one of those crappy horror movies he secretly loves even though they lack any cinematic artism, or whatever the hell it is he babbles on about when she pretends to be listening to him. What she means, though, is that everything falls into place like she should have known about it all along. Like she realizes that the killer is really the scorned lover's mother instead of the hooligan with the shady past.
She wishes it was that easy though. That she was just figuring out who the madman trying to destroy her life was and not the very terrifying fact that she is in love with a man who has nothing.
Nothing! He doesn't even really own his computer. He's still making payments on it.
How plebeian.
Something like this should have hit her like a ton of bricks, but it doesn't. It sneaks up on her like a mind numbing fog.
It makes her think about that television show someone on her floor made her suffer through once. You know, that show America seems to be obsessed with? The one with the pregnant girl who has Serena hair, and the girl who reminds her of Vanessa because no matter what she tries to do she's never going to fit in and get what she wants. All she remembers about it is that the crazy girl was dating the buff football player with the horrible hair who acted like Chuck, and she knew that they didn't belong together, but they fit.
That was what scared her the most. The last two people she thought would be together fit perfectly together and balanced each other out. It made her feel like the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Mostly because she found herself identifying with the girl who dressed like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time.
In all honesty, it's realizing this that makes everything else suddenly click into place.
She starts by looking around her room, and it scares her when she realizes that instead of jackets with family crests on them or scarves littering about her dorm room, there are sweatshirts bought off the rack.
Off the rack! How he doesn't get hives is beyond her.
Then she starts noticing the books written by obscure authors, and foreign films in languages she doesn't understand sitting on her shelves.
The worst part is that she actually likes those films. Even if she doesn't understand the significance of the chocolate or why the main character never wore pants…
After the room comes the very real fact that the only people who text her any more are Serena and HIM. When did that happen? She can't remember when silly texts messages about the most ridiculous things replaced sexts and messages about political propaganda. A part of her feels like she should know when all of this changed, but she can't remember.
The strange part is that she can remember every single important date when it comes to Chuck and Nate, but she can't remember any significance when it comes to Daniel. And she wonders if that makes their relationship any less important.
Or more important.
Then it hits her that he's no longer Humphrey. Or Cabbage Patch. Or Lonely Boy.
Even though Vanessa suddenly has a new array of hate names: Man Hands, RuPaul, Stubbles, That Thing. Thank you, Glee!
And again, she really wishes she could pinpoint exactly when all of this changed, but she really, really can't. All she knows is that when her mother and Cyrus call to check in they now ask how Daniel is doing and what their plans for the week are. When the heck did that happen and why wasn't she aware before that her life had begun to revolve around Dan Humphrey of all people?
She tells people that she blames NYU, but she knows that this is all Serena's fault. It always is in the end.
The other thing that took her by surprise was when she told Serena she'd been in a relationship for six months. When the hell had it changed from fighting to screwing to being in a relationship?
She's still trying to figure that part out.
She knows what spots on his body are ticklish and which spots make him moan. She knows his favorite food, and the real story behind Cedric. She knows everything about him except when this… this… this thing between them became everything.
That knowledge would have been good to know beforehand. You know, before she realized she was in love with Dan Humphrey. Maybe if she'd known how important Dan was to her, it would have saved her from falling in love with him. Because anyone who falls in love with Dan Humphrey is destined for heartbreak.
After all, the only thing worse than loving Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey.