Disclaimer: I own not a fragment of the Law and Order franchise, and claim no credit nor fees for these characters.

Also, Jeff Goldblum is Jewish, but I have no idea if Nichols is supposed to be. For the purposes of this story, he isn't.

They were doing paperwork. Well, he was. Nichols, well, he was probably drawing pictures of eyeballs again. Plus, he was--

"There's something about the smell of a real Christmas tree...that piney, sappy smell--and the way all the colored lights reflect off the needles and into the ceiling...it really doesn't feel like Christmas until that moment, don't you think?"

Detective Ross tried very hard not to heave a sigh. "I'm Jewish, Zach. Remember?"

"Oh, right."

For the next few minutes the silence was broken only by the ticking of the clock--God, four more hours to go--and the scratching of pen on paper. Whose brilliant idea had it been to do this after the case instead of as they went? Oh, right, it had been--

Nichols broke the silence. "So are you gonna go to midnight mass, or--"

"Jewish."

"So do the kids still believe in Santa Cl--"

"Still Jewish."

"Going caroling?"

"Oddly enough, I have not converted to Christianity since the last time you asked me that question."

"You could sing the dreidel song."

"Thank you, Zach. The fully nuanced grip you have of my culture is deeply touching."

"I try."

"Can you try to not be a jackass for the rest of our shift?"

Nichols adopted an expression of deep thought. "That...could take a Christmas miracle. Oh...will that not work for you?"

Danny resolutely ignored him.

"Hey."

Name of suspect: Ronald Hitchens. Age of suspect: 34

"Hey."

Reason for apprehension of suspect: suspect was running down street nude except for a strategically placed Christmas stocking...

"Hey. I'm sorry."

I will not heave a sigh, I will not heave a sigh, I will not heave a sigh.... "Forget about it."

"You know what I get like when I'm bored."

"I said forget about it."

"Thanks."

They worked in companionable silence for a few minutes, and then a few more minutes, and Detective Daniel Ross was just about to concede that there might be, if not Christmas miracles, then perhaps Hanukkah miracles, when--

"So...do you guys really just eat Chinese food and go to the movies on Christmas?"

"No, Zach. That's when we have our secret Jew meetings where we plot to control the world."

"I knew it!"

Danny gave in, and heaved the biggest sigh he could.