So, I've watched Casualty on and off now for years but never felt compelled to write anything for the show until now - the last episode, Born Lucky, was fabulous and I'm really loving the Ethan/Cal brotherhood (even though they are at loggerheads most of the time, this episode showed how much Cal cares for his brother).

So this is loosly based on that episode and on the promo for the next episode and deals with survivors guilt to a certain extent. I hope it's ok and I hope I manage to keep them in character (I'm sure someone will let me know if I don't!)

I don't own anyone that you recognise - I just like to cause them more stress sometimes.

Whatever It Takes

"You're my little brother...and I love you" the choked, whispered words hung in the dimly lit room as Cal looked to take hold of his brother's hand, but paused at the last moment. He wiped away the freely flowing tears as he turned to get out of the chair...then he felt it...a feather light touch on his hand. He looked down and saw Ethan's long, gentle fingers ghost lightly over his hand. He glanced up to his little brothers face, a slight smile creasing his lips as he saw the thin sliver of blue that marked the fact that the young man in the bed had opened his eyes, "Cal..." he rasped from behind the mask.

Cal couldn't help himself as he gently moved some hair off his forehead, "Shhh don't talk. It's good to see your eyes open - you gave me quite a scare."

"S...Sor...rry..." his eyes were already beginning to close.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. You rest and I'll be back tomorrow," he finished as he noticed that his brother's breathing had already evened out in sleep.

He made his way to the door, glancing back at the smaller man, bathed in light from the machines and the dull light from above his bed. He felt another wave of emotion build and stepped out of the room quickly before it overtook him once more. As he closed the door a nurse appeared, "Dr Knight? I'm Janet. I'm going to be in charge of Dr Hardy's care, is there anything you would like to know?"

Cal shook his head, "No I'm good. He did open his eyes for a couple of minutes but he's gone back to sleep now."

Janet nodded her head, "Ok, that's good...thanks."

"I'll be back tomorrow," he told her and she bid him good night.

As dawn broke the following morning, a weary Cal made his way to his brother's room. As he stepped out of the lift, he saw Janet just stepping out and closing the door gently. She smiled at him as he strode over towards her, "He had a restful night...more than can be said about you by the looks of it!"

Cal looked to the ground, "Every time I closed my eyes I could see him on the stretcher, covered in blood - I can still feel myself sticking that needle into him..." he shuddered at the thought.

Janet laid an gentle hand on his arm, "You were very brave to do that on your own brother...you saved his life you know."

Cal could only nod, "I have a shift in a hour, could I just sit with him for a while, I won't get in the way..."

"I'm sure that will be fine," Janet assured him. As he began to open the door, he turned towards the nurse again, "Does he know about Jeff yet?"

Janet's face grew sad, "No, he hasn't been awake long enough to tell him."

"Ok - I guess it'll be down to me anyway...well it should be."

He closed the door gently behind him and immediately took in the appearance of the man in front of him. They had took his oxygen mask off and replaced it with a nasal one, so already he looked better. He placed a chair right at the side of the bed and just watched his brother's chest rise and fall. He placed his elbows on the bed and put his head in his hands trying to massage away the tiredness, but he knew it wouldn't work.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there when he heard his name being called. He must've dozed off slightly as he felt disorientated for a few seconds until he realised that the voice he had heard was Ethan's.

"Hey there..." he said quietly.

"What time is it?" Ethan rasped, but he sounded a lot clearer than the night before.

"It's just after 7," Cal told him.

"In the morning or in the evening?"

"In the morning...why do you ask?" Cal enquired, confused by the question.

"You're here before shift? Who are you and what have you done with my brother," Ethan chuckled, which sent him into a coughing fit.

Cal would've laughed along with him at his attempt at humour, but the coughing concerned him. Ethan groaned as the coughing pulled on everything that hurt.

Cal got him some water and sat on the edge of the bed, urging him to take a small sip, which he did and the coughing began to subside, "That's what you get for trying to be a wise guy Eth," Cal smiled.

Ethan laid back on the pillows, exhausted from his labours, but he managed a slight smirk in response to the older man's teasing. Once Cal was sure Ethan was settled, he glanced at his watch and stood up, "I'm due on shift now, but I'll come up when I can."

"You don't have to. You should get some rest...you look worse than I do," Ethan told him quietly, as his eyes began to droop again.

"I'll see you later," Cal assured him as he left the room.

Ten minutes later, Cal was assessing his first patient, but his heart wasn't in it. He was beyond tired by this point and was still incredibly worried about his brother. It didn't go unoticed.

As part of his treatment plan, Cal had sent his patient for a xray, so while there was a gap in proceedings, Charlie managed to lead him into the staff room, where he handed him a mug of coffee, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Yes, of course I did..." Cal stared into his mug.

"Cal..." Charlie didn't have to say anything else, as he saw Cal visible crumble in front of him, "I thought as much. Look Cal, yesterday was bad for all of us but for you it must have been horrendous! You need some proper rest. You'll be no good to the brother that you tried so hard to save if you're not 100%. You know I'm right..."

Charlie had sat down in front of the younger man by now and could see that there was something else troubling him, "There's something else isn't there?"

Cal looked to the older man, he face wet with tears that he hadn't realised had been falling, "He doesn't know about Jeff yet," he choked out, "He's not strong enough yet..."

"Better to tell him sooner rather than later because he may find out from someone else."

Cal hadn't thought of that. He dried his eyes, "I'll be back in a bit," he told the older nurse.

"No you won't!" Charlie insisted. "Take the day off. I'll square it with Connie. Take the day, tell Ethan everything he needs to know then go home and get some proper rest. Ethan is going to be fine, but he needs you to be the strong brother for once!"

"Thanks Charlie," he said sincerely, realising just how lucky he was to work where he did.

Charlie left to talk to Connie, so Cal got out of his scrubs and with a heavy heart made his way back up to his brother's room.

Ok so I'm going to leave it there for now. It was going to be a one shot, but as I've been writing it it's kind of morphed into a longer piece, but I will try to have it finished before Saturday's new episode, as my version of it will probably be completely different to what actually happens.

Hope it was ok for my first foray into Casualty - please be kind.