It was a good few hours until I woke again- when the room had eventually decided to stop spinning- I know that because, when I awoke for the first time, the small slither of light that had been stretching out over the dust covered, concrete floor was laying down on the far side of the room and now, it shone down bright upon my face.
The warmth. That's what woke me up, That's what knocked me back from the dark, solitary, soulless daze that grief had poured upon me. Confined me to. I don't know how long I have been here, a day, a week, it could even be months maybe. Time just seems to melt away, with my thoughts, my life, even my breath has begun to diminish in it. Fading into darkness, into death. That isn't just because i'm here, this... this place, this cage is merely the icing on the cake if you will. Things felt like this before the Erudite faction captured me.
I remember my first day of school, it was easier for me and Caleb, my elder brother, as we had always volunteered with my parents by cleaning the city or supplying food to the Factionless, the citizens of society who had failed their initiation after choosing day. We met people from all over the city, they would speak of where they came from to how they ended up where they were. We had to listen as we were Abnegation and it would be selfish to ignore someone else's longing for communication but we were never permitted to pry as that would mean we were indulging in our own desires which would always result in a serious scolding from my father. However, the other factions very rarely interacted, especially children. I could see the terror in the other students faces, not wanting to talk to one another incase they caught another child's characteristic. In our first lesson, 'World History' We were taught that the city we live in was formally known as Chicago, and that when the Global war was lost, the remaining survivors each decided what was to blame for the demise of the world and consequently, what would have lead us to victory. This led to our second - and as we were told- most important lesson, 'Factions'. At the age of sixteen, we must chose and uphold a particular virtue of humanity, leaving our families and past lives behind in favor of a new life. Abnegation (the selfless), Amity (the peaceful), Candor (the honest), Dauntless (the brave) and Erudite (the intelligent). Choosing day feels like a lifetime ago now, and in some respects, it was. I've changed, I use weapons as a means of power, to prove my dominance over others. I've become reckless. That's why i've ended up here, bound by chains and locks somewhere in the Erudite headquarters and probably somewhere in this building- if he hasn't already been killed- is Four, My trainer throughout my initiation and the only boy that I have ever loved.
It all changed from the moment that first bullet hit my mother, thats when the dominos started to crash down one by one, slamming to the floor, no longer able to stand tall and grand, they now lay diminished. My father was the next one to succumb to the Dauntless weaponry. The same guns that I so proudly held in the palm of my hands merely hours before, were the same ones that overwhelmed and destroyed the man that I had so severally disappointed by choosing a faction where life is filled with danger and excitement instead of Abnegation, where life is selfless and bland.
But people die. People die everyday, parents, friends, loved ones. And thats hard, it's painful.
But it shouldn't be, not really.
From the moment we are born we are overwhelmed by death, the congratulatory flowers at the hospital that eventually wither away, to the 87 year old man in the next room over who passes away ever so softly and with the deepest of silence. Everything dies. It is the one definite fact of life, the one thing you can always depend on. People die. But you don't expect it, you never expect it, even when a person is ill and hooked up to a machine, barely able to hold each breath, they're old and as frail as a damp piece of paper, yet, you still have a lingering feeling that this time, this time they will be fine. That lingering feeling is called Hope. And Hope is the real killer in death. But when it does eventually happen, and it will, you can do nothing because, despite the doctors warnings and your knowledge of the life cycle, you are in shock. And what are you suppose to do? quit? Do you simply just, stop? Surely that is the easiest choice. And why not? Why must we always pick ourselves off the ground? Why must we be strong? Continue on as though nothing ever happened, it's not fair, it's not right.
My father once told me that It is impossible for someone to suffocate themselves, that the bodies natural desire to live will always outweigh your own conscious decision to die. And there, is that underlying hope again, lurking inside, skulking behind the eyes, penetrating all of us right to the very core. Drawing out the pain, twisting the knife.
And right now, right at this very moment, as I hang, emaciated, bound by chains in a squalid cell within the Erudite headquarters I want to quit, I want to turn of my brain and hold my breath and just...stop. But not because my parents are gone, or because my original, abnegation and my newly chosen dauntless faction are both now torn apart and broken.
But because it is one thing to witness the loss of a loved one, but it is a whole other to be the reason why they are gone. To be the one who took them.
...
This time, when the light wakes me, it no longer brings me the comforting warmth i once embraced, now it burns, sears my eyes. I can feel tears streaming down my face, like acid ripping open my skin before falling to the floor below. It feels like hours, days, years pass before something eventually blocks the light from my vision. It takes all the energy in my body to lift my head, it takes a long time for me to blink the final drops of water from my eyes and thats when I see it, blocking the dazzling beam from eroding my eyes, but as the dark it isn't an it at all, it's a them. A person.
Although the dark silhouette of the light is making it impossible to decipher the details of the person, i can't help but feel them watching me, their eyes desperately examining each part of my body in turn like I'm sort of alien. After what seems like an eternity of this probing, they speak.
'Get up' he growls, I kneel motionless and uncertain.
'GET UP' this time, more urgent. He's not asking, he's demanding. And I realize, I have heard this voice before, this harsh and strong but ultimately kind tone, but it can't be him, it just can't be. The figure walks closer and closer until his silhouette becomes a definite shape, and the shape then becomes a person. As he steps into the strip of light, there can be no more denial.
It's him, Will.
The boy I shot.
The boy I killed.
'I...I don't, What's happ-' I croak, my mouth so dry and my brain so stunned that I can't even form a sentence.
'There is no time to explain. We have to go. Now.' His words are insistent.
He runs towards me and grabs my forearms, I flinch, revenge, that's why he's here.
On the night of the attack, when Jeanine Matthews, the Erudite leader, used the control serum on the Dauntless citizens to turn them into mindless pawns for her sadistic game, I tried to break into the simulation control room, I tried to stop thousands of innocent lives from being brutally slain but there was one life I couldn't save. Will was guarding the entrance to the control room when he attacked me, I should have just disarmed him but he was too strong. It was his life against mine and the whole community of Abnegation, the people who, if they had the choice, would rather die than hurt someone.
'Keep quiet' he demands as he unlocks the cuffs circling my wrists and pulls me to my feet. I stumble, unable to hold my own weight.
'Tris, You have to try.' he urges me on. Placing my arm around his neck for support.
'Will, i'm sorry, I didn't...It was you or them, I couldn't just let them die. please...' I pant, my words full of remorse, longing for forgiveness.
'Surely, if I was here to hurt you, I wouldn't waist my time trying to break you out' he grunts as he basically carries me out of the dark cell and into the pure, clinically white corridor that lays outside.
He isn't here to hurt me, He's here to save me. But why? Seriously Tris, if you don't start walking, i'll leave you here. I told Four that I would try to help you but it's not like he'll know if I succeed or not' he Stresses. I'm alert. Four, what's happened to Four?
'What do you mean? Where is he? We have to help him!' I speak urgently as though every second that passes is one we could be using to save him.
'Tri-' Will starts, but he is immediately interrupted
'The only person you will be helping, Tris, is me.' Hisses a voice from behind me. I freeze. This voice, like nails on a chalk board, is unbearably high pitched and squeaky. I have only ever heard her speak once before, but I know who stands behind me before i'm able to turn. Jeanine Matthews, the sadistic mastermind behind the whole simulation attack.
Before a single thought can even pass my mind, Will grasps at my arms, his fingers dig into my flesh, causing blood to drip down my paralised arms. 'You have to run!' his voice is hushed and filled with panic.
Deafening sirens blast from speakers above and I can hear the sounds of guards running in the distance.
'RUN!' Will shouts. So I do, I run, leaving Will to die, again.
Word Count: 1736