Do I dare touch it? My trembling fingertips waver in indecision, will he turn away from me or will he let me caress that velvety softness? It's so beautiful the way it shimmers in the light like strands of the finest gold. My fingers find the band that holds the ponytail into place and with gentle tugs I pull it away. It floats over his shoulders and down his back so perfectly. It is like a gentle beam of warm sun illuminating a pathway I know I shouldn't set out on. I touch, I wrap my fingers in the silk strands and savor them as they entwine around my hands. He gives a soft sigh and my heart leaps at his response.

Carefully and gently I brush the hair aside to reveal his strong tanned shoulders. I've seen them many times and in many different situations but never have I been able to press my lips to them and feel the ripple of muscle or taste the warmth of his skin. If I do this now will he run away or in some deep place does he bury a similar desire, to be kissed and caressed by my lips? My heart begins to thud faster in anticipation, anxiety, worry, and need. I flick my tongue over my lips to wet them for they have gone dry, but it doesn't really help. I realize my whole mouth has gone arid as a desert with all the excitement and nerves. I sigh and draw him closer to me, he doesn't try to pull away. He makes no sound. He just lets me pull him closer to myself.

My lips at last press tenderly to the back of his neck. Timidly, I suckle at the flesh and take in the scent of him. It is one I have come to love more than he may ever realize. Being courageous I let my tongue flick out and when he responds with a slight moan shivers course down my spine like electrical currents. I close my eyes and slither my tongue over his hot flesh tasting the fruit that was forbidden.

I have imagined this moment so many times, I have imagined it in secret places that no one can see. I love him so much but I don't believe he could love me, at least not in the way I desire, deeper than the best of friends.

"Paul?"

My blood freezes cold but…her voice had to ruin it. Her.

I come to stop with my mouth just barely touching his ear, in the next instant I would have given it a playful little tug with my teeth and lips but now, now I can't. Tears well in my eyes and I pray they don't fall.

"Paul?" The person I was kissing turns to face me. I'm almost embarrassed about what I was doing but at the same time, I'm just crushed that it was only what it was and nothing more. It could never be anything more, it will never be anything more.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

My hands are taken in smaller ones and worried eyes connect with mine which swim with hot salty wetness. Despite my efforts one slips away and slides so slowly down my cheek.

"I-I…nothing." Now I have to say something as an explanation for my tears. What would I tell my wife, I was fantasizing that you were someone else? I was dreaming that you were someone I love more than I could ever love you? The thought of saying either of those things is just as funny as my desperate day dreaming. "I was just thinking about how much…" My voice chokes with emotion and I cast my eyes downwards and away from the gaze of hers. I take a moment to try and gather myself as best I can, which isn't very well at all. "I was just t thinking about how much I love you."

Her face brightens and her lips turn into a smile, her eyes moisten with tears and she presses a hand to my face. Gently with her thumb she smears away my tear, but it doesn't really matter. I know once we both go to bed tonight and she is deep in sleep and I am deep in pain, so many more will fall to take its place.

"Paul, that's beautiful." She presses her lips to mine and it's all I can do to keep from crying out in pain because I think my heart has broken. Oh, I wish they were his lips. Is that so wrong? I was just thinking…Like I do so often. I was just thinking about how much I love you…just thinking about how much I love him.

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