I watched as she brushed past me, I stared into Stefan's eyes, for a Moment i felt sick...not physically, but mentally. I made sure stefan was alright before running into the bathroom. I took out my purse, where I kept a pen and a piece of paper...I don't even know why I keep these but I do, maybe cause I am an ancient person. I let a soft chuckle, not a happy one, but instead a sad low chuckle. One that was the sound of hurt, the sound of hatred. Hatred for the world, for the things that happened to me, for my destiny but most of all me. I never realized how much I hated myself, until then, until my own daughter gave me a look of hate. That look from anyone would've meant nothing...but from my daught. My Nadia. It felt like a dagger made of wood was stuck in my chest, twisted and puncturing through me even deeper.
I looked up at the mirror, my face was pale, stained with tears...I looked like a mess. I touched my face, what if I wasn't a doppelgänger? Would I have had another life? Why was my life ruined because of this stupid face I have? I thought about Nadia's face again, so beautiful, so like me, yet so like herself, individual unique, no two face alike...unlike mine. She was a beautiful girl and maybe like all mums I see the best out of her, to me she was just the most beautiful being I've met. I meant what I said to Matt, when I said she was incredibly beautiful, because she was.
Tearing my eyes, from the mirror, I placed the paper on the table. My fingers brushed against the hard marble surface. The cold, hard marble surface, just like my life. A life not made for humans to live or any supernatural being. From the moment I was born, born to a traveller, born with this face, my life was doomed. I had no way to escape, no way to run despite running for 500years, I never truly escaped. This was because the true enemy trying to get me killed was not only time...but myself. I cannot live another day like this, my life was nothing but horrify emotions threatening to swallow me, nothing to look forward to. Instead all it has was the bad memories of my past, of the darkest parts of my soul.
My hands started to shake as I placed the pen onto the piece of parchment. I wrote in cursive writing the way I was thought during the 15th century, unlike they write now. Personally I think those writing told more about you as a person. As I wrote each word, my eyes couldn't help but tear up. Every word was full of emotion, this letter was directed to my daughter, I have nothing left anyways, nothing until I found her. I lost Elijah, lost stefan, mum, my whole family now I've lost her. As i finished I walked out of the empty bathroom. I spotted the bill that Nadia offered to pay. I slid the note into the bill pocket and walked off.
My humane legs dragged me slowly towards the high elegant clock building. I could hear the faint tick tock of the clock, as if reminding me my life was slowly drifting out of side, out of my grasp. I didn't care anymore, it wasn't like I ever had a chance at living anyways. My life has only been about survival and I never want my daughter to live this fate. Our connection perhaps would endanger her, perhaps I'm doing something right. Searching my way through the darkness I found the door, that led to the top. The spiral staircase, cliché yet I couldn't help but smile. Even after so many years, something's don't change. Somethings were always better without the alterations.
My steps were faint, slow. As I looked up I could see the starry night, tonight would be the end of Katerina Petrova. The survivor, the girl who died because she chose to, not because she was forced to. Before long I reached the top. The harsh wind blew against my frame, chilling my bone to the core. My curls went flying, I pulled my jacket closer, securing the warmth. I smirked, this was it, this was the day I feared yet now I couldn't help but to be happy. I closed my eyes, I could feel the wind growing stronger, my body almost swaying along with the wind. I took one step closer to the ledge, but was blown back by the wind, also by my doubts. My doubts about dying...what if I could spend a life with my daughter. What if I could make up to her, build a relationship? What if she still wanted me, needed me? I sighed...so many what ifs so many doubts, so many insecurities. This wasn't the end, not until my breath stopped, not until my heart stopped not until every inch of my body grew weak and rested in eternity. My death might mean happiness for my daughter, for her to be finally free from the haunting and daunting memories of her terrible mum. When I die, maybe then she wouldn't have to suffer, thinking I abandoned her once again, maybe she didn't have to know how much I loved her, she doesn't have to love through days of thinking the possibilities. If I die, all my pain all my sufferings would end. My fear of death was nothing but child's play, death was merciful to die, would mean...release. Release from this cruel world. From the world that stripped everything I ever loved or cared about from me. I closed my eyes, once again. One single tear rolled down my face, "Goodbye Katerina." I murmured to myself and I spun around and fell backwards. Bye my Nadia. My beautiful Nadia, I loved you more than you will ever find out.