After the Storm Chapter 1: Denial- Garcia, a criminal minds fanfic

Hello Criminal Minds lovers! I'm back and hopefully you like this story, it is set in season eleven before (spoiler alert if you haven't caught up on season 12 so don't read the next four words!) Spencer in Jail Business.

I am writing this as the four stages of grief as I have recently been through them it brought to me this story and I hope you like it. Please Review and let me know thanks! Layna

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The Death of a loved one is an amputation - C.L. Lewis

"Penelope," Tara Lewis' voice called softly over the phone. At this moment Garcia could not breathe, her hands shook, her mouth was ajar and unknown to her tears had begun to fall. She stood alone her office and she felt the walls close in on her; clearly she had to have heard wrong, the words that were spoken were a lie. She had just helped them find the identity of the San Antonio killer. It had been an easy case, the team was not even gone two days when Richard Wendell got sloppy and dropped his largest clue that she was able to notice. The last she had heard from them was when they were just getting to his hideaway ready to put an end to the terror he had been causing. She had just heard the phone ring and naturally, she answered it as her bubbly self, expecting it to be one of them telling her it was over, but this time was different, this time her world had shattered.

"Penelope," Lewis' voice came again this time more shaken.

"I'm sorry…" She answered her voice was wavy as well as she sat herself down in the chair at her desk. "I… I think I heard you wrong." She has said it just above a whisper; she wanted to believe it was a misunderstanding.

"Penelope, I am so sorry to tell you like this," Garcia shook her head as the dam broke and she was full on sobbing. Her body shook and now it was even harder to breath; on the other end of the line she knew Tara was listening to her, on the other end of the line she heard who she assumed to be JJ and Emily sobbing too.

"Reid; no you're wrong, it's not him." She had somehow slid off her chair and was now on the floor.

"I am so sorry Penelope," Lewis was now crying herself.

"I have to go," Before another word could be said she hung up the phone and let herself sob. It was as if someone had taken a knife to her heart, her whole world had come crashing down and no matter how many pictures of happy things or colorful objects were in her office nothing would make this place the same, it was the place where she found out her friend was dead. Spencer Reid, her junior G-man was gone and this was not like Emily, he was truly gone.

She had sat in a pile on the floor for about five minutes sobbing her heart out before a knock on the door made her push herself up into a standing position. The door opened slowly and she was greeted by the director, his face showed all the sympathy in the world. She did not even make out one word, instead she began to sob again, and Cruz quickly ran to her and caught her. He let her cling to him and cry, his shoulder was damp but he stood for both of them, supporting her as she let all her hurt out. It took a solid ten minutes before he moved her to his office, all eyes on them. The bullpen was silent as all the other agents who had just gotten word watched a broken Garcia be ushered to the director's office. He sat her in a chair and handed her a box of Kleenex, another agent placed a glass of water next to her before giving her sympathy's and exiting the room.

"It's not real," She finally said aloud. She wiped her eyes and cleared her nose; the shock was still present, denying it was the first step. "I mean I just talked to him, he was fine, he was just fine, he said he would call me when they got Wendell."

"It happened fast."

"I just talked to him," She tried to reason with the shock. "I mean maybe half an hour ago, I just heard his voice, he can't be gone, this isn't real," She repeated.

"I wish I could tell you different Penelope, he was an amazing kid."

"I don't understand, I just can't process this, he was armed and he had his vest on… he had that on right I mean he isn't stupid he always wore his vest and that's supposed to protect him."

"He did," Cruz, answered though he was not sure she was asking in particular. Right now, she was trying to reason with this news.

"Spencer, are you sure it's Spencer," She looked at him; he knew she knew the answer but in her mind it seemed impossible.

"Yes, Penelope, I cannot begin to say how sorry I am that this happened, it just happened, no one expected it." From what Lewis was able to tell him it did happen quickly, there was nothing they could do to save him.

"Oh god, his mother, we have to tell her, she isn't in the right mind, she won't remember, how are we supposed to tell her."

"We are going to send some agents to bring her here."

"No!" She jumped from her chair. "You can't do that, she does trust anyone but Spencer and the team."

"Okay, we will hold off then, perhaps I can go down and tell her in person with Rossi and we can bring her back."

"That could work," She settled back in the chair. They sat in silence letting the air around them settle.

"The team should be home in about five hours; perhaps you could go home, I am sure you can reconvene at a later time together."

"No, I need to be here when they get back, I need to see them."

"I understand; you can stay in here as long as you need Penelope."

"Thank you," She smiled as new tears dropped down her cheeks. He stood to leave but she quickly stopped him. "Could you stay with me for a minute, I can't sit alone yet."

"Of course," He smiled, he pulled a chair to her and took her hand as she began to sob again.

She stood by the elevator and waited for her team, for the first time it was not with her usual smile, it was puffy red eyes and a frown that seemed permanent. She has stopped crying but it was because she ran out of tears. She still could not believe the news, she expected the doors to open and the team to be exiting with smiles on their faces ready to hug her and talk about the case. He would be there, he would wrap her arms around him and she would do the same. His thin frame would remind her that she should probably get him to eat something so she would offer the idea of dinner and drinks and even though he may pass at first she would make him. That was the scenario she was used to but this time it played out different.

The elevator let out its chime and as the door opened she was greeted with gloom, all of them looked beaten down pale as sheets. It was JJ who first approached Garcia, she had obviously had cleaned herself up but Garcia saw flecks of red in her blond hair. The shell of her friend stood in front of her for a moment before both their faces cringed and tears began to fall again. Garcia quickly pulled her friend into her and clung to her for dear life, they sobbed into each other's shoulders, which in turn started the chain reaction for the rest of the team. Emily soon made her way over and Garcia reached out her arm to pull her into the hug as well. Garcia caught a glance of Rossi whom she had never seen cry before but here he was. They finally released each other and Garcia made her way to him, he held her tight and told her it was going to be okay, it was all her could say but to him and the rest of him it didn't feel true, their friend was gone and everything seemed like it was stopped in time. No one knew what to say to each other, they were all in a fog because in their mind they thought this was a nightmare.

"I tried…" JJ managed to squeak out before choking on the rest.

"I know," Garcia grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I know," she repeated

"He was just…he was gone so quick." She did not look any of them in the eye; instead, her gaze was off into space.

Penelope knew how to fix the little problems, how to make everyone smile when everything seemed out of reach. She knew how to cheer them up after a tough case, losing a victim or not being able to reach a deranged unsub but this time she was just as flabbergasted as them. She kept thinking that maybe her alarm would ring soon. She would walk up from this nightmare go to work and give Spencer a squeeze. She kept thinking maybe he would walk through the doors of the elevator and this would all be some sick joke. Every time she thought of him she felt sick to her stomach, it hurt too much. He was young, in the prime of his life; he was a genius going places. There was so much on his too do list; find love, get married, have kids and maybe find a cure for Alzheimer's or schizophrenia. She had listened to him one night at one of the various parties he threw and he told her everything he wanted in life; everything he aspired to be and now he would not get that. This all couldn't be real, it had to be some cruel joke, he was still alive, he was going to come back and name off a various fact or a statistic that somehow pertained to something in the office, or maybe this was like Emily and he had to fake his death for a little while. She knew it was not any of that; the traumatized faces on the teams faces verified that but her brain still hadn't accepted it as real, would it ever?

"I think we need to get home," Rossi finally spoke. No one in the team wanted to go, all of them wanted each other close because being alone for anyone but JJ was going to be the worst thing in the world tonight.

"I don't think I can," JJ shook her head. "How am I supposed to go home and tell Henry that his Uncle…." She broke down again, that boy idolized his godfather.

"Don't tell him tonight, but you do need to go home JJ, shower and hold on tight to those babies," Lewis suggested.

"Come on JJ, I'll drive you home," Rossi looped arms with her and stood as they said goodbye. One least group hug of crying this time Lewis, Rossi, and Alves joined in. As they released everybody lingered for a second before Rossi ushered JJ towards the elevator and Lewis and Alves joined them. Emily was just about to go before Garcia called to her.

"Emily," She spoke just above a whisper, the lump in her throat had made talking hard as well as the urge to cry again.

"Yeah," She turned around and faced her friend; a face aged a thousand years with grief.

"Do you want to stay with me and Sergio tonight, no one should be alone."

"I would really like that Emily nodded. They linked arms, walked towards the elevator, and pressed the down key. Tonight would be rough; tonight they would cry themselves to sleep over their lost friend.

Garcia woke up; it was as a bright morning as the rays of the sun shone into her apartment. It was bright outside but she knew it was not a good day. She knew this was not a dream because Emily was here; she was right next to her on the couch staring at a group photo of the team when Hotch and Morgan were still in it. She had not even noticed Garcia wake up.

"Is this how it's gonna be for a while," Garcia asked capturing Emily's attention. "I can't look at those pictures without feeling sick." She still looked at them though; the boy wonder is smiling face. He was a wonderful presents to their day and now he was gone.

"I forgot," Emily gave a sad smile. "For just a second when I opened my eyes this morning I forgot that he was gone and then I remembered and my heart broke all over again." A single tear slid down her cheek and she caught it with a swipe of her finger.

"Me too, I forgot, then I remembered and then I wished it was just a dream."

"This is going to hurt for a while isn't it."

"He was this huge part of us; I think it might hurt forever."

"Me too," Emily pushed herself from the couch and dropped the picture on the table.

"I can make some coffee and some breakfast if you want," Garcia offered.

"I'm not too hungry," Emily replied. Truth be told neither was she, she felt sick almost and food would not help her situation.

"I think I should go check on JJ, do you want to come with me?"

"I can't… I have to tell Morgan, I was gonna go see him today."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, go check on our girl, I will call you later maybe if you're still there I will meet you." Emily nodded and gave her a tight squeeze.

"We have each other; we will make it through this… together."

"Together," She smiled. She walked Emily to the door and gave her another hug before she closed the door behind her. She was so lost, she was still in denial, how was this even real? She grabbed her phone, found her existing conversation with Morgan, and clicked it open. A smiling picture of Hank popped up, a kid that would live up to his name sake, his first name after a man Morgan loved and lost at a young age and now his middle name after another loved man that Morgan would soon find out he had lost. She quickly texted him, "I'm coming over." She did not want to say anymore than that otherwise he would be suspicious and this was not news to be broken over text. It was Saturday, Derek had just gotten back from Vacation with his family; they had visited Savannah's parents so there was no way he would know yet. She did not know how he was going to break the news to him but she knew it was going to be awful. A ding of her phone alerted her of Derek's reply; "See you soon," He had even added a smile emoji, his good mood would not stay when she got there, with bad news came great pain and in Derek's case probably anger too.

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