Something I wrote back in December. You may have read it if you followed my Rizzoli and Isles blog. I've fixed some of my grammatical errors and such.
Angsty. Not that 'angsty' is a real word but who really cares? Haha. Italics are song lyrics.
Um... Yeah. Haha.
Tell me what you think?
Also, I don't own jack. Except the iphone the story was typed on and the computer it's being uploaded from.
I've never been one to make a big fuss over ended relationships. I've never been one to make a big fuss over good relationships for that matter but this one... This one hurts.
An empty room,
I'm empty too
And everything reminds me of you
My bed smells like her. My clothes smell like her. I've been an emotional wreck for days. It's really not like me.
So many things
I shouldn't have missed
The more that I push
And the more you resist
She always told me, "No matter how much I push you away, push back!" She said pushing people away when things got too serious is just how her body reacted.
It's easy to say it's for the best
When you want more
While you leave me with less
I did as she asked. Every time she pushed me away, I pulled her closer. I did this for two years. Two whole years of her fighting. Two whole years of her loving.
I know you're fine, but what do I do?
I know you're fine, but what do I do?
And what do I have to show for it? A broken heart, a headache, and a quiet home. She took everything of hers but everything I see in my own home, has memories of her attached to it.
I'm awake, and trying
While you're sleeping like a babe
Beside him
I'm alone in this big bed. Alone in this big house. Where is she? She and Grant are sharing her apartment. Her bed.
I'm on the ledge while you're so
God damn polite and composed
And I know you see me
In case you're wondering, yes, I said Grant. The same man who called her "Roly Poly Rizzoli".
And you're making it look so easy
What comes and goes,
I'd go without
I heard they're having a baby. They've been together for four months and she is six weeks along according to Angela. We were together for two years, she said she wasn't ready for children.
I know you're fine but what about
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout
Through the Fallout
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)
You're the fallout
Did I mention that she just ended things with me four days ago? The day after she found out she was pregnant. She didn't tell me about the baby though.
Well now there's him,
And now there's me
The secrets you give
And the secrets you keep
She had the nerve to tell me that I was just a phase. Normally, I would accept and understand this but let's review the facts; We were together for exactly 2 years and 19 days. She's 34 years old. I'm 33. She was sleeping with someone else for the last 4 months of the relationship.
And nevertheless
It's never you let
The more that I give
And the less that I get
Does that sound like a "phase" to you? It sounds like a lie that was meant to make me feel better, to me. It didn't make me feel better. It made me feel worse.
Don't tell me to fight,
To fight for you
After this long, I shouldn't have to
I wasn't good enough. I wasn't even given the chance to prove I could be good enough.
I know you're fine, but what do I do?
I know you're fine, but what do I do?
Now I can't sleep at night.
I'm awake, and trying
While you're sleeping like a babe
Beside him
I toss and turn. Jerk awake like I'm falling from a cliff.
I'm on the ledge while you're so
God damn polite and composed
I wonder how work will be? What will she do when she sees me? What will I do when I see her? Will we even see each other? Probably. I'm chief ME and she's a homicide detective. Our paths are bound to cross.
And I know you see me,
And you're making it look so easy
What comes and goes,
I'd go without
I wonder how Frost and Korsak will react? What about Frankie? Tommy will probably try to sleep with me. Angela says he and Lydia are having problems now that TJ is getting older. How does Angela feel? She seemed indifferent when she called.
I know you're fine but what about
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout
Through the Fallout
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)
I don't think I can handle this. I don't know how to live alone anymore. Angela says she's getting her own apartment. She is like my mother. Who do I turn to for help? Certainly not my own mother. She'll just say "I told you so."
I know you're fine but what about
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout
Through the Fallout
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)
You're the fallout
I feel like my heart has stopped. Jane was my "one". She even said I was hers. I called her my penguin because penguins mate for life. She called me her otter because they hold hands while floating so they don't lose each other. Silly, I know, but I just wish she had meant it.
I know you're fine, but what do I do?
I know you're fine, but what do I do?
I need more wine. I need Jane.
I know you're fine but what about
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout
Through the Fallout
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)
At least she's happy now. If you love something, set it free, right?
I know you're fine but what if I
(Fallout)
I'm awake, and trying
While you're sleeping like a babe
Beside him (Fallout)
I'm on the ledge while you're so
God damn polite and composed
I'm going back to only trusting dead people.
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout
Through the Fallout
(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout
Through the Fallout
(Fallout) FALLOUT (fallout)
FALLOUT