Original Story (April 2013) by AshleighR

by Gashwang

This is an original piece I wrote in April. I know it's not fanfic but I want to get some of my other work out there so I'm going to put it all on to this profile.

"Have you ever wanted someone dead?" he rasped, toking a cigarette and staring hard into her eyes.

"Yes" she admitted, not knowing why she would tell him of all people.

"I know someone that could help you. Tell me who you want gone and I will arrange it" He inhaled his last drag and dropped the cigarette into a full astray that was perched on the edge of a glass table, full of water from the rain that had fallen earlier in the day. It hissed. He moved closer to her, their chests touching. He then stretched his arm out and opened the door, not breaking eye-contact. "In"

The alarm clicked on at 5:30am. Leaning over to her bedside table, she turned it off, rolling back over onto her other side and sinking back into the warmth. Today was not one she wanted to be awake for. Sinking in and out of consciousness she saw images of her past, blending with the present. A tear rolled down her cheek. Feeling it touch her lips, she wiped her face and threw herself out of bed.

The flat was darkened, quiet. The rising sun was blocked out with black blinds that had an elegant gold piece of silk draped over the rail that hung above the window. The lounge had a black glass coffee table in the center, complimented by a two seater black suede sofa and an armchair in the same style, both decorated with red velvet cushions. The lampshade that hung above had a chandelier effect, dripping with glass beads. A tall lamp stood in the corner of the generous sized room, next to a wooden black book shelf. Various pieces of art hung on the white walls.

Using her phone light, she made her way through the lounge and into the kitchen, filling up the kettle and switching it on. As her bare feet laid against the tiled floor, she felt a shiver run down her spine. Opening the blinds, she peered out of the window and out onto the street. Nothing moved, nothing out of place. The sun was slowly on its way up.

The kettle boiled, she poured herself a cup of tea and took a seat on the stall that was tucked underneath the breakfast bar. She heard a car faintly in the distance. The slightest noises set her off. She'd think about the person driving, what kind of person they were, what they did for a living that required them to be awake and in a car so early. Her imagination would run wild with pointless thoughts that wouldn't be remembered by mid-day.

Finishing her tea, she washed the cup out, put it on the drainer and went back into her bedroom. Switching the bedside table lamp on, she carefully began picking what she was going to wear from her chest of draws. She hung the clothes on hangers and hung them from the curtain rail. She then moved towards the dressing table.

1 hairbrush, 1 can of deodorant, 1 bottle of perfume, 1 box of cotton buds, 1 packet of face wipes, 1 packet of cotton pads, 1 bottle of facial cleansing liquid, 1 tube of moisturizer , 2 tubes of mascara, 1 liquid eyeliner, 1 eyebrow pencil, 1 pot of Vaseline. Everything was laid upon the bed in rows. She was meticulous. Some said she had OCD. Everything had to be perfect. It was these things she could control. The little things.

She took a pair of underwear from the draw and laid them out next to the products. She took a bra and put that above the underwear. She then took out a pair of tights and laid them gently beside everything else. After ironing the clothes and smiling in satisfaction, she finally went for a shower.

She looked down at her naked body. She couldn't admire it, nor could she look for very long. There was nothing about it that made her attractive. Her thighs decorated with silver stretchmarks from when she was at her heaviest, her unhealthy stomach and pale skin made her wince. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes tightly. She then opened them and held out her arms. Wrist, forearm, bicep, shoulder. She scrutinized the scars she wore on her skin everyday. Picking up the razor from off the soap dish that hung on the wall, she dragged it against the top of her thigh. Scarlet turned into a mix of oranges, red and brown; almost like the colour of rust dripping down and swirling round her feet before being swallowed into the plughole.

She dried herself cautiously, avoiding touching the fresh cuts with the towel. She didn't want to throw out another. She hung the towel on the bathroom radiator and walked freely into her bedroom. Opening the top draw of her left bedside table she picked out a big enough bandage and wrapped it around her thigh, using adhesive medical tape to hold it in place. The cut throbbed with sharp pain, making her leg feel heavy.

After putting on her underwear she stood in front of the full length mirror. Turning to the side she threw her head away from the reflection fiercely. She was disgusted. Quickly she dressed herself in a navy floral dress that had short ruffled sleeves and black tights. Sitting at the edge of the bed, careful not to knock any of the previously laid out items, she looked into the mirror and began removing the remains of yesterdays make-up.

Putting the wipe in the bin, she then ran a cotton bud around the inside of her eyes making sure she didn't miss any. She then put it in the bin. She then put a dab of cleaner onto a cotton pad and wiped it over her face. After it had dried, she applied moisturizer with her fingertips. She then put the used items away. She applied mascara, first a base coat on her lashes and then a thicker, more defined layer. Once dried, she applied a thin line of black liquid to each eyelid and began to shape her eyebrows. She put the make up away, leaving only the cotton buds and the tub of Vaseline out.

She cleaned up the mistakes she had made with her eye make-up with cotton buds. After this she took her hair out of the towel wrapped around her head and took it into the bathroom to hang on the radiator. Sitting back down on the bed, she ran a comb through her long dark hair and parted it in the middle, dried it, straightened it and then with a can of hairspray from the bathroom cupboard, she sprayed the sides and styled it so it wasn't so flat to her head. Finally she dipped her index finger into the Vaseline and coated her lips with a rose tint. Everything was put back into its original place.

Slipping on navy pumps, a gold and red scarf and a red over the shoulder bag, she left the apartment at around 7am and headed to her car.

Drumming her fingertips upon the steering wheel as she waited patiently outside of a run down house in a not-so-welcoming neighbourhood, her heart rate quickened. She un-clipped the seat belt and leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands, closing her eyes before being disturbed by a knock at the window.

A man with thin arms, hardly any muscular definition, black eyes and dry lips stood waiting for her to open the window. His string vest hanging off his hairless chest.
"Yo, look I can only do this one today, yeah. I've got to go and get some more off a mate and won't be back 'till Sunday. I know, I know. Look, I've thrown in something extra okay? I don't want to lose my favourite customer" he smiled and passed the package through the window, swiped the money from her hand, nodded and jogged back into the house, checking no one had been watching them.

Driving to an abandoned car park, she stopped the car and laid the contents of the bag upon the seat next to her. Five grams of heroin, two grams of cocaine, a quarter of cannabis and two syringes in sterile sealed packets. She looked down at the track marks, slowly becoming more visible underneath the purple scars that already tainted her skin. This will be the last time. Just one hit now and I'll leave the rest.

Metal embraced skin and soon she slumped into the chair, arms outstretched, the window open a crack. Her eyes were heavy, pretty much closed. Mouth stayed open, dry; breathing slowing. Anxiety had disappeared, her body no longer ached. Euphoria washed over her like a baptism and her skin became intensely flushed.

A couple of hours passed before she felt the need to leave the car park. Driving slowly, avoiding most main roads, she pulled up outside of her work place. She wrapped the cardigan that was lying on the back set of her car around her, looking at herself in the mirror. Dull gray eyes judged her before she slipped out of the car, locked it and began making her way to the main entrance.

Heading straight towards the toilets, she heard her name called. Her stomach tensed as she turned around and forced a smile at the broad, tailored, fair haired man.

"Floressa! I'm glad I caught you. The report you did on Monday – I just wanted to say you did a really good job. No one likes doing those sorts of jobs, but you get on with and always finish in good time. I just wanted to say well done" he smiled kindly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

Floressa had a thing for James, her manager, ever since he had started but with the wedding band wrapped neatly round his finger, feelings weren't worth acting upon. Her stomach knotted, again.

"Thank you" she breathed, blushing.

They exchanged another smile before parting in the hallway. She ducked into the toilets and sat down on the seat, contemplating whether to go home sick. She was still feeling the effects and couldn't face sitting in an office full of chatting, keyboard bashing, mouse-clicking, telephone ringing and radio buzzing. She sat for a while. She then unlocked the door and moved over to the sink, running the cold tap against her wrists. She then took a comb from her handbag and ran it through her hair. She looked fucked.

Anxiety setting back into her chest like an old friend, hands shaking as she turns on her PC, she looks around to see if anyone was watching her. Patty, a dumpy fifty year old with a beige dress that clung to her like a sandwich bag to shit, approached her desk with a weak smile.

"Didn't get much sleep last night?" the words hit Floressa like a brick.

"No. I think I'm coming down with something" she lied.

"Maybe you should speak to James about taking the day off. Get some rest"

She got up and walked over to James' office. He sat behind glass walls in front of a PC, looking intensely at the screen. She knocked the door and pushed it open an inch before he told her to come in. She moved in awkwardly, closing it behind her as quietly as possible. She swayed towards the desk and stood quietly, sweating, her scalp itching like mad.

"I'm sorry James. I don't think I can work today. I think I'm coming down with something. Didn't sleep last night, you know, flu-like symptoms. I wouldn't want to mess up anything" her words hurried out of her mouth, falling flat on the floor.

"Of course. I understand" he smiled. "Go, go! Take the rest of the week if you need. I want you back fit and healthy for next week. I'd like you to come with me to Bristol for the conference" he said as he put his hands together, in an almost pleading gesture.

"I'll see" she smiled, biting her lip. She realised what she was doing and quickly gathered her thoughts. "Thank you, bye"

She practically ran out of the office, closing the door behind her, turning the PC off again and grabbing her bag. Patty watched her, a knowing look in her eye. Floressa darted through the corridor and didn't stop until she had reached her car, throwing her bag on the empty seat and then herself down. Her head was spinning, feet aching. She banged her hands on the steering wheel in frustration.

The soul-crushing obvious truth was that people knew she was doing something to harm herself but they couldn't work out what. As soon as they did she was out of a job. Her life was over. She'd get caught out and that would be it for her. No, no one cares enough to say anything. No one would help. They'd just pity me, look down at me and the whispering would stop as I walked into the room. I'm not worth anything but the gossip to pass the time.

A wave of anxiety ripped through her chest. Then the rage burst through it and she turned the key, setting off down the road back to her flat. Driving wasn't the best thing for her to do when she was feeling like this. When she got into these funks. She slammed the brakes on as a light turned red.

"Fuck!" she shouted, tears crawling down her cheeks. She watched a mother push her child in a pram across the street, another little girl holding onto the pram and skipping, giggling. She wondered if her relationship was ever like that with her mother.

When the light turned green she didn't move. She just sat there. She didn't even hear the other cars beeping their horns at her. She turned everything off and closed her eyes, leaning back in her chair. A loud knock at the window, a panicked face. She jumped.

"Hey, are you okay?" a man with with deep set worried pools of blue stood, peering in.

She nodded through the window, managing a weak smile. He noticed her charcoal stained cheeks and his facial expression changed to a more softer, understanding look. He tapped the top of her car and held a thumb up. She then drove off, slowly at first, looking at the man in her mirror, before speeding off again.

She was numb. Crawling beneath the cold sheets after shutting the sun out, she laid in silence, trying not to breathe too loudly, or even at all. Thoughts of killing herself crept back into her mind again. She turned herself over, her face into the pillow, holding it with both of her hands, pummeling her face into it harder. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears, echoing through her entire body. She panicked, she wasn't breathing, her head getting heavier then lighter, sweat forming on her forehead, upper lip, cheeks and the back of her neck.

I'm not here. Not anymore.

She suddenly jerked back and took in a deep breath. She put her face in her hands and swung her legs round, siting upright on the edge of the bed. Frantically searching through her bag for the parcel. She took the bag of cannabis and prepared a joint.

Sitting on the breakfast bar in the middle of the kitchen, a fan blowing in the corner, she lit the end of it and watched the excess paper burn. She then toked the joint and inhaled deeply, sufficing a cough and exhaling again. Her eyes were heavy again as she finished the joint, her head spinning and her mouth dry. She sat for a moment, cross legged and quiet. Her mind wasn't a peaceful place. Only full of abuse and recklessness.

The man rolled off of her, sweating, his chest hair messy, grunting. She rolled over onto her side and covered herself. She felt a pang of nausea ripple through her and sat up, still clinging to the quilt, searching for her underwear.

"Have you thought anymore about what I said?" he growled, lighting a cigarette.

She turned to face him, now wearing her underwear and a tee. The waves of sickness still washing over her. She hated him. She wanted to get out as soon as possible, but he always made her hang around until he was bored of her.

"No" she bowed her head, fidgeting with her fingers.

"I get it. I get why you don't want someone else to do it. You want to do it, don't you" he sat up, ash trickling into his chest hair. Her eyes opened, alarmed as he reached into the bedside draw and a clank of metal hit the wood as he pulled the object out and his arm extended fiercely into her face. She stared into the end of a semi-automatic pistol, his finger on the trigger. Her eyes grew wider than she thought was physically possible, her breath hitched in the moment. He then began laughing, a deep laugh from the bottom of his throat, hitting her ear drums like a sledgehammer to a concrete wall. "Gotcha'"

Slipping off the breakfast bar, she trod carefully to the fridge. Opening it, she bathed in the cold air that hit her. She decided on a glass of orange juice, no bits. Taking the glass into the bedroom with her and placing it down on the wooden bedside table, she climbed back underneath the sheets.

She fell asleep on thoughts of James fucking her. Dreaming of his wife leaving him after discovering the pair together, sweating on top of his desk. Him then running after her, covering his dignity with a report signed by Floressa Clarke. Him begging for her forgiveness as she collected her clothes. It switching to the first time she injected, but in a warped vision, her surroundings different and the people in her company being no one she'd met before. Laughter filling every inch of the room, purples, greys, blues filling her eyes, her arms going limp on the off-green velvet armchair that had cigarette holes burnt into it.

Stirring at six in the evening, her stomach rumbling, the realisation of being asleep all day made her tense with frustration. Grabbing the orange juice from the side and gulping it down, her throat stinging as the liquid hit the dryness.

Peeking out of the window through the blinds, she noticed it was still light. Just as she was about to turn and take her glass to the kitchen, she saw a man hovering outside of the flats and stopped to take another look. No one was there. A buzz then filled the room. Her heart began pounding as she crept over and took the phone from the wall.

"Hello" she whispered, the sound almost inaudible.

"Hello. I'm sorry to come and disturb you, especially at your home... It's the man from earlier. You know, I tapped on your window..." he was nervous. Floressa interrupted his rambling.

"What did you do? Follow me?" she gasped, eyebrows furrowing.

"No. Yes, I'm sorry. You just looked so... sad. I felt like I needed to know if you were okay" he mumbled, embarrassed.

Floressa's finger then pressed the button and hung the phone up. Within a minute, he was standing outside her door. She pulled it open and stood in the doorway in just her underwear and a t-shirt, holding an empty glass. He stared at her, his eyes wandering down to her bandaged leg.

"What happened to your leg?" he asked, pointing to it.

She smiled and pulled him in with her free hand, kicking the door closed from behind. Taking him into the kitchen and sitting him down, she put the glass in the sink and turned to study him. His bright eyes were still worried, the lines on his forehead deepened as he looked back at her with a confused expression. His hair was shaved at the back and sides, a dark edgy mess sat on the top of his head. He wore a pale blue shirt, buttoned up to the top, black skinny jeans and leather winkle-pickers. A surgical steel hoop through the top of his ear. He didn't have much muscle but it wasn't unattractive.

"Are you here to kill me?" she laughed, after eying him silently for close to five minutes.

"No!" he laughed, a slightly offended tone to his voice. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You looked pretty..."

"Shit?" she finished.

"I would say more run down. My gut feeling was to make sure you were okay. I'll go if you want, I'm sorry for intruding" he edged off his seat.

"No no. Please, stay. Do you want a drink? Some food?" she almost begged, biting her lip in wait of a reply.

"I'd like to stay" he managed through the shock of being asked.

"Fabulous. I'm Floressa, by the way" holding out her hand.

"Leo" he returned, touching his arm after taking his hand back, rubbing his matching track marks as she turned to see what food she had.

They lay on the rug in the middle of the room, the table pushed to the side and food spread on china plates around them. Floressa had a glass of wine and Leo was drinking water. They had been talking about their jobs, families, living alone, their futures, not much of the past. Leo wanted to know if she was still on heroin, but he already knew the answer. He also wanted to ask about her leg but he felt like she would become uncomfortable if pressed and they were having such a good time.

Floressa had learned that Leo worked as a carer in a retirement home. He had both of his parents, who lived in the countryside with their two golden retrievers. He didn't have siblings. He lived alone because it was what he was used to (his teens especially) as both his parents worked as doctors. She learned that he didn't have a plan for the future but always wanted to get into writing screen-plays. His full name was Leon Zachary Harrogate. They were both twenty four. She was instantly intrigued by him.

He looked at her full lips. Somehow even with he scars, the marks, the bandage and dark circles around her eyes, she still looked sexually appealing. Floressa had put on a pair of pyjama bottoms before they started to eat. Whilst she had gone into her bedroom, he had scoped the living room out and had a look through her film and book collection. Tarantino, Scorsese, Aronofsky, Mendes, Mangold and Anderson filled the shelves along with Bret Easton Ellis novels and books on serial killers.

There were no photographs around the place, only artwork and illustrations that he assumed were done by Floressa. He turned to her and took a sharp breath in as he saw how thin she was. He moved closer to her, watching her laugh at the black and white comedy skits on the television.

"Floressa" he started.

"Yes?" she said, not looking away from the screen.

"Are you..." he couldn't say it. His heart was in his mouth. "Are you an addict?" he choked.

She snapped her sharp eyes onto him. Muting the television without taking her eyes off him, he held his breath in anticipation for her reaction. She leaned closer to him and pressed her lips to his. He didn't react at first, but then gave into the kiss and she moaned softly against him. Slowly she pulled away from him.

"Yes, I am" she whispered.

He leaned back, seeing absolute terror in her eyes as he did. He shook his head to ease her. He then began to roll the sleeves up on his shirt, revealing fresh marks and bruises from whatever he'd used to tie-off. She leaned down and kissed the marks and looked up into his eyes.

"Wanna get high?" she teased, biting her lip.

Sirens rang through their bodies as they danced hard, sweating and kissing each others necks. They had decided on the coke before going to a rave that Leo's friend was hosting in an abandoned warehouse. The music pumped through them, their pupils blown. Once they had arrived, they bought some shit E off a shady looking guy in a beat up leather jacket and found Leo's friend.

His name was Matt and he was your average looking junky. Dark eyes, shaved head, messy facial hair, thin and gaunt, dirty clothes and a distant expression on his face. After talking to Matt before he went to do his set, Leo saw another couple of friends out of the corner of his eye. He dragged Floressa over to them and introduced her.

Before leaving for the rave, she had changed into black see-through shirt, black laced bra and black jeans, finished off with a gold chain and red Dr Martens. She also piled her long hair into a high pony tail, revealing her ear piercings. She felt good for once, almost limitless.

Green laser lights danced upon them as they moved against each other. As the song ended and rolled into another, Floressa took Leo's hand and led him into the corner of the room, making enough space around them so they weren't knocked when racking the coke off a barrel and piece of plastic that had been fixed to make a table.

Whipping her head up after snorting three lines consecutively, Leo did the same and pushed her against the wall, laughing. He bit her bottom lip and unbuttoned her jeans, sliding the zipper down expertly. She stopped him, done them back up again and lead him back into the pit of sweaty flesh.

Eventually the police shut the place down and they had to make a break for it.

Running hand in hand, they finally slowed and let go of one another as they got to the steps outside Floressa's flat, out of breath and buzzing, ears ringing from the music. They caught their breath and looked at each other, their eyes practically black. She balanced awkwardly on her feet, moving from side to side before opening her mouth.

"Do you want to come back up?" she narrowed her eyes, expecting a 'no' in return but desperately wanting him to say 'yes'.

Leo stood there, flashing her a perfect teethed smile before turning the offer down. Before he left he kissed her hard on the mouth. 'Thank you for tonight. I had a really good time. See you around' rang in her ears as she trailed up the stairs. It rang in her ears as she showered, ate and got into bed. It rang in her ears before she fell asleep and the first thing she thought of as soon as she woke up was the last thing he had said to her.

When she was sober, the OCD would kick in. She woke to find all the plates still scattered around the room, the rug wasn't straight, the table still pushed across the room. The kitchen was a mess. First she took the plates, cutlery and glasses into the kitchen. She then went back into the living room and straightened the rug, placing the table back in the center of the room and swept the mess on the dark wooden floor into a dust pan. She then emptied the dust pan into the bin and placed it back under the sink. She then ran the water until it was hot and put the plug in, followed by washing up liquid. She had a dishwasher but she felt that if she did it by hand, it would be done properly. Sometimes the washer missed bits and it frustrated her.

Turning off the tap, she watched out of the kitchen window as a couple of elderly women walked passed the flats in matching head scarfs. I don't want to get old. She started washing up. Once she had finished, she let the water go, making sure there were no bubbles left in the sink before drying up. When she dried up and put everything away, she ran a wet cloth around the counter tops and swept the floor tiles. She proceeded to clean the oven and then the overwhelming urge to have a hit took over. She hand sanitized and looked round the kitchen and living room, satisfied.

Floressa took out the parcel from the top draw of the chest of drawers and prepared everything. Alcohol swabs, syringe with needle, spoon, lighter, cotton balls, belt and the bag of heroin. She began thoroughly cleaning the spoon with an alcohol swab and once it had dried, she tapped some of the powder onto the spoon. Before doing any more, she tied the belt loosely round her arm. Using the syringe, she dipped it in a glass of water and gathered water. She then proceeded to squirt it carefully onto the spoon, trying to relax her shaking hands. She then took the lighter and heated it to room temperature. Golden honey. She cleaned a smaller spoon with an alcohol swab and used the end of it to stir the solution. Floressa then took a cotton ball and rolled it up until it was the size of a tic-tac and dropped it into the solution. Using the syringe, she poked the tip of the needle into the middle of the cotton soaked with heroin and pulled the plunger back slowly. She was excited now, wanting to hurry but also wanting to prepare it right. It was all part of the rush, preparing it correctly, slowly, dragging it out as much as you can before slumping into the unknown. The syringe drained the cotton ball. She pulled the belt tight with her her spare arm and teeth, careful not to drop the syringe. She laid her arm out flat in front of her and as the vein began to protrude, she finally put the needle into it. She took a sharp breath as the needle went in, thankful she didn't miss the vein. She had once seen someone give themselves a blister from missing. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Sitting back on the bed and letting out a soft moan, she let the effect wash over her.

Buzzing Leo in, she felt a pang of excitement. Looking in the mirror before opening the door wasn't a good idea. She felt a rush of insecurity and had to steady her breathing. Leo smiled as she greeted him and handed her a bottle of whiskey. She could tell that he'd been high earlier in the day. The look in his eyes took her back to when he knocked on her window. His eyes looked the same then. How could I not tell? Oh, probably because I'm self-obsessed and I'm only ever worrying about what I look like, what I sound like, what I'm doing and what I want. Never taking the time to look at anyone else, pay them any attention. Until Leo. Until now.

It was just after eight as Floressa took two glasses from the cupboard and poured the whiskey. They had decided to drink it neat, which was fine as there was nothing to mix it with anyway. She made a mental note to go shopping.

"Hey, I was meaning to ask you. Your name – it's pretty awesome, I've never heard it before. What does it mean?" Leo asked, genuinely interested and awaiting her answer.

"My mum told me it means flower, originates from France but I read it originates from Latin too. It's different I guess" she shrugged.

"Well I think it's really beautiful" Leo said, almost too quickly.

Floressa blushed and went into her bedroom to get something. When she returned she held out a bag and other items. She asked him if he wanted a joint. Leo said yes and they began rolling one for themselves.

As they sat on the breakfast bar together, cross-legged and a little stoned, Leo took Floressa's face in his hands and kissed her. She hesitated at first, feeling ugly, but gave in to the kiss. The breakfast bar was Floressa's favourite place to sit and smoke. They stopped for breath and Leo leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'm so glad I met you" he smiled.

"You're ridiculous" she replied.

"Pardon?" he queried. "How is that ridiculous?" pulling back slightly, his eyes narrowing.

"Why would you be glad you met me?" she laughed, half joking, half serious.

He looked down to his lap and took a deep breath loud enough for her to hear. He then looked back up and placed three fingers underneath her chin, raised it slightly and kissed it. She closed her eyes, holding onto the feeling for a little while longer, savouring his touch. He then let go gently and kissed the corners of her mouth before kissing her lips and parting them with his tongue. The tasted each other for a moment before he pulled away.

"I don't want to sound like a cliché. But there's something about you. There's just, something in you that makes me, I don't know, gravitate towards you" he looked down, running his hand through his hair.

She leaned forward, kissing him again before taking his hand and leading him to her bedroom.

They didn't fuck. She wanted to. He wanted to. They worked each other up but it didn't happen. She leaned on her side, cautious of her cuts. She felt too weak, too self-conscious to let a stranger see her biggest insecurity. She knew that no one could ever love her body because of how much she loathed it. The last person to see it left her, took her money, her love and her strength. It took a long time for her to recover... Floressa's version of recovering, anyway. This had to be different. She hoped deep down that Leo wasn't just another junky that would wreck her life.

Creeping out of bed, Leo fast asleep, she rummaged through the parcel again and took the bag of cocaine out into the kitchen. It was eleven at night but she was in the mood to get fucked, dance and lose herself. Snorting a line off the kitchen counter, she inhaled again, the rush consuming her. Leo stood in the doorway, watching.

"It's eleven and you're snorting coke. What?" he rubbed his eyes, sleepily.

"It's also a Friday night. I don't do cosy Friday's in" she laughed, racking another for Leo.

He took his line and breathed in deeply. He then spun Floressa around and dipped her down so she was almost touching the floor. She laughed, calling him crazy as he pulled her back up and kissed her neck. Leo had an idea. He told her to get dressed up, they were going to a party.

Floressa dressed in a black velvet dress that fell to her ankles with a slit up the back, black wedges heels and leather jacket, complimented by a long silver chain that had a black pendant hanging off it. Leo was already wearing black tailored slim-legged trousers, a white shirt and scarlet blazer, the cuffs, button and collar were black, also. He had black dress shoes on and a gold pocket watch. Taking a taxi was a good idea because as soon as they left the flat, it started to rain.

"Fucking weather" Leo snapped.

"We are in England" Floressa deadpanned.

They arrived shortly at another block of flats, paid the driver and Leo then took Floressa's hand and lead her down a pathway, behind the back, into an alley and through a back gate. They then stood underneath the back porch of a bottom floor flat and Leo buzzed the door.

"Who are you?" the voice said.

"Leo, let me in" he hushed, not wanting to draw attention to them.

The door buzzed, and he opened it, gesturing for Floressa to go in first. He swiftly joined her side and as they walked down a bright white corridoor, the lights almost giving you a headache, they stood in front of another door with a red neon sign above it saying 'WARNING' They knocked and the door swung open. They were met by a tall man, broad, fair haired. He had a black sleeveless shirt on with a skull printed on the front. His eyes were heavy. Obviously drugged. Floressa jumped back in shock causing Leo to startle and catch her before she fell to the ground. The man standing before her was James.

"Whoa, what the fuck, Floressa?" Leo said, standing her up, still holding her shoulders.

She couldn't speak. She only made sounds, eyes consuming the man in front of her. A pang in her stomach, the pain in her legs, all taking over and her knees becoming weaker. James smiled, opening his arms and throwing himself at Leo after he'd set Floressa back on her feet. They patted each other in a friendly manner on the back.

"James" she managed.

"Floressa. Come in. Please" he said, a smile spreading across his face, that glint in his eyes that drove her wild.

They walked inside, into the kitchen, where Leo pulled out a chair for Floressa to sit on. There was music coming from the other room, laughing and other strange noises. She kept looking at James. How different he was outside of work. She studied his face. He almost didn't seem real. Was she asleep? Nothing was making sense and her mind was running too fast for her to catch it.

"Dude, I haven't seen you in so long" Leo said to break the tension.

"I know! I'm so glad you came" James turned to Floressa. "I've known this man since I was that quiet little nerdy fuck in year seven. This man saved my life" he pulled Leo into him again, hugging him.

"Easy on the blazer, my man" Leo laughed, hugging him back.

James pulled back. He was on MDMA, for sure. He then asked Leo to excuse them so he could talk to Floressa on her own. When Leo asked why he told him it as because they worked together. Leo shot her a look that said 'you didn't tell me' but she shrugged her shoulders that replied with 'how was I supposed to know you were friends' and Leo eventually left the room with a frustrated look and joined the party. The sound of cheering erupted.

"What the fuck?" Floressa said, cupping her hand over her face.

"Look. I'm not going to say anything if you're worried about losing your job" James scratched the back of his neck.

"I. I just don't understand what is going on right now. It's like some warped dream that I don't seem to be waking up from" she laughed quietly to herself.

"How do you know Leo?" James inquired.

"He stalked me to my house a couple days ago after I had a minor mental break down at a traffic light" she rasped, a placid look upon her pale face.

"Oh" James said, smirking.

"Where's your wife?" the words left her mouth before she had a chance to stop them.

James looked down. He looked tired, sad. She wanted to comfort him, tell him she was sorry for bringing it up. Were they broken up? Had she died? She felt a pang of guilt in her chest and cursed herself for asking. He looked up again, staring directly into her eyes.

"She left me... I know I need to take the ring off, but I just can't do it. I guess I'm also trying to keep up appearances at work. You know what those gossiping slags are like" he whispered, referring to Patty and Linda, of course.

"I'm sorry I asked, James. You have a nice little place here... Should I go?" she asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"No, no. You're more than welcome to stay. I would love to catch up with Leo, too" he moved towards her, then he found himself leaning into her body, towering over her. "Please?"

Hours rolled on, the partying not stopping until people started to pass out or just disappear. Leo had pulled Floressa aside and told her that James' wife left him for another man and that he was trying to comfort him as James was on a downward spiral. Floressa thought it was strange that she hadn't seen the signs at work but then she was mostly high at work so she didn't really notice much. But he did always seem chirpy. People can be quite deceiving.

The music died down and Leo had found a comfortable chair to fall asleep in. He pulled Floressa on top of him, her legs dangling over the cream leather. They kissed for a moment but Leo's eyes grew heavy and he leaned his head back. Before he knew it, he had fallen into a deep sleep.

Awaking and checking his watch, he saw that it was six am. Floressa wasn't on the chair with him and he couldn't see her in between any of the bodies that lay as if in a coma on the living room floor. He got up, his neck stiff, legs weak and went to find her.

The door swung over to reveal two piles of flesh, embracing in their sleep. Rage tore through Leo as he shouted James' name in an attempt to wake him, startling Floressa who looked around and sprung to cover herself and explain, words failing her. James covered himself too as he raced towards a fleeing Leo.

Throwing himself against the brick wall outside of the flats, he slid down against it and put his hands through his hair, clinging onto it. Why am I so mad? I've known her like three days. She's known him longer. Fuck. Why am I doing this? It's just another junky girl who can't handle her shit. I don't need this. Deciding it was best to leave, he walked home.

Floressa thanked James for the hospitality and left. Her mind was full of hazy images of the night before. She craved a joint, smoking a tailor on the way home. She didn't even know where she was going. It just felt right to walk in the direction she was headed. If she got lost, she could always call a taxi. But she wanted to walk. It was refreshing, even though last nights shame hung on her skin. She wondered idly about whether she looked like she was doing the walk of shame. Yes. She did. Last nights dress, faded make up and messy hair. She called for a taxi after putting her cigarette out. She couldn't risk anyone seeing her in this state after all.

"You've reached the voice mail of 'Leo Harrogate', please leave a message after the tone"

"Come over, I want to see you" short and sweet. In her eyes she had done nothing wrong but her gut told her otherwise. She knew what she did with James was a mistake. That she shot any chance of a future with Leo before it had even started. But in a way that's what she wanted. She didn't want to get too deep with another guy again. She let out a long sigh as she put her phone on charge. Laying out her things in an orderly fashion, she headed into the bathroom to wash the scent of James off her skin.

Sunday came, dealer was back but no drugs were bought. She still had a some left. She couldn't remember any of Saturday. She spent the whole time injecting and sleeping. When she woke Sunday afternoon, she was surprised she was still alive. A whole day and night gone. Leo still hadn't made any contact with her but she didn't mind. She just hoped he hadn't gone and done something stupid. But then she thought 'why would he' as she wasn't important or worth harming yourself over.

Lazing on her bed watching Batman Begins, she heard her door buzz. Gingerly moving and going to the door, she panicked. She didn't want to see anyone. What if it was the police? Or James. It wouldn't be Leo. But if it was she could apologise and move on. She picked the phone up and waited for the other person to speak first.

"Can I come up?" the voiced said, a hushed whisper.

She buzzed them in, instantly regretting doing so. She fluffed up her hair in the mirror and straightened out her shirt. Fuck, why am I doing this? What does he want? Is he going to be angry? I really don't think I can handle this today. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

A weak arm extended to open the door. She was pleasantly surprised by the handsome figure standing in the hallway peering back at her. He looked really good. Snapping herself out of it, she gestured for him to come in. Walking passed her, he stood in the hallway and she closed the door. Turning round to look at him, his feet planted firmly on the wooden ground, she bit her lip in anticipation for whatever it was that he came round to say.

"I don't want to talk about what happened. Let's forget about it" Leo rushed. "James always gets the girl, that's how it works. I don't blame you for sleeping with him. I just wish..." he stopped himself and laughed awkwardly, realising he was ready to tell her what it was that was going through his mind each and every time he looked at her.

She looked back at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He never did. Instead they went into the bedroom and watched Batman, forgetting, forgiving and laying wrapped around one another.

He pulled up in his white Mercedes and opened the door for her to get in. When he got back in and put his seat belt on, he turned to her and grabbed her face to stick his tongue in her mouth. She was repulsed and pulled back.

"I want more" he snarled and pulled her back into him. He then started to un-do his trouser button and zip and forcefully pushed her face into his small hardened cock. She closed her eyes and did what she had been made to do many times before as he held her neck fiercely in his enormous hands. When he came he pushed her away, doing his trousers back up. She reached for the handle on the door.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" he hissed, locking the door from his side of the car.

"I want to go. I have school in the morning and I told mum I wasn't going to be out late" she whispered, a whimper in the back of her throat.

"Not yet" and with that he drove.

They arrived in a car park surrounded by nothing but trees. The wheels halted on gravel and the only a flickering light shone down so she could see his bald head and goatee, his round stomach and small bulge in his lap. His sickly sweet aftershave made her head light. A pang of terror washed over her as he stared at her and lit a cigarette out of the window. She was frightened of the dark. What was in it, mostly. But unfortunately the only thing that could harm her was sitting right beside her and she had willingly got herself into the position.
"Take your top off. I want a picture of you. If you do it, I will give you your money and then I will take you home, Princess" he growled. She could tell he genuinely thought he was being friendly. The name he called her made her stomach twist.

The whole situation was fucked. She struggled to take her shirt off. You would think Mercedes would have a lot more room inside, she thought to herself. She then felt awkward and embarrassed, self conscious and scared. Her mix of emotions made her facial expression look awful in the photograph but he didn't care. He'd edit them later and wank over them whilst his wife was asleep.

He did as he said and dropped her home. She cried herself to sleep and vowed never to go to him for money again.

Floressa stirred. She must have drifted off. Leo wasn't on the bed with her anymore. She heard the boiling of the kettle and set off to the kitchen, stumbling with tired limbs. He smiled as she sleepily walked into the kitchen and sat herself down on the kitchen stool. He held out a joint for her and asked if she wanted a cup of tea.

"I'm sorry. I saw the bag and thought that you might want one when you woke up" he said, feeling a little guilty that he'd done it without permission.

"No it's fine. Thoughtful. Thank you" she managed, her throat sore. "And yes, I'd love a cup of tea. White, two sugars, please" she smiled.

Bringing the cup to her, he sat down beside her and passed her a lighter. She lit hers first, smiling to herself at the preparation Leo had gone through to make sure it was perfect for her. Or maybe he just rolled really well. Whatever, she thought, it was still lovely of him. She kissed the side of his face. He then turned and looked at her, cheeks red.

Monday arrived and James was waiting outside the flat in his black Audi R8. She had got up early to get ready, leaving Leo to sleep. They had laid together in silence for hours before sleeping. Before she left the flat, she got out a pen and pad and wrote a message for Leo, putting it on the kitchen counter and leaving for Bristol.

James saw her coming down the stairs and hurried out of the car to open the door for her. She smiled and he returned it, a glint in his eyes that he had whenever he looked at Floressa.

"Good morning, my sweet" James purred, kissing her cheek.

She blushed and said good morning before getting into the car as elegantly as she could. James joined her on the other side and they began their trip from London to Bristol. They didn't once run out of conversation which made her at ease. She loved long car journeys but hated that the conversation always died half way through. She got lost in the stories James told her about Leo and often found herself thinking what he looked like as a child or why they had never met until recently.

It had already taken two hours. The traffic was painfully slow. James didn't get stressed once. He knew that the longer they took getting there, the longer he had Floressa all to himself. Thoughts ran through his head and he wanted to pull over and take Floressa right then and there. But he kept himself at a distance, not wanting to come on too strong in fear of rejection. He also deep down knew that Leo wouldn't be impressed but then James thought 'he's had his chance' and before he knew what he was doing, he had rested his hand on the inside of Floressa's leg.

She didn't push him off, she just stilled under the heat. Daring him almost. Oh god, please don't fucking do this. I have no will-power. And I... No. Stop it, please. She bit her lip as he turned to her. They were sitting in traffic, they weren't going anywhere. They had time. James then began moving his hand closer to her lap and into her tights.

When they had fucked it was dark so she didn't have to worry about him seeing her leg or her arms, stomach, face... anything. This was different though. If he pulled down her tights and lifted her dress, he would reveal it all and she didn't want to risk the awkward questions. She gathered all the strength she had and took his hand in hers. Her eyes said no and his shoulders dropped in disappointment, turning his head back to the traffic and releasing his hand from her grip.

It took four hours in total to get there. The traffic was the main thing that slowed them down and they had also stopped to get coffee and so they could use a restroom, freshen up and do a couple lines of cocaine.

They arrived at their hotel and to Floressa's shock, there was only one king sized bed. She unpacked a couple of things and decided to go for a shower. When she went back into the bedroom, James wasn't there. She heard faint whispers coming from outside the door and crept lightly over to it. She pressed her ear against the door.

"I don't give a fuck! If you like her so much why haven't you slept together? I mean, look at her! She's a good shag too. You've missed your chance. No she's not here, she's in the shower. Sharing a bed. Aha Stop being such a girl about this, Leo. We'll talk when I get back to London" and with that he clicked off his mobile and Floressa ran over to the bed.

"Who was that?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Testing him.

"Oh, just something to do with work. Nothing for you to worry about. Now, let's get you dressed and I will take you to dinner" he smirked, holding onto her towel and leaning into her.

After dinner they had gone to a bar to meet some colleagues but Floressa wasn't feeling it and returned to the hotel room. She got her phone out and dialed Leo's number, praying he didn't answer it so she could just leave him a voice mail. He answered it.

"Hello?"

"What do you want?" Leo hissed.

"Leo. Don't be like that. This is strictly work. Besides, what does it matter to you?"

"You're right" he sighed, "It's up to you who you fuck"

"Please don't be like that. You know I like you" her chest tightened.

"What?" he paused. "You what?"

"I like you" she repeated.

"Finally! Oh why are you in Bristol, I want you here with me" his tone softer.

"You like me, right?" she panicked, hands shaking.

"Of course I do. I just wanted you to say it first" she could hear his smile.

"We'll be back tomorrow. Are you still in the flat?" she asked, hoping he was.

"Yes. I got your note. Very cute" he laughed.

"Ha! Right, see you tomorrow, night Leo" and she hung up when she heard him say it back.

James came stumbling into the room, turning her good mood to shit. He had a look in his eyes like he wanted to eat her. She panicked. He went over to her on the bed and overwhelmed her, laying on top of her, kissing her neck. She tried to push him off but was unsuccessful. He started to tear her clothes off, breaking buttons and ripping at her tights. She then felt his cold hands run up the inside of her thigh before two of his fingers entered her. Something in her head flashed red.

"Get off me!" she screamed.

He then used the other hand to put over her mouth and replaced his fingers with his cock. Floressa then bit down and he pulled out and fell backwards against the wall. She winced and once he'd regained composure, he leaped forwards and slapped her across the face. Holding her cheek, she ran over to the door and grabbed her coat, before disappearing.

Fuck fuck fuck. What just happened? Where the fuck is my phone. Oh thank god there's cigarettes in this coat. She lit a Marlboro and walked around the hotel garden. Finding a bench, she sat and once extinguishing her first cigarette, lit another. Her heard bowed down and a single tear ran down her cheek.

It started to get cold, freezing. She was only wearing a thin dress with the button broken off and ripped tights. She knew she had to go back to the hotel even if it was just to get her phone. She stilled, frightened.

Two weeks after she had vowed not to get take anymore money off him, she was back in his car. They had driven around until the early hours of the morning. She had told her mum that she was going to a party and staying out the night. She hated lying to her mum but it was easier then saying "your best friend abuses me and I take money from him" so she did what she had to do.

It had all started when she was eleven. He had come into her room drunkenly and told her that he 'fancied' her. At age eleven. After that the subtle brushing past her and grabbing her arse at family/friend parties. There was one time where he had taken her to watch a football game and he had asked her if they could ever have a relationship. She had frozen and because she didn't answer, he had pulled over and had a cigarette. He then didn't speak to her for a couple of weeks until her was drunk again and started to stroke her thigh. Another time, he had made her kiss him on the lips when they were alone outside. Two seconds after they stopped, her mum had come outside and she was none the wiser about what was going on.

He asked again if she wanted to kill someone when they had pulled over in a lay-by. She didn't answer and he took out the gun from the glove compartment and proceeded to put it against her head.

"Put me out of my misery" she whispered, eyes filling with water, a sweat bead dripped down her forehead.

They sat in silence for a moment before he grabbed her, adjusted the chair so it was laying back and entered her fifteen year old body.

When they had finished she looked out of the window, stunned by the event that had just taken place. She caught her breath and looked hard at him.

"You asked if I wanted someone dead, once" she snapped, breaking the silence as they drove.

"I did" he smirked.

"I want you dead" she sniped, slamming the door after he pulled up beside the road adjacent to hers at five am.

Opening the door of the hotel room, she slipped in quietly to see James was passed out on the bed. She grabbed her phone, handbag and cosmetic bag and went into the bathroom. She laid out the contents of the cosmetic bag and began preparing to shoot up.

Deciding on a bigger hit after the day she had was not a clever idea, as she had overdosed. On pure luck, James had awoken and needed to use the toilet. He found her slumped by the toilet seat, breath shallow and a needle laying next to her. He phoned for the ambulance and had even called Leo.

She awoke in the hospital room. No one was there to greet her. Curtains were wrapped round for privacy. She felt like death. A nurse then came through the curtain and gave her a weak smile.

"You're fine now, Miss Clarke. You just need plenty of rest. I'm sorry to tell you but the police have been informed" she said as she was going over things on a clipboard and moving wires around, a slow bleeping noise in the background.

"Where's James?" she questioned. She couldn't care less about police right now.

"The man that brought you in? I don't know. Want me to find him?"

"No. It's okay" Floressa looked away.

Three months later, after the overdose, losing her job, being questioned by police and being admitted to a rehabilitation center, Floressa was finally able to see Leo. She was still in rehab, but she was now able to have visitors. She sat waiting in the large living space wondering if he had changed at all. She had been looking forward to seeing him more than anything.
"Floressa!" he called out as he saw her, almost running over to her and snatching her up in his arms.

He looked the same, but not as thin in the face. It looked like... he had got clean too. He set her down on the floor again and kissed her. One of the nurses looked over and Floressa nodded to say she was okay. They sat down opposite each other on cream suede arm chairs and Leo beamed, hardly taking his eyes off her.

"You look brilliant" he said, genuinely impressed by the glowing of her skin, the light in her eyes. She had put on a little bit of weight and she looked healthier, better, sexier than before. He wanted her right then and there but restrained himself.

They had only been able to make phone calls during the first part of her rehabilitation and it had really got to him. He liked to be in her company, feel her presence. He was so much happier now he could see her in the flesh.

"Thank you" she blushed, looking down and fidgeting with her wristband.

"I'm serious. You look fantastic. How is the program going?" he asked.

"Um. I think it's going well. I no longer want to kill myself because of the withdrawal, but I've still got a long way to go. The psychiatrist said that I've held too much in and it's what has lead to my downfall" she stopped talking, fearing she had shared too much. Don't overwhelm him with your insanity.

"Well I'm glad you're still here, Flo" he got off his chair and crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in his and kissing them. "You'll get through this and be out in no time. And when you are, I'm going to be there for you"

"That means a lot, Leo. You look good too. Have you...?"

"I went to the clinic, they helped me out in this program. Not as nice as this place, but it worked. Clean for two months. I didn't tell you because I wanted to surprise you" he smiled warmly.

"I'm proud of you"

"I'm proud of us"

Another month passed and Floressa was finally discharged from the rehabilitation center and sent home. The conditions were that she had to see her psychiatrist once every fortnight and have supervision at all times.

She didn't know what to do with the supervision part of it but when Leo had picked her up, he had volunteered himself, though her psychiatrist was skeptical as he was an addict too but Floressa had convinced her it was a good idea. She also liked that Leo would be living with her, much to her surprise.

Unpacking her bags for her, he made Floressa get into bed with a cup of tea.

"You know, I was thinking. Maybe we should sell our places and just buy a house somewhere. The countryside. I don't know. They say you should make changes. This place might remind you of... you know. And then you may find yourself tempted. Like, moving on, you know? I'm rambling. Sorry" he turned around and sat on the edge of the bed after finishing the unpacking. Floressa stayed silent but gestured for him to lay next to her.

"You want to buy a house with me?" her eyes pooled.

"Yes, I would love that. Why do you look so sad?" he said, stroking the side of her face.

"I'm not worth it. I'm broken. You shouldn't say things you don't mean" she looked away.

He brought he face back up to look at him. Her eyes still watering, bottom lip trembling. He hoped she wouldn't cry. He then kissed her lips softly, pulling her into an embrace that lasted for what seemed like hours before releasing her.

"I need to tell you something. I need to let you know about a couple things that happened to me when I was a kid. Please" she started as a worried look settled on his face.

"Okay, Flo. It's fine, I'm here. Nothing you say is going to push me away, remember that. So don't hold back" he sat patiently, waiting for her to talk again.

She exhaled sharply and began telling him about the abuse she received when she was younger, blaming herself for the most part and explaining what happened in the end of it all. She cried, he cried. Leo couldn't believe it at first but then it made sense. He then got really angry and wanted to kill the guy that had caused her so much pain, calling him 'sick' and 'twisted'.

"In the end I got too old to be his little play thing and we never spoke again. I got a job, moved out and never saw him again. Mum still talks about him as they are still friends but I always change the subject" she whispered.

"I can't believe you never told anyone before. What did your psychiatrist say?" genuinely intrigued.

"She said that now I've opened up about it, I have freed myself and I can start to build a new life. Or some shit like that" she laughed.

Leo pulled her into him and they began kissing, before it turned wildly passionate and before they both had time to take in what was happening, they were undressed and wrapped around each other, giving in to each others needs.

It took a long time to find the perfect place but when they did, they both turned to each other and they instantly knew. This was the place they would start their future in. It was a beautiful cottage in the countryside, away from the city that once consumed them, the drugs, the people, their past. They had found it. It had the white fence, the back garden with the greenhouse, a small pond and patio. It was perfect. Two bedrooms, just in case.

A month after moving away from the city, Leo opened the morning paper. China coincided with wooden floorboards after reading the first paragraph of an article. Everything went into slow motion, reality non-existent until Floressa's arms wrapped around him as tight as possible. There was no noise, nothing was focused. His breathing and the tightness of the grip Floressa had on him was all he knew. He wasn't there. His body sunk into a slump, crashing to the floor.

James had been found overdosed in his office.

Reality took effect again and Leo wiped his face, clearing the tears that had stained his cheeks. His eyes throbbed, mouth dry and voice hoarse as he turned to Floressa. She'd seen the article out of the corner of her eye whilst trying to calm Leo down. After the initial shock, he'd begun uncontrollably shaking, crying, dry-heaving. Floressa hung onto him, holding her breath, begging for it to all be a nasty dream.

"I never got to say goodbye, I never said sorry or" he choked out, head bowed between his knees, small gurgling and wheezing noises came from the back of his throat.

He sprung up, pushing Floressa off him so she fell backward from her kneeling position. He raced over to the phone and began dialing a number. Floressa wasn't hurt, she knew he didn't mean to push her, she understood. She got up slowly and hovered as near to him as he would let her.

"Hello?!" he croaked down the receiver. "It's Leo" he began crying as the other end of the call started to talk.

From what Floressa gathered, it was a relative of James'. They had been friends since school, he was obviously close with his family. Floressa felt a pang of guilt as she realised the reason they hasn't seen each other for so long was because of... her. What she had done with James, going to the hotel, the overdose, James fled from Bristol, leaving Leo to deal with it all. They had had a few words over the phone after James told him what happened, Leo lost it and blamed everything on James. The phone call they had about her. She slept with James, his friend...

When Leo hung up the phone, eyes wide with shock, he slung himself into the sofa and Floressa joined him. They sat in silence, thinking everything over. She turned and put her hand on his thigh, stroking it softly, comforting him. He looked at her, his eyes still wide.

"I spoke to his mum and his ex. They said they'd send an invitation to the funeral as the police are investigating his... his death. His mum said that she'd keep me informed. They're treating it as suspicious, Flo" he breathed, wincing.

"What do you mean, suspicious?" she asked, being careful not to pry too much, not knowing what his reaction would be.

"I'm not sure. They just don't think everything's adding up" he said, wiping a tear that had slowly run down his cheek.

The funeral was hard. It was suffocating. Everyone was around, uncomfortable and in mourning. Leo had asked Floressa to come with him for support, not knowing if James had told his family about her. Hoping desperately they had no idea. James had been pretty off-balance after the split with his wife and gone way off the rails.

He remembered the call he'd gotten from James the night that Cathy had asked for a divorce. Leo couldn't go straight to the rescue, he'd been high pretty much all the time, working and that's when he had met Floressa.

"She's, she's fucking left me, Leo. Said I wasn't worth the struggle anymore. Said that this new fucking bloke was the 'true love of her life'" James cried into the phone.

"She's a fucking idiot, anyway. I knew this would... Look, I can't come over right now but, I'll come see you soon, yes? I'm sorry, James. I promise I'll come over soon"

He should've gone straight over. He shouldn't have taken Floressa over that night. He shouldn't have let him take her to Bristol. He should've been there for him. But he hadn't and James always knew how to get back at Leo, even if he didn't really have any gain from it. It's the way they worked. If one of them was to fuck the other over, no matter how small, they'd get them back. But this time it had backfired.

Tears streamed his face as he watched the coffin lower into the ground, Floressa squeezing his hand tight. She looked at him from the side, trying to absorb his pain, take it and throw it off the tallest mountain. She couldn't see him this way. Knowing it was her fault.

At the wake, Leo had disappeared for a while, leaving her at a table on her own, drinking orange juice. She had stopped drinking alcohol as another step on her rehabilitation pathway. It was proving to be very difficult in a situation such as this one. Alone, awkward around people she'd never met and worried about what was holding Leo up.

She got up from the table and walked outside. She lit a cigarette. No way was she going to quit smoking. She heard giggles coming from the other side of the fence that went around the pub. Making her way through the gate, she dropped her cigarette and walked back out out to the entrance of the pub and began down the road, not knowing exactly where it was that she was headed.

Everything had then suddenly gone black. Her head throbbed when she woke up. She could feel the vomit rising and before gaining her focus, turned her head and threw up beside herself. She groaned, limbs aching. She stopped being sick and looked up at the figure that was hovering over her.

"I'm so sorry, Flo" Leo begged.

She then passed out again. Detox was taking its toll on her body but she'd not said anything before. She'd been passing out a lot but only for a short period of time and nothing serious enough to worry Leo over. This was different. This was shock, sadness, guilt and anger wrapped into one. Thoughts of shooting up spun through her mind as she hung on in the darkness, not really wanting to wake up.

She did though. In the hotel room they had paid for so they could stay in the city for the weekend. Her dress was hung up and she looked down, she was only in her underwear under the duvet, Leo wasn't there. Thank fuck.

She exhaled sharply, not feeling sick but extremely exhausted. She closed her eyes again and pinched the bridge of her nose. She then heard someone stumbling around in the en suite and sat up. She waited for who she presumed was Leo to enter the bedroom. He emerged, guilt stricken. He stood like a naughty school boy, bowing his head and looking up at her slightly, then narrowing his eyes and looking down at the floor.

"If you have something to say, fucking say it" she snapped, too tired to deal with whatever it was that Leo wanted to say.

He joined her on the bed, leaning close to her. She moved away slightly, crossing her arms and looking away. He gasped in a small voice and began to apologise.

"Look, Flo. I'm fucking sorry, okay? I'm sorry I took drugs, I'm sorry I kissed that girl, I'm sorry you"

"Sorry I caught you?!" she barked, interrupting, throwing him a fierce look.

"No. Yes. I don't know. I'm sorry that you saw that. I know you're trying to get better and..."

"And you go and make it incredibly difficult for me to recover. Leo, you're supposed to be clean too! How could you just, just throw that time away and... fuck this, fuck you" she spat, getting out of bed and collecting her things. "I'm going home"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Flo" he begged, getting down on his knees in front of her. She pushed passed him. He gritted his teeth and let loose. "It's your fucking fault!" A sharp jab to his stomach told him that he regretted saying that, instantly. She stopped, frozen. "I... I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry" but she left, leaving the last 'sorry' hanging in the air.

Floressa had changed the locks on the cottage and sent Leo's things over to his parents house. She had been sorting her finances. She had got herself a job before they moved in together in a small family-run business in the village. She did admin work and got along with her co-workers. She had let her boss know about her past, not wanting to hold back. He respected her honesty and had hired her on the spot. It wasn't enough to keep the cottage going, herself going, unfortunately.

It dawned on her that she either needed a lodger or had to start looking for a smaller place. She cursed Leo under her breath as she heard the doorbell ring.

Opening the door, her heart fell into her stomach, panic consumed her and she was trying to force the door shut but a foot came in at the last minute and then a strong shoulder and she fell backwards onto the floor as the door flung open.

"Hello, Princess" the man purred, his eyes flickering with danger.

She groaned, trying to lift her heavy head. A spot of blood dripped onto her thigh and she realised the top of her head was bleeding, trickling down her cheek. Everything spun around her. She managed to focus on the face that was then staring at her. She felt his hot breath on her skin. Coffee and cigarettes crawling upon it like a thousand cockroaches.

Floressa's hands were bound behind her back and she was sitting on one of the dining room chairs. Her feet were also bound, thing wire biting her flesh. He stepped back and looked her up and down.

"Miss me?" he laughed hard, deep and from the bottom of his throat.

"Why... Why are you here?" she managed, swaying.

"I wanted to see how you were doing. You know, since you've broken up with pretty boy" he growled, pacing back and forth, arms behind his back. He was dressed in black tailored trousers and a matching suite jacket, black woolen coat and light pink shirt, open to reveal his chest hair. His heavy black boots hitting against the wooden floorboards.

"How did you know?" she gasped, trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

"Let's just say I look after you. I have always looked after you, Princess. You know that" he stopped, knelt down, touching her thighs "You know that, don't you Princess?" he shouted. She said nothing but flinched at how close he was, the volume of his voice. He got up again, pacing once more. He then went over to the kitchen window and closed it, the blinds, locked the front door, closed the curtains in the lounge, went upstairs and closed all the windows and curtains. He then came back downstairs and turned on the kitchen lamp that sat in the corner, moving it so he could see her properly in the orange glow.

Floressa had tried breaking free but there was no hope. She gritted her teeth and begged for him to let her go. He just stood there, looking her over, not really making any expression. She knew he was turned on though. She knew what was coming wasn't going to be pleasant. She knew him.

The man then went over to a black bag that she had not seen before. She closed her eyes tightly, wishing for Leo, praying almost, to come home, their home. She heard the sharpening of a blade and cried out. He then slashed at her with the small blade and her arms instantly burned with pain and scarlet appeared, dripping down her forearm. He'd cut the inside of her elbow, not too deep, but enough to cause damage. He then took the knife to her cheek, holding her face back by fisting her hair into a ball.

"You were so beautiful when you were growing up. Now look at you... a fucking junky... You disgust me" he hissed. "But I'm here to help you" his voice suddenly dropped into a calm tone. It panicked her more that he was calm.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please let me go, Neil. I won't say a word, I promise" she begged, her arms stinging where he'd slashed, trying not to move suddenly, the blade still against her cheek. His grip loosened but just as he pulled back, he slashed her with one quick flick, her face pouring with blood. It ran into the corner of her mouth, the metallic taste tickling her taste buds.

He then put the knife down. He held the counter top and sighed heavily.

"This is your fault. If only you'd stayed with me. I would've looked after you properly. The drugs, the partying, the men... I would've saved you from all of that"

"I didn't want you to. I didn't need you to" she said through deep breathes, sobbing to herself.

"What do you mean you didn't NEED me to?" he shouted, lunging at her and grabbing her face.

She screamed, searing pain running through her body, the pressure on her cheek was excruciating, tears springing from her eyes and mixing with the blood, stinging just that extra bit more. She begged him to let her go, to un-tie her, for his forgiveness.

A fist collided with her face and that was the last thing she remembered before waking again to the over-whelming burning of the man hunched over her, entering her body. She passed out again, into the spiraling darkness, wishing it was over, wishing she had never opened the door, wishing she had never gotten herself into the situation when she was younger, wishing desperately that she was dead.

Leo had been a wreck since the funeral. He'd moved into his parents cottage against his will, but having to accept it was all he had. His parents wanted to look after him, stop him from the drug-abuse. He had gotten so drunk one night that he had poured everything out to them, then thrown up into a plant pot outside in the garden and fallen asleep on the patio.

Everything flashed through his mind like a horrific dream. James was dead, Floressa hated him and he was back home, of all places. He had taken a lot of leave from the care home when they had moved to the countryside. He'd eventually given it up as traveling to the city was costing too much and found work in a smaller, more suited care home in the village. He had stopped going into work and they had been phoning him everyday to see where he was. He ignored the calls, hoping they'd get the message.

Leo slept until midday before the urge to see Floressa, to make everything better, hit him like a tonne of bricks. He knew what he wanted to say, do. He just needed to get himself together. He booked a taxi for ten minutes time. Showering quickly, dressing even quicker and grabbing an apple, he raced out of the cottage and got in the waiting taxi, telling the driver to get there as quick as he could, even offering to pay more.

His eyes burned into hers. She was sobbing, making strange noises in her throat, her face crimson with dried blood, the cuts to her arms clotted. He had untied her from the chair and managed to tie her up once more but this time to her bed, in-between her fainting spells, she could only assume.

He stood at the end of the bed, looking at her hungrily. His belt hung down, undone and her body writhed in agony.

"You see, Princess, if you had stayed with me, I would've given you everything you wanted. Instead you acted like a whore with those, those disgusting junkies! At least I only have one more to get rid of... Oh what? You thought James dying wasn't a coincidence? Another reason you're going to come with me. You can start fresh, Princess. It's the best thing for you" he spat, laughing, then sitting next to her on the bed, running his hand up her thigh.

"You... you killed James?" she croaked, eyes as wide as they could go.

"No. I just watched. He took the filthy drugs I offered and injected it into himself. He chose to. Well, with the help of this" he reached round to the back of his trousers and took out the gun that had once been pressed against her temple. A tingling sensation spread down her spine, making her shudder with fear. It WAS her fault.

Floressa struggled, trying to break the metal bonds that nipped her wrists as she struggled. She realised the only way she was getting free was to go along with what he wanted.

"Neil. Okay. I'll come with you. I'll do what you want, I swear" she pleaded.

His eyes lit up.

"I knew you'd come round, Princess" he smiled a sickly smile that made her stomach twist.

He began untying her from the bed when suddenly he paused and looked deep into her eyes.

"You better not be lying!" he shouted, saliva spraying her face as she screwed it up tight.

"Neil. I'm not. I have a question though" she began, wanting to hurt him. "Why did you... why did you trade me in?" her eyes wide. "You didn't want me when I got older. You must understand that it drove me crazy. I couldn't understand why you didn't want me" her lies made her wince.

He started untying her again. He looked as if he felt guilty. He then took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Princess. But I promise to make it up to you" tears pooled in his eyes, sweat dripping from his forehead. The reaction Floressa wanted. It didn't last long. He was again on top of her, tying her back up so he could move her to the car. It was light out and he had to make it as inconspicuous as possible. She wriggled underneath him, begging for him not to tie her up. He slapped her across the face, stilling her.

He then proceeded to lift her over his shoulder and grabbed his gun before taking her down the stairs. He sat her on the dining chair again, going over to his bag and pulling out the duct tape. She let out a scream, knowing it would only make things worse but she couldn't go down without at least some sort of fight. He slapped her again and stuck a piece of silver tape over her mouth, making it hard for her to breathe, especially as he'd taken her breath away with the last hit. Her eyes screamed in agony and terror.

Leo approached the cottage in the taxi. He had paid the driver and thanked him before setting off across the grass, through the gate and up the path when he had heard Floressa's scream. His heart began to pound as he ran up the rest of the path. He then tried to open the door, pounding on it, until deciding to kick it in. It took him a few attempts but he was in the kitchen within moments.

Neil turned around and held out the gun, shakily in his hand. Leo automatically put his hands up. He glanced at Floressa, his mind racing, he felt so fucking sorry knowing that if he was there with her, this might not have happened. Guilt took over. He then stared back into the gun that was pointing in his direction. A maniac holding it in-between himself and Floressa.

"Isn't this perfect" Neil growled. "I can get rid of you now, too" he laughed, almost psychotically. He was red in the face, worn out, his eyes popping out of his skull, blood-shot and wide.

"Please put the gun down" Leo asked, patiently, scared out of his mind, glancing at Floressa. "It's not going to end well" he tried to reason with him. "The police will find you"

"The police won't know a thing. Floressa has agreed to come with me. I guess she doesn't love you after all" he hissed. "Now, get on your knees!"

Leo obeyed, keeping his hands up. He looked at Floressa who was sobbing, finding it hard to breathe with the tape over her mouth. His heart was heavy. He couldn't let this fucker win.

"Anything you'd like to say before I blow your fucking head off?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for blaming you, for the drugs, for kissing that girl, for being shitty to you. You are my life... I know it's under fucked up circumstances, but I love you, Flo" he said, gulping down thick air, looking at Floressa, her eyes closing tightly and nodding.

The gun stayed pointed at Leo.

Turning round at the top of a dead end, the taxi driver made his way back, cursing himself. As the car drove down the road that was out of place against the brilliant scenery, he turned his radio down to listen to the birds singing, the peacefulness.

Floressa made a horrific noise, a loud sobbing, words trying to perforate the tape. Just as Neil tucked his finger tighter against the trigger, she made one final attempt at distracting him but fell forwards off the chair and into the back of Neil's legs.

It was heavenly and the greens, yellows, oranges, reds that hung in the foreground made the driver smile. How lovely it would be to live here. A gunshot rung through the air, causing the peace to be disturbed, the driver swerving across to the other side of the road, his heart beating out of his chest, getting a grip and controlling the car again. He slowed down. The gun shot had come from the cottage he had just dropped the dark-haired man at.

Fuck! What if I have just taken him there so he could kill someone. Am I an accessory? Oh fuck! He cursed himself before taking out his mobile phone and calling the police. He sat in the car, waiting. He bit his lip so hard it started to bleed.

The police arrived within minutes, four cars, eight men. They were followed by an ambulance. They asked the driver what he knew and then they formed a hushed plan.

Two men went up the pathway slowly, another two behind them, going round the side of the cottage. Two hung back and another two made their way up the path behind the first two men.

"Open up, Police!" they called but within seconds they had swung opened the door and stormed inside.

Leo was carried out on a stretcher. Floressa had been untied and was barely able to walk but adrenaline took over and she ran alongside the men putting Leo in the back of the ambulance. She took his hand in hers and kissed it, tears falling.

"I'm so sorry" she mouthed as he was put into the vehicle.

Another ambulance had been called for Floressa. Paramedics started to move around her, helping her sit down and wrap a blanket around her, trying to clear her cuts as she watched the ambulance take Leo away. She glanced over to one of the police cars and Neil was being forced into the back of it. He smirked at her before having his head pushed down. She suddenly felt very faint.

"Now he's moving close, my heart in my throat, I won't say a word, but I think he knows... That I've hardly slept, since the night he left. His body always kept, mind inside of it. Keep the nightmares out, give me mouth to mouth. I can't live without you, take me to your house" (Daughter – Home)

Leo had been shot in the shoulder after Floressa had knocked Neil off balance, forcing the trigger. He was finally awake after surgery and she was allowed to see him. She had five stitches in her cheeks, four in each arm and seven in her head. She had been given very strong painkillers and been told to rest. They had thought her nose was broken but luckily it wasn't, along with her cheek. She was badly bruised, her wrists cut from the wire, almost bandaged head to toe. She didn't care about any of it though, she just needed to see Leo.

He lit up when he saw her come through the door of his room, then grimaced as pain flooded his body. She sat on the bed next to him, trying not to disturb him too much. She started to cry, looking away.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Leo. It's all my fault. James, you, this. It's all my fault. I bet you're not so glad you met me, now" she whispered, trying to stop the tears.

"Flo. I meant what I said" he stopped her. She looked at him, confusion knitted her eyebrows together. "I meant it. I meant it when I said that I love you" he managed a smile and took her hand in his free one. His other in a sling. She stroked his hand with her fingertips and beamed at him through the tears that were threatening to fall again. "I don't care about what happened, I just want us to have a future together. We'll work through it, no matter how cliché. I promise I will make you happy" Her eyes were wide, hopeful.

"I love you too" she breathed, before falling carefully at his side.
~

After a few months of physio, Leo's shoulder was starting to feel normal again. The damage to the nerves was severe, but he could move it a lot more with ease. Floressa had been with him every step of the way.

There had been a quick trial and Neil had been sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder of James and the prosecution had got him on charges for shooting Leo, home invasion and the brutal beating of Floressa. They didn't have to worry about him again. They could breathe.

Leo and Floressa also chose to move again. They had gone towards the sea-side and moved into a little house with a close-knit community. They felt more comfortable there. Floressa got a new job just in time to celebrate her birthday with new friends and Leo worked harder to recover so he could start to work again. They had borrowed money from his parents who had got to know Floressa and they had grown to really like her.

Things couldn't be more perfect, even with their shaky past.

Floressa turned to Leo, watching him breathing deeply whilst he slept on the sofa. She shuffled closer into him and kissed his cheek softly.

"I'm glad I met you" she whispered, turning off the TV and closing her eyes, her breathing synchronizing with the man who saved her life.

~ END ~

*Might need more editing.