Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto was so awesome to create Uchiha Sasuke. ^3^ All the other characters belong to him as well - except the Christmas elf.

Author's Note: I clearly have no idea how I ended up writing this. u_u'

A Merry Sasuke Christmas

It was snowing outside as Sasuke sat down on his couch in his living room. The television was shut and he wasn't hungry. It was quiet. Not that the silence bothered him, but suddenly his older brother popped up in his mind - Uchiha Itachi. He growled lightly as he saw his face in his mind. Just how could someone kill their entire clan? And why didn't he kill his little brother? This second question didn't matter. Sasuke would take his revenge and kill his older brother - end of story.

His small smile of satisfaction was killed as glitter was spread all over his apartment. "Who is in my apartment?" Sasuke was cool; he didn't freak. And then, a beautiful female elf stood before him. She had white hair with a Christmas cap on top. Her eyes were brown with sprinkles of green flashing up. Even that it was cold outside, she wore almost nothing. She had a Christmas red corset with white puffs. Half of her breasts peeked out. Then she wore a mini skirt; it hardly covered her buttocks. Four red ribbons swung down, two on each side of her hips. And the last but not least, her black boots. She was pretty, perhaps a little bit hooker-like, but Sasuke was going straight to the point. "What do you want here?"

"I am your Christmas elf," she said sweetly. "I am here to grant you three wishes."

Sasuke rose an eyebrow. "And I am Santa Clause."

She chuckled as she sat down next to him, almost bumping her big boobs in his face. "You're so funny. But you are not Santa Clause. He's my boss."

He blushed, having a woman's boobs this close to his face. Yet, he was Sasuke; he would not be distracted by a woman's weapon.

"And now..." She slid one leg between his two thighs. "I will grant you three wishes." She stroked his hair that fell in his face back.

"Why not ten?"

"Why not one?" She blinked innocently. "I don't know. My co-workers always take three, too... ."

Great! She was a hooker and dumb! This was not what Sasuke had wished for. But that aside Sasuke hadn't wished for anything (except to kill Itachi). He wasn't a child anymore! Santa Clause was not real!

"So...?" She breathed her soft mint scent in his face. "What are your three wishes?"

This could hardly be real; he was probably just sleeping and deeply dreaming, yet there was nothing wrong with testing it out. He smirked at her. "I wish my brother, Uchiha Itachi, to be here."

"As you wish, my love," she sung. She flicked her fingers and Uchiha Itachi stood before them. Sasuke's eyes widened. He was before them. He really stood before them! He reached his left hand since the hooker elf held his right one.

Touch.

Uchiha Itachi stood before them in all his brilliance.

This is my chance!

Sasuke jumped up and got into his fighting pose. This certainly was his chance if there wouldn't be the hooker elf. "Sasuke?" She tilted her head lightly to the side. "What about your other two wishes?"

"I don't need them!" His eyes were locked on his older brother.

"I can't leave your side until I've granted you all your wishes." She led a finger to her lips, portraying herself to be an angel.

"Not now," he growled; his eyes still fixed on Itachi.

"Okay." She laid down on the couch, watching them. "You know, you could wish him dead... ."

"I want to kill him with my own hands," Sasuke was on the edge to scream. He couldn't believe that this day finally had come.

Sasuke continued to stare at Itachi, so she glanced over to him as well. Itachi was good looking - gorgeous. He was famous with his abilities and strength. "Sasuke-kun. Why don't you wait with the killing?" Slowly, and sexy she got up and walked over to Itachi, wrapping her arms around him. "Let me have some fun with him first." Winking, she shot Sasuke a look, who cracked. She wanted to have sex with Itachi first? What the hell?

"Sasuke," Itachi spoke for the first time as he had be wished here, "you are still too weak."

"What, you-"

"Itachi-sama, your voice is so... deeeep... ." She opened her mouth close to Itachi's face while she ran a hand down on her body. She was a tall, well build woman. Her high heels probably made her 1,73 m tall, only two centimeters smaller than him.

Sasuke's eye twitched. Did he have to watch his brother and this hooker elf have sex? "Out of the way," he commanded.

"But Sasuke-kun, your brother is so hard."

What the fuck?

She pressed herself on Itachi, rubbing her boobs on his chest. Her hand was on his upper arm. And his upper arm was hard indeed from all the muscles he possessed.

Then Itachi put his fingertips gently under her chin, locking her in with his eyes. "Perhaps, another time." With sparkles in her eyes she fell straight to the floor with a loud thump on her back. Sasuke blinked as he saw her lay motionlessly.

He looked up to Itachi. "What did you do to her?" Itachi smirked a small smirk in reply. His younger brother jerked, putting on a disgusting face. "You need a girlfriend!"

"It is funny to think that you assume that I am having sex with her with my Sharingan, Sasuke. In fact, she just passed out because of me and my words."

Sasuke rose an eyebrow. "Well...-"

"But come to think of it, have I ever told you how to revive our clan?"

Taken aback, the younger Uchiha was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You told everyone that you want to revive our clan, but have you ever thought how to do it? What do you have to do to-"

"I got it!" Sasuke blushed. He didn't need a speech of intercourse from the person he hated the most! "Are we here to shit-chat or to fight?"

"You are yet not ready to fight me, Sasuke," Itachi reminded him. "You still lack hatred."

"I hate you," he yelled.

"That is not enough."

Screaming Sasuke ran put to him, but unfortunately tripped over the elf's big boobs.

"Excuse me." She sat up, looking at Sasuke who laid on the floor with his face kissing the ground. "If you wanted to have me, then you just should have told me...!"

Sasuke groaned. Just why did he deserve this? Like a flash he sat back up. "Itachi," he screamed.

"Itachi!" She looked up. "How about a threesome?" Her eyes represented stars.

"Shut up," Sasuke screamed at her. "I wish you would shut up!"

"Oh... the wishes don't work on me, Sasuke-chan." She winked at him. "Any other wishes?"

"I wish Uzumaki Naruto would die."

"As you wish, Sasuke-chan." She flicked her fingers a second time. Sasuke wasn't so sure if he should trust her. She brought Itachi here, but if she really could kill people... . Taking the remote she switched the television on, right to the news.

"It is unbelievable how this could happen. The mysterious case of Uzumaki Naruto's death is still unsolved. With him the Kyuubi died as well. What is the Akatsuki aiming on now? Has all their hope for world domination died? The ANBU is still trying to figure out who could be this cruel..." The man in the television went on to talk as Sasuke smirked.

"Do I still need hatred, Itachi?" He was pretty sure that this was it.

"You didn't kill him with your own hands. This is nothing but weak." Sasuke screamed again, jumping up on Itachi's back. The elf winced at his scream and lost the remote. "Piggy back?" Sasuke realized that this position reminded him of his younger days. Itachi used to be the best brother in the whole world!

"Me too; me too." Jumping up and down she clapped her hands, making her boobs bounce. Sasuke rolled his eyes. He had to make a third wish so she would disappear and he could choke Itachi to death. He could also pull his smooth hair, or choke Itachi with his hair... . Sasuke got quite creative when it came to killing plans which involved his older brother.

He thought on, Naruto was dead... then there was Sakura still left. He looked at the elf. She had fine boobs unlike Sakura. Bling! "I wish Haruno Sakura had big boobs."

"Oh, you naughty little boy." She licked her lips. "As you wish, Sasuke." She flicked her fingers a third time. Sasuke waited a little bit, still sitting on Itachi's back. The elf was still here and there was not proof that Sakura's breasts had gained. He rose his eyebrows.

"Leave?"

"Excuse me. What?"

"Leave," Sasuke ordered, glaring.

"Why?"

"You said you'd leave after you fulfilled all my wishes!"

"That is true. But I first will leave once you see the proof off all your wishes. You've seen two, now number three waits." Groaning Sasuke slipped off Itachi's back. His plan was perfect and now she ruined it! Glaring he took his phone and dialed the Haruno's phone number. He waited.

Beep... Beep... "Hello?" A female voice asked.

"Is Sakura home?" He asked, glaring at the elf.

"Naruto, her team-mate, just died. She is mourning and won't come out of the bathroom!"

"Could you please tell her Uchiha Sasuke is on the phone?"

"I sure can." The voice was slightly distant now. "Sakura? Uchiha Sasuke wants to-"

"Sasuke-kun?" She squeaked in the phone.

"Sakura!" He heard in the background. "What happened to your..." the voice trailed off. Sasuke took this as a clue that his third wish was complete.

"Now Sasuke-kun will like me and accept me as a woman," she squealed. The younger Uchiha closed his eyes. "Sasuke-kun?" He clicked her off.

"Now get lost," he told the elf in a strict tone.

She sighed. "Okay, okay. No need to overreact." She made a sexy pose, blowing them a kiss. "I'll see you handsome guys next time." Her sweet voice vanished, just like her body. Sasuke turned back to Itachi, who was present.

"Die now," he yelled, running up to his older brother with the telephone cable.

Itachi shook his head. "Foolish little brother... ." He then poofed himself away with his words echoing in Sasuke's ears.

"ITACHIIII!" Perhaps, this was Sasuke's favourite word.