I was excited! The band had an interview with Nick Ibsen! He mentioned how great the band was doing financially, despite almost nothing being known about our personal lives. To which Nate Explosion replied with a cause.

It didn't matter, I knew what he was actually saying, and what he meant, because if our fans knew all about our private lives, we'd never have a free moment, nor would our fans believe that we're totally and completely brutal assholes.

"Well, it doesn't matter, because we have a surprise for you, something that you desperately want to keep private. Your families!"

The shock and surprise was palpable. Except for me, I was excited to see my mom and siblings again. Touring is hard now that I think about it...

Will's grandma pushed her motor scooter across the room to him, knocking over a show light, killing Nick Ibsen.

The families caused an emergency meeting, Skwisgaar, was complaining about his mother being here, and asked Toki what he thought. Toki just lay there face down on the floor silent.
At the silent treatment, Skwisgaar went back to his playing, while Pickles suggested that we take the families out to dinner.

Nate's mom couldn't shut up, and his dad wouldn't open up his mouth, speaking of silent parents, Toki's parents were intense. They just started at him.

He just sat there.

The hot Skwisgaar, that I get too embarrassed to talk to, was practicing his guitar, I guess it's because his mom was trying to pick up Nate's dad.

Will's grandmother was talking to him about buying his grandfather a motorchair, because he was being pulled around in a wagon by his wife.

Pickles was being talked at by his brother for money to start up a business, because he studied music management in prison, and his parents were bragging about him.

Everyone and their families were sitting at one booth, while me, and my family sat at the booth over, where I was bickering with my sisters, my brother was playing hanky panky with his girlfriend, and we were all talking to my mom and dad.

Basically, my family rocked compared to theirs. And I felt a little bit bad for them. So when Will said that he had to go, I followed him and the gang to the men's restroom.

I hope no one notices.

Will was taking a p*ss and Pickle was complaining about his family when I walked in, quickly followed by Nate and Skwisgaar. I guess Toki stayed behind, with his, nice, creepy, religious folk. Must be a Norwegian thing.

Deciding that he hadn't noticed me, I stayed quiet, while Will asked about his mom.

"She used to be Miss Sweden. And I guess they have to have sex with every guy in Sweden. So thanks mom." He finished sarcastically.

"That's gotta be rough." I told him, he just responded with a whatever. I love how that man talks!

"The fact that my parents had to have sex to create me makes me want to be buried alive."

Then all the guys looked at me. I stared back.

"...What?" I asked blankly.

"Well? Tell us about your family." Skwisgaar asked. I doubt that I could refuse that man anything...

"I don't know what to say.. my mom's strict, and my dad's stricter. I hate that he's killing himself to the point that he's lost so much weight, he looks like a skeleton with skin over it! But it's his life, and I have my stepdad if he does. My mom had me when she was nineteen, and my brother when she was twenty, and married my dad a year later, I think I puked on my dad. Jada was born 16 years ago, and mom and my step dad, had Bella eight years ago."

The band was speechless.

"Wow, you really love them." Nate said. I just enthusiastically smiled.

"But you come up with such awesome lyrics!" Skwisgaar protested. I blushed, frantically trying to hide it.

"Yeah! You had to of had some kind of trauma in your life!" Pickles continued for him.

This part, I really didn't want to tell them, just because I had no clue how they were gonna take it. But Will was looking at me with the tickle claws out. I hate being tickled!

"Okay! Okay! I was molested as a child!" I blurted. I hate how they all got quiet and stared at me sadly. Even Nate was looking at me with pity in his eyes. It pissed me off.

"YOU KNOW WHAT!?" I blew up at them, "YOU CAN ALL GO SUCK A CJONE! I'M SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY AND DON'T NEED YOUR DAMN PITY!" And with that I stormed out.

I guess they continued with the meeting, because the next time that we were alone, pickle filled me and Toki in on the plan to buy our families anything they wanted, and pretend to enjoy their company until they leave.

Will bought his grandma a new car, and his grandpa a motorchair and took his grandma to yoga.

Nate gave his mom a massage.

Toki took a picture with his folks.

And Skwisgaar brushed his mom's hair.

I bought my mom a motor scooter and a van so she could go places, I also figured out what everyone wanted for Christmas and their birthdays.

Then we all went putt putt golfing. I beat my siblings of course.

Will almost choked his grandma, and pickles lied to his brother about visiting. Man, if his brother were actually a chick, and not related to him, maybe if just a chick, I'd bet that she'd try to fuck him for that money.

The next day. Pickles called for everyone to pack and get ready to leave. Waiting for an answer Skwisgaar took the opportunity to give a sigh of relief.

"It cannot come soon enough. I've had a sour stomach ever since my mom got here." He softly complained. While I silently set down a bottle of aspirin, pepto bismal, and a glass of water, Pickles' brother walked up to us, flashing the snapping fingers wink at me, making me roll my eyes in disgust.

"So brother," the sleazeball started, "I was thinking, maybe we could do a Deathklok family album?"

Everyone protested to this. As the families showed up behind him.

"Look, I already put it together, everyone is behind me on this, plus I gave you the idea to be a rock star, so you owe me." I guess pickles had had enough, because he jumped on top on top of his brother and started choking him. Saying that he didn't want any of the families to do an album.

That's when he got maced by Will's grandma.
Will spoke up in protest, and she sprayed him too. In defense of his bandmates, Nate demanded to know what any of them knew about being brutal.

"I have been cleaning up his ass for years! Changing his diapers! And I'm telling you, that there's nothing, more brutal and grotesque than raising children!" Will's grandma yelled at him.

Nate's mom screamed that he ruined her vagina.

Skwisgaar's mom was pissed that she couldn't lose the weight after she had him, and that her breasts now looked like a roadmap of Stockholm. She even showed them to us, talk about grotesque.

Nate's dad was mad that all his beer money went to buying clothes.

Even my mom interjected.

"Having you brats broke my back! And are you even grateful? No! You all just go on about me, me me!"

The band was silent, including me. Then we all knew what to do, the amazing part was, even Toki's parents joined in the screaming at the studio. Honestly, some of my finest work went into writing that song.

Later, at the airport, saying goodbye, my mom made me blush when she mentioned that she knew how I felt about Skwisgaar. So I quickly said my goodbyes and rushed off to the girl's restroom to cool down a bit...

I imagined that Skwisgaar followed me into the bathroom and complimented me on how I've come from a vulnerable little girl, to a strong beautiful woman and he kissed me. My daydream lasted all the way until we got into the limo. When I felt pressure on my hand lighten and move away.

I guess Pickles had noticed something, because he leaned over, and whispered in my ear, about Skwisgaar looking good today, and that he wanted me to kiss him. I laughed out loud, but a girl can dream can't she?

Until next time diary,
Brynja Þyjøøstæn