Okey, this is just what it sounds like... a sneak peak into the private journals of the people in the Masque of the Red Death world. I'm not following any chronological order, so this first chapter doesn't set the timeline, there will be chapters that take place both before and after and from the point of view of all the characters (that I can remember :P) ...Even Daryel.

Rating might be changed as this fic continues

And I'm very sure that there will be slash in future chapter, but then l'll let know

Summary: This fic digs a little into the journals of the people of Sivarsi Nine.. managed to get my hands on them after having searched under pillows and mattresses ...Anton wasn't happy when he couldn't find his diary :P

Disclaimer: Masque of the Red Death belong to Wendy Pini and none of it is mine (unless I make up some character, then that one is mine)

From the Private Journal of Steffan Kabala

June 21st

And so I'm back. In the most humiliating, degrading, way.

I admit that I didn't think that I wouldn't see him again, seeing that I had stolen the formula for the attomons – the one thing he seemed to care about. I surely would have to face him sooner or later. But I hardly thought that it would be this soon, or in this fashion, that I would be dragged back to stand before him again.

If only I hadn't been in the office today… Well, then I would be in great peril because of the ever spreading Plague. But at least I wouldn't be feeling this way.

I sat out on the terrace, lost in the oddly beautiful summer night – odd because the stars were filling the sky and the air was as warm as ever and it seemed as if nothing had really happened, the nature going on unperturbed while the humans were slowly dying and leaving it behind. And it was all so very quiet.

Then suddenly the silence was broken by the chime coming from the door of my quarters. But I didn't get up, thinking that maybe it was Anton, coming to berate me for my deed, and I was not up for it right now.

The chiming stopped, and there was absolute silence for a while till it was heard once more. When still nobody came to let the person in, the faint sound of the door opening reach me. I sat still, more rigid now then just a minute ago, and I thought of how many there really was that had the authority to open the doors of the private quarters would they be locked.

"Steffan?" a low female voice called from inside. Bunchh. As much as I loved and otherwise would have appreciated her company, I just couldn't bring myself to give away that I was sitting out on the terrace, I just wasn't in a mood for her company that night – or for any company. "Steffan, darling, are you okay?"

She was looking at me, standing in the doorway, leaning her cheek again its, despite the warm weather, cool frame.

"No," I replied after a moment of looking anywhere but at her.

She came to sit down next to me, taking my right hand and held it tenderly in her blue ones. In the corner of my eye I could see her giving me a concerned look.

"I'm glad to see you again," she said, "though you don't seem to share in that joy."

"I see no reason for any happy feelings in being back," I replied tonelessly.

She sighed in the warm night.

"Your parting wasn't the best, but that doesn't mean that you cannot make it okay again."

Do I want to go back to where we were before I left?

"I don't think it can be okay again," I said before I could stop myself.

Bunchh turned to stare at me open-mouthed, obviously she hadn't seen it coming – for her the only real outcome was that Anton and I would make up and that everything would be okay.

"Why are you saying that?" she wondered.

"Because he has no trust for me left, assuming that there ever was." And neither have I, I don't trust myself when around him. "And he refuses over and over to show any human feelings, I can't be with someone like that. Can't be like that, not even to please him. It'll slowly destroy me and I'll begin to hate him."

I'd thought of that much lately, ever since he – in my opinion – went too far and I left the Island. It wasn't till then I saw clearly. I had no future with him, no matter what I or Bunchh or anybody else said. Though that didn't mean that I had fully accepted it, a part of me still yearned for him.

"I don't think it's that bad," she said, though I could make out the uncertainty in her voice.

This wasn't leading anywhere, no matter what I said to explain how I felt, she would come up with some way to smooth it over even if there was none, so I just let it go.

The rest of the night was spent talking about other things, and every time it seemed that it was getting back to the subject of Anton I carefully redirected it toward something… safer.

Next up: Bunchh