Chapter One
7 Crosses
Who would want to date a pregnant teenager? No one, that's who. Well, who could blame them? Being a teenager is supposed to be about enjoying youth and experiencing life before you have to start living up to its harsh demands. Taking on the life of another is sometimes too challenging for us, but taking on the burden of one who cannot care for themselves? That's unfair to ask of anyone.
Aside from the emotional pain of raising a child in the teenage years that most immature and youthful teenage boys are afraid of, who would want to date someone who looks like a marshmallow that was in the microwave too long? In a matter of months, I will be expanding past the size that is healthy, normal, and attractive for specifically, sixteen year old.
Those seven little pink crosses changed my life forever. But to understand where and how they changed me, I have to go back, oh about four weeks.
**
I was in the arms of my appearing to be loving boyfriend of a year. Adam. He was smart, tall, funny, and might I add gorgeous? I felt too lucky to be the only thing on Adams mind. Little did I know at the time, I wasn't. But back to the point. We were sitting on the old couch in his basement while his mom was in the kitchen making us dinner, his dad was still at the office working, and his sister was at soccer practice. The old musty, plaid blankets were draped over the back of the couch in a futile attempt to cover the opened seams and worn faded material. The bristly texture of the blanket scratched my arms as Adam leaned up against me. I felt his warm lips working his way up my neck, until they were even with my mouth. I felt his calloused, large hands caressing my sides, wrapping around my buttermilk skin on the small of my back.
"Bella." He breathed huskily into my ear. The air expelled from his words blowing my hair back and standing up the hairs on the nape of my neck. His voice was thick and dripping with lust, laced with pure desire. I could feel my cheeks flushing a vibrant scarlett as I nodded my head, giving up, giving in. The night proceeded, taking the turn we'd come to before, but never followed through on. It seemed beautiful. It hurt though, the idea itself seemed wonderful, but it was short, fast, and the most untender, unloving, experience of my life. My stomach was filled with twisting and contorting knots, very much like it did when i saw those seven pink crosses. It felt like an anvil was slowly being lowered on to my pelvis, crushing and feeling more wrong each second.
**
After that night, the very next day, my mother eloped. A small church, with me and Phil's (the man she was marrying) dad. The only two witnesses. I held her flowers, wild daises and black eyed Susan's we'd found in our small window box, and i watched her marry the only man she'd ever loved since Charlie. We've tried for three weeks, to be a big happy family, and its not that I don't like Phil, I do. But hes not my dad.
So as I was sitting there, on the cold white tiles, my back leaning against the ledge of the bath tub, with seven little pink crosses encircling me, I have to get up and finish packing my bags. Seattle is cold, so Renee got me new sweaters and jeans, a heavy winter coat and all the fixings. I need to let them have their space and get some of my own. I miss my dad, I haven't seen him in years. But Charlie and I are too much the same to get along. I think now that I'm older, and i have something besides myself and Renee to take care of, we'll get along great. Except for the whole telling him I'm pregnant with a child, the father I'm no longer with because hes now sleeping with my ex best friend and might I repeat, I'm sixteen.
"Oh Bella! What am I going to do without you? I mean of course Phil is great Hunny but your my baby!" Renee cried. Her eye brows knit together and her gesticulations growing wilder by the second.
"Mom! Mom its OK, you'll be fine. Phil will take good care of you and your a big girl. It's only Washington. I'm only a phone call or an email away. I love you Mom, you know how much i love you. But its time for me to do this. I miss dad, and I think its time we spent some time together. I'll be a senior this year, and then I'm going to college. This is my last chance. I love you." I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her and felt her small hands tighten around me. My carry on bag started slipping down my right shoulder so i removed my arm and heard a thud as it pounded to the floor.
She started pulling away and the light from the large windows overlooking the runway and in the background the tall Arizona mountains lurked over head. The bright blue sky and searing sunshine picked up the light of a single tear slipping down her darkly tanned complexion. She laughed nervously and swatted the glittering bead away. The ring on her finger sparkled almost as brightly as her eyes, both filled with love.
"Love you too Baby." A sad smile pushed away the grimace and she pulled the right corner of her lip under her teeth.
"Flight 343 to Seattle, this is the final boarding call." A deep woman's voice echoed from the Delta part of the terminal.
"Thats my cue." I smiled and reached my right arm out to her, tucking a strand of long strawberry blond hair behind her ear, previously caught in a moist eye lash. "Bye Mom."
"Bye Bella." She whispered.
"Bye Kiddo." Phil said as he came and took his place behind my mom. He wrapped his strong arms around her, almost in a protective stance, and i knew she'd be OK. He smiled at me, and leaned down and kissed the top of my eccentric mothers head.
I turned and readjusted my bag over my shoulder. I handed the stewardess my boarding pass and proceeded through the long tunnel to the plane. To a new future. I stumbled over the step onto the plane and protectively put my hand over the lower part of my stomach. I smiled down and though how subconscious those little actions are, even though I've known for mere days. I made my way down the isle to my seat. Thank God it was a window seat.
I peered cautiosly out the window, looking at the terminal, the big window where I said my goodbye moments ago, the mountains and the sky line of the city, and finally, I unzipped my bag and looked down at those seven little pregnancy tests and my other hand instictively went to my stomach.
No more cheating Adam, no more shallow friends, and sadly, no more Renee. Its me and this little baby now. And even though I've never met this baby, I love it. Because whoever this tiny person is, they're mine.