Authors note: This story was written in response to the infamous dollface 's challenge, 'For the Love of All Things Slash' on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges forum. It's set directly after the chapter 'The Lion and the Serpent' in The Order of the Phoenix. For anyone who doesn't remember, its right after the first Quidditch match and Umbridge has just given the life long quidditch bans to Fred, George and Harry for attacking Draco.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, more depressingly i also don't own a pair of red headed twins.

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Nude

This has been a good day, Draco thought to himself. No, strike that. Good is far too mild a word for it. This, this has been a magnificent day.

Admittedly it wasn't on the surface what a lot of people would consider a great day. He'd lost his Quidditch match, and his nose and jaw still ached from Potter and George Weasley's punches - but it had been worth it. Totally one hundred percent, worth it. Montague and the others hadn't stopped going on about Draco's failure to beat Potter to the Snitch since the match finished though, even Crabbe and Goyle had mentioned it! Well, if the rest of his team mates were too plebeian to see that crushing your enemies spirits was more important than losing one stupid game, that was their problem.

Still, if they weren't all such idiots I would never have felt the need to sneak out to this dive, Draco thought, looking about the empty Hog's Head Pub with distaste. At least that grotty looking barman managed to find me a half clean glass.

Technically Draco wasn't allowed to come down to Hogsmead whenever he felt like of course. But he felt pretty sure that with Dolores Umbridge increasingly in charge he wouldn't be in much trouble even if he did get caught. Having someone sensible finally starting to take charge at Hogwarts was definitely working out well for him.

With a big smile, Draco drained the last of his butter beer and stood up to leave just as the doors opened and two new people entered the pub. Fred and George Weasley.

The two red heads were busy talking to one another as they entered, and it took them a moment to spot Draco, who in turn stood frozen staring at them. For a moment no one moved or spoke.

Crap! Did they follow me here?I knew I shouldn't have left Crabbe and Goyle behind. Draco thought desperately. Well, even if they are here to carry on what they started before I won't make it easily for them.

Draco's hand began to inch towards his wand, both of the twins silently following suit.

"We'll have none of that!" The scruffy look barman shouted, startling them all and brandishing his own wand. "If you want to drink, then sit your arses back down and drink. If you want to fight, then get the hell out of my pub before you do it." He told them sternly and with surprising force for all his goat like appearance.

"Sorry." said George.

"Yeah, sorry. We're here to drink." Fred added.

"And I was just leaving. I didn't think it was possible but the smell in this place just got worse." Draco said with a sneer.

Fred and George looked at one another.

"Do you think young Master Malfoy was suggesting we smell Fred?" George asked his brother innocently.

"Couldn't be George; we took a bath last week. Maybe he just farted."

"Often take baths together do you?" Draco asked, choosing to ignore the other part of Fred's statement.

"Course we do Draco, how else would we clean all those hard to reach places?" Fred replied with a slight leer.

Distracted by the image of the twins soaping each other up, Draco took a little too long to reply.

We a knowing glance at each other the twins moved to stand on either side of Draco.

"There's a bit of a problem with you leaving Draco." George said quietly, shaking his head in mock regret.

"Yep." Fred agreed "You see Draco, we know what a slimey little git you are, and the first thing you're going to do if you leave is run and tell toad-face Umbridge that we're here."

"And you see, we really feel like getting drunk. We've had something of a bad day, haven't we Fred?" George continued.

"We have George, a pretty shitty day in fact."

As Draco listened he debated with himself whether he could make it to the door before the Weasleys could stop him.

"You see Draco, some little rat-" Fred went on.

"More of a ferret really, I can definitely see him more as ferret." George interrupted.

"You're right George, definitely a ferret. Anyway, this little ferret said some very unpleasant things about our family. Very unpleasant." Fred growled.

"And then after he got just a little bit of what was coming to him, he managed to get off scot free, while us two and Harry got banned from Quidditch for life." George said, giving Draco an ominous glare.

Draco smirked at them, but stayed silent, still wondering if he could get away before they did anything.

"So you can understand why after a day like that, we'd like to have a few drinks." George said, putting a hand on Draco's shoulder and pushing him back down into his seat.

"And as we can't do that if you run off and tell toad-face, you're going to have to stay here and join us while we do it." Fred finished for his brother, taking a seat to Draco's left.

"We also really think that you should be the one to buy the drinks, as a sort of apology. Besides, like you're always telling people - we haven't got any money and you're loaded." George smiled at the younger boy, taking the seat to Draco's right.

Draco raised a pale eyebrow.

"And why the hell would I want to drink with scum like you? The barman's not going to let you touch me."

"Maybe, but we wouldn't try anything in here, would we George?"

"No, I think we'd just have to follow him out and beat the snot out of him, don't you Fred?"

Draco went a little paler but did his best to look unafraid.

"You'll do that anyway – or you'll try at any rate." Draco said, trying and not quite succeeding in sounding sure of himself.

"No we won't. Simple deal, you buy the drinks and we don't hurt you for the rest of tonight."

"No promises about tomorrow though." Fred added.

"And why should I trust anything you say?" Draco asked

"Because we're not filithy lying, two faced-"

"Ferret-y"

"Ferret-y, Sytherins." George explained as though it was obvious.

Ignoring the crack about his house, Draco though about it.

"Alright. Deal." Draco said through gritted teeth.

"Good choice." Fred said, clapping him on the back slightly harder than strictly necessary.

"And don't forget – you're buying."

Draco rolled his eyes.

"I realise that have to buy a few drinks probably seems like nightmare to you – I mean it'd cost the same as your house. But for the rest of us it's hardly a big deal. Order what you want, it'll be nice for you. You can see what having money is like for once in your lives." Draco drawled, buffing his nails on his shirt and giving them both a smarmy grin.

The twins smirked right back.

"Barkeep!" Fred yelled, "Two bottles of your finest Fire Whiskey! Money is no object!"

"And three of your finest glasses!" George called

The barman glared at them.

"As it turns out money is an object, and i'll be seeing yours before you get your drinks."

"Pay the man Draco, and give him a little something extra for the excellent service." Fred said with aplomb.

Glaring at the twins Draco put a purse heavy with galleons on the table and opened it for the barman to see.

Grunting in response the barman picked out three slightly less dirty glasses, and two large dusty bottles, and put them all of a filthy tray. Coming round the bar he deposited the tray on the boy's table with a thump and a sour look as though serving customers was great inconvenience.

"Four galleons." he demanded holding out his hand.

"Four galleons! I could buy this whole place for that!" Draco protested.

"Hmmm, I didn't realise being rich involved worrying so much about money, did you George?"

"Can't say I did Fred."

Glaring at the brothers, Draco counted out the coins and dropped them into the barman's waiting hand.

Mutter something about goats being better than people, the barman took the money and went back round the bar where he promptly started to read the paper and ignore them.

"You know this actually looks like good stuff." Fred said looking at the bottles appreciatively.

"Well anything that wasn't brewed in a rusty old bath tub would look god to you peasants." Draco muttered.

"Your right Draco, we're men of simple taste. Thank you so much for generously broadening our horizons." Fred said blinking back fake tears and clutching his hand to his chest.

Filling each glass about half way with the deep amber liquid, George passed one to his brother and another to Draco, taking the third himself. Raising his glass and taking a long drink, he smacked his lips and grinned at Draco.

"And who knows, by the end of the night maybe we'll have broadened yours"

What in the hell does that mean? Draco thought, frowning as he took the first sip of his own drink.

Fred matched his brothers grin.

"Drink up boys, drink up!"

/

Post story note: This was going to be a one shot but I think it has more potential than I first thought :P Its not going to be a long one though, so probably only one or two more chapters to come – though I fully intend to have them dripping with filth.