Prologue
Time had passed but Lucy Pevensie didn't want to accept it. Even though Aslan had said that she would never return to Narnia, there had still been a ray of hope lingering inside of her heart. So she had waited. Waited. Waited as season passed, waited as her brothers and sisters left home, starting off their new independent lives – free. But Lucy wasn't free. She was entangled in memories, unable to let go of what was now the past. Sometimes she would try to forget but then she would see a small detail of her everyday life, a piece of cloth, of wood, a knife that vaguely reminded her of a dagger... and everything would come back.
Her mother couldn't understand what had gotten into her youngest child since that holiday with Eustace and Edmund, two years ago. Lucy, whose smile and laughter had always brightened up her family's world, had become gloomy. There wasn't a day where she wouldn't sit in the staircase, looking out of the small window, sighing softly. Susan said it was her age, Peter was worried she might be sick and Edmund thought she might be in a depression and never did Lucy anything to explain her feelings to them. That she had left a bit of her heart in Narnia, with Aslan. She knew that over there the land was longing for her as much as she longed for it. She liked to call it melancholia, but she knew it was stronger than that.
She had long stopped caring about how she looked like, since that day on the Dawn Treader, the only time were Aslan had ever be disappointed in her. Well, he would probably be disappointed to see me like I am now... she thought sarcastically and a sad smile covered her face. Oh if only she could go back! She didn't understand how Aslan wanted her to find him here in England but she desperately wished to see him, to beg him to take her back home... Because Narnia was her home. She didn't belong here any more and every day in this world tarnished more the light in her eyes. Every morning she woke up wondering why she was lying in this small bed, in this small room, in this sad world.
Today was worse than the other days and as she gazed out of the window, the bright spring sun seemed to mock her. She stared back at the laughing orb, wishing it would just disappear behind a cloud, so that she could be gloomy in peace. After a few seconds she blinked, not able to hold the sun's gaze any more and black spots appeared before her inner eye. Slightly annoyed by this, Lucy buttoned her blouse and tucked it in her skirt. Then she took her school bag and marched down the stairs towards the front door, not in the mood to have breakfast. Once she had loved the sun. Now she loathed its bright shine that reminded her of a much brighter, more beautiful one in another world. Rain suited England better.
Stomping through the alley, she didn't let herself glance a single time at the flowers that grew on the boarders of the alley. They were pretty, colourful and delicate and two years ago she would immediately have sat down a plucked a few violets that she would later braid in her hair. But now they seemed lifeless to her, the colours couldn't reach her frozen heart. The birds that were twitting in the branches seemed ridiculously dumb and their twitters lacked imagination. Lucy sniffed and continued her way, ignoring the friendly signs nature sent her.
Truly, she wasn't herself any more. She had lost herself.