The story begins between season 19 and 20. As far as I'm concerned CBS perpetrated a massive con making us believe Kitty left Dodge City. Not a sequel to my previous stories, but some references may be made.

They might own 'em, but they can't fool me...

Act Out of Hope

We can live in fear or act out of hope

for some kind of peaceful situation

"Thing Called Love" Sung by Bonnie Raitt, written by John Hiatt

Chapter One

The candle, as usual, was lit in her window when Matt Dillon returned to town. Impatient though he was to see her, he had no doubt she was long asleep, so he continued on to the stable to take care of Buck for the night. That task completed, he made his way to the jail office, letting himself in quietly to keep from waking Festus.

It was late, much later than she usually waited up for him when he was due back in town, trusting the candle in the window to signal her welcome. Tonight, or, rather, this morning, Kitty was determined to wait up and see him, remembering the times he had slipped into bed next to her without waking her because it was so late, still getting up for morning rounds when she was barely awake enough for a kiss goodbye. She was dozing just a little when the sound of Buck's hooves clopping in the street woke her. She listened as they made their way to the stable and sat up straighter, trying not to doze off again while she knew he was seeing to his horse. Finally she heard him leaving the stable and smiled in anticipation of hearing his footsteps on the stairs of the Long Branch. Instead, he kept walking in the direction of the jail and she felt a small stab of disappointment as she looked at the candle in her window, reassuring herself it hadn't gone out. As the minutes ticked by and he still didn't appear, Kitty finally succumbed to sleep.

While water heated on the stove, Matt filled the time by writing up reports on his trip out of town. Checking to be sure Festus was still snoring away on his cot, he opened the safe and felt around in the back until he found what he was looking for. He put the small object in his vest pocket and went to see if the water was hot enough for shaving.

The sound of him slowly coming up the stairs woke her. She sat up, shook her head to clear it, and ran her fingers through her sleep-mussed hair. When he opened the door, he saw her sitting patiently on the settee, a welcoming smile on her face. "I was about to come looking for you."

"Hello, Kitty." He took off his hat and hung it up without taking his eyes off of her. "You didn't need to wait up for me, honey." She patted the seat next to her. As Matt crossed the room to join her the candle in the window finally went out.

"Would you mind lighting the lamp, Matt? I thought we could have a talk." He looked at her but her face gave away nothing. Should he be worried? She didn't seem mad, but waiting up all night to have a talk usually didn't mean good news. He sat down and she raised her arms to embrace him.

"First things first," she murmured, as they met for their reunion kiss. "Is this why it took so long after you rode in?" she asked, stroking his clean-shaven cheek. "What's the occasion?"

"Does there have to be an occasion? Just thought it might make my best girl happy."

"Well, did it?"

Matt's arms tightened around her. "It seems to be agreeing with her," he said, bending down for another kiss.

"You didn't go shave first because you were going to let me sleep."

"And you didn't wait up to seduce me, either," he said, reminding her of the talk they were about to have. "What's on your mind, Kitty?"

Now that Matt was here in front of her, she was starting to lose her nerve. She knew he didn't need to know all of it, had probably guessed some of it, anyway, and had never held it against her. No. She needed to tell him. It had been standing between them for far too long. She smiled at him sadly. "It's just-there are some things I never told you about. It's time I did."

"Kitty, you know you don't owe me any exp-" She put her fingers on his lips.

"Please. Let me talk. This has been weighing on me a lot lately." She paused for a minute. Looking at him and seeing nothing but love and acceptance in his eyes, she leaned against his chest and continued. "There were others, Matt. Before...ours." Took him a minute to figure out what she was talking about. The lost baby. He nodded to show he understood, circling his arms around her protectively. Bracing himself for the story she was about to share with him.

"The first one...I knew I couldn't keep it. I didn't know who the father was, and it wouldn't have made a difference if I did. What man is going to claim the child of a wh-" He had his hand over her mouth before she could finish the word.

"Sweetheart, you can tell me whatever you have to tell me and I promise not to interrupt you, but please don't use that word about yourself again in my presence. What you did, you only did because you had to, and you got out of it as soon as you got the chance. Please. For me." She nodded and he took his hand away.

"There was a woman we all knew about, that you went to-to get out of that situation. I won't tell you about it-it's pretty hard on a woman...or a girl." She closed her eyes, remembering for a moment hours of pain, at the end of which there was no more baby. "I even knew some girls who died from it. I...almost...di-" She fought to regain control so she could continue. "I had a high fever for days, couldn't even keep water down. One of my...regulars found out. He was...kind of a gentleman and took me to a real doctor, a good one, who wouldn't ask any questions. He saved my life, but I was still sick for weeks afterward, couldn't work. I would have been starving out on the streets if it weren't for the other girls. They were a pretty rough bunch, but we all kind of took care of each other when it came to that, we knew it could happen to any of us…" Kitty remembered again, losing her room when she couldn't work, the other girls hiding her out, moving her from storeroom to closet to unused bedroom to keep her from being discovered; sharing their food with her...

Matt stroked her back, not sure by her silence whether she was done with her story. She realized he was waiting to hear the rest. "After that, I decided I could never put myself through that again, and I was feeling pretty guilty about it too, I never thought I would feel that strongly about a child until it happened. The next time I made up my mind I would have it, even if I had to give it away to someone who could take care of it. Well, they found out I wasn't going to...get rid of it...and they...they-oh, God, Matt!" She hadn't meant to tell him that much.

His arms tightened around her and he fought the rage that threatened to boil over. He didn't want to hear these things and, more than anything, he hated that they had happened to her. "Shh, shh." He stroked her hair, brushing his lips against her temple. "You don't have to…"

She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue. "They only sent me the roughest men, and when that didn't get them the...results...they wanted, they beat me until I lost it. And would have made me keep right on working, but the next man they sent turned out to be a human being and helped me get away, told me about a better place to work in Abilene and put me on the stage. There's not really much to tell about the next one. I lost it right after I found out. Not too long after that I ended up in Dodge. And then...our baby. I was really happy about it, and scared to tell you. I didn't want you to have to change what you said about not having a family. But I didn't think you would just abandon the baby, or me, either."

"No. I wouldn't have," he said hoarsely. If only she knew. Maybe he could fix that tonight. This morning.

"So, I just couldn't tell you. Then you had to go out of town and I decided I would tell you when you came back. Well, you know the rest."

Matt turned her in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. They sat holding each other for a long time. Finally Matt spoke. "Kitty, I know that was real rough on you and it couldn't have been easy to tell me. But you don't have to worry. I told you a long time ago that nothing in your life before us matters when it comes to the way I feel about you. This doesn't change anything."

"It does matter, Matt, and there's a reason I wanted you to know. It's going to change everything."