A/N: I do not own Star Fox.
Basically, I have been very disappointed in StarFox fanfictions. I would like to read more about Fox and Falco and less about Fox and Krystal.
Also, Slippy should not be expressed as an idiot, seeing as he is the entire brains of the team.
Peppy, on the other hand, is old and lame and should just go die already.
Basically, I think Fox and Falco are the greatest best friends ever. MEN SHOULD HUG MORE.
ON WITH THE FIC.
Bromance
Krystal walked down the halls of the Great Fox. God, she hated it here. Everyone was either an idiot or secretly gay.
She could hear voices as she passed a doorway.
"Are you kidding me?" She heard Fox say, "Krystal would totally beat Katt in a catfight."
"Excuse me," another voice, probably Falco, said, "First off, Katt is a cat. Second, she can be way more of a bitch than Krystal, and she's been around the block."
Krystal kicked the door down. "What the hell are you two idiots talking about?"
Falco chuckled. Fox had an embarrassed look on his face.
Krystal shook her head. "Why am I still here?" She thought aloud.
"Because you want Fox's cock," Falco said.
"That was a rhetorical question," Krystal said, then left the room.
"I still can't believe you replaced me with her," Falco said.
"Well I still can't believe you left us!" Fox said, "It hurt, man."
Falco sighed. He held out his arms. "C'mere."
Just as Fox and Falco had embraced, Peppy walked through the empty doorway. "What is going on in here?" He asked. The two released each other.
"What, you've never seen two men hug?" Fox asked.
"MEN CAN'T HUG! MEN HAVE TO BE IN THE ARMY."
"Don't worry," Falco said to Fox, "He won't remember this two seconds from now."
"Hey guys," Peppy said, "Are you ready to go fight Andross?"
"God bless Alzheimer's," Fox said.
"The war with Andross ended three years ago, Pep," Falco said.
Fox and Falco stood up and walked past Peppy, and into the Great Fox's main control room. Behind them, Peppy called, "DO A BARREL ROLL!"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Slippy sat at the control's conversing with ROB. Apparently none of
his other teammates were intellectual enough to have a conversation
about the viscosity of the water on Venom due to the high acid level.
Fox and Falco entered the room. "SLIPPY!" Fox shouted.
Slippy screeched like a little girl and fell out of his chair. Fox and Falco both started laughing. Slippy grumbled to himself as he got back up into his chair.
"Sheesh, you're so squeamish," Falco said.
"It's not my fault that you two can't enter the room like normal people," Slippy muttered.
"It's not our fault that you're balls haven't dropped," Falco said.
"Uncalled for," Fox said.
"I apologize," Falco said.
"Forgiven," Slippy said, "By the way, Katt called. She wants to dock her Arwing."
Fox whistled, nudging Falco. "Let her in," he said.
"PARTY!" Falco yelled, "Where's the booze?!"
"Shit," Fox said, "We left Peppy alone."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Peppy sat in the storage room, drinking all the alcohol he could find. Krystal opened the door, startled when she saw Peppy on the floor with an open beer bottle in his hand, and empty ones scattered around.
"I'm a veteran!" Peppy said in a slurred voice.
Krystal sat down next to him. He handed her a bottle. "I know, Peppy," she said, uncapping the bottle, "I know."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Well now we have nothing to drink!" Falco threw his hands in the air in a frustrated motion.
"Don't be ridiculous," Slippy said, "We have purified water and powdered milk."
Falco glared at him. "Milk?" He repeated, "We're having a sane girl in this ship, and you expect me to give her milk?!"
Fox put a hand on Falco's shoulder. "Calm down," he said, "We can find another way to entertain ourselves."
"Um…" Slippy said, "Katt's here. I'm opening the hangar."
"SHIT FOX," Falco shouted, taking Fox by the shoulders and shaking him, "WHAT DO WE DO?"
"I will get you out of this, man," Fox said, "You trust me, right?"
Falco nodded. "Of course."
"Now do you want to be a gentleman and meet her in the hangar?"
Falco nodded again. "Damn straight!"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Katt hopped out of her ship. She dusted herself off quickly. Falco swung open the door in a sexy way. "Hey there, beautiful," he said.
Katt pushed her pink fur from her face. "Hey, tough guy. Are you here to hold the door for me?"
"You have arms, don't you?"
Katt sighed. She jumped onto Falco's back. "Carry me!" She squealed.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Fox and Slippy separated the powdered milk into rows.
"Are you sure this will work?" Fox asked.
"It's scientifically possible," Slippy said.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Falco carried Katt through the halls. "So what do you have planned for today, big boy?" Katt asked.
Falco laughed uneasily. "I… um… It's a surprise."
They entered the room where Fox and Slippy were. Falco looked at the powder all over the table. He set Katt down. "What the hell is this?" He asked.
Katt picked up an empty can on the table. "Powdered milk?" She questioned.
"NO!" Slippy shouted, "It's… it's not milk. It's… um… What did you say it was, Fox?"
"Crack."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Krystal helped Peppy stagger out of the storage room and led him to his bedroom. Then she headed to her room. On the way there, she heard some coughing and laughing coming from the kitchen. She walked in to see Katt sprawled on top of the table, laughing hysterically. She pulled Fox from his seat.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded.
"Helping Falco entertain his girlfriend," he said.
Krystal gave Katt a disgusted look. "What is she on?" She asked.
"Powdered milk," Fox said, "But she thinks it's crack."
"So you've got her thinking she's high?"
"Pretty much."
About ten minutes later, Krystal had joined them.
About twenty minutes later, she and Katt were arguing.
"YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE?!" Katt yelled.
"I'm standing right here!" Krystal said "You make no sense."
"YOUR MOM MAKES NO SENSE."
Krystal's eye twitched. "Never bring up Mommy!" Krystal lunged at Katt. She grabbed her around the neck. Katt kicked her off then slapped her across the face.
"Dude," Falco whispered to Fox, "It's finally happening!"
"Ten bucks on Krystal," he whispered back.
"Make it twenty and you've got a deal."
The two of them, along with Slippy, watched as they continued their fight. Krystal seemed to have the lead. She and Katt were fighting their way down the halls, until they reached the hangar.
Krystal punched Katt in the jaw. Katt quickly retaliated and took a hold of Krystal's hair. Katt pulled her over to a door with a big sign that said AIR LOCK.
"DIE, BITCH!" Krystal yelled and attempted to hit her.
Katt kicked open the door and shoved Krystal inside. Before she could do anything, Katt locked the door and pushed the eject button.
Fox, Falco, and Slippy stood speechless. Then they started applauding.
"That was incredible!" Slippy cheered.
"You owe me twenty bucks," Falco told Fox.
Katt smiled. "Aww, you bet on me winning?"
"You know it," Falco said.
Katt squealed and ran over to embrace Falco.
Falco gave Fox a thumbs-up.
Fox nodded. "You're welcome."
FIN.
*bows* thank you, thank you. R&R :D
P.S. Check out the profile and read the other story! I promise it's more serious than this one.