STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.
I will love you, from beginning to end
by: pixie paramount (8/25/2008, 11:32 PM)
Hot Gimmick, Shinogu-centric & it's the place to be
i. oh, you are going to hell now, boy
There are times where he feel like he is different from all the other boys his age.
They talk about girls like prizes and toys, they wish and they want, tease and pull on hair.
But he can't do that with the girl he likes.
He blushes and stammers, flushes bright red and feels like his heart will burst when he takes her hand or if she smiles at him.
That big, toothy, childish smile that he thinks is just for him.
Her name is Hatsumi and she isn't really his sister—there is no blood between them, tethering them, binding them—but she calls him brother, thinks of him as brother, protector.
But all he wants is for her to think in terms of lover, boyfriend, my one and my only.
ii.
All he has ever wanted—in the deepest, darkest corners of his soul—is for her to say I love you in the way he does.
iii.
It's wrong and dirty, he tells himself he is filthy and undeserving—a monster—for how he feels.
He wants her to choose him over everyone else—over Azusa and Ryouki, over anyone who could potentially steal her heart from him. It's a dream that he has, leaves him aching, wanting.
He wishes he could be less selfish and more selfless for her. To tell her, truly and genuinely, that he is happy for her.
But he isn't, not really, and he becomes more filthy, more undeserving of her prescience (be it as sister or a lover).
Because it will never be enough—because the person who wakes up at her side, kisses her in open public, makes the blush creep along the bridge of her nose, down to her toes, is not him.
So he could never be truly, genuinely, happy for her.
(And this is the worse sin of all, to him.)
note:
1. Caitlin—who you might or might not know as Ninja . Butterfliie of Kingdom Hearts fame—made me do it, I swear! …okay, she got me to rewrite it and post it and that was about it but…still, it's the thought that counts.