Author's note: I wrote this thing entirely at work in one shift...that just goes to show how busy we are at my job. I don't own anything pertaining to Hetalia, though it'd be nice. So enjoy this silly fiction! I use both their country and real names in the fic.
Shall We Then?
Alfred strolled down the hallway, checking the piece of paper that was taped to the back of his chair before their world conference. In a tidy scrawl was written: Alfred, meet me in the ballroom after lunch today. Don't look too much into it. Arthur Kirkland. Finding said ballroom, he saw Roderich sitting at the piano, Arthur seated comfortably in a chair, sipping on tea.
"Ah, there you are. Now we can begin." he put his tea down.
"Uh, what's this all about?" Alfred asked, looking over at Austria who was straightening his music.
"Since you were born with 2 left feet, I'm going to teach you the most important dance known to politics."
"The Mac-arena?" Alfred asked. England shut his eyes.
"I'm going to ignore that remark. Its dancing around the issues. Whenever anything catastrophic happens either politically, socially, or natural disaster wise, you must meet it with a delicate dance. Now, the best dancer known to date is Japan, but he is currently busy, so I will be your teacher. Maestro, if you please!" Arthur called.
"Don't patronize me." Roderich said as the Carneval des Animaux Elephant waltz floated through the air.
"Give me your hand and place the other one here." Arthur said as Alfred barely obliged.
"Do I go like this?" he began swinging Arthur around on the spot.
"No! Its a delicate dance! You have to-"
"Oh! THIS way?" he dipped Arthur so low that his pocket watch fell out of his pocket, smacking the ground.
"Should I whisper in your ear?" his face got too close for comfort to Arthur's.
"Get off me!" he shoved the bespectacled man's face away from his own. "Its a bloody waltz! You know 1-2-3, 1-2-3!" Arthur moved on his own trying to show Alfred.
"Ooohh! I got you! Can we try again?" Arthur fixed his own accoutrements to look dignified once more.
"Only if you take it seriously. Now, like I showed you." The music started again as they began to dance.
At first it was going well for a few musical bars, but then Alfred decided to start getting rough again. "Here, let me show you some new moves." Arthur grunted as Alfred used his unnaturally strong grip on the poor Brit's hand, getting tighter.
***Down the hallway, some of the other countries began to hear the commotion. Germany was trying to finish some paperwork but couldn't concentrate. "What in the Hell are they doing?" he got up from his desk and stomped his way toward the source of the noise. "Dummkopfs! I'm-" but he stopped at the spectacle before him.
Closing the door to peek through a crack, he was witnessing the pure abuse that even a man like Kirkland could barely tolerate. Soon, other countries began to congregate by the door with Ludwig.
"What are they doing?" Russia asked as their eyes followed the struggling duo. "I didn't think humans did mating dances."
Arthur let out a scream of frustration. "Or calls for that matter." China added.
"Germany, how come you don't dance like that with me?" Italy piped up before being hit in the head by Romano.
At this point, Alfred was swinging Arthur bodily and knocked him into the chair that he sat upon earlier. The tinkling of the breaking tea cup filled the room, somehow audible despite Alfred's laughter. "STOP STOP STOP!" yelled Arthur as Alfred finally let go. "Fine, you don't want to be taught by me, then I'll give you a teacher that will put you in your place. I tried to be nice about it but you threw me around like a fucking rag doll. So guess what, here's your new instructor. Cheers." The other countries tried to pretend that they weren't watching and instead talked amongst themselves as England stormed past them through the doors.
A throaty laugh filled the room now as Alfred turned to see his new teacher, although he suspected who it was. "Tsk tsk tsk. Zat display 'ou just showed proves zat 'ou have no sense of what a dance really ees. Brace yourself, for now I shall show 'ou ze correct way to do zis dance." the color drained from America's face as the man who had been stalking him since the day he was discovered now clasped his hand. "Britaaaiiinnn!" Alfred called feebly.
Now, Francis' laughter filled the hallway, mixed with the steady waltz of the piano. America, to some how prevent any further provocation from France, decided at this point to go nearly limp and find his happy place. "Don't you think you were a bit harsh on America? I mean, no matter how much I annoy Germany he would never throw me to France." Italy said, feeling sorry for the young nation.
"What ever that froggy bastard does to him will be too good. You saw the monstrous way Alfred was treating me, so he's got to face the consequences of his actions. He brought it upon himself." England said now reading a book. Once the lesson really started, the other nations decided to stop watching, as Russia gingerly closed the door and backed away.
***Henceforth, America never learned how to dance around the issues properly. Instead, whenever anything happens to the United States of America, the media as well as political leaders plunge headlong into the issues at hand, often blowing them way out of proportion and covering said news for days, even weeks at a time. The reason for this is simple: America wants to block out and repress the horrid, butt groping dance that Francis had inflicted on him. To this day, despite what ever happens to the nation, he'd much rather focus on that news, making things seems scarier than what they actually are in order to protect what ever sanity he had left and not perform that dance. EVER.
THE END